Jesse felt himself wanting it.
How can I be doing this, he thought. I'm opening my lips more. I want his tongue down my throat.
Since the the first day of college, Mr. Reed had treated him special. Jesse wasn't used to positive male attention. He was skinny, and quiet, and his lips were naturally fuller and more voluptuous than other boys'. He'd endured no end of disapproval and teasing from his father and his peers.
He'd wanted to commit suicide a couple times. He felt so unloved. But everything seemed different at college. It seemed like a whole new life could start.
Especially with the way Mr. Reed looked at him. It felt like Mr. Reed really believed in him. Around Mr. Reed he felt, for the first time in his 18 years, confident.
Which is is why Jesse was so happy when Mr. Reed offered to show him some books he'd found in the school library.
"I think you've chosen a really intriguing topic for your paper, Jesse, I can't wait to read your analysis." Mr. Reed taught History of Theater. Jesse had chosen to write his paper on gender transgressiveness in Shakespeare's plays.
"I think I came across some great secondary sources in the library the other day. I'd love it if you'd come with me after my last class, I'll take you up in the stacks and show you where they are."
Jesse loved the way Mr. Reed asked him, so... so polite. Almost like Mr. Reed was the one who was lucky to be getting time with him. Not the other way around.
That afternoon, as Mr. Reed led him up to a part of the library he'd never seen before, the teacher said "I think just the word 'transgressiveness' puts you in the 95th percentile in this class, Jesse."
Mr. Reed led him into one of the stacks and ran his finger along the spines of the books. His other hand reached out and grabbed Jesse's shoulder.
This is was the first time he felt Mr. Reed's strong grip. It made Jesse feel valued. It made him feel like Mr. Reed really cared.
Which is is just what Mr. Reed said at that very moment. He stopped a and put his hands on Jesse's shoulders. "I really care about you, Jesse" he said.
"I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you grow, and become the excellent young man I know you can be."
Jesse had never felt happier to have one man's attention.
"So these are the books I found. I want you to take a look at them." Glancing over Mr. Reed's shoulders, Jesse could see some of the titles on the spines: "Hidden Homosexuality: Gay Messages in Shakespeare's Plays,"; "A Different Time: Age Disparity in Shakespeare's Romances"; "The Boy Roses: How Teenage Boys Performed Shakespeare's Women."
"I brought you here because I wanted to be sure you kept something in mind, little genius." Mr. Reed reached out his hand and pressed it on Jesse's chest.
"There are many different kinds of transgression." He looked deeply, meaningfully into Jesse's eyes.
He gently rubbed his hand on Jesse's chest for a moment, encouragingly. "You can do this, Jesse. You can make a great paper. You're one of the brightest students I've ever met."
That touch, so many weeks ago, is what Jesse remembered now, as Mr. Reed was sliding his tongue into Jesse's mouth. One of the teacher's hands gently caressed his cheek. The other held him strongly around the waist.
"Jesse... Jesse..." the teacher whispered. His tongue pushed in and out of Jesse's mouth, gently but insistently. "You're such a good boy..."
Mr. Reed kissed him until his mouth was a little sore. And then Mr. Reed hugged him tight. Jesse had never felt so safe. And Mr. Reed kept repeating: "Shhhh... good boy... good boy... good boy..."
Oh man... we just crossed the line, thought Jesse. We finally acted on it. It's been driving me crazy for weeks.
Jesse felt let a little excited and a little scared. I wonder what else he's going to want from me, he thought. I hope it's not everything. I'm not ready to give him everything.
Then he scolded himself. Don't be such a jerk, he said to himself, as he curled up in Mr. Reed's arms. Mr. Reed is my father figure, he thought. And a daddy would never do anything his little boy didn't want...
---coming re in part two: don't be too sure of that, Jesse. Jesse learns what Mr. Reed likes best...
