Part 4

As the alarm went off; I realized I had fallen asleep for about a couple of hours. I got out of bed being careful not to get more of my sheets wet. I undressed in the dark trying to be extra quiet and listen for anyone coming down the hall. When I was completely undressed, I turned on my light, balled up the wet nappy and plastic panties and put them in the bottom of the dresser drawer thinking I could get them in the wash soon afterwards. I then examined my bed and found that the wet spot had grown to about two feet in diameter. After a few moments though, I reasoned that if I was really careful, I might just get away with this.

I got dressed for my paper route, but took some extra time to get a plastic bag from the kitchen. I went back to my room and placed the wet nappies in the bag so they would not mess up my drawer. Only a few of my clothes got a bit damp, but it wasn't bad. I had already made the bed, so my sheets were covered up and wash day was still a few days away. I thought I would surprise my Mom and offer to wash my own sheets to prove I was growing up. Satisfied my deeds were covered up I left to do my paper route.

As the days went by, I had made some strides in getting better about my fetish. I secretly rinsed out the original wet nappies and snuck them in with the towel load of laundry. To her surprise, I asked my Mom if I was grown up enough to do my own laundry, like washing my own sheets. Complimenting me on my new found maturity, she said I could begin by washing my own bed linen. Great! So I was able to wash my own sheets “ and I could do it alone. My only problem was the pee stain on my mattress. The day I washed my sheets, I had tried to scrub the area with some detergent and water, but the stain still remained. It did, however, look a little lighter. I didn't know what to do, but it also didn't matter who looks that close? And I was able to make my own bed, so I relaxed.

Weeks had gone by and my nightly experiments had grown a bit. It was beginning to get easier to wet my nappies and the pee still leaked a bit, so I tried putting plastic in-between my sheets and the mattress so there would at least not be any stains on the mattress. Since I washed my own sheets, the stains on my sheets were no problem as well. I followed Mom's instructions she gave me concerning washing clothes and learned how to pre-treat a stain so everything would come out in the wash. Everything was going smoothly.

Since it was on my way home from school and I had some time, I had gotten a bit braver roaming the baby sections and even started to roam the lingerie sections in the department stores at the local mall. My stash of supplies had been growing over the past few months. I managed to secretly purchase out of my allowance a couple of large pacifiers, some coloured plastic baby bottles for feeding, a few nappy pins with animal shapes where they clasp, and a few more pairs of plastic panties. I had discovered the plastic panties had a short life span when they continued to be stretched as far as I stretched them.

As I roamed the baby section one day, I saw some outfits that excited my brain. There were some pyjama outfits for baby girls hanging on a rack. I looked around to make sure no one was looking and saw a few baby doll nightie outfits. They all looked like the one I remembered my cousin wearing when I was baby-sitting a few months ago. The tops had short, puffy sleeves and matching rhumba panties full of rows and rows of lace. I remembered how the top did not come down far enough to cover the bottom and when my cousin wore them, her bottom stuck out with the padding that was encased inside.

I vowed to be wearing that soon. I didn't know how, but I wanted so much to be wearing a similar outfit. There were, of course, no outfits in the infants section that were big enough for me, so I walked away a bit dejected. As I continued to walk through the first department store I entered, I saw the women's section in the distance. I remembered that this was where my Mom bought her undies and stuff, so I wanted to see if there might be anything there similar to what I wanted.

Nervously, I scanned to area for familiar faces and saw none. I roamed a bit through the racks of hanging and packaged panties and felt something stirring inside. It was then I realized that I also wanted to be wearing ladies panties as well. I looked over the different kinds of panties available and discovered there were bikinis and hipsters and brief styles  and in so many different types of materials and in all sorts of colours and prints. This was nothing like what I wore as underwear, so plain, white and cotton. I was so jealous - I wanted to wear them all. Then a few ladies were looking over the same panties so they could make some purchases and I got scared. What was I doing there?

I left the panty section and found myself in the pyjama section. I began to look over the different styles and eventually saw one with a top and bottom that I recognized. My sister had one just like it, but I never really noticed it before when she wore it. The top was similar to the baby set I saw and the bottom was just like it except without ruffles on the butt. I wanted to just try it on and wondered if my sister still had her outfit. I could just steal hers out of her dresser and try it on one night. Just then a saleswoman asked me if I needed help and I sheepishly lied about looking for a present for my Mom. I got scared and quickly left the mall and went home. I hoped that the saleswoman didnt recognize me and would say something to my Mom about her present the next time she was in there buying more underwear for herself or my sister.

I finally got home and my Mom was finishing up the laundry. She asked me where I had been and I told her I met some friends at the mall. We had all decided to meet there to begin planning our upcoming summer activities. I saw her taking out clothes from the dryer and noticed that they were some of both her and my sisters ˜delicates. In another attempt to prove how grown up I was, I offered to fold them for her. At least this way, I could see some of the clothes they wore under their outer clothes. My Mom gladly allowed me to do this chore, even though I would be folding their unmentionables.

As I folded the undies, I noticed my Mom wore panties of the same colour and style  all white, nylon briefs. As there were a few pairs of my Mom's undies in a pile, she wouldn't miss one pair, so I stuffed a pair in my pocket for later. My sister wore many different styles “ from bikinis, to hipsters, to thongs (not for me, I decided) and in both cotton and nylon. I wondered how she would decide which one to wear each day of the week. But she also had a nice pair of dark green nylon hipsters with a piece of white lace down the front that I kind of liked, so I stuffed those in my pocket as well. They would never miss them, I surmised. My Mom's slips and plain nighties were also in the load, but for some reason, I wasn't interested. However, my sister had no nighties in the load and I was very disappointed.

I feigned some false ignorance and asked my Mom whose items belonged to whom. After we sorted all of the items, I told my Mom I would put the piles in her and my sisters bedrooms. I put my Mom's pile one her bed first and then entered my sisters room. I put her pile on her bed and then silently began to search her dresser drawers. I quickly found her pyjama drawer, but didn't see the nightie I wanted. I searched her other drawers, but didn't find them. Just then, my Mom's voice bellowed from behind.

"What are you doing in your sisters dresser drawers?"

Part 5

About an hour had passed and my Dad had come home from work. He had picked up my sister from cheerleading practice. She was still in her cheerleaders outfit. Now I had never noticed this before because she was my sister, but that outfit looked awfully exciting. I began to imagine that I, and not my sister, was wearing that outfit. The thought began to spin in my mind and I decided that I was getting a bit too weird. Would I really want to wear a cheerleaders outfit? Now that's really too weird!

Mom called everyone to dinner, so I signed off the computer and began to head upstairs for dinner. It was then I noticed to paper bags full of clothes next to the door leading to the garage. When my parents went through our clothes from time to time, they decided to give our old, but still somewhat useful clothes to the Salvation Army. Could my sisters nightie possibly be in there I wondered? I quickly looked through both bags and to my great surprise, found the outfit at the bottom of the second bag. No one would miss this outfit since it was destined for the needy and since I was a bit needy, why not me? But how to get it into my room unnoticed?

I ran upstairs and told my Mom I needed to get my school book bag from my room since I needed to save what I was working on the computer to another disk for school. She said all right, but I needed to hurry so my dinner wouldn't get cold. I got my bag, went downstairs, and went to the computer to save my document. I needed to do something to fend off suspicion, then crept to the bags of clothes, and stuffed the nightie into my bag. My heart was pounding so hard, I feared I was going to hyperventilate. I ran upstairs and then to the dining room for dinner. If I was breathing hard, it was going to be due to my running and not my excitement of the panties and nightie I vowed to be wearing that night.

As bedtime approached, my heart began to pound wildly. I didn't know if anyone else noticed, but I could hear my heart racing in my ears. My sister was in her room on the phone talking with her boyfriend, Mom was in her sewing room making another outfit for someone, and my Dad was in his workroom creating another work of furniture art for another friend. I got into my pyjamas for bed and took my clothes to the laundry room. I lifted the lid and saw one of my sisters plain white bras in the pile. I got a new thought and took the bra to my room. Since everyone was doing something else, no one saw me do this. What a night it was going to be.

I said good night to everyone a bit early that night, went to my room, closed the door, and climbed into bed. With all of the excitement waiting for me, I knew I would not fall asleep too soon. I decided to read a bit while waiting for everyone to go to sleep. I thought the time crept slowly, too slowly, for my anxiousness. But soon, I began to hear everyone readying themselves for bed. Soon, my time would arrive.

About an hour or so later, I was sure everyone was asleep, so I quietly crept out of bed. I silently and slowly opened my drawer, took out the nappies, the plastic panties, the bra, the nylon panties, and, of course, the nightie and laid them out on the bed. My heart began to pound so hard, I was sure everyone in the house could hear it. I first put on my sisters green panties and bra. The feeling of the silky panties on my groin area excited me a bit that I began to get a hard on. I turned on my light to look at myself in the mirror and was surprised at how much unlike a girl I was, yet how much I enjoyed the look. I decided I needed some padding, so I took out a couple of pairs of my socks, rolled them up, and stuffed the bra with the rolled up socks. This made my chest look a little more feminine.

I then carefully pinned on my nappies over the green panties and pulled on the plastic panties. Then I pulled up my Mom's white, nylon brief panties over the nappies. The white panties bagged a bit, but still, the look was pretty cool. Lastly, I put on the nightie and matching panties and slowly walked to the mirror. What a sight looked back at me. At last, I was looking a bit like my baby cousin and I could hardly contain my excitement.

Part 6

There would be no way of explaining this. Mom stood there for a minute with her mouth open, stammering to speak. Then she left the room without saying a word. I didn't move from my spot, but I did overhear her tell my friend Joe I was asleep. I also heard her tell Joe that even though summer vacation began the next day, there could be no way I could spend any time with him. I was needed around the house all summer. She was sorry, but the family decided the do some sprucing up around the house and it would take the whole summer. She again apologized and then I heard her hang up the phone.

I sat up in bed awaiting the inevitable. I heard her talking to my father in the living room in hushed and tearful tones. I heard my father yell a bit and my Mom saying no, no that there must be another way to handle this situation short of violence. I began to cry thinking what I had done to myself and what kind of punishment would be in store for me. Just then, my sister walked by my room door. She stopped and stared, and began to laugh. She walked in the room, looked me over, then noticed the tell-tale smell of the nappy. She began to laugh even harder and ran out of the room holding her nose and waving the air.

She never said a word, but her laughter cut right through me and I began to cry even harder. Then she returned with Mom's digital camera and began snapping pictures of me. No matter how I tried to hide, she managed to get a shot here and there. Soon she gave up, mostly from laughing so hard, but at least my ordeal with her was over.

Eventually, my Mom and Dad walked into my room, closed the door behind them, and began to ask me all sorts of questions. What was this all about? When did it start? How did I get the clothes? What was it like? Was I gay? Who else knew? Why would I do such a thing? They asked all sorts of tough questions. I poured my guts out between sobs and as my Mom comforted me by hugging me and patting my back, I sobbed even harder. I told them everything I could remember and in full detail. I felt there was no use in holding anything back. There seemed to be a decent mood of parental understanding, but I also had this bad feeling about what was to come. There also seemed to be a sense of dread in the air along with the smell of the nappy I was wearing.

After what seemed like an eternity, they got up to leave. My Mom told me to get under my covers, messy nappy and all. I stared at her in disbelief. Then she picked up the pacifier and placed it in my mouth. As I sobbed, my Mom told me quite firmly that since I had made my own bed so to speak, I may as well sleep in it. In my current condition and appearance, I couldn't argue. She also said she would be back soon to tuck me in for the night.

When she returned, she had my old teddy bear in her arms and carefully put teddy in my arms. I knew what she wanted me to do, so I took teddy and held him like I did when I was very little. She tucked me in for the night and as she turned to leave, she said she would return in the morning to change me and I should rest comfortably until then. She turned out my light, closed the door and I rolled over and cried my eyes out.

I didn't sleep well that night for obvious reasons. However, I managed to drift off to sleep and finally woke up around eight o'clock the next morning. Just as I woke up, Mom walked in the room and said she thought I would never wake up. She pulled back my covers and told me to turn sideways in the bed so she could change me. I did as I was told and Mom slid a baby's plastic changing pad under my rear. She soon was pulling off all of the things I had worn in secrecy up until last night. She clicked her teeth as she removed each layer, but especially when she pulled off the pair of her panties I was wearing.

As she pulled down the plastic panties, she muttered that these baby sized plastic ones would never do  too small. When she got to the nappies and sighed.

"I wondered where all the towels were disappearing to," she said.  Finally, she got the nappies off and saw my sisters panties, all wet and messy. She whistled loudly at the smell and waved her hand as if to blow away the odour from her nose. She stood up, put her hands on her hips and looked carefully at my appearance. She and I stared at each other for the longest time. I really felt her disappointment in me and I felt so depressed that I burst into tears. Eventually, she carefully removed the dark green panties, cleaned my bottom with some cleaning cloths, and then told me to go into the shower and get the rest of me cleaned up.

I began to get out of the bed and walk toward the bathroom when Mom told me to crawl instead. As I looked back her.

"Babies crawl," she told me. "They definitely do not walk."

I got down on all fours and crawled to the bathroom. I climbed in the shower, turned it on, and began to wash myself all over. Fearing what might happen when I got out, I tried to stall a little in the shower and took my sweet time cleaning myself. I had no idea what Mom had in store for me, but I was scared to get out. I had been spanked before and usually for little things. This was different, though. And to make matters worse, I really felt my parents emotional pain. They weren't as angry with me as much as I felt that they were really disappointed in my behaviour.

I eventually turned off the shower, dried myself, wrapped up in a towel and walked back to my room. Mom looked at me with that stern mothers look like I had disobeyed her. I knew what that meant, so I got back down on all fours. As I did, the towel fell off.

"Forget it," Mom told me then smiled at me and motioned for me to crawl over to where she was standing. I did and then she told me to lie down on my back on the floor in front of her.

While I was in the shower, Mom had gone to her sewing room and gotten some white cloth remnants from some previous project she did. She had folded them carefully and told me to lift my butt. As I did, she slid the thick cloth under my backside. She also had cleaned out my dresser drawers and had found a pair of my animal shaped nappy pins.

"These are awfully cute," she told me as she held up the nappy pins I had bought a while ago. "I think you made a good selection. Now roll over on to your stomach." I did as I was told, but wondered why I had to do this. Almost immediately, I felt something cold slide into my rear end. I jumped a little and almost got up. "No hold still," Mom told me holding me down gently. "I am going to take your temperature. Babies always get their temperatures taken in their butts," she said. It was a very uncomfortable feeling that only lasted a few minutes, but seemed like a lot longer.

She finally pulled the thermometer out, rolled me back over, pulled the makeshift nappy tightly around my waist and pinned the ends together. Then she took a tee shirt of mine and pulled it down over my head, shoulders and arms.

"That's all I have for you  until later!" she told me. There was something about the way she said that last part of that statement made me shudder a little. Then she took the pacifier I had gotten and stuffed it into my mouth.

"Now here are the facts of the situation," she said as she put them to me. "Since you wish to dress like a little girl, the family will be only too happy to accommodate you, she said. From this day forward, at least for the time being, you are to treat me as a baby girl. You are to be dressed as a baby girl and you will need to behave as a baby girl would," she went on. "Now this behaviour includes anything we come up with that will improve your chances at fulfilling your dream to be that baby girl."  Mom stopped looking at me. "Furthermore," she went on. "To begin your feminine training lessons, you will need to understand that you will now really begin to use these nappies all the time for their intended purpose. You will not be allowed to use the bathroom like a grown-up for at least a week  maybe longer," my Mom explained. "The length of time you spend wearing nappies will depend on your cooperation and behaviour. Any rule breaking would be dealt with rather severely. This way, you will learn first-hand what is really like to be a baby. Maybe wearing and using nappies 24/7 will eventually teach you how to be the real grown-up the family thinks you are supposed to be." 

Mom stood there with her hands on her hips for the longest time while I stared back in shock. I never imagined my life would take this turn. Part of me was reeling in fear of how the summer would turn out and I had no idea of how long my parents would treat me this way. But another part of me seemed to take pleasure in knowing I would somehow get my wish. I felt a small part of me, a very small part now, was smiling somehow.

Part 7

I was told to crawl to the kitchen and wait for her. She finally came in and took out a pot, measured out some water, and I knew she was going to make oatmeal. It took a little while, but Mom finally finished. As I watched her make my breakfast, I noticed that she really added a lot of things to the oatmeal. I knew she added a lot of other ingredients, but I could not see all of them. She then told me to get into a chair. I did and she then took out a towel and tied it around my neck like it was a bib. I knew what was next, so I started to cry. Mom put a big bowl of oatmeal in front of me. I thought Mom was kidding, so as I went for the spoon, she slapped my hand and told me that Mommy would feed the big baby; that only made me cry harder. She then took out a big, wooden spoon and began to stuff large amounts into my mouth. Naturally, it would not all fit in at once, so a good portion of each spoonful would drip down my face. She would scrape my face scooping up the dripping oatmeal and put it back into my mouth.

It took some time, but she eventually fed me the entire bowl. To add to my new misery, she washed my faced like I was a complete baby. She then stuffed the pacifier back into my mouth. I started to cry again and my Mom calmly told me that I should have been careful what I wished for. She told me to climb down off the chair and just sit on the floor and wait until she cleaned the dishes. When she was done, she told me to follow her to the sewing room. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my mother would stoop to this level of punishment.  All her comments were starting to hit home.  While I liked the idea of being a baby I wasn't happy with the humiliating and threatening actions which my mother was beginning to indulge in.  I felt she was over reacting and taking extreme pleasure out of it.  I needed to show her that I didn't like the track she was following but I had to be careful how I did it because I could still hear her threat of any misbehaviour being dealt with severely.  I knew my mother could be physical with some of her punishment having been on the receiving end of some unjust treatment in the past. But what grieved me most was that I hated being humiliated.  I had had enough of that at school without her doing it also.  I thought that loving mothers were not supposed to humiliate their children. 

I knew my Mom was quite a seamstress. She had majored in fashion in college and had a home business. She would make all sorts of outfits for all sorts of people. She really excelled in womens' fashions and the many dresses she made for many of the women in town were really quite beautiful. She took out her measuring tape, a pencil and a pad of paper. Then she told me to stand while she took all sorts measurements of my height, chest, neck, arms, waist, from the front of my neck to my crotch and then up my backside. I had no idea why she needed all of these measurements, and to my horror, I would soon find out.

I started to become aware that I needed to pee. I held it as long as I could, but it was soon becoming a bit painful. I told my Mom I needed to go potty and she told me to wait just a minute. She left the room and I thought she was going to undo the nappies and let me go to the bathroom. However, she returned with a white kitchen plastic garbage bag. She told me to lie down and lift my butt. She wrapped me up with the bag like a nappy cover. Then she reached for some packing tape and taped the sides together so they would stay around my waist. Then she checked to make sure the bag was tucked around the nappy and when she was satisfied it was, she smiled. Then she told me that since I was wearing my potty, I could now use it and she hoped that nothing would leak out.

I cried some more.

"You're being mean!'" I bawled. "I hate you! I told you the truth and how I felt and how I couldn't help my feelings and...and you're being a bitch." My Mom stared at me saying nothing. "I should have told 'you lies but I thought that by telling the truth you would understand."

"I do understand Jimmy," she said evenly.

"No you don't!" I shouted through my tears. "You didn't listen to what I said. You're being a bitch and I hate you." But Mom ignored me and told me to sit in the corner facing to wall. I got the impression by the look on her face that my anger had upset her. I don't think this was reaction she had expected from me. I thought at the same time that she would get really angry with my outburst but she didn't especially after she said that I would be severely punished if I misbehaved.  Although I saw a funny look in her eye but she still didn't waver. Maybe, I hoped, she would see that she was making a mistake, yet it seemed a forlorn hope. I thought about what Mom said earlier about the total baby girl routine.  I wasn't happy with that prospect.  I wanted to be a baby, yes, but not a baby girl all the time.  I made up my mind to let my mother know exactly what I thought of her idea and I didn't care what punishment she threw at me because as far as I was concerned I was in enough trouble as it is. Mom cut through my thoughts.

"I heard what you told me last night Jimmy and I'm just going to help you become that," she said quietly.

"You didn't hear what I said. You didn't listen! You only heard what you wanted," I cried.

Mom sighed and left the room, but returned with, as she described, my new best friend  teddy! She began to search through her bolts of material and whistling the whole time. I noticed her choice of tunes were all children's nursery songs. I continued to cry and as painful as it was, I still held out releasing any of my pee into the nappy. But, I couldn't last forever and nature took over. I began to wet myself and waves of relief washed over me. As I was relieved, I then also realized what I was doing and cried even harder. Mom looked at me and asked me if I had finished wetting my nappies. I nodded.

"Good baby girl," I was told. "After all, all baby girls wet their nappies and you're no different."

That statement cut into me like a knife. It really hurt. "I'm not a girl I'm a boy you bitch. I hate you. You're being mean to me," I bawled. Mom ignored me then told me in a quiet voice that I would have to wait to get changed as she was pretty busy.

Mom found some material and began to make some measurements on the cloth. She began to cut and trim the cloth into what I knew were shapes for some kind of outfit and I was afraid who the outfit was for. After about an hour, I heard the front door open. It was my sister. She bounded into the room and told my Mom she was successful and got four packages of them. She also told Mom the saleswoman was very helpful in picking out the right size. She also was able to get some full-size plastic panties that would work really well for me. I didn't know what she meant, but eventually, like most everything else in my story, I would find out.

Mom told my sister that I was wet and needed a change. She asked my sister if she wanted to change her new baby sister and my sister said she would be glad to. She got some of the baby wipes Mom left in my room. Sis; her actual name is Cecilia but she hates it so likes being called Sis; told me to lie down and lift my butt while she slid the changing pad under me. Then she cut off the plastic bag to reveal my wet nappies and held her nose in a mocking fashion. She unpinned the nappies, removed them, and proceeded to wash my crotch area all the while cooing at me as if I was a two year old. Then, she brought in one of the packages she told my Mom about. It was a package of adult disposable nappies, the kind I saw on TV commercials. When I saw that there were 26 in a package, and I knew she bought four packages of them, I began cry a little harder. This might be a punishment that would last a little longer than the week my Mom had suggested earlier.

She pulled out one of the nappies, slid it under my lifted butt, and before she taped it up, powdered the heck out of my crotch area. She then taped the nappy tightly about my waist. The reality of the situation began to sink in and it was beginning to be clear that this was not going to be a short punishment, but a rather long, drawn out prison-like sentence. To make matters worse, my sister and I didn't get along too well, so this was going to be a heaven like state for her  she was going to really be able to baby me and enjoy every minute of it.

My sister finished cleaning up my changing area. Then, she took my wet nappies and brought them to the laundry. When she came back into the room, she went over to my Mom and told her she had a brilliant idea. I could her through the whispering old dollies and new sister and didn't like the sound of either in the same sentence. My Mom spun around in her sewing chair and looked at me with a little smile on her face. She whispered something to my sister pointing towards the bathroom and they both shared a quiet giggle. Then she told my sister what a wonderful idea it was and that it was about time I began learning to be a little lady.

My sister walked over to me, pointed towards the bathroom made me crawl all the way down the hall. As I entered the bathroom, she lifted and then put the seat down on the toilet and told me I may as well get used to not using it for a while. Then she made me sit on the toilet seat and asked me if it brought back any memories for me. Tears ran down my face as I sucked on my pacifier. My sister told me that it was okay to cry  little girls sometimes do that. I glared at her boy was I going to get her! Then she told me what she was going to do and that if I protested in any small way, she would tell Mom all sorts of lies to make my punishment even worse. Besides, what she was going to do was really Mom's idea anyway.

Mom must have heard my sister's comments because she yelled from her sewing room.

"I wouldn't take it too far young lady.  I wont tolerate with any lies from you Cecilia especially trying to deliberately get the baby into trouble so don't try it out on your new baby sis¦brother, or you'll be the one being punished as well."  My sister went red when she heard it.  She knew she had been caught out.

She began to pull out an assortment of her make-up and nail polishes and set them on the sink counter. She began by applying all sorts of different kinds of make-up on my face foundation, blush, eye liner and shadow, mascara, and finally lipstick. Then she took out her curling iron and plugged it in. The experience of having my sister do all of this was really humiliating, but what could I do? I had been caught in the act, but good! While the curling iron was heating up, she began applying nail polish to not only my fingernails, but to my toenails as well. She had picked out a bright shade of pink. After applying polish to all of my nails, she began curling my long hair. I had been proud of my hair up until now and was planning on getting a short haircut for the summer, but it was too late now.

She had curled about half of my hair into a tight, fluffy style. She stopped long enough to apply a second coat of polish to my nails. She took extra care to make sure it was an even coat for good looks. Then she turned her attention back to my hair. She soon finished with my head and added a few bows and clips to finish the look. As ordered, I looked at myself in the mirror and burst into tears. The look was quite convincing and very humiliating. My sister was giggling with a bit too much glee and having a bit too much fun at my expense. But as I was standing there in nothing but a tee shirt and a disposable nappy, turning on my sister for retaliation was not an option. I sagged to the floor in sobbing defeat.

I was then led back to my Mom's sewing room. As I entered to room for show and tell, my Mom was quite impressed with my sisters work. She could also see how unhappy I was then floored me by saying,

Part 8

My sister laughed a little more and left the room in a rush. I heard her run down the hall to her room. She soon came back with a small suitcase in her hand. I wondered what it was for when she put it on the floor in front of me. She told me she had a special present for her new little sister and opened the top of the case. It was full of her collection of Barbie dolls and all of the dolls clothes and accessories. Looking up at my sister, I knew what I was expected to do, so again in a sobbing defeat, I pulled out one of the dolls and began to dress the doll in its small and tight fitting clothes.

I had played dollies for about an hour continuously dressing each doll in one outfit and then another. My sister seemed to be enjoying watching me with a sadistic glee. While I played with her dolls, she watched TV, but I sat on the floor so my back was to the screen. It had been some time since I relieved my bladder and soon I was in the painful position of just how to relieve myself unnoticed. I tried to relax, but it was as if my sister was watching and waiting for the inevitable. I was able to hold off for a few minutes, but the pain grew to be too much for me and I gave in to nature. As I tried to relax, I found myself grunting a little as I managed to release the contents of my bladder into the thirsty nappy. 

The liquid quickly spread throughout my crotch region and my sister noticed my predicament. She asked me in a babyish sort of way if ˜Sissy Baby Sammy was a wet little girl. I nodded my head, very unhappy. After all, she would check anyway and if I lied, I could get in even more trouble than I was already in, but I couldn't think how. She left the room and returned with my changing pad, a box of baby wipes, a bottle of baby lotion, a bottle of baby powder and, of course, a fresh new disposable nappy. I think my sister enjoyed changing me since it really made me look so weak and small. She took her sweet time cleaning me, applying lotion and powder to my crotch, but seemed to take a special pleasure, and some extra time, in putting a new nappy on her new, favourite little sister.

My Mom came into the room holding what looked like a dress for one of her customers. It was a bit strange looking, though. She held the dress in one hand and a matching pair of bottoms in the other. It dawned on me that what she was holding she had made for me. Mom put the dress over the arm of the couch and motioned for me to stand up. As I did, she held out the bottoms and told me to step in. I began to protest, but my Mom stood there with her hands on her hips. She then told me I had a choice - I could step into the outfit now, or after she called a few of my friends over to see the new girl on the block. Fearing more humiliation at the hands of my friends, I relented and agreed to do what my Mom said but I wasn't happy.

"I hate you, I hissed around my pacifier. You're a mean bitch. That's blackmail and you know it you bitch."  Mom was impassive to start with but I could see a look of surprise in her eyes at what I had said.  I expected more trouble but she appeared to ignore my comment but I could tell she knew I was right.  I expected an apology of some sort for the threat but none came. Right there I vowed to get even with my Mom. "You'll pay you bitch," I whispered glaring at her. Mom looked at me briefly slightly surprised at my threat before continuing.

"It's no use saying those things Jimmy you're only hurting yourself," she murmured softly.

"I don't care you bitch," I yelled yanking my pacifier out. "As if you care anyway ˜cos you don't, you mean bitch. You don't care about me!  You're enjoying it! I shouted. I hate you, you bitch. I hate you!"

Mom blanched at me surprised at my comment.  She stared at me for a minute or so before processing what I said while I glared back at her then she carried on with what she intended to do.

She once again held out the bottoms for me and I reluctantly stepped into them after all I had no choice. As she snaked them up my legs, I noticed that they looked very much like my cousins rhumba panties she wore the night I baby-sat for her. I realized my Mom had made the same outfit for my baby cousin and this was simply a larger version of the same outfit. The panties were pink and white polka dotted cotton with several rows of lace across the seat. As she fussed with the panties around my nappies, she seemed satisfies that they fit, so she turned her attention to the top.

The top was not a nightie top like my cousins, but more like a baby's sun dress I had seen my cousin wear at parties early on in the summer. It matched the panties and buttoned in the back. I put my arms through the armholes that ended in short, puffy sleeves with elastic cuffs. The dress was barely long enough to go past my waist and really showed off the panties. There could be no question I was wearing nappies in this outfit. Mom buttoned the back with what I counted to be at least twelve buttons and spun me around. I struggled.

"Stand still baby," she whispered. "I know this is not what you want but it will do I'm sorry."

As I turned, she smiled with a sense of pride in her workmanship but she could see the anger on my face and the smile disappeared.

"You're not sorry! You never are!" I snarled snatching out my pacifier again tears coursing down my cheeks. "You're enjoying it!"  Mom's face betrayed the hurt I had just inflicted.  Her smile from a few seconds ago vanished immediately. I was hurting her and I knew it.  It made me more determined than ever to make her pay; the only problem was just a matter of how I went about it and how far I pushed it. It was apparent to me that she was not going to react angrily to my oaths.  I thought calling her a bitch might have precipitated some sort of swift punishment but she appeared to let them slide.  Maybe, just maybe, she was having second thoughts. And I hoped that I was sowing the seeds of doubt in her mind.

To complete the outfit, my sister put a pair of anklet type pink socks on my feet and finished it off with a pair of black-strap Mary Jane shoes that just fit my feet. Before she left the room, Mom turned to my sister and asked her if she would like to take her new little sister out in the back yard to play.

Playing out in the backyard dressed like a little, baby girl was not in my mind when I began satisfying my fetish so long ago. But my sister was dragging me outside where I would be in plain view of anyone who might be out in neighbouring yards. I was mortified at the possibility of being seen like this. However, I was soon out in the yard with my sister and she was determined to play some kind of game with me.

At first, all I could do was to sit curled up in a foetal position on the patio deck as far away from the yard as possible. I was crying some really big crocodile tears. My sister pleaded with me to join her in a simple game of catch, but nothing could stop me from crying. I was so fearful of being seen dressed as I was. Then my sister left me alone for a few minutes and reappeared with my Mom. She walked over to me, gave me a big hug, told me that everything was going to be all right.

"I'm sorry sweetheart I know this is painful, however," she explained, "That this was what you had asked for and like any good mother, I am going to help me get what you want."

Mom could see I was trying to find the words to explain to her that this was not what I had wanted in any way, shape or form. But the words just never could come out. After all, my Mom was the one who first discovered me dressed in bed. She hugged me again.

"It's alright baby you can tell me later," she said.

I managed to recover my composure. "I told you what I was feeling but you haven't listened," I finally said. 

"I told you Jimmy I did listen," Mom sighed but I could see that she was struggling as well and her emotions were rising.

"No you didn't! You didn't!" I shouted. "You only listened to what you wanted. I hate you!" I added. "I will always hate you. You're a mean bitch who doesn't care about me," I continued trying to vent my anger at her. "You're not sorry! You never are! I hate you! I hate you! I will always hate you!!!" She shook her head, her face betraying a pained expression. I fully expected to be punished severely as she had threatened earlier. I started pulling at the clothes.

"Don't do that!" she snapped brushing my hands away.

"Leave me alone you bitch. Don't touch me!" I shouted at her pulling away. I was really courting danger now.  It was only a matter of time before my mother exploded as I knew she could.  Mom shook her head again, sighed and left me alone.

My sister got me to finally play catch with her. She sat me down in the middle of the yard and would roll a big soccer ball to me. I was on the soccer team and this ball was my practice ball, but using it to play catch with my sister was really a problem for me. We had been at it for about thirty minutes. I thought my sister would never tire of this, but she kept rolling the ball to me and I would roll it back. Every time I would catch the ball, my sister would make me clap while she also clapped and told me I was a good girl. After a while, I even got caught up in trying to catch the ball several times in a row as a type of contest with myself. It kind of got my mind off of my troubles.

Then my troubles grew a little worse. I had not had a bowel movement all morning and I soon felt cramps and pains in my gut. Then soon, I felt the urge to poop and I really had to go. I tried to hold out for a few minutes, but this was unlike any bowel movement. I remembered the last time I had pains like this was when I was sick and had a bad case of diarrhoea. I was having the same kind of cramps and feelings of urgency right now. My sister sensing my new troubles asked if I had to make a poopy in my nappy. I nodded and she told me to just let it go. I shook my head no, but she insisted that I use the nappy. I tried to get up to run inside, but she blocked my way. I tried to run around her, but she would always move a little faster and continue to block my way. I then tried to do a sort of tight buns dance to try to hold it in. I managed to hold it, if I stood very still, but soon lost the battle. 

I had once pushed out a load into a nappy because I wanted to. That was exhilarating. But this time I had to push out a load into my nappy, in front of my sister, and I really did not want to do that. This was really something quite different. And unlike my first time, I really didn't need to do much pushing on my part. It seemed to really just let loose and in a big rush of a bowel movement, I filled my nappy rather quickly with quite a lot of loose mush. Doing it in front of my sister was particularly humiliating. I thought everyone for miles around could also hear my butt sounds as I did my dance. It occurred to me this was no ordinary bowel movement.

I stood on the deck, nappies filled with the load I had just made, and my sister laughing hysterically. She came over to me, felt my bottom, confirmed that I had just made a large poopy in my nappies, and told me once again what a good baby girl I was. She then put both hands on my shoulders and began to try to make me sit down on the ground. My sister was a lot taller and stronger than I was, but I managed to fight her off for a little while. However, she tripped me up as I tried to get around her and get inside and as I fell to the ground, I landed on my bottom. The mushy load in my rear spread with a splat and I was forced to concede defeat. As I cried loudly, my sister only laughed with sadistic glee.

Then my Mom appeared.

"What were you trying to do to your baby sister?" she asked my sister.

"I was trying..." she paused.

Part 9

This was only the first day, and already my sister put make-up and nail polish on me to make me look just a little more ladylike. My Mom had made one sun dress outfit for me to wear and was busily sewing new girlish outfits for me to wear in the very near future. As my sister followed me into the house so Mom could change my nappies, I could not help but think of how my life had suddenly changed and not for better. I could not bear the thought of more humiliation and torment at the hands of my sister, but I really had no other options available. My best bet was to just accept my fate as best I could. Maybe if I pretended to enjoy it a little, they would all tire of the game and I would be released from my suffering. I didn't think I could endure another day of this, let alone a week or more.

I was wrong as I could be. As the next few days came and went, my Mom had made several more outfits for me to wear. She made a few baby doll nighties with matching ruffled rhumba panties that I began wearing to bed each night. She also sewed a few baby-gros or baby one piece nappy shirts. Mom sometimes called them baby body suits, for me to wear whenever it was too hot for a sun dress. The worst was the two piece bathing suit she made. The top was a kind of bra, but with extra ruffles sewn into the shoulder straps that tied at the neck and in the back. The bottoms were a kind of panty and skirt combination and the skirt didn't really cover my butt too well. I would have to wear this while sitting in the old kiddie pool my parents brought out of the attic. They set it up in the backyard, filled it with water, dressed me in new found swim nappies and my swimsuit, and make me sit in it and splash around while they all video-taped my performance.

A week went by and each day brought new frustrations. My Mom could sense this and I think she was starting to ease up a bit or so I thought. My Mom and sister decided that there should be a daily routine that should be followed. I should have a morning bubble bath after I awoke to make sure I at least started the day out really clean. I was beginning to develop certain body parts, so my sister shaved my armpits, arms and legs daily. For my groin, she used a depilatory cream. I would then be nappied and dressed in some new sissyish outfit and fed my breakfast of oatmeal. What I found out later was that both my Mom and sister were adding a few spoonfuls of Metamucil to each breakfast. I later learned that's why I needed to poop so much. My mornings were spent in the family room where my sister made me play with her dollies. Then, a lunch of some kind of mashed food and then I would be made to take a nap. After I was awakened around three o'clock, it was backyard play if the weather was nice. It had been nice outside all week, so I hadn't spent my afternoons indoors that first week.

Dinners were a special event. I was sat near my sister and fed jar after jar of baby food while everyone else got full meals of chicken, spaghetti or steak. Mom and Dad cooed over their new little girl as my sister delighted in missing my mouth a lot so she could scoop up fallen food and re-feed it to me, although several times my sister was admonished for making too much of a mess by my Mom.  This helped me and I think my Mom knew my feelings. I was not allowed to talk at all except in baby talk. This caused me a lot of frustration in trying to get my needs met. I told my mother several times about my frustrations and she did relent on some occasions. I was beginning to feel what a real baby felt like which was what my family probably had in mind all along.

After dinner, I was cleaned up, my nappies changed, and by seven o'clock, I was being tucked in for the night. I was given two full bottles of formula and told to drink them dry. After that, I could turn over and sleep. I began to look forward to sleeping since it seemed to be my only sense of normalcy. I usually cried myself to sleep. Several times my Mom came into check on me and found me crying.  I would pull away from her when she tried to caress me to calm me.  Several times I told her what I thought of her and to leave me alone.  She would linger for a while almost uncertain of what to do. Although it was comforting having her near I hated my predicament and she knew this.  One night I was so upset that she lifted me from my bed and cuddled me. 

"Pwease make it stop Mommy. Pwease," I pleaded as a sobbed into her shoulder. She was tender and comforting.  Her comments gave me comfort.

"Alright darling I know it's not fair baby.  This is a punishment you know but I think I could try to ease up because I know it is distressing you. I don't want you to hate me baby.  I know you don't like me at the moment and I don't blame you. Try to make the best of it sweetheart," she soothed as I sobbed into her shoulder.  After that each night got easier and easier to fall asleep especially when Mom came in but the treatment didn't stop or even ease up as she promised.  I made up my own mind that she had no intention of following through with any promise.  To me she seemed to tell lie after lie just to placate me.  My hatred for her grew and grew. I didn't think anything could get worse, but like before, I was wrong.

It was Saturday and a little more than a week had passed since I entered my new babyhood. I was awakened, undressed, and given my usual bath and make-up treatment. After being dressed in a new jumper outfit, I was brought down to the family room and got a big shock. My Dad, a cabinet maker by trade, had fashioned a large playpen especially for me. It was quite a bit larger than a normal playpen and had a gate so I could climb in without having to be lifted over the railing. The gate was opened for me, so I crawled in and sat on the thin, vinyl mat that was decorated with some animals and such. My Dad closed the gate and locked me in. The sides were pretty high. Even if I stood up, I could not lift my leg over to get out, so I was quite trapped.

My sister gleefully began to throw in some baby toys  rattles, blocks, a pyramid ring thing, and some bigger dolls. She told me my cousin had outgrown them and wanted to donate them to some needy baby. My Mom, my Dad and my sister all watched me as I looked over my new surroundings. I glared at them both my world seemed to spinning out of control. My Dad wondered why I was reacting that way but my Mom told him to leave me but she could see the hatred in my eyes. My Mom told me that now I could just sit and play and my sister didn't need to spend so much time looking after me. She gave me two baby bottles filled with water in case I got thirsty and no one was around. However, she warned me that if I ever took the cap off and did not drink through the nipple, I would be severely punished. I didn't know what that meant, but I also didn't want to know but she could also see the hatred in my eyes.

With nothing else to keep me occupied, I played with the toys in my playpen. It helped to pass the time. My sister had left for the day to be with her friends at the mall. Mom and Dad spent a lot of time in the bedrooms. I think they were doing a thorough cleaning because I heard furniture being moved around. I did not know how much time had passed, but I started to get hungry. I thought it might be nearing lunchtime and as my Mom came in the room, I found out I was right. She opened the gate to let me out, took me to the kitchen where she, my Dad and I had some lunch. They ate sandwiches, potato chips, pickles and pop. I was fed more oatmeal and formula out of a sipper cup.

After a much needed nappy change, my Mom announced it was time for my nap. I crawled down the hall and into my room and got another shock. My Dad had made a new bed for me. But this bed was an oversized crib. I looked up at my Mom and Dad and began to cry and shake my head.

"How could you do this to me? How? Why? This is too much! I wont do it! I wont!" I cried

My Mom had the answer again. If I didn't do what they told me, they would simply invite all of my friends over to play with me. Nothing would really change except that maybe I wouldn't be able to ever show my face again in public, let alone at school. This time, however, she added a few names of some girls who I had mentioned I liked at school. Maybe they would enjoy baby -sitting me some night. She tried to help me into the crib. I kicked and screamed and fought.  Dad tried to intervene but Mom told him to leave and she would sort it. Dad left shaking his head he obviously didn't like what my mother had just said to me.

"Stop this!" she said sharply as she tried to get me into the crib.

I refused and struggled even more. "You bitch! I hate you! I hate you all," I screamed. "Leave me alone you bitch!" I screamed as I struggled. "How could you do this to me? How could you ruin all my friendships?"  Finally I stopped struggling it was no use.

"I'm sorry baby," she soothed. "But..."

"You're not sorry. You're enjoying this you bitch! All you do is make promises and tell lies!" I screamed at her. "It's not fair! Go to hell!" I screamed cutting in. "It's not what I wanted. You're cruel and mean I hope you both rot in hell," I continued quite worked up.  My Mom knew then that she had over stepped the mark and I knew she could have put an end to all the humiliation but she didn't. That's what was upsetting me now more than anything.  She said she would ease up on me but she wasn't. Sobbing in defeat, I stood up as Mom lowered the side of the crib and crawled up and into my new bed. As she covered my up with a new baby animal print blanket she made especially for me, she added a new friend for me to sleep with “ a large teddy bear. She lifted up the locking side, walked over to the window and closed the shades, turned out the light, and left me sobbing trying to fall asleep for my nap. I could have died right then and there.

I lay there sobbing trying to come to terms with what had just happened.  As my parents left I heard Dads voice.

"This has gone far enough Mary!" he snarled.  I didn't hear Mom's reply then Dad said, "I'm warning you this has to stop. Can't you hear him you callous bitch?  You cant use blackmail on anyone especially on our son. He's upset!" Mom must have said something else because there was silence then Dad shouted, "Put a stop to this now Mary or the whole thing is going to blow up in YOUR face," then a door slammed and I heard nothing more. I continued to sob. 

The days passed by without too much more happening. Mom seemed quieter than normal almost distant. She was still tender with me but there was remoteness in her attitude and she said very little to me.  Her face didn't display any warmth, whether it was deliberate and she was trying to make me suffer more for the things I had been saying I didn't know. Or perhaps what Dad had said was eating at her, I couldn't tell.  Sometimes I pulled away from her glaring savagely at her which seemed to add to her glum state.  I knew that I was getting to her but the trouble was everything was in her power to put a stop to the whole nightmare but she didn't.  It was then that I knew I had to engage in some other way of making her see reason. At least I was comforted myself with the notion if her coolness was purely intended for me then there would have been other actions on her part “ perhaps a roughness and distain for me but they weren't there. 

I had fallen into accepting the routine of my new babyhood. What choice did I have? I slept in my crib, was given lots of bubble baths, had make-up and nail polish applied daily, wore nappies 24/7, and really hated my existence. My Mom knew I did. I began to just sit and wait for the time to pass. It was dull and boring. I was starting to feel depressed and would often lie listlessly on the floor in the playpen. Mom saw me like this and I saw a look of concern cross her face but she didn't say anything or do anything to change the situation or make it better for me. This was the most frustrating thing for me. Sure I wanted to be a baby but not a baby girl all the time and certainly not all the threats and humiliation. What was worse I had begun to wet my nappies from time to time and didn't notice it until after I had done it. I would just be playing with some stuffed animals and notice that I was wet. Was I beginning to lose all control? Even making a bowel movement in my nappies was getting easier and easier to do.

Part 10

My only other sense of normalcy was my paper route. I still had to get up in the morning and deliver the newspapers. Only then was I allowed to climb out of the crib, take off my nightie, and get dressed in ˜normal clothes, but I still had to wear the nappy I had on and was told I would catch heck if I was ever caught without it. When I would come back from delivering the papers, I would get dressed back into the nightie and crawl back into the crib. I was told never to climb out of the crib for any other reason and I feared further punishments of any kind. I figured, how could my life get worse?

Since I had to wear the nappy while delivering my papers, I would nearly always come home wet. However, I was beginning to wake up now in a wet nappy, so I would go out to deliver the papers starting in a wet nappy. Since it was already wet, if I peed more, it was more than likely I would come home in pants that were wet from a leaky nappy. I felt fortunate somehow that most people, in my neighbourhood weren't awake when I delivered the papers, especially all my friends. All of my friends were usually still asleep.

Then one day, the alarm clock went off and I didn't hear it. My Mom came in to wake me about two hours late. One of my customers had called wondering if there was something wrong and why hadn't he gotten his morning paper. I quickly dressed and left in a run even though my nappy was thoroughly soaked. My sister had given me a lot of water to drink the night before and I must have peed all of the water she fed me into the nappy. I had no time to argue, however, since I was a bit late as it was.

As I ran to deliver the papers, I could feel my jeans getting a wet spot in the rear just below where the nappy would come. I tried to move as fast as I could to avoid being seen by anyone, but as my luck would have it, pretty Francine, one of the girls my Mom mentioned as a possible baby sitter met me at the door to get her fathers newspaper. I tried to tell her I was late, but she wanted to have a conversation about my summer, and school next year, and where I had been for the past three weeks. I told her I was helping my Mom clean the house and didn't have time to go anywhere else. I tried to leave, but she kept talking and talking and talking. ˜What a blabber mouth,' I thought.

Finally, she heard her father calling for the paper since he was late for work. As I turned to leave, Francine remarked about the large, growing wet spot on my rear. I told her I must have sat in a puddle of water somewhere and turned to go. She giggled a bit as she told me it looked just like I had wet my pants. If only she knew how right she was. I feared she really knew the truth.

I was just about finished when at last I turned to my street to get home. As I ran for my house, my friend Joe stopped me on the sidewalk. He kept badgering me about where I had been, why I hadn't called, what happened to our friendship, and stuff like that. I tried to tell him the same story I gave to Francine, but Joe wasn't listening to me. He kept going on and on about what kind of a friend wouldn't call or come over. I protested, but it seemed in vain.

I didn't want Joe to see my backside, but I didn't realize I had begun to leak in the front as well. Joe looked down at my crotch and noticed the wet mark on my jeans. He laughed and asked me if I had wet my pants or something. I tried to tell him the story about sitting in a puddle when two more friends came out of Joe's house. They had stayed overnight. Frank and Eddie joined Joe on the sidewalk and by this time, Joe was really grilling me over my wet jeans.

Unfortunately for me, my jeans showed a little bulge in my seat and Joe was convinced I had something under my jeans I was trying to hide. What was I hiding under my pants? Was I wearing nappies? They wanted me to show them, but I refused. Realizing they meant what they said, I got scared.

I turned to run, but the guys soon caught up to me. They tackled me and while someone held my arms, the other two began to try to take my pants off. I fought hard, but three against one isn't an easy fight. Soon, they had removed my pants and held them up in victory. Everyone there could see I was wearing my night-time cloth nappies and plastic panties. To make matters even worse, my Mom had just gotten me a pair of pink animal print panties to wear the night before. Now that the guys had gotten my jeans, I was pretty much left to stand there in nothing more than my tee shirt, thoroughly wet nappies, plastic pants and socks.

They began pushing me around in a circle all the while taunting me. Did sissy baby wet her nappies? Does she need a change? Does she need her baba? Does Mommy know her little girl is so wet? And it didn't just end with taunting. They all took turns holding me while the others felt my soggy bottom. Then, Frank and Eddie held me face down while Joe spanked my wet bottom right on the plastic pants and nappies. Bad girl! Bad little girl! How could you wet yourself? Finally, there was a moment when they released their grip and I managed to escape. I ran as fast as I could

They chased after me the whole way. Luckily, I made it to my door first and burst into the house, ran to my room, and collapsed on my crib sobbing in deep humiliation. My Mom came in and asked what had happened. As I began my tale of woe, the doorbell rang. Joe and the guys wanted to drop my jeans and gym shoes off. I could hear them laughing as my sister took the items, and thanked the boys for their thoughtfulness. My Mom hugged me while I cried and cried and struggled to tell her what had happened.

"Shhh little one," she tried to soothe. "Everything will be alright."  I shook my head.

"Nooooo," I wailed. "It's all your fault! My life is ruined!"

"This is what you wanted," she said quietly.

"No it's not! It's not!" I screamed. "It's what you wanted. I hate you...you bitch. It's not going to get better because you don't want it too. You just lie to me all the time," I sobbed.

"Yes it will," she said softly. I shook my head in defiance. I knew better. "Ill sort them out," she promised. My sister handed Mom my wet trousers. "Well did you say something to those boys?" she asked my sister.

"Yeah thank you," my sister replied sarcastically.

"I didn't mean that you smart brat," my mother seethed at my sister.  I had never ever heard my mother say anything like that to my sister. "Get out! Ill deal with you later."

Part 11

About three weeks had gone by and although my friends had stopped by to see me, my Mom told them I could not have visitors. She told them I was sick with a real bad illness, and that if they were real friends they should have some sympathy for my sick condition and I could hear them laughing as they left out of earshot of my Mom. They remarked that' I must have gotten a touch of some kind of baby illness  one that makes me wear nappies all the time.' Their laughter hurt more than anything I had been through up until now. In any case, my friends now knew the secret behind the closed doors. I imagined they would be peeking over the fence now trying to see if anything else was going on. I shuddered to think what might happen if my sister ever told me I had to go out and play in the yard or worse, play in the pool.

One night, my parents decided to go out to dinner and a movie. They asked my sister to baby sit her little sister and she readily agreed, especially since they offered to pay her extra. As my parents were getting ready to go, Mom told me to get into my playpen until my sister could get my dinner ready. Sis took me to the family room, opened up the gate to my pen, allowed me to crawl in, and locked the gate behind me. Then she went to the kitchen to get me some kind of dinner and I was sure I wasn't going to like it. All of my new toys were now stored in the playpen, so I could play with anything and usually did just to avoid the arguments.

As soon as my parents were ready to leave, they came into the family room to say goodbye. Mom bent over to give me a kiss and hug and as she did, she sniffed the air. She announced in a loud voice to my sister that somebody needed a change and soon. Then she and my Dad lectured me on the necessity of behaving for my baby sitter or there would be hell to pay when they got home. However, since this was a special occasion, I would be allowed to stay up past my usual early bedtime, so I should consider it a special treat.

Almost as soon as my parents left, my sister was on the phone. I couldn't hear too much, but what I heard kind of scared me. She was inviting a few friends over for the evening. I knew she was not supposed to do that. When she eventually got off the phone, I told her what I overheard. First, I got a lecture about talking only in baby talk and second, I got a lecture on keeping quiet or she would tell my parents I misbehaved. I argued a little bit with her, but when she threatened to call Francine and invite her and a few of my other friends as well, I decided to keep quiet. I really believed she would do it just to be mean. But I decided there and then that I was going to tell Mom and Dad when I had a chance.  My only worry was would they believe me or would they side with my lying and conniving sister. Then, Sis changed my nappy, gave me a bottle of formula and a bottle of juice, and told me to drink it all down fast - we were going to have a party!

About a half of an hour later, the doorbell rang. I heard the voices of several girls as my sister answered the door and a few of them were very familiar voices. These girls had been here before, so they knew me quite well. My sister brought her friends into the family room and introduced them to her new, baby sister. Recognizing me, they all began to laugh and then coo to me in an awkward kind of baby talk. My sister unlocked my gate, and a couple of the girls all got into my large pen to play with me. A few others made me play as if I were a real baby pushing toys at me, talking gibberish, and otherwise humiliating me.

I soon became aware I had wet myself again and so did the girls. They all giggled, shook their heads, or clicked their teeth. One girl even began to shake her finger at me and told me what a bad baby girl I was to have wet myself around company. The worst part was when my sister had the bright idea to get a deck of cards. Each girl would draw one card and the highest card would get to change my nappy. They all were excited, but since my sister had already had the luxury of already changing me for more than three weeks, she ˜graciously bowed out of the contest. Some girl named Melinda won the task. I was pretty thankful, however, that I hadn't had another bowel movement as well.

Sis got out all of the supplies “ changing pad, baby wipes, night-time cloth nappies; Mom made them triple thick, adult-sized plastic panties, nappy rash ointment, lotion, baby powder, animal shaped nappy pins and, of course, my baby doll nightie. Melinda and the girls all giggled at the sight of all of this and while Sis left to room to go into the kitchen, Melinda got down to the job of changing me. So they would have memories of their night, the girls took Sis's digital camera, which was really Mom's, and they were sure to get some nice pictures of my dilemma.

She carefully guided the changing pad under me as I lifted my backside for her and she quickly removed my wet nappies. Then she took out several wipes and thoroughly cleaned my crotch and rear end. Before she could apply anything else, she guided the night-time nappies under my rear as I once again helped out by lifting my rear for her. Then she applied a good amount of nappy rash ointment all over the area to be nappied. She also added a large portion of lotion and finally powder to the same area. She pinned one side of the nappies and pulling the other two corners rather tightly around my waist, pinned the other side. Finishing off, she snaked a pair of plastic panties up my legs and as I again lifted my rear, fitted them snugly around the nappies so that no cloth peeked out.

Now the girls were going to have some more fun watching as Melinda would dress me for bed. Holding out the ruffled bottoms, she motioned for me to step into the panties. As I did, she very slowly pulled them up and over my nappies. The speed at which she did this told me she wanted to prolong my suffering. Then, the girls had a bright idea. Before she put on my top, one of the girls took some time to remove her bra without removing her shirt. Laughing all the while, she donated her bra for my ˜costume. All the girls were laughing pretty loudly as Sis finally returned to the room. Seeing what the girls were up to, she put whatever was in her hand down on the end table and as she, too, laughed. She then ran out of the room saying to wait, shed be right back.

She returned in a few minutes with some pairs of her socks and the girls all took turns stuffing them into the cups of the bra. I now was wearing a bra with a very large cleavage. Melinda finally held up the top and I slid my arms into the armholes and she very, very slowly lowered it onto my body. Now, it was make-up time, I was told and in a few short minutes, I was again fully made up with blush, eye shadow, eye liner, lipstick, mascara, and a full set of nails polished.

My sister then went over to the end table and picked up what she had brought in earlier “ another baby bottle full of formula. Again, the girls drew cards to see who would feed me and the loser would get to tuck me in my crib. Melinda bowed out gracefully as she was the one who got the change my nappy and get the little girl ready for beddie-bye. A girl named Joanne won this time, gleefully took the bottle, and jumped onto the couch. Sis told me to get up on the couch too and lie down with my head on Joanne's lap. I did as I was told and as Joanne teased me with the nipple of the bottle, Melinda was gladly taking pictures of the whole affair. Joanne finally let me take the nipple into my mouth and I began to suck the bottle and continued until it was empty.

The last girl, Fran, then had me crawl down the hall into my room. As I crawled, she took delight in patting my bottom with every movement. When we arrived in my room, she lowered the side of the crib, let me crawl in, put teddy into my arms, shoved my pacifier into my mouth and covered me up. The girls then got down to the business of singing me laughing lullabies. As they did this, and like before during the entire evening, someone took pictures with the digital camera. Sis told the girls it was getting late, asked them to leave the room, and said she wanted to tell her little sister goodnight privately.

When the girls had left, Sis came over to me and whispered softly. She told me that if I breathed a word of what happened tonight, she would take the digital picture card, download all of the pictures on to her personal web site, and tell all of my friends how to access the site so they could all see the truth about what really goes on with her new little sister. She looked at me rather triumphantly, smiled an evil little grin, let out an evil giggle, and then left the room and closed the door. As I lay there in the dark, I hear the girls all laughing wildly down in the family room. I knew they were looking at all of the pictures they had taken tonight on my sisters laptop. In the privacy of my room, I finally had the opportunity to finally let go of all my pent up feelings and cried myself to sleep.

 Part 12 test

One Saturday morning, my Mom dressed me in my usual very thick night-time cloth nappies and a new pair of pink plastic panties. It was early in the morning and I could not figure out why she was not having me wear the usual disposables. She then pulled out some new pure white opaque tights I had seen my sister wear from time to time, but these were new in a package especially for me. She snaked them up my legs and over my nappies and pink plastic panties.

Then, she brought out an especially frilly, pink dress with matching rumba style panties that had at least five rows of lace across the seat. She first made me step into the panties and she pulled them up and fussed with the fit. The dress slipped over my outstretched arms and as soon as she was satisfied with the fit, she buttoned up the back. The dress fluffed out more than usual with all of the extra petticoat material she added to the underside. And since it was so stiff and scratchy, I had a hard time keeping from scratching myself. This made my Mom fuss even more than usual. I could not figure out why. She finally added laced ankle socks and black Mary Jane shoes and told me to go downstairs. I had dreamt of this day, but never this way - not with my Mom dressing me this way. No, thats not how I dreamt it to ever be.

Then, as we headed down for breakfast, she announced that I would need to very careful when I ate my breakfast since it was picture day. What? Picture day? Whats that?

My parents had scheduled a professional photographer to take a family portrait that day - right in the backyard!! This was also news to my sister who announced she didnt want to be in the picture with her sissy brother and his new dress. Shed die of embarrassment. I almost wanted to tell my parents about the night Sis brought all of her friends over, but I held my tongue. After all, Sis still had pictures of me and had threatened many times to post them if I ever breathed a word about it. The more I thought about that and my sisters reaction the more I decided that I was going to go for broke and open Pandora s Box! I was decided to expose her for the cruel, callous bitch she was. Her attitude was just another example for how she had it in for me.  Why she had this attitude towards me I did not know and could not understand, after all from my viewpoint I had done nothing to her. Eventually, my parents convinced my sister to be in the picture. It would not be a family portrait without her in it, they said.

It was soon after breakfast that the doorbell rang. My parents went to the door together and warmly welcomed the photographer. As my Mom and Dad walked into the living room to introduce the family, this lovely, young, very shapely woman walked in behind them carrying a couple of large cases I assumed were full of equipment. By this time, Sis had me ˜all made up with a couple of pink satin bows in my hair for the photo shoot. The woman walked over to me and made a lot of fuss about how cute a little girl I was and how darling my dress was. She never let on I was a boy and considering the job my sister did on my make-up, she probably didnt know. But I always had a sneaking suspicion she really knew and was kind enough to say nothing.

The experience in the backyard was a long and humiliating one. We spent about three hours moving from place to place trying to get that perfect picture. About halfway through the shoot, I had already been wet about an hour, but I had a bowel movement as well. Sis was the first to notice and mentioned it to Mom. My Mom announced that the baby needed to be changed and went into the house to get the supplies. The photographer took that time to check her voice mails and went into the house with her notebook.

My Mom came out with my new nappy bag for this kind of stuff. She carefully laid out the changing pad on the picnic table on the deck and I knew what I had to do. As she began to remove my panties and plastic panties, I swore I heard giggling. As she removed my nappy and commented on the mess I had made and what a bad little girl I had been, I heard the giggling again. Mom began to wipe my groin area and this time I was sure I heard laughter.

I looked to my left. I could see at least eight of my former friends peeking through the bushes. Joe and Francine had hands over their mouths trying hard not to break laughing out loud. As I began to cry, my Mom scolded me about ruining my make-up. Before she had finished changing me, and had a chance to put my nappy on or a new pair of pink plastic animal print panties over my thick nappies, and pull up my rumba panties, I took my chance. It was then my friends broke out laughing out loud and scattered. As they ran away, I heard a few of them shout out how cute the sissy looked. I began to cry harder, but my parents and sister stifled some giggles and that hurt a lot more than what my friends said. I think all my hurt, depression, anger and frustration rose to the surface. I just couldnt take anymore.  My mind was screaming enough, in addition I felt as though I was losing my mind and my will to go on. I lost it!  I started screaming.

NO NOT HERE! STOP IT! PLEASE STOP IT

Lie still, my mother said. Im trying to change your nappy.

NO DONT! STOP IT! STOP IT I screamed wriggling even more.

Lie still, hissed my mother and smacked my thigh. I screamed again.

DONT! STOP IT! I screamed and kicked her hard.

Ouch! You naughty baby! she yelled and smacked me again.  I carried on screaming and fighting.

STOP! STOP! THEYRE LAUGHING! YOURE LAUGHING! YOURE BEING MEAN! I yelled and kicked her again even harder this time.  I know it would have hurt because I was wearing a pair of Mary Jane shoes and they have hard soles. Before she had time to recover or react I rolled off the table and sprinted as fast as I could inside. I could hear the laughter from the hedge as I scampered across the grass.  I was so humiliated.

Ill get him! I heard my father yell.

NO YOU WONT! Ill get him, my mother yelled in reply.  I was bare from the waist down my skirts flouncing as I headed down the hall towards my nursery.  I heard my mothers footsteps behind me then I screamed again in fright when suddenly she grabbed my upper arm and started smacking my bare backside. The photographer was only in the lounge so Im sure she heard everything yet she never let on and maintained a professional attitude through the rest of the day, in fact Im quite sure I could detect a look of sympathy in her eyes.

How dare you! she screamed at me. You naughty, naughty baby, she yelled as she continued to assault my bare bottom.  As I fought and struggled against her I was able to swing round and give her a tremendous smack across the face which made her stagger.  I, then landed another hard kick in her ankle which added to her stagger. It was a complete reflex and defensive action on my part. I was trying to protect myself from Moms onslaught the only way I knew how. My mother reeled under the blows which took her completely by surprise. I fully expected my small world to implode and become engulfed in Moms total and violent wrath but nothing happened.

YOURE A MEAN BITCH! I yelled back peddling towards my nursery. I SAID TO STOP BUT YOU DIDNT!  YOU WERE LAUGHING! THEY WERE LAUGHING! I KNOW YOU HATE ME WELL¦WELL¦I HATE YOU!!!! I HATE ALL OF YOU!!! I screamed as I backed through the nursery door.  My mother was still in shock I think because she didnt react.  I turned and scuttled into the nursery as quickly as I could but my mother entered behind me and was advancing on me. GET AWAY FROM ME YOU BITCH! I HATE YOU!!!! YOURE A LIAR! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! YOU WERE LAUGHING!!! YOU DIDNT STOP!!! I screamed at the top of my lungs backing into a corner. By now I was beside myself, so worked up, so angry that I had worked myself into a frenzy.  Suddenly my mother grabbed me and I tried pulling away screaming at the top of my lungs fighting and kicking. Suddenly Dad appeared.

What the hells going on? he yelled starting to pull his belt out of his trousers.

Its alright Ron Ive got it sorted, my mother said.

Sorted¦not likely. Ill sort it, he raged.

Leave him Ron! she shouted at him. Dont you touch him! she threatened. Youve done enough damage already.  My father reeled.

What damage? What the hell are you talking about? he seethed.  He was becoming threatening.

Leave him Ron and get out. NOW!!! my mother shouted. I dont need you to assault him now get out! Mom screamed.  My father got the shock of his life that Mom would scream at him so shrank back and left immediately shaking his head but I knew he was angry.

Mom tried to pull me towards her but I struggled and punched and kicked for all I was worth.  I landed blow after blow on her chest, arms and legs. I knew I was hurting my mother and she appeared to flinch with each blow. I felt Moms arms tighten around me.

Calm down! she said loudly. Stop it! Calm down Im not going to hurt you.

Yes you are! I screamed struggling for all I was worth still kicking and punching. Yes you are you bitch. You were laughing. They were laughing. You thought it was funny out there, I continued to shout and struggle. You enjoy being cruel to me. Well¦well. I hate you! I hate you! Youre a bitch! Youre a bitch! Youre a lying bitch! I continued to scream my legs and arms flailing. I was landing hard kick after hard kick. With each blow my mother flinched. Im sure the hard Mary Jane shoes would be leaving marks and bruises but I didnt care. I was going to really going to hurt her after all she had been hurting me.  I was going to pay her back good and proper. Ive got dignity and self-respect and now youve wrecked it. My lifes ruined you bitch!  Youre a mean cruel bitch! Leave me alone you cruel bitch! I cried and still struggling, punching and kicking her hard.  Youre a fucking bitch! I screamed at her more giving her another very hard kick.  I surprised myself this time because I never swore.

Stop it Jimmy! she said with a bit more force. Youre hurting me!

I DONT CARE! YOUVE HURT ME MORE!! I screamed in reply still beating and kicking her. 

STOP IT! she yelled.

NO! NO! I DONT CARE IF I HURT YOU! IM GOING TO KEEP HURTING AND HURTING AND HURTING AND HURTING YOU ˜TIL YOU STOP HURTING ME YOU BITCH! I screamed landing more punches and kicks, my kicks becoming harder and harder with each blow.  I HATE YOU!!!  I WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU!!!!

Stop screaming, my mother shouted. Everyone will hear!

I DONT CARE!!!  I DONT CARE!!! I HOPE THEY DO THEN THEYLL KNOW WHAT A CRUEL MEAN BITCH YOU ARE!!! BECAUSE YOU ARE!!!!  I HOPE THEY TAKE YOU AWAY!!!!

Jimmy thats a horrible thing to say, my mother answered shocked at my reply.

I DONT CARE BECAUSE YOU ARE HORRIBLE TO ME THATS ALL YOU ARE!  YOURE A HORRIBLE BITCH!  I HATE REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU!  YOURE NOT MY MOTHER!  I continued to scream at the top of my voice.

Dont be silly Jimmy. Of course Im your mother, she said very roughly.

YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT. YOUVE NEVER BEEN MY MOTHER! MY MOTHER WOULDNT HAVE HUMILIATED ME! MY MOTHER WOULDNT HAVE LIED TO ME! MY MOTHER WOULDNT HAVE THREATENED AND BLACKMAILED ME!  MY MOTHER WOULDNT HAVE RUINED MY LIFE! BUT YOUVE DONE ALL THOSE! AND YOU DONT CARE! YOU ENJOYED IT! YOURE JUST A CRUEL BITCH! I shouted in her face. MY MOTHER WOULDVE LOVED ME BUT YOU DONT.  YOU HATE ME WELL I REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU!!!

I managed to struggle out of her grasp and stepped back against the wall.  By this time I was nearly exhausted.  Tears were streaming down my face and snot was dribbling into my mouth. Mom tried to grab me again.

LEAVE ME! I screamed struggling away from her. I¦HAAATTTTEEEE¦YOUUUU!! I screamed in her face and with my last bit of strength I pushed her away. GET AWAY! LEAVE ME!  My mother stumbled back surprised by the shove. Then out of sheer exhaustion I slid down the wall.

My mother let out a gasp and at that moment I slumped to the floor utterly spent sobbing deeply unable to control my emotions. I heard my mother gasp again as she backed away more.

Oh my god! Oh my god what have I done? I heard her whisper in a strangled way. What have I done? Youve changed Jimmy. Youve turned into an angry, hateful little boy. Oh my god and¦ and I did it. Oh god no. No! No! No Jimmy.

The fight had gone out of me as I lay crumpled on the nursery floor.  I was absolutely exhausted. I felt her hand touch me. I hate you¦you¦you bitch! Leave me alone. Get away from me. I just want to die, I whimpered. I had never ever used such language in my life, such violence on anyone especially on my mother but I was so angry and upset. All my pent up frustrations were now boiling out.

Oh Jimmy what have I done? I heard her whisper again. What have I done to my boy?  I felt her hands slip under my armpits as she lifted me from the floor.  I started to struggle again and started screaming.

L¦l¦leave m...me a¦alone y¦you b¦bitch. I¦I¦hate you! I screamed at the top of my voice trying to hit and kick her again. But my oaths didnt have the same intensity as they had earlier. I was physically exhausted.  I cant take any more! Youve taken my life. Youve taken everything. Ive got nothing left I might as well be dead, I cried before slumping against her crying bitterly. I knew I was being very melodramatic but I had to let my mother know exactly how she had hurt me. I had to get her to finally understand the pain I was suffering and the pain she was putting me through.

Mom lifted me into her arms. Oh god Jimmy Im so sorry baby. Im so sorry. I never wanted this to happen, she whispered with deep emotion in her wavering voice.

Youre not sorry, I whimpered. Youre never sorry for me. You just like hurting me. You did it. You did it. You did it you bitch!

No Jimmy thats not true, Mom tried to say. I dont want to hurt you¦ then she paused finally realising, I think, how low she had gone. Oh god darling¦I dont. Oh god Jimmy I have. Im so sorry.

You did! Thats why you did this to me. You wanted to hurt me. Youre not sorry. Youre never sorry for anything. You do like hurting me thats all you do. Youve never have been sorry, I cried. You do want to hurt me. Thats all youve been doing to me. You could have stopped a long time ago but you didnt cos you like hurting me. You enjoy hurting me. Well Im going to hurt you cos¦I¦I hate you, I managed squeak but without any conviction. Im going to keep hurting you because youre doing it to me, I added trying to land another kick. You said you would ease up and make it better but you lied. YOU ALWAYS LIE YOU BITCH! I HATE YOU! YOU ALWAYS LIE! YOU DO YOU BITCH! I continued to scream.  I was really worked up.  I was letting her have the full force of all my pent up emotions and frustrations still trying to hit and kick.

Jimmy! Stop calling me a bitch, she said firmly.

NO! NO! I screamed. YOU ARE A BITCH! YOU ARE A BITCH! YOUVE ALWAYS BEEN A BITCH!  I HATE YOOUUUU! I screamed at the top of my lungs. There was no way I was going to let up now.  I had had enough of my mother; her lies, her cruelty, her humiliation.  At that moment I hate her so intensely.  As far as I was concerned there was nothing she was ever going to do that was going to soothe or calm me.  I was so full of hatred, so full of loathing that finally I think my mother started to realise exactly what she had done. I HATE YOOOUUUU¦ YOU BITCH!!!! I screamed at her trying to land more punches but found it hard because of the way my mother was holding me.

Jimmy, stop it! Youre hurting me, she said again but I continued trying to hurt her. I wasnt going to be pacified. I was filled with so much hatred towards her.

GOOD! GOOD! I WANT TO HURT YOU, YOU BITCH! IM GOING TO KEEP HURTING YOU BECAUSE YOURE SO HORRIBLE TO ME! I DONT CARE IF I HURT YOU BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT!  YOURE A HORRIBLE FUCKING BITCH!!!  I continued squealing trying to land another punch and struggling in her hold.

My mother gasped again at my extreme response I was so worked up and out of control.  Oh god Jimmy! Im so sorry. I never wanted this to happen, Mom repeated again as she realised the gravity of the situation she had created. I could tell by her voice that she was crying and struggling to speak. She knew that I never ever reacted like this with so much violence, so much intensity and with so much rage. I kept screaming and struggling and shouting obscenities at her. She knew I wasnt a violent child. I certainly never swore; she knew that too. I never have been, so for me to say I was going to carry on hurting her really upset her. I could tell by her voice and by what I was saying that she was worried by my sudden violence. Oh my god! Oh my god! was all she kept saying over and over again. Oh god Jimmy. I know honey, I know honey, Mom soothed. I know¦I know, was all she kept saying. I know¦I know.

You dont know! You¦you laughed! Youve humiliated me! I whimpered as my strength slowly dissipated from my body. Youve lied. Youve been cruel! Youve taken my life. Youre¦youre¦ a bitch! Im going to keep hurting you till you stop.

Oh my god¦ she paused. Its alright darling just calm down. I know you are really upset and angry. I know darling¦I know Ive hurt you. I know why youre hurting me, she tried to soothe me. I know Ive hurt you¦and thats wrong. I have no right to hurt you, she admitted. Please dont fight me darling youre absolutely right with everything. Ive gone too far. I should have stopped this a long time ago. I know you cant take any more¦I know darling¦I really do! she said her voice choking with emotion. Oh baby Im so sorry darling. Im so sorry. I love you so much sweetheart, she said softly.

I shook my head No! No! No you dont. You hate me! I know you do! Youve always hated me. You never listened to what I ever said. You never believed everything I said. You always punished me for anything I was supposed to have done.

Thats not true Jimmy.

It is! It is! I yelled. All those thing Cecilia told you I was supposed to have done to her. All the lies she told about me and you never believed me. You would spank me even when I did nothing¦ I paused trying to gather myself. You always took her side even though she always told lies. You always believed her thats when I knew you hated me. You always lied to me. You made promises and then lied. You promised to stop and never did. You never wanted me. You only want her. Well I hate you. Youve always been horrible to me! Youre a mean bitch! Youve always been a mean horrible bitch! I screeched with all the remaining effort I could muster.

Dont say that darling, she replied trying to placate me. I dont hate you darling, she tried to say.

But I wasnt going to be placated. I had had enough.  The weeks of frustration, humiliation and pain had risen to the surface I was going let my mother have it all.

You do! You do hate me! Youve always been against me. Youve enjoyed humiliating me! Well I hate you! Youre mean! Youre a liar! You are! I cried. Youve ruined my life. I cant take anymore!

But¦ she tried to interject but I wasnt finished.

YOU HAVE! YOU HAVE!! I yelled at her. Youve humiliated me so much that youve wrecked my life, I raged at her.  I was going to let her have it. I told you how I felt and that I couldnt control my feelings and all you have done is humiliate, threaten and blackmail me ever since. This is not what I wanted and you know that but you chose not to listen. You chose to be a mean cruel bitch. And you think its great what youre doing to me. You think its funny. You laugh at me! You like taking sides against me! Youre a mean cruel bitch¦I really hate you, I wailed sobbing bitterly.

But baby I havent taken¦

I cut in before she finished. You have. You have, I shouted.  You see you cant even face up to your own lies. You have to deny everything. Youre a liar thats all you are. You say things then dont change cos you dont want too. You just like hurting me¦Well I hope you rot in hell you bitch. Thats all you deserve you bitch! I added fiercely. My mother was silent. Very silent. I looked at her through tear filled eyes.  I waited for her to get really angry because I knew she could. Sometimes she been really angry with me in the past so I knew the extent her wrath could take. I had been on the receiving end of spankings from her over the least little infraction or perceived infraction.  Yet, unbelievably a change had come over her.  Her silence was frightening. I noticed her face was pale and transfixed; her stare was vacant and distant.  I could see she was processing what I had said. I fully expected her to become angry because she usual did if you challenged her.  I began to steel myself and start to shake.  Im sure she could feel my body change.

When she spoke I couldnt believe the words which rolled out. Oh my god! Oh my god! was all she said to start with then went silent again before she continued. Ive really turned you against me. You really do hate me?  Oh god Jimmy no please no. Tell me you dont! 

Part 12

One Saturday morning, my Mom dressed me in my usual very thick night-time cloth nappies and a new pair of pink plastic panties. It was early in the morning and I could not figure out why she was not having me wear the usual disposables. By this time I knew that Mom was using disposables less and less because of the cost and using them only in emergencies.  I was wearing cloth nappies more and more which suited me because I liked them better. She then pulled out some new pure white opaque tights I had seen my sister wear from time to time, but these were new in a package especially for me. She snaked them up my legs and over my nappies and pink plastic panties.

Then, she brought out an especially frilly, pink dress with matching rumba style panties that had at least five rows of lace across the seat. She first made me step into the panties and she pulled them up and fussed with the fit. The dress slipped over my outstretched arms and as soon as she was satisfied with the fit, she buttoned up the back. The dress fluffed out more than usual with all of the extra petticoat material she added to the underside. And since it was so stiff and scratchy, I had a hard time keeping from scratching myself. This made my Mom fuss even more than usual. I could not figure out why. She finally added laced ankle socks and black Mary Jane shoes and told me to go downstairs. I had sometimes dreamt of this day, but never this way - not with my Mom dressing me this way. No, that's not how I dreamt it to ever be.

Then, as we headed down for breakfast she carried on primping my dress and making endearing and humiliating comments about my attire.  Finally she slipped me into my high chair remarking, 

"You need to be careful this morning sweetheart," she announced as she tied a bib around my neck. "We wouldn't want Baby Sammy's pretty dress to get all dirty for the picture day. Would we?" What? Picture day? What's that? I was really shocked, confused and scared.

My parents had scheduled a professional photographer to take a family portrait that day - right in the backyard!! This was also news to my sister who announced she didn't want to be in the picture with her sissy brother and his new dress. Shed die of embarrassment. I almost wanted to tell my parents about the night Sis brought all of her friends over, but I held my tongue. After all, Sis still had pictures of me and had threatened many times to post them if I ever breathed a word about it. The more I thought about that and my sisters reaction the more I decided that I was going to go for broke and open Pandora s Box! I decided, there and then, to expose her for the cruel, callous bitch she was. Her attitude was just another example for how she had it in for me.  Why she had this attitude towards me I did not know and could not understand, after all from my viewpoint I had done nothing to her. Eventually, my parents convinced my sister to be in the picture. It would not be a family portrait without her in it, they said.

It was soon after breakfast that the doorbell rang. My parents went to the door together and warmly welcomed the photographer. As my Mom and Dad walked into the living room to introduce the family, this lovely, young, very shapely woman walked in behind them carrying a couple of large cases I assumed were full of equipment. By this time, Sis had me ˜all made up with a couple of pink satin bows in my hair for the photo shoot. The woman walked over to me and made a lot of fuss about how cute a little girl I was and how darling my dress was. She never let on I was a boy and considering the job my sister did on my make-up, she probably didn't know. But I always had a sneaking suspicion she really knew and was kind enough to say nothing.

The experience in the backyard was a long and humiliating one. We spent about three hours moving from place to place trying to get that perfect picture. About halfway through the shoot, I had already been wet about an hour, but I had a bowel movement as well. Sis was the first to notice and mentioned it to Mom. My Mom announced that the baby needed to be changed and went into the house to get the supplies. The photographer took that time to check her voice mails and went into the house with her notebook.

My Mom came out with my new nappy bag for this kind of stuff. She carefully laid out the changing pad on the picnic table on the deck and I knew what I had to do. As she began to remove my panties and plastic panties, I swore I heard giggling. As she removed my nappy and commented on the mess I had made and what a bad little girl I had been, I heard the giggling again. Mom began to wipe my groin area and this time I was sure I heard laughter.

I looked to my left. I could see at least eight of my former friends peeking through the bushes. Joe and Francine had hands over their mouths trying hard not to break laughing out loud. As I began to cry, my Mom scolded me about ruining my make-up. Before she had finished changing me, and had a chance to put my nappy on or a new pair of pink plastic animal print panties over my thick nappies, and pull up my rumba panties, I took my chance. It was then my friends broke out laughing out loud and scattered. As they ran away, I heard a few of them shout out how cute the sissy looked. I began to cry harder, but my parents and sister stifled some giggles and that hurt a lot more than what my friends said. I think, then, that all my hurt, depression, anger and frustration rose to the surface. I just couldn't take any more.  My mind was screaming enough, in addition I felt as though I was losing my mind and my will to go on. I lost it!  I started screaming.

"NO NOT HERE! STOP IT! PLEASE STOP IT!"

"Lie still," my mother said. "I'm trying to change your nappy."

"NO DON'T! STOP IT! STOP IT!" I screamed wriggling even more.

"Lie still," hissed my mother and smacked my thigh. I screamed again.

"DONT! STOP IT!" I screamed and kicked her hard.

"Ouch! You naughty baby!" she yelled and smacked me again.  I carried on screaming and fighting.

"STOP! STOP! THEY'RE LAUGHING! YOU'RE LAUGHING! YOU'RE BEING MEAN!" I yelled and kicked her again even harder this time.  I know it would have hurt because I was wearing a pair of Mary Jane shoes and they have hard soles. Before she had time to recover or react I rolled off the table and sprinted as fast as I could inside. I could hear the laughter from the hedge as I scampered across the grass.  I was so humiliated.

"I'll get him!" I heard my father yell.

"NO YOU WON'T! I'll get him," my mother yelled in reply.  I was bare from the waist down my skirts flouncing as I headed down the hall towards my nursery.  I heard my mothers footsteps behind me then I screamed again in fright when suddenly she grabbed my upper arm and started smacking my bare backside. The photographer was only in the lounge so I'm sure she heard everything yet she never let on and maintained a professional attitude through the rest of the day, in fact I'm quite sure I could detect a look of sympathy in her eyes.

"How dare you!" she screamed at me. "You naughty, naughty baby," she yelled as she continued to assault my bare bottom.  As I fought and struggled against her I was able to swing round and give her a tremendous smack across the face which made her stagger.  I, then slammed my foot into her ankle giving her another exceedingly hard kick which would have hurt. This added to her stagger. It was a complete and totally reflex and defensive action on my part. I was trying to protect myself from Mom's onslaught the only way I knew how. My mother reeled under the blows which took her completely by surprise. I noticed a look of utter surprise on her face. I fully expected my small world to implode and become engulfed in Mom's total and violent wrath but nothing happened.

"YOU'RE A MEAN BITCH!" I yelled back peddling towards my nursery. "I SAID TO STOP BUT YOU DIDN'T!  YOU WERE LAUGHING! THEY WERE LAUGHING! I KNOW YOU HATE ME WELL...WELL...I HATE YOU!!!! I HATE ALL OF YOU!!!" I screamed as I backed through the nursery door.  My mother was still in shock I think because she didn't react immediately.  I turned and scuttled into the nursery as quickly as I could but my mother entered behind me and was advancing on me. "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU BITCH! I HATE YOU!!!! YOU'RE A LIAR! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! YOU WERE LAUGHING!!! YOU DIDN'T STOP!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs backing into a corner. By now I was beside myself, so worked up, so angry that I had worked myself into a frenzy.  Suddenly my mother grabbed me and I tried pulling away screaming at the top of my lungs fighting and kicking. Suddenly Dad appeared.

"What the hell's going on?" he yelled starting to pull his belt out of his trousers.

"It's alright Ron I've got it sorted," my mother said.

"Sorted...not likely. I'll sort it," he raged.

"Leave him Ron!" she shouted at him. "Don't you touch him!" she threatened. "You've done enough damage already."  My father reeled.

"What damage? What the hell are you talking about?" he seethed.  He was becoming threatening.

"Leave him Ron and get out. NOW!!!" my mother shouted. "I don't need you to assault him now get out!" Mom screamed.  My father got the shock of his life that Mom would scream at him so he shrank back and left immediately shaking his head but I knew he was angry.

Mom tried to pull me towards her but I struggled and punched and kicked for all I was worth.  I landed blow after blow on her chest, arms and legs. I knew I was hurting my mother and she appeared to flinch with each blow. I felt Mom's arms tighten around me.

"Calm down!" she said loudly. "Stop it! Calm down I'm not going to hurt you."

"Yes you are!" I screamed struggling for all I was worth still kicking and punching. "Yes you are you bitch. You were laughing. They were laughing. You thought it was funny out there," I continued to shout and struggle. "You enjoy being cruel to me. Well...well. I hate you! I hate you! You're a bitch! You're a bitch! You're a lying bitch!" I continued to scream my legs and arms flailing. I was landing hard kick after hard kick. With each blow my mother flinched. I'm sure the hard Mary Jane shoes would be leaving marks and bruises but I didn't care. I was going to really going to hurt her after all she had been hurting me.  I was going to pay her back good and proper. "I've got dignity and self-respect and now you've wrecked it. My life's ruined you bitch!  You're a mean cruel bitch! Leave me alone you cruel bitch!" I cried and still struggling, punching and kicking her hard.  "You're a fucking bitch!" I screamed at her more giving her another very hard kick.  I surprised myself this time because I never swore.

"Stop it Jimmy!" she said with a bit more force. "You're hurting me!"

"GOOD!!! GOOD!!! I DON'T CARE! YOU'VE HURT ME MORE!!" I screamed in reply still beating and kicking her. "I SAID I'D GET YOU WELL NOW I HAVE YOU FUCKING CRUEL BITCH!!!"  

"STOP IT!" she yelled.

"NO! NO! I WON'T! I DON'T CARE IF I HURT YOU! I'M GOING TO KEEP HURTING AND HURTING AND HURTING AND HURTING YOU 'TIL YOU STOP HURTING ME YOU BITCH!" I screamed landing more punches and kicks, my kicks becoming harder and harder with each blow.  "I HATE YOU!!!  I WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU!!!! YOU'RE A FUCKING HORRIBLE BITCH!!!"

"Stop screaming," my mother shouted. "Everyone will hear!" 

"I DON'T CARE!!!  I DON'T CARE!!! I HOPE THEY DO THEN THEY'LL KNOW WHAT A CRUEL MEAN BITCH YOU ARE!!! BECAUSE YOU ARE!!!!  I HOPE THEY TAKE YOU AWAY!!!!"

"Jimmy that's a horrible thing to say," my mother answered shocked at my reply.

"I DON'T CARE BECAUSE YOU ARE HORRIBLE TO ME, THAT'S ALL YOU ARE!  YOU'RE A HORRIBLE BITCH!  I HATE REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU!  YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!  I continued to scream at the top of my voice.

"Don't be silly Jimmy. Of course I'm your mother," she said very roughly.

"YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE NOT. YOU'VE NEVER BEEN MY MOTHER! MY MOTHER WOULDN'T HAVE HUMILIATED ME! MY MOTHER WOULDN'T HAVE LIED TO ME! MY MOTHER WOULDN'T HAVE THREATENED AND BLACKMAILED ME!  MY MOTHER WOULDN'T HAVE RUINED MY LIFE! BUT YOU'VE DONE ALL THOSE THINGS! AND YOU DON'T CARE! YOU'VE ENJOYED IT! YOU'RE JUST A CRUEL BITCH"! I shouted in her face." MY MOTHER WOULD'VE LOVED ME BUT YOU DON'T.  YOU HATE ME WELL I REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU!!! YOU'RE A FUCKING BITCH!!!

I managed to struggle out of her grasp and stepped back against the wall.  By this time I was nearly exhausted.  Tears were streaming down my face and snot was dribbling into my mouth. Mom tried to grab me again.

"LEAVE ME!" I screamed struggling away from her grasp. "I... HAAATTTTEEEE ...YOUUUU!!  YOU'RE A FUCKING BITCH!!! I WISH YOU'D DIE!!!" I screamed in her face and with my last bit of strength I pushed her away. "GET AWAY! LEAVE ME!"  My mother gasped in stunned surprise as she stumbled back astonished by my sudden shove. Then out of sheer exhaustion I slid down the wall. 

My mother let out another gasp and at that moment I slumped to the floor utterly spent sobbing deeply unable to control my emotions. I heard my mother gasp again and mutter something unintelligible as she backed away more. 

"Oh my god! Oh my god what have I done?" I heard her whisper in a strangled way. "What have I done? You've changed Jimmy. You've turned into an angry, hateful little boy. Oh my god and...and I did it. Oh god no. No! No! No Jimmy."

The fight had gone out of me as I lay crumpled on the nursery floor still in my dress and Mary Jane shoes for the photo shoot but naked from the waist down.  My tantrum and violent reaction was such that my mother had had no opportunity to put my nappy on.  Now I risked peeing over my clothing and the floor but I no longer cared. In fact I didn't care at all such was my anger and hatred towards my mother. I was absolutely exhausted. I felt her hand touch me and I shuddered and tried to move away but my body wouldn't respond. "I hate you...you...you bitch! Leave me alone. Get away from me. Take your filthy hands off me. I just want to die," I whimpered. I had never ever used such language in my life, such violence on anyone especially on my mother but I was so angry and upset. All my pent up frustrations were now boiling out. 

"Oh Jimmy what have I done?" I heard her whisper again. "What have I done to my boy?"  I felt her hands slip under my armpits as she lifted me from the floor.  I started to struggle again and started screaming. 

"L...l...leave m...me a...alone y...you b...bitch. I...I...hate you!" I screamed at the top of my voice trying to hit and kick her again. But my oaths didn't have the same intensity as they had earlier. I was physically exhausted. " I cant take any more! You've taken my life. You've taken everything. I've got nothing left I might as well be dead," I cried before slumping against her crying bitterly. I knew I was being very melodramatic but I had to let my mother know exactly how she had hurt me. I had to get her to finally understand the pain I was suffering and the pain she was putting me through.

Mom lifted me into her arms. "Oh god Jimmy I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry. I never wanted this to happen," she whispered with deep emotion in her wavering voice.

"Of course you wanted this to happen that's why you did it!" I yelled in her face.

She looked in horror at me absolutely flabbergasted with my reply. A reply she didn't expect. "But...but..." she tried to say.

"You did!  You did!" I bellowed snot, tears and saliva dribbling down my face and chin.  "You've enjoyed what you...you've done to me! You have!"  

"But...but Jimmy..."

I interjected again before she could say what she had to say. I wasn't going to let her.  I was going to verbally assault her for all I was worth because she deserved it for all the cruel things she'd done to me. "You have! You have!  You did this deliberately. You've enjoyed humiliating me.  Well... well..." I stuttered looking for the right words. "Well...I....ah....You....you've enjoyed punishing me. You've enjoyed being cruel!  You're nothing but a cruel, evil bitch who I really....really....hate.  I hate you so much I wish you'd die!"

Mom gasped in astonishment then recovered. "Jimmy that's horrible....I haven't....I'm not..." she tried to reply but I beat her again.  This time I slammed my foot, really hard, into her leg.  "Owww Jimmy! That hurt!" she screeched.

"It was meant to you horrible bitch.  I'm going to keep hurting you until you stop hurting me.  Daddy told you to stop that day when you put me back in the crib, but you didn't because you were enjoying it.   That's when I knew you were cruel. That's when I knew you were an evil lying bitch.  That's when I knew you were enjoying my predicament. That's when I knew you hated me and didn't want me!  That's when I knew I really, really hated you," I screamed at her.  All she could do was gasp and gulp as the words and phrases hit her like bullets from a gun.  I was really going to let her have it.  I was really going to show how much I loathed her, how much I hated her.  For once my mother had nothing to say.  She couldn't because I wasn't going to let her.  I was going to keep on hurting her until she understood.  "You're a fucking horrible bitch!" I screeched at her struggling the whole time.  "And I don't care who hears because you are," trying to give her another kick which she evaded.  There was no conviction or strength behind it. I was absolutely exhausted.  I stopped to catch my breath. "You're not sorry for anything," I whimpered. "You're never sorry for me. You just like hurting me. You did it. You did it. You did it you bitch!"

"No Jimmy that's not true," Mom tried to say. "I don't want to hurt you..." then she paused finally realising the magnitude of the situation before her. At the same time I tried to pull away determined to give another vicious kick but she appeared to second guess my action. 

"YOU FUCKING DID YOU HORRIBLE EVIL BITCH!!"  I screamed trying to kick her again.

I think, now she suddenly realised how low she had gone. I think she finally understood just how horrible she'd been.  I think she now understood just how much I hated her and how much violence and physical pain I was prepared to inflict.  I really didn't care about her any more.  As far as I was concerned she was the most evil person on earth.  What's more she knew she couldn't deny what she had done any more.  My mother always denied any of her actions. She consistently covered them up with lies thinking it would get her through, thinking it would add to her power and her belief that she could control everyone and bring other people around to her thinking but this time she failed because I was not going to let her. 

"Oh god darling...I don't. Oh god Jimmy...." Then she paused trying to order things in her mind, finally allowing what I was doing and saying to sink in. "Oh god....I have.....oh god I have....oh god I have," she kept repeating.  "I have hurt you.  Oh my god Jimmy I have.  Oh Jimmy I'm so sorry."

"You did! That's why you did this to me. You wanted to hurt me. You're not sorry. You're never sorry for anything. You do like hurting me that's all you do. You've never have been sorry for anything you done to me," I cried. "You do want to hurt me. That's all you've been doing to me. You could have stopped a long time ago but you didn't cos you like hurting me. You enjoy hurting me. Well I'm going to hurt you cos....I....I really hate you! You're such an evil bitch!" I managed squeak but without any conviction. "I'm going to keep hurting you because you're doing it to me," I added trying to land another kick. "You said you would ease up and make it better but you lied. YOU ALWAYS LIE YOU FUCKING BITCH! I HATE YOU! I REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU!!!! YOU ALWAYS LIE! YOU ALWAYS DO YOU BITCH!" I continued to scream.  I was really worked up.  I was letting her have the full force of all my pent up emotions and frustrations still trying to hit and kick.

"Jimmy! Stop calling me a bitch," she said firmly.

"NO! NO!" I screamed. "YOU ARE A BITCH! YOU ARE A BITCH! YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN A BITCH!  I REALLY HATE YOOUUUU BECAUSE YOU'RE A HORRIBLE CRUEL BITCH!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. There was no way I was going to let up now.  I had had enough of my mother; her lies, her cruelty, her humiliation.  At that moment I hated her so intensely that I was beginning to see red.  As far as I was concerned there was nothing, absolutely nothing she was ever going to do that was going to soothe or calm me.  I was so full of hatred, so full of loathing that finally I think my mother started to realise exactly what she had done. "I HATE YOOOUUUU¦ YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!" I screamed at her trying to land more punches but found it hard because of the way my mother was holding me.

"Jimmy, stop it! You're hurting me," she said again but I continued trying to hurt her. I wasn't going to be pacified. I was filled with so much hatred towards her. 

"GOOD! GOOD! I WANT TO HURT YOU! I WANT TO HURT YOU!! YOU BITCH! I'M GOING TO KEEP HURTING YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE SO HORRIBLE TO ME! I DON'T CARE IF I HURT YOU BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT!  YOU'RE A HORRIBLE FUCKING BITCH!!!"  I continued squealing into face spraying her with saliva and snot trying with all my might to land another punch and struggling in her hold.

My mother gasped again at my extreme response. I was so worked up and spinning out of control.  "Oh god Jimmy! I'm so sorry. I never wanted this to happen," Mom repeated again as she realised the gravity of the situation she had created. I could tell by her voice that she was crying and struggling to speak. She knew that I never ever reacted like this with so much violence, so much intensity and with so much rage. I kept screaming and struggling and shouting obscenities at her. She knew I wasn't a violent child. I certainly never swore; she knew that too. I never have been, so for me to say I was going to carry on hurting her was starting to have an impact. I was really upsetting her. I could tell by her voice and by what I was saying that she was worried and aghast by my sudden and extreme violence. "Oh my god! Oh my god!" was all she kept saying over and over again. "Oh god Jimmy. I know honey, I know honey," Mom soothed. "I know....I know," was all she kept saying. "I know....I know.

"You don't know! You don't know how you've hurt because you don't care.  You did it deliberately. You knew you'd hurt me so you kept doing it because you thought it was funny. You....you laughed! You've humiliated me!" I whimpered as my strength slowly dissipated from my body. "You've lied. You've been cruel! You've taken my life. You're....you're....a bitch! I'm going to keep hurting you till you stop."

"Oh my god..." she paused. "Oh my god Jimmy....baby...it's alright darling just calm down. I see you are really upset and really angry. I know you are darling.....I know I've hurt you. I know why you're hurting me," she tried to soothe me. "I know I've hurt you....and that's wrong. I have no right to hurt you," she admitted. "Please don't fight me darling you're absolutely right with everything. I've gone too far. I should have stopped this a long time ago. I know you can't take any more....I know darling....I really do!" she said her voice choking with emotion. "Oh baby I'm so sorry darling. I'm so sorry. I love you so much sweetheart," she said softly.

I shook my head. "No! No! No you don't. You hate me! I know you do! You've always hated me. You never listened to what I ever said or have to say. You never believed everything I said. You never gave me a chance to tell you what was happening. You always punished me for anything I was supposed to have done."

"That's not true Jimmy."

"It is! It is! You always lie!!" I yelled. "All those thing Cecilia told you I was supposed to have done to her. I never did them but you never ever listened or gave me a chance to explain.  All the lies she told about me and you never believed me. You always believed her. You would spank me even when I did nothing....and.....and even though I was telling the truth..." I paused trying to gather myself. "You always took her side even though she always told lies. You always believed her that's when I knew you hated me. You always lied to me. You made promises and then you lied. You promised to stop and never did. You never wanted me. You only want her. Well I hate you. I will always hate you! You've always been horrible to me! You're a mean bitch! You've always been a mean horrible bitch!" I screeched with all the remaining effort I could muster.

"Don't say that darling," she replied trying to placate me. "I don't hate you darling," she tried to say. 

But I wasn't going to be placated. I had had enough.  The weeks of frustration, humiliation and pain had risen to the surface I was going let my mother have it all.

"You do! You do hate me! You've always been against me. You've enjoyed humiliating me! You've enjoyed hurting me!  Well...well I hate you! I will always hate you! You're mean! You're a liar! You don't keep promises! You are! You are!" I cried beating my fists against her chest. "You've ruined my life. You've ruined everything. And you enjoyed it..." I paused looking at her through tear filled eyes.  Her face was blurry but I could detect a look of surprise and horror.  My mother was now reaping the reward of her cruelty towards me.  I was telling her exactly how it was, exactly how she had failed me, exactly how she had hurt me.  Another sob racked my body as I blubbered, "I cant take any more!"

"But..." she tried to interject but I wasn't finished.

"YOU HAVE! YOU HAVE!!" I yelled at her uncaring as to what she might do to me. I was no longer frightened of her. I knew I had her on the run.  She couldn't respond because every time she opened her mouth it was to utter a denial or cover her actions with more lies, I wasn't going to let her.  It was my turn to extract revenge and punish her.  She may have been my mother but she had no right to do the things she did to me, or treat me poorly and with contempt all the time.  She had no right to push me aside and expect me to roll over like some lap dog.  She had no right to use her position to ride rough shod over me.  I had rights and was going to let her know exactly how she had trampled over them. "You've humiliated me so much that you've wrecked my life," I raged at her struggling and beating with my fists.  I was going to let her have it. "I told you how I felt and that I couldn't control my feelings and all you have done is humiliate, threaten and blackmail me ever since. And....and....you've enjoyed it.  You laughed at me and allowed others, like Cecilia to do the same. This is not what I wanted and you know that but you chose not to listen. You chose to be a mean cruel bitch which you always were anyway. And you think it's great what you're doing to me. You think it's funny. You laugh at me! You like humiliating me. You like taking sides against me! You're just a mean cruel bitch....I really, really hate you so much," I wailed sobbing bitterly. 

"But baby I haven't taken..."

I cut in before she finished. "You have. You have. You've taken everything," I shouted.  "You see you can't even face up to your own lies. You have to deny everything. You're a liar that's all you are. That's all you've ever been. You say things, make promises then you don't change cos you don't want too. You just like hurting me.....Well I hope you rot in hell you bitch. That's all you deserve you bitch!" I added fiercely. My mother was silent. Very silent. I looked at her through tear filled eyes.  I waited for her to get really angry because I knew she could. Sometimes she been really angry with me in the past so I knew the extent her wrath could take. I had been on the receiving end of spankings from her over the least little infraction or perceived infraction.  Yet, unbelievably a change had come over her.  Her silence was frightening. She was unmoving.  I honestly believe she had got such a shock from my behaviour and my reactions to her that she was left in a quandary.  The extent of the violence I had displayed and inflicted on her had frightened her to the core.  I really believe that Mom could do nothing to hurt me now because all the hurt had been done.  Everything, as my father had said all those weeks ago, had blown up in her face. Through my watery eyes I noticed her face was pale and transfixed; her stare was vacant and distant.  I could see she was processing what I had said. I fully expected her to become angry because she usually did if you challenged her.  I began to steel myself and started to shake.  I'm sure she could feel my body change.

When she spoke I couldn't believe the words which rolled out. "Oh my god! Oh my god!" was all she said to start with then went silent again before she continued. "I've really turned you against me. You really do hate me?  Oh god Jimmy no....please....no. Tell me you don't! Please Jimmy please," she pleaded.  

I looked at her with tear filled eyes mustering up all my courage.  I was really going to let her know.  I was going to tell her the truth.  Tell her something she didn't want to hear.  "Yes I do!" I bawled struggling in her grasp again, wanting to free myself so I could have another go at her." I really hate you! I'm really going to hurt you, you....you bitch! I've always hated you because you've been horrible to me. You've been a bitch. You are a bitch! You'll always be a bitch! Cos that's all you are!" I howled. "You like tormenting me and punishing me." I was going to let my mother have it.  This was how I felt. This is what I really thought of her. Everything she had done to me was boiling over in intense anger and hatred towards her. "You've enjoyed humiliating me. You have! You always have! You've lied to me! You let Sis do it too! I will always hate you! Always! Cos you like hurting me!" I repeated. You do!"

I heard her gasp. "Oh god...oh god Jimmy no...I didn't....I don't...Oh God I...I had no idea and didn't realise I had betrayed you that much. Oh Christ Jimmy.....Oh Christ Jimmy..." Mom burst into tears.  The truth had finally hit like a sledge hammer. "Oh god Jimmy now I can see why you started to pull away from me and turned so violent.  Why....why didn't you say something earlier?"

"God! You are so stupid!  Really stupid!" I screamed really getting bold but I didn't care I had really had enough of her. My mother blanched at that curse.  I felt like giving her another kick that's how much resentment and hatred I had for her. "How could I? I tried but you never let me.  You always cut me off.  You'd turn away and wouldn't listen. You told me I wasn't allowed to talk. You always shut me down and jammed my binky in my mouth. You would never have believed me anyway.  You never did and you never do!" I shouted with intensity and conviction that surprised me.

"Oh god Jimmy I didn't realise....Oh god Jimmy....baby.... I'm so, so sorry..." she whispered her voice betraying hurt and utter despair.

"Of course you knew because you did it deliberately. You're not sorry!" I cut in. "You're never sorry.  You just say that. You never mean it. You don't know what sorry means! You don't change. You've never believed me or listened....well....well that's why I hate you. I'll never trust you. You never keep your word! You don't let me do or say anything! You just like humiliating me!"

Mom's hand went to her mouth. "Oh god Jimmy....baby...I....I....I'm so sorry," she whispered her voice strangling by tears. "I'm so sorry. Your father told me a number of times of how upset you were with me but I chose to ignore him. I thought he was just siding with you....but....but he was right all along," she said her voice full of emotion, her body shaking and tears running down her face.

"Course he was! I told him lots of times and hoped he would say something to you. I know he did because sometimes I heard him but you didn't change. You knew you were being a bitch. He knows what a bitch you are," I screamed in her face.  That last comment really hit home because a look of terror crossed her face. She didn't realise just how much I knew about her.  I think when I mentioned Dad's attitude and reaction that was a shock.  She honestly thought she had him under control too, but obviously she didn't.

"But I'm not..." she didn't finish because I cut in again.

"You see you're just a liar.  You don't want to hear the truth. You just deny everything," I shouted in her face.  Mom took a pace back as if my comment had blown her away. "You have no intention of admitting to anything. You lie to everyone. You'd say you would do something when he told you then you lied. You made no effort to listen. You made promises to keep him happy then broke them. You stayed the same that's when I knew you were a liar. That's when I knew you were evil and cruel. That's when I knew I could never trust or believe anything you said or did. That's when I knew you hated me," I added.

"No Jimmy that's not true I....I....don't....but....but I thought you were being a typical difficult boy...."

Mom never got a chance to finish when I cut in again. "See you're in denial again. You always are. You can't even face up to your own lies. You just lie all the time. That just shows how much of a lying horrible bitch you are to me...!" I shouted. I paused trying to collect myself. Then I had another go. "A typical boy! You don't know what a typical boy is Mom. And you don't really care or want to know," I yelled.

"Don't yell Jimmy," Mom tried to soothe.

"Yes I will....I will.....You need to know what a cruel bitch you are and so does everyone else. I don't care if others hear. They need to then maybe you'll stop being a bitch and stop being horrible to me and give me a chance," I added stubbornly and with force and conviction.  I wasn't going to be silenced by her. I had every intention of letting the world hear what was happening to me.  I was going to hurt my mother in every way I could think of.  I really loathed her!  Really hated her!  And by god she knew it.  It was all too clear to her now.  "You don't know what a typical boy is. I've always been well behaved hoping you would love me and treat me better but I was wrong cos I knew you didn't," I continued. "So...so...when I babysat my cousin that day and saw how auntie and uncle loved her and cuddled her that's when I decided that that's what I had to do to get you to love me..." I paused tears choking my reply. "That's...that's why.  That's....that's al....all...I...I...I want is to be....be a baby who is loved and cared for cos babies are. That's the only way I can think of to make you love me. You certainly haven't ever done that to me! You've never loved me.... You've never been my mother..." I blubbered. Now my soul was flowing out in a jumble of words and phrases. "You've never loved me. Never!" I repeated.  "All you want to do is punish, threaten and blackmail any chance you get and you don't care how you hurt me or humiliate me in the process.  All you've done is make my life a misery. Well....well I hope you are happy because my life is ruined and you did it! You did it!!! It's all your fault you horrible cruel bitch.  I really, really hate you....you bitch!"

To say my mother was stunned with my revelation is an understatement.  It was at that moment that all my threats and oaths were finally sinking in and she realised that she had done the wrong thing, and gone down the wrong path and her poor treatment of me was being rolled out in front of her.  I don't believe she expected me to rebel and defy her to this extent.  She always thought she had power over me but today I proved otherwise.  I defied her!  I rebelled against her! I punished her. I finally made her pay the way I had promised all those week ago.  I had let her know the truth about herself. She had in her arms, at that moment, a broken, dejected, extremely unhappy boy; a son who had tried to share his feelings only to have them trampled by her blind, pig-headed and cruel actions.

"Oh my god Jimmy I'm so, so, so sorry little one," she soothed. "I didn't realise..."

"Stop saying you're sorry cos you're not!" I yelled in her face.

"But I am Jimmy..."

"You're not!" I seethed. "It's my turn to deny you now," I hissed between my teeth. My mother looked stunned at this outburst. Then I added, "That's cos you don't care about me. That's cos you don't want too," I cut in. "That's cos you like hurting me and humiliating me. You've never cared about me. You just like punishing me and being mean...well...well I hate you and...and I will always hate you, you cruel evil bitch!"

Mom clutched me tighter.  She was breaking down now. "Oh Jimmy don't say that. Don't say that! Oh god I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry. I am sorry. I really am," she repeated over and over again her voice wavering again and breaking down as she fought back tears. 

"Yes! Yes! Cos it's true," I bawled. 

My reaction and breakdown had now reduced her to tears as she realised the magnitude of the suffering I was going through. "Jimmy please listen to me I am sorry. Really sorry..." she paused trying to collect her thoughts her voice was wavering and breaking. "I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you my angel. I..." she kept saying then she paused again. "I have completely misunderstood you. I should never have let everything get to this stage or get so out of hand. I had no right to ignore or push you away. None of us had any right to laugh at you or humiliate you. You're right baby you do have self-respect and dignity and we've all crushed that. I've crushed that! I'm so sorry I didn't listen to your feelings I only acted on what I saw. I only heard what I wanted to hear and acted upon what was in my head.  I only heard what you said but didn't think about it.  I didn't think about anything you said. I should have listened properly and I didn't. I heard all those threats and chose to ignore them because you were upset at being caught and being punished but it was more than that...oh...oh...I'm so, so, so sorry baby."

"Why Mommy? Why? Why did you abandon me? Why did you humiliated me, threatened and blackmailed me? Why were you cruel and mean to me?  Why were you being such a bitch! Why Mommy, why? I told you the truth and how I felt and...and  you....you...lied all the time. Why were you horrible? Why did you deny me? How could you?" I sobbed burying my snotty, tear streaked face in her chest.  I felt her arms tighten around me and her hand caress my back and bare bottom.

"You're absolutely right baby....absolutely...," she said. "Yes I know I did those things. I know I lied to you. You're absolutely right. I have been awful in my treatment of you. Everything you said is true. I know it's true.  I've been a horrible mother. I know I've been horrible. I'm so, so sorry Jimmy. I really am baby, I really, really am," she wept.

"You're not sorry! You don't mean it! You never mean it! You say all those things but they mean nothing because I know they're lies. Every word you say is a lie. That's all you do. You don't know how you've hurt me! You don't!" I yelled at her. "How could you always lie and betray me? What have I done to you? Nothing! Well....you've ruined my life. I've lost my friends. I've lost everything all because of you," I cried. "It's all your fault. I hate you."

My mother didn't say anything she just continued to hug me, rub my back and occasionally kiss my head then she said. "I know darling. I know darling. You're right darling.  Absolutely right. Everything you said is right. I don't know how much I've hurt you but I can see have hurt you terribly. We all have. We've hurt you very badly indeed but me in particular. I'm so sorry.  I wanted to teach you a lesson and I was blinded by that.  I can see now that all I've done is hurt you, and I've let the others do the same. I had no right to humiliate or threaten or even blackmail you or let anyone else do the same.  I know you told me the truth. I know you always tell the truth.  Even that night you told me how you felt but I didn't listen to what you said even though it was all true. I took everything to extreme and I'm so sorry," she explained then I heard her sniffle again.  This was a complete turnaround in attitude from my mother.  I never expected her to acknowledge her failings but she was.  I firmly believe, when I think back, that she had no option.  All her dirty linen was really out in the open so she had choice but to face up to her mistakes, her lies, her deceit.  I could detect pure emotion in her voice and knew she had been reduced to tears because of the guilt she was experiencing within herself. I had never seen my mother become emotional.  This was a totally new experience for me. The truth was out in the open and it was hurting her, hurting badly. Not only were the results of my physical assault on my mother hurting her because I knew the kicks and punches would have hurt.  I knew there'd be bruises to show for them but I didn't care.  As far as I was concerned she deserved every kick, punch and slap I inflicted. But also the verbal barrage I gave her.  I said some very hurtful things, I knew that.  Many of them were intentional and true, very true.  Some were exaggerated as a result of my violent tantrum, but so what, I didn't care.  My mother needed to hear everything.  She needed to know exactly what I thought of her. She needed to know exactly how I felt.  And boy did she get it!  I gave her everything I had.  I frightened her, rocked her very foundations and left her scarred.  

She tried to pick up her emotions and add some degree of control but she was failing. "I'm so sorry my baby...so, so sorry... she trying to collect herself but was having trouble. It's alright baby everything will change I promise. I really and truly promise. I do love you darling. I really do. I have always loved you. I love you with all my heart. I've never wanted to push you away or take sides or hurt you but it is obvious I have. It is something I should never ever have done. And...yes you're right I did side with your sister when I know I shouldn't have.  The strange thing is I know she tells lies yet I always want to believe her, maybe because she is the eldest and should know better...oh...oh...I don't know.  But that's no excuse! I know everything that has happened and that I have done has really hurt you deeply. I've hurt you deeply. I know you hate me. I know. I know have to try and repair my relationship with my baby boy. I know I haven't shown you much affection lately and I'm so sorry darling."  She kissed me repeatedly her tears touching my face.  Her fingers caressed my face as she tried to wipe away my tears. "I thought that by showing you affection it would dilute your punishment but in fact it was what you were craving for all along. All I did was open the wounds a lot deeper and allowing them to fester and boil."

I lifted my tear blotched face to hers and saw that hurt in her eyes, and the tears rolling down her cheeks.  I touched her face where I had hit her and felt the tears.  There was a red mark.

"I'm sorry Mommy I hit you," I broke down again tears streaming down my face and snot running from my nose, and wrapped my thin arms around her neck and clung on.  I had hurt my mother and felt awful.  Her embrace tightened as she hugged me for all she was worth.

"Never mind baby I deserved it. I know I did," she said quietly. That admission surprised me as well. "I must admit it took me by surprise and I nearly smacked you back but something stopped me.  Maybe it was because it was so out of character for you. Maybe it was because of the force with which you attacked me. I'm not quite sure. But what I can say is that I had no right to hurt you. No right at all. I should never have smacked you or done all those other things to you, and said those things and made the threatening comments. I'm so sorry baby."  She continued to hug me warmly again. Then she pulled back slightly and lifted my face to hers. "When you hit me I realised at that moment that you really hated me more than I ever thought or believed was possible.  I know you are not a violent little boy.  You've never been like that.  When you showed me the extent of your anger and loathing I knew I had crossed the line. What was happening before me was real, very real..." Mommy paused.  She wiped away tears from her face before resuming, "Before that I had waved your threats away as naughty behaviour from a naughty boy who had been caught doing something very naughty, which I thought, you shouldn't have been doing. At the moment you hit me I knew all your words were true.  All your anger had reached boiling point. You really and truly hated me more than I ever thought. It was a cry for help from a desperate little boy who was being treated so unfairly and so unjustly," she explained the emotion and nervous tension of the situation clearly taking a toll on her.  For that I was pleased.  

I flopped against her again and felt her arms wrap around me. I felt a weight being lifted from my shoulders as Mom said these things. At long last I was able to get my message through to her.  At long last she was finally understood the magnitude of the hurt and heart ache she had inflicted upon me.  At long last she had finally listened to me. "I understand the pain you're going through sweetheart. I really do. You are so unhappy and angry I can see that," she finally said.

"How do I know you won't lie to me again because you do?" I added vehemently. My mother went very quiet for a long time.

"I wont," she said quietly. "I promise."  

I was still tense then shook my head. "You won't! I don't believe you! You've never kept your promises...never! You just lie to me all the time," I reiterated again. I think she could tell from my body language also that I didn't believe her.

"Oh god Jimmy...you're right.  What can I say?"  Mom was desperate I could tell from her voice then she added, "I can't say you have to trust me or believe me because I know you don't.  I deserve that because I've failed you Jimmy.  I've failed you as a mother. I know I have.  I know I haven't kept my promises.  I know that you don't trust me¦I know that. And that's all my fault. I have to prove to you that you can trust me and I will keep my promises," she said her voice wavering again, and some words being stuttered as they emerged.  My mother was finding this part very difficult.  She now had to apologise to me.  That was something my mother rarely did.  It was foreign to her, very foreign, but she had no option. Then she added, "Please forgive me baby...please," she pleaded. I didn't reply.  In my present state of mind I had no intention of forgiving her.  She knew that from my lack of response.  I could tell by the look of expectation on her face which slowly changed to disappointment.  I wasn't going to roll over and that was that! I felt her hand warmly caress my back when she finally remarked, "Of course I know you won't and I don't blame you."  That was a surprise admission especially from her.  My mother never ever acknowledged her shortcomings or errors.  I could now see where my sister got it from.  She was a mirror image of my mother, although, I think Cecilia was more devious.  And that made her dangerous.

"I'm sorry I said all those mean things Mommy I really didn't mean them," I cried.

My mother appeared to wait before she replied. "Yes you did otherwise you wouldn't have said them. I know you meant all of them but I chose to ignore them. Each time you said them your intent was there darling. It was how you were feeling at the time and you expressed your anger and frustration in the only way you knew how. I thought about punishing you more but decided to leave it as I felt you were being punished enough, she explained. I felt you'd get over it.  That's why when you continued to say them I decided to ignore them further and refuse even to acknowledge them.  And...yes sweetheart I was being a bitch, as you put it, a mean bitch.  But every time you said those words they hurt me inside, the same way I was hurting you I suppose. So I decided to continue with your punishment. I decided to make you suffer more, almost like I was trying to punish you all over again but for the comments as well. That was unforgivable because I was only making things worse," she continued. "I remember looking into your eyes on those occasions and seeing some of your life drain out but I didn't want to read the signs. I ignored them. I saw you lying listless in the playpen and knew I was hurting you and I felt glad I was.  That was cruel of me but it gave satisfaction which I had no right to play on.  I wasn't going to back down even though I know I should have.  Even your father told me to but I was so full of my conceit that I ignored him too.  I brushed both you aside.  I know I made him angry.  God knows the number of times he gave me an ear-bashing but I still stubbornly resisted. I should have known that I was inflicting severe psychological pain upon you. In fact for some unexplained reason; you could say; it made me more determined to continue with your punishment but that is not an excuse because I carried it too far. I knew I was but I failed to stop when I know I should have.  I don't blame you if you hate me because if I was you I would certainly hate me. I have deserved it Jimmy. I know I have," Mom stated her voice starting to waver again.

I continued to snuggle into her aware of my own sorrow yet intrigued with what she was saying. I suppose for the first time she was bearing her soul and acknowledging all her wrongs and for my part in a totally unexpected way.  My mother never did that.  

"Anyway, today's episode really showed me just how much resentment and hatred you had for me. It was really boiling up inside you.  I had noticed how depressed and sad you'd become and I should have done something about that a while ago. You were hurting so badly that you lashed out and at the same time tried to get me to understand in the only way you knew how.  And now I truly understand. You had to hurt me to finally make me see reason and understand," she confided through her tears. "I know you were desperate because you are not a violent child. You never have been. You've always been so gentle, so sweet right from when you were little, yet I ignored that. I completely and uttering sabotaged that and any other feelings you had for me.  In fact I took it and you for granted which was dangerous," she sobbed tears coursing down her cheeks. 

"Don't cry Mommy," I whimpered.

"Shhhh darling, I...I ca...cant help it. I'm so upset over what has happened and what I've done to you. I'm so upset at all the pain and hurt and suffering I've inflicted on my precious baby. I...I feel absolutely awful inside," she wept.  "I...I really really do." There was silence as she tried to regain her composure as she continued wiping her tears away. "Sure I was taken by surprise but it also jogged me back to me senses - my baby really did hate me. I could hear it in your voice and certainly saw it in your behaviour, and that shocked me the most," Mom admitted. "You are not a violent kid. You never have been.  That's what surprised me the most.  And I had turned you into a violent baby.  I'm so sorry Jimmy that was completely unforgivable," Mom reiterated again her voice wavering sometimes. "The last thing I want, in fact what any mother wants, is for her baby to hate her and today you showed me just how much you hated me, just how much resentment you have for me and that was the last thing I ever wanted to happen. I don't want my baby hating me and I don't want that to continue. I...I c...couldn't b...bear that Jimmy, honestly I....I couldn't," Mom wept tears boiling out of her eyes again.  She gulped and steadied herself. "The last thing I want is for you to become so sad and full of hatred that it affects your health and I could see that happening. You're right sweetie I was a bitch and I am a bitch. I realised today sweetheart, just how much of a bitch I am.  How much of a liar I was. I can see that the punishment which I inflicted on you has done you irreparable harm, not only physically, but emotionally and quite possibly psychologically as well and no punishment is worth sacrificing the welfare and well-being of my baby, or losing your love for me. I don't want to lose you Jimmy. I don't I...I....re...really d...don't," she sobbed clutching me tighter. "I don't want that darling. I don't...I don't.  I don't want that to happen. I don't want you to hate me darling. I....I really don't," she wept.

"But Daddy told you you're being mean but...." I tried to say.

"Yes he did sweetheart and once again I chose to ignore him. I thought I knew better when in fact I didn't..." she paused. "Your punishment is over darling, It's finished. Do you hear that?" she said softly.

"Yes Mommy," I whispered still weeping myself, yet unsure whether to believe her.

I think Mom detected the uncertainty in my response. "It's true darling, believe me it's finished," she said. "I know you don't believe me after all the lies I've told you and all the broken promises but it's true. I feel so awful that I carried it on far too long when I know I should have and could have ended it the day Daddy told me to, yet I made no effort too. I let it develop to such a point where your hatred and resentment of me had taken over your life. You've got so much resentment and hatred inside for me at the moment that its eating you away. I realise that now, and I most certainly should never have continued it the way I was, using threats and blackmail to make it more hurtful and to force you into doing things," Mom went on. "All I want is for my baby to be happy and you certainly aren't happy at the moment, in fact you're quite sad and so angry. You certainly won't be happy while I'm punishing you so unfairly..." Mom's voice was absolutely full of remorse. "I don't want that baby....I really don't."

"But Daddy..." I cut in then paused.

"Yes, well...your father wanted to spank you and I stopped him and told him I had a better way. Sure his way would have hurt. So I decided my punishment would spare you that pain but of course the reverse has happened. I inflicted another sort of pain which was even worse. I drove it much too deep and rode it far too hard, so hard in fact that you became filled with so much hatred and loathing for me.  That's what's frightened me the most Jimmy.  Not all the punches or kicks but the fact that you really hate me. I don't want that baby. I don't," she said bursting in to a fresh bout of tears.  "I...I don't want my baby boy to hate me but I...I know you do....I know..." she sobbed. Her heart was breaking yet I felt no sympathy for her because it was all her own doing.  Finally she regained some composure and continued. "I felt that a spanking would have been short lived and you would've reverted back to what you were doing.  I thought that by punishing you the way I did, by humiliating you that it would drive home exactly how upset we were with your behaviour and try to push you into improving and even changing it. We hoped that you'd get it out of your system, but in fact it went the other way and for that 'Im truly sorry baby. I can see that you have no intention of changing your behaviour because that's the way you feel, that's the way you are and that's the way you want to be.  It was wrong for us to deny your feelings and try to squash your needs. We had no right to do that. I had no right to do that! I can see that now and fully understand. I'm really, really sorry for all the pain and hurt I've caused you baby."  Mom stopped and sniffled again then a strange hush fell over us.  "Please don't hate me Jimmy I couldn't bear it! Please....please....don't,: she eventually added weeping more tears." I know you do darling. I know you do. And....and...I....I don't want that." I clutched her tighter than ever and felt one hand caress my back as the other stroked my head.  I continued to whimper and broke down into a fresh torrent of tears. "Shhh little one it's all over now darling. It really is," she whispered through her tears. I'm so, so sorry baby," she wept repeatedly kissing my head.

I cried even harder. I don't know why. May be I was feeling guilty or perhaps I was relieved, either way I couldn't stop.  Mom continued to soothe me in a deep maternal way that only a mother can do.  She continued to weep as well.  But hers were tears of guilt more than anything.  After all she had a lot to feel guilty over...a lot. Finally I plucked up the courage and echoed the words which were really floating around in my mind.

"I love you Mommy," I sobbed.

"Shhhh I'm sure you do darling but I don't think I deserve it at the moment," she replied her voice wavering.

"Yes you do 'cos you're my Mommy," I said.

"Being your Mommy does not automatically mean you have to love me.  You must want to love me deep inside and not just say the words because you feel you have too, and after what I've done to you I probably don't deserve your love or affection. In fact I know I don't. Do you understand what I'm saying sweetheart?"

"Yes Mommy," I replied a bit confused.

"I have to earn your love sweetheart especially after what I have done to you, do you understand that?" she reiterated softly.

"Yes Mommy I fink so."

There was silence. "Good baby," she praised then paused. "Now Jimmy tell me? Do you still want to be a baby and wear all the things babies wear and do all the things babies do?"  I was silent processing Mom's question - did I or didn't I?  The answer to that was simple - I did but without the humiliation and embarrassment. "Well do you darling, tell Mommy."

I lifted my head I looked into her sad face.  I had never seen Mom look so sad and dejected. Her eyes were red from crying.  I knew immediately that all the things she had said were true and genuine. This time there were no lies. She was hurting just as much as me, if not more. Her soft tender fingers started to wipe away my tears as they dribbled down my cheeks.  She kissed me very affectionately on the nose. I flung my small arms around her neck. "Yes Mommy I do but not...," I whispered.

"I know darling but not with all the hurt and torment," Mom cut in. "What I'm trying to understand is why darling?" she asked.

"I told you why Mommy...so you'll love me," I replied very quietly yet truthfully because that's how I viewed the whole situation. "See you didn't listen. You just didn't."

"But I do love you sweetheart," she tried to explain with a puzzled expression to her voice. "I've always loved you."

I shook my head denying her response. "You've never shown me," I replied. "You sometimes cuddled me when I was upset but you've never cuddled me at any other times and told me you loved me," I continued.  "Sometimes when I wanted a cuddle you always had an excuse, either you were too busy, or I had to do something or you just told me to go away - not now you used to say."  I looked at my mother as my words hammered home. "You were always punishing me for little things. I was frightened to do anything because you always wanted to punish me so that's when I thought you didn't want me. I have always been a good boy Mommy. I always tried to do my best and be the best son you could have but...but you still punished me or found ways to punish me and you didn't cuddle me or say..."

"But I...but I..." she stammered. The look on my mother's face was astounding.  Her mouth dropped open; she was completely flummoxed by my reply. "Oh my god Jimmy I didn't think things had gotten that bad that you'd think that." I nodded because that was how I felt, how I viewed things. It may have been illogical in her mind but for me it was logical and real.  After all I was only a kid, a sad and unloved kid at that. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked astonished.

I sighed and shook my head.  "You didn't listen, did you? You never do?" I said. "That's what I've been talking about.  You wouldn't let me.  You wouldn't allow me to say anything. You always shut me up," I explained. "I told you that," I said a lot louder. "I told you that."

My mother's mouth opened then closed.  She was lost for words. "Of course you did darling...I remember now...of course you did," she finally uttered. "Oh my god then I've really failed you completely, haven't I?  I've really made a real mess," she stated.  "Oh my god darling..." was all she said before suddenly wrapping her arms around my thin frame again and kissing me repeatedly. "Never mind darling I'll make everything better I promise..." then she stopped and looked at me. "Alright darling if that is what it's going to take for me to show my love for you, then that's what has to happen. If that's what you really want then that is what you'll get if it makes you happy," she finally said. "I just want to ensure that I'm a good mother and make sure all your dreams come true. I want to make you truly happy. I want to show my baby boy that I really do love him. How does that sound my angel?" Mom added. I now noticed the Mom was trotting all the adoring phrases, all the endearments, which was something she had never done before.  I must admit they sounded nice and really comforting.

I nodded. "Okay Mommy it will make me happy," I breathed.

"So do you want to be a baby boy or baby girl?" she asked quite sincerely.

"Both Mommy," I answered and buried my face deep into her shoulder.

"Alright baby I get to have both then a baby boy and a baby girl," she replied quite brightly and with a warm smile wiping away the last of her tears. "And no more punishment, no more humiliation and no more threats or blackmail, okay? I promise sweetheart. That's all over," she added." I really do love you sweetheart," she cooed giving me a really affectionate look, her voice echoing her expression. "I've always loved you although I have to agree I have been too quick to punish you," she said just to reiterate her feelings. I nodded but I still needed proof.

When I reflected I realised it had taken extreme behaviour and over reaction on my part before Mom had finally listened and finally understood the pain, hurt and suffering she had caused. What's more she now had a full appreciation of how much she had miscalculated and just how starved of her love I had become. Just how shabbily she had treated me. I think that last factor was the one thing that altered her whole perception. Lifting me into her arms she said affectionately, "Come on my precious baby let's go to the bathroom and wash your face. I haven't even had a chance to put your nappy on," she smiled standing up and leaving the nursery. "It's a wonder you haven't peed all over the place," she said with an amused expression on her face.  I giggled when she said that.  I was surprised myself.

Part 13

In the bathroom she warmed a flannel. "Oh baby look at your make-up its a mess, she said. Never mind babies don't need make up and nor do pretty boys," she remarked as she washed my face ridding it of my sisters handiwork.  "You wont need make-up ever again anyway," she quipped. Mom gave my bottom another wash then picking me up and placing me on her hip she carried me back towards the nursery.  We met Dad at the door.

"All sorted," he asked.

"Yes," my mother said curtly. "No thanks to you," she added.  A puzzled look crossed his face. "You hurt the baby's feelings this morning," she stated snatching the nappy bag from his grasp.

"Don't you put this on me!" Dad shouted astounded at Mom's comment. "This was all your doing," he raged pointing an accusing finger at Mom. "I warned you that you were going too far and that it would blow up in your face but did you listen...no...you didn't....as usual you let your pig-headed stubbornness get in the way," he continued clearly angry pointing at her accusingly. "You've ruined the boys life and now you've turned my son against me. He hates me now Mary. Have you thought about that? Huh!" There was silence before Dad continued, "Well... I've got news for you Mary!" he glared pausing again. "He hates you more and what's more you deserve it." Dad paused again to allow his words to sink in. "Well I hope you're satisfied. I hope you're proud of what you've done to our son, Mary. You've just destroyed our sons life so I hope you're happy Mary. I don't know how you can live with yourself," he turned to walk away.

"Ron..." Mom called trying to reach out to my father.  Dad stopped and turned his face like thunder.

"Save it Mary.  You know something Mary," he said advancing on her again. "The boy was right with what I heard him say to you earlier...you;re a cruel, heartless bitch," he spat. "He's got you well and truly summed up. From I heard him tell you earlier you deserved all the crap he threw at you. Every last word because he was right in what he said.  I don't know how many times I told you to pull your head in and treat him fairly but you didn't.  You just didn't want to..." then he paused collecting his thoughts.  My mother was silent still reeling, I think, from his verbal haranguing.  "In fact you enjoyed persecuting your own son. Of that I'm convinced," he finally said.  Mom was shaking her head. He pushed his face closer to Mom's and said, "You're a fucking liar".  Mom's eyes widened.  She was shocked at Dad's language. My Dad had never sworn at my mother or used obscene language...well...not that I was ever aware of anyway.  He was so angry at her that was clear, then he continued, "There's no use denying it Mary because it's true otherwise you would have done something about it, which you didn't!" he spat. "This whole ridiculous performance you put on, at our son's expense was totally unnecessary, and at last it blew up in your face.  As far as I'm concerned you got what you deserved Mary pure and simple. I didn't think my wife, the mother of my son would stoop to such callousness towards her own son but clearly I misjudged you. Quite frankly what you've done disgusts me," and he turned away, stopped then turned back. "I heard the violence and the language our son used against you...." he paused trying to collect his thoughts again.  "That boy has never been violent or even used foul language Mary and you bloody well know that but you're too thick to realise that.  You've...you've...you've done that to him you callous bitch. You've carried everything so far Mary that my son has turned violent and because he wanted you to stop what you were doing to him. I bloody well warned you, didn't I?" Dad shouted flecks of spat gathering at the corners of his mouth.

"But..."

"Don't 'but' me! Answer me!  I warned you didn't I?" he yelled turning back.  Mom nodded finally admitting to it.  She had no option because Dad had had a 'go' at Mom the day she had returned me to my crib. I had heard the altercation as well because he was yelling at her. "Of course I bloody well did!" he stopped almost to catch his breath.  Mom tried to say something but couldn't because Dad cut her off. "Our son has no friends now because of what you've done. He can't show his face outside the house because he's the laughing stock of the neighbourhood because of what you've done. He most certainly can't go to school after the summer where he'll be bullied and beaten up all because of what you've done," he hammered and with each statement he poked my mother in the shoulder to reinforce his comments. Each time my mother took a small step backwards a look of horror and terror crossing her face.  Each firm jab brought a look of consternation on her face as my father hammered home his displeasure with my mother. "Did you know were the laughing stock of the neighbourhood because of what you've done to our son? Did you think about all those things Mary?" He paused again but my mother didn't respond. She was speechless. "Knowing you not likely," he continued savagely.

"But you agreed..." Mom finally edged in but never finished because Dad cut in again.

"I did to start with Mary because you didn't want me to spank him but that day in the nursery when you put him back in his crib, that did it for me.  I couldn't believe how you could be so cruel and callous to our son in threatening him and blackmailing him.  I thought your behaviour that day Mary was shocking and what's more..." And Dad pushed his face close to hers. "And what's more Mary you bloody well enjoyed it.  Didn't you!?"  Mom shook her head. "Don't tell fucking lies Mary. You did, otherwise you would've done something about it.  Any mother who had feelings and concern for the well-being of her son would've stopped. But not you...oh no...you heartless bitch," Dad continued to vent his anger towards my mother as his words spat towards her.  Each word was followed by small flecks of spit which emphasised his extreme displeasure and anger towards my mother and probably would have sprayed in her face. "I told you then to put a stop to it, didn't I?"  Mom didn't respond. "Didn't I?" he shouted.  Mom cowered back.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Yes and you showed no attempt to do so, did you?" Mom shook her head. "No you callous bitch!" he snarled. "I heard the boy plead with you to stop all this, that night a few weeks ago," Dad raged.  Mom's mouth dropped open. "Yes I thought that would surprise you," he continued. "I heard him plead with you and heard your response.  Did you promise to do something?" Dad asked.  Mom was silent. "Did you!?" he shouted.  Mom shook her head.  "Baby what did your mother say to you the night you pleaded with her to stop this punishment?"  Dad asked me.

"She...she said 'alright I will," I whispered my reply.

"Is that right?"

"Yes Daddy."

"But Ron I didn't..."

"I heard the same thing baby," Dad cut in glaring at my mother.  "You've just proved yourself to be a liar Mary. I heard you promise the boy to stop, you lying bitch," he snarled.  Mom gasped shed been caught out.  "That's all you are Mary an evil, lying, cold-hearted bitch," Dad snapped his words making my mother jump with fright.  "No wonder the baby hates you...well...well you disgust me Mary," he spat. "You made no effort to do anything about it or alleviate your son's misery you cruel bitch. You could have solved the whole issue Mary, couldn't you?"  Mom nodded. "But no you bloody well didn't you...you...you cruel, evil bitch!" he spat.  Mom jumped at the words which were said with such venom. "And what's more everyone knows exactly what you did, you callous bitch."

"But nobody knows..." she whispered.

"Bullshit! Are you both thick and stupid Mary?" Dad cut in staring incredulously at Mom. "Of course they bloody well do! Don't you think for one minute that that little tart of a daughter of ours hasn't opened her mouth; of course she has. She can't help herself. You know she looks for anything to use against her brother and you've given her the best possible ammunition...you allowed to her to do things to him..." he spat then paused to allow what he had said to sink in. "And as for those tarty friends of hers, who've been here, they would've opened their mouths. They can't help themselves."

Mom stood there her mouth opening and closing not knowing what to say. What could she say? Everything Dad said made sense.  The fallout from what Mom had done to me was greater than she had ever envisaged.  It was a lot worse than she had ever thought possible.

Dad stood there silently glaring at my mother. Mom was silent her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish gulping air. "And another thing..." he swung savagely to her again. "Those little brats who were laughing behind the hedge earlier today they would've said something. You don't know what's been going on out there, do you?" he shouted in Mom's face. Mom shook her head. "Of course don't you stupid heartless bitch. You never thought or even cared," he hissed in her face. There was an uneasy pause then he continued, "Those boys who came to visit Jimmy the other week and you told them he was sick well...you didn't hear what they said as they ran away laughing, did you?" he snarled in Mom's face again.  She remained impassive but the colour was slowly draining from her face. She was now pale, very pale and shaking.  I could feel her shaking because I was still perched on her hip. "Did you?" he yelled startling Mom making her jump. She shook her head again with a frightened look on her face and in her eyes. "No I thought not you stupid, callous, heartless bitch. Well the little shits laughed saying 'it must be a funny kind baby illness that makes a sissy wear nappies.' When I heard that Mary, it made me feel sick." I heard my mother give a strangulated gasp as the realisation of what Dad was saying really hit home.  It was strangulated cry of disbelief and horror. Her punishment of me had now completely blown up in her face. Obviously, in her mind his comments and anger had just confirmed everything I had told her. At the same time I dropped my eyes and more tears slipped out when I heard Dad say that because I had heard it too. You could say that day had been one of the lowest points in my life.

Mom must have seen or heard my tears because she looked at me alarmed "Is that true?" I nodded. "Why didn't you say something?" Mom said quietly.

"Jesus Mary, you are so bloody stupid! Of course he couldn't say anything because you bloody well wouldn't let him!" Dad shouted shaking his head in disbelief.

"Of course he could've," Mom responded without any conviction.

"No I couldn't," I whispered cutting in. "You wouldn't let me talk so I couldn't tell you. You wouldn't have believed me anyway. Anyway I told you that before!  See you didn't listen!"

Dad nodded in agreement. "That's half your trouble Mary you don't listen, and don't want to listen to anyone especially if it's opposite to what you want," my father said coldly. My mother was impassive but her body language betrayed the truth in Dads comment.  "See what you've done Mary. See how your stupidity and callousness has gotten out of control and all because you wanted to punish our son for what he had done that night. All your lies and cruelty towards our son has been exposed.  You're being exposed for the cruel, heartless bitch you were," Dad stated savagely. "What you thought in your mind was inappropriate behaviour, has turned out to the reverse and in the process you've turn the baby against us. He hates us, Mary, and you in particular. What's more you deserve it! Everyone out there is laughing at us all because of what you've done," my Dad continued gesturing wildly. He was really angry and upset with my mother.

"I'm sorry Ron," she whispered.

"Keep your apology it's not worth anything when it comes out of the mouth of a liar," he snarled.  I felt my mother jolt. That comment really threw her.  Her mouth was opening and closing again as she tried to utter something in her defence but nothing but strangulated noises emerged. She had nothing to riposte my father's barbed comments, absolutely nothing.  Finally, she thought she could get away with a weak apology but not this time.  Not with the angry mood my father was in.  He was absolutely pissed at her. "It's too late for that anyway and the way I'm feeling at the moment I'm not accepting anything from you, not after all the lies you've told.  Not after the cruel and callous disregard you've shown towards your own son," he stated coldly then turned to walk away before turning back again and approached Mom again. "Where did you get the red mark on your face?"

"The...the baby hit me," Mom whispered managed to whisper.

"Well you bloody well deserved that Mary," he snarled.  "You bloody well did.  You're lucky it wasn't me because I would have hit you even harder you...you...cruel, callous bitch because it was what you needed to make you see sense," he seethed.  Mom was thunderstruck and so was I. Her mouth dropped opened and I heard an audible gasp when she realised that Dad would have hit her.  I was astounded. Dad had never ever hit or done anything to Mom and now he was declaring that he thought about hitting her.  Mom started shaking again.  Dad turned away a look of disgust and anger all over his face then he turned back and pointed an accusing finger at her one last time. "You made this bloody mess you can bloody well fix it you insensitive bitch!" And he stormed out.  I looked at Mom. She was speechless and had gone white.  Her mouth was opening and closing but no sound came out.  She was still shaking. The truth of the situation had really hurt her now.  Dad verbal attack had rocked and shaken her. Once again I could see tears fill her eyes.

My father had leapt to my defence. I had never ever heard Dad threaten or say anything unkind to Mom and I think that astounded and shocked her more than anything.  I don't think she realised or understood until that moment; until Dad really told her how he felt; the magnitude of what she had done. It had really hit her right between the eyes. Not only had she turned me against her but Dad was certainly angry and repulsed by what she had done as well.  You could say the whole thing had now backfired on her big time and the two men in her life hated her at that moment. Not only had she been on the receiving end from me now Dad had really 'got into' her.  She continued to shake as I sat perched on her hip.

Mom stood in the hallway rooted to the spot unable to comprehend how badly everything had turned against her.  How the situation had backfired and literally blown up in her face. After a few minutes brought herself back to reality but I could still feel her shaking. "Come on baby let Mommy put a nappy on you then well finish the photos," she finally remarked very quietly.

I shook my head. "NO!" I shouted. "I'm not going out there to be humiliated again. I won't!" I said defiantly as we headed towards the change table.

"Please baby there are only a few left. Do it just for me," Mom pleaded as she sat me on the changing table. She wasn't trying to blackmail me like she would have done earlier instead she was trying to appeal to my better side. I was loathed to acquiesce after what she had done. In fact I was adamant I wasn't. I sat defiantly on the changing table glaring at her and her eyes pleading with me.  "I know it's awful of me ask you to do it after what has happened but please baby...just a couple then it'll be all over."

I continued to glare at her.  "NO! I'm not," I shouted at her folding my arms in defiance.

"Please darling," she pleaded as reached for a clean set of nappies.

"NO! I'm not going out there to be humiliated like I was this morning," I said quite forcefully watching her fold to soft, fluffy cloth into the kite shape to fit me.

"Nothing will happen I promise baby," she added as she gathered another nappy and folded it lengthwise to lie down the length of my nappy to act as a soaker pad.  The thickly folded nappy really added bulk between my legs.

"You don't know that. Anyway how do I know you won't humiliate me again and those kids aren't watching?" I added watching her very closely for any sign of a change in attitude or temper.

"Nothing will happen. I'll protect you. I promise darling," Mom answered as she made final adjustments to the nappy.

"I don't believe you," I replied focusing on each other and me eye-balling her giving her a long, hard and defiant stare. Mom looked stunned standing in front of me.

"But baby..."

"No!" I said emphatically. "Anyway your promises aren't worth anything because you don"t keep them." Mom's mouth opened to say something then closed.  I expected her to get angry. "I don't believe you because you always tell lies," I added. "Any way I don't trust you," I said in a quieter tone as an afterthought. I knew I was sailing close to the wind.  But everything I said was true.  She did lie, she never kept promises and I didn't trust her.

Mom was silent for a long time.  When she spoke it was in a hoarse whisper. "I know you don't trust me," she admitted. "You have every reason to feel that way after what I've done.  Alright baby no more photos," she sighed giving in and with an air of resignation. "I'll get rid of the photographer. I'm sorry darling for even asking." My eyes were still puffy and teary.  "I cant take you out there looking the way you do anyway," she said very sincerely.  "At least let's get you dressed properly," she added softly.  "Now lay down for Mommy darling so I can put your nappy on," she continued as she slipped a hand behind my head and eased me down until I was lying before her. I was slightly surprised with her demeanour.  It meant, I reasoned, that all I said earlier had sunk in, at long last!

Mom folded my dress up over chest exposing my boyhood to the world.  Using a scented wipe she caressed the skin of groin and bottom just to make sure I was clean.  Gathering my ankles together she lifted my bottom clear of the changing pad and slipped the recently folded nappy underneath.  Mom fussed over me as she adjusted my hips and sprinkled a generous coating of sweet smelling baby powder all over my nappy area and rubbing it all over.  Mom was gentle when she finally pinned my nappy firmly yet snugly in place.  She leant over me and smiled.  There was a noticeable change in her attitude, a noticeable change in her demeanour.  She was picture maternal gentleness.  I was being treated like a newborn baby.  Mom was gushing and cooing to me the whole time.  The number of endearments had increased dramatically.  I didn't mind though.  This is what I had always wanted from my mother, always craved, always desired.  I wanted her undivided attention, I wanted her to show she cared for me, that she loved me, and adored me. At last all that I had ever dreamed was happening.  Everything that had transpired over the last half hour or more had been worth it.  In my mind I was heading towards achieving my goal.  I had stopped my mother dead in her tracks.  Dad had helped, of course, but my mother at long last had seen the error of her ways.

"Is that better my gorgeous baby?" she crooned caressing the bulky white cloth between my legs.  I kicked my feet with glee.  Mom saw my reaction. "Of course it is darling.  All babies love their nappies, don't they?" she cooed.  "Now...where are...? she added and rummaging around for new baby pants. "There..." she said warmly as she domed a new pair of pink plastic animal print panties over my thick nappies. She added the white tights and finally she pulled up my rhumba panties over the whole padded and bulky confection. "There baby's all ready," she beamed and gushed primping my dress.  Mom gathered me from the changing table and carried me, on her hip, into the lounge where the photographer was.

Part 14

Mom approached the photographer with me on her hip.  She was nervous. I could feel her shaking. Also, I think she was embarrassed about what had just transpired. The photographer would have heard every word that had been said.  She couldn't help but not because I had yelled and screamed at my mother and Dad had bellowed and yelled at her as well. "Ahh...I'd like to call it a day," she said quietly and nervously to the woman after fidgeting on the spot. "The baby's not feeling well and we've..." she trailed.

"No problem Mrs Taylor. That's your call," the woman replied.  She was being very nice and professional.  She looked at me and I could detect a look of sympathy on her face.  She knew about me and what I had been through.  She gave a forced smile. She would have heard the whole affair from her vantage point in the lounge.  Who couldn't? After all I had screamed and yelled at my mother.  Just then Dad came inside.

"We're not doing any more photos Ron," Mom said quietly to Dad while the photographer packed up her equipment.

"About bloody time Mary!" Dad huffed shaking his head in disbelief and anger.

"The baby's getting tired and...and I've decided I...I don't need any more," Mom stammered stiffly.

"Don't need anymore!" he replied very sarcastically. "That's a face saving lie if I ever heard one Mary. A bloody waste of money that's all I can say," Dad continued still upset with my mother.

"I don't care about the money. The baby's welfare is more important than any money," Mom snapped. I could see she was annoyed as well. "Come on baby," she said.

"You should've thought about that before Mary instead of going through this whole absurd charade and putting him through hell. As I said earlier you should have put a stop to this humiliation a long time ago," he snapped stopping Mom dead in her tracks. "Like I said earlier Mary what you've done to the baby disgusts me," he seethed.  The photographer just stared transfixed at the goings on although I was now absolutely convinced she heard every word, phrase and statement in the nursery earlier.

"I'll see those when you've got them ready in a few days." The photographer acknowledged Mom and continued packing up.

"Maybe you should treat your children with more care and respect," the photographer added as a parting shot after closing the lid on her case directing her remark to my mother.  "What you did to that poor boy was disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself." Mom gasped in astonishment. She was gob smacked.  The comment hit my mother right between the eyes.  She had not expected a verbal barb from the photographer as well. My father snorted in derision when he heard it.

"I hope you're proud of yourself Mary," he snarled.

The photographer finished packing up her equipment.  She gave Mom a filthy look. When she was organised she headed for the door.  As she did so she stopped near Dad. "I'm sorry Mr Taylor," she apologised.

"You've got nothing to apologise for," he replied in a kindly voice. "I'm sorry you had to hear what transpired earlier.  I'm sorry you had to hear about my wife's callousness and disgusting transgression," he added looking through the photographer glaring at my mother. At that moment my bladder cut lose and I soaked my recently changed nappy while still perched on Mom's hip.

The photographer nodded acknowledging his answer. "I'll find my own way out," she announced quietly and left.

Mom rounded on Dad. "How dare you say that?"

"Mary....shut your mouth!" he snapped.  Mom clammed up instantly jolted on the spot at Dad's caustic barb. "You are so thick and stupid.  You just hope and pray woman that she...." Dad yelled pointing towards the door which the photographer had disappeared through moments before hand. "Doesn't tell the authorities about what she heard....because by Christ you'll be in deep trouble," he yelled pointing an accusing finger at Mom.

"Wha...." Mom never finished.

"You'll be the one dragged away, not me. You'll never have contact with the baby again.  You'll be declared an unfit mother," he seethed.  "Get that into your thick skull!"  Mom was tongue tied again.  The whole situation was getting out of hand.  She had dug an even deeper hole for herself.

"She...she w...wouldn't," Mom finally stammered.

"You'd better hope not for your sake as well as the baby's," Dad said coldly. "I hope you're satisfied with your disgusting performance Mary," he seethed then turned and left the house heading for his workshop slamming the door behind him. He was so angry and upset.

Mom was visibly shaken by the photographer's comment.  Indeed it surprised me yet in a way I was glad she said it because it had an effect on my mother. Also my father's last statement had a noticeable effect on my mother.  It was a savage attack but opened a real frightening situation for her.  While I wished her to die earlier I really didn't want her to go.  If the authorities did become involved the reality was that my mother would be taken away. I really didn't want to lose her because, despite everything, I did love my mother deeply.  Mom was really shaking and pale. In fact she was frightened.  As much as I wanted her to be taught a lesson I began to feel sorry for her.  Today she had taken hit after hit after hit.  I felt, deep down, that she wouldn't make the same mistake again. As Mom was about to carry me from the room I heard her mutter, "Not that I want any of them now anyway."  In fact I never saw the photos nor did Mom ever let on she had them. 

Also, I found out much, much later that Mom was like a cat on a hot tin roof, living in fear of the dreaded knock on the door and the presence of someone from Child Services standing there.  Every time someone knocked on the door Mom would jump and shake.  Dad just ignored her but I could tell by the cold hard glare he gave her that he needed to remind Mom of her abominable behaviour.   Although she rarely acknowledged his response I firmly believe she could feel it boring into the back of her head. I don't think the photographer ever 'potted' Mom, still it was months, in fact many, many months before Mom began to relax but even then she appeared to be on her guard; even though the threat, in her mind, was slowly diminishing. Deep down, though, I was pleased.  It was the fright my mother needed.  Dad's cajoling over the years had not resulted in any attitude change from her viewpoint.  It was this threat of outside intervention and the ensuing trouble it might cause which brought about the desired change, which brought her to heel.  She had no option but to toe-the-line.  I know it sounds like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut but....in this instance, my mother was a tough nut to crack and it needed something big to split her open; especially with my care and welfare at stake it had been absolutely necessary.  You could say the photographer's sudden outburst had been the catalyst to finally tip the scales in my favour.  For that I will always be thankful and grateful to her. 

My sister came inside just as Dad was leaving.  She had heard Dad's angry response.

"Awww what's up his snorer," jeered my sister in derision.

Mom rounded on her anger and frustration written all over her face. "Shut it you brat!" she spat at my sister. Sis looked startled. It was Mom's turn to extract some blood.  She had been assailed from various quarters for part of the morning and now the sheer terror and immense humiliation she had been exposed too presented Mom with an opportunity to take out her frustration on my sister.  Mom was baying for blood. I was pleased in a way. My sister's sarcastic comment and sneering attitude made me more determined than ever to pay her back.

Then ignoring the shocked response from my sister and turning to me she said quietly, "You've had enough baby let's get you changed." As she adjusted me on her hip I felt my wet my nappy press against my peenie and sack and squeeze into my groin.

As she entered the nursery I felt Mom's fingers probe my nappy. "Awww sweetheart your nappy is wet again." She stood me beside the changing table as she started to undo the buttons of the dress.  Mom started to fumble with them. "Stupid things," she muttered then ripped the buttons off tearing the dress as well. After it was lifted off me she flung it on the floor. "You won't need that one any more anyway," she snarled. "The same with these," she said as she peeled the matching rhumba panties away and tossing them onto the bedraggled dress.  I seemed clear to me that Mom was going to ease up on the dresses. "Right baby," she grunted as she lifted me and laid me on the table. "Let's change some wet nappies and slip you to something more comfortable."

While Mom was removing the slip and tights I was summoning up all my courage to 'blow the whistle' on my sister.  Mom suddenly stopped and I noticed tears beginning to roll down her cheeks again.  Obviously what Dad had said and the photographer was taking its toll on her emotions and her mind. I had never seen my mother cry so much as she had on this day. She was very sad and upset, not only about what she had done to me but how others had gone at her.

"Oh my god," she whispered gloomily to herself. "What have I done?" she sniffed. "I never thought anything like this would happen," she whispered almost as if she was talking to herself.

"Mama," I lisped around my pacifier like a real baby snapping her out of her gloom.

"You don't have to use baby talk sweetie if you don't want to," she said sullenly in a hushed tone. Then she looked at me with sad tear streaked eyes. "Oh baby," she breathed and swept me into her arms again and cuddled me tighter than ever. "Oh baby...oh my baby...my baby," she moaned over and over again as she wept tears of pity, sorrow and self-regret. She had one hand behind my head and was pushing my face into her shoulder.  The other hand was rubbing my padded nappied bottom.  Her cuddle was tight and I could feel her body was racked with sobs.  She was really heart broken. "Oh baby I'm so, so sorry for everything."

With my face buried in her shoulder I managed to say, "Mama what bout da boys?"

Mom shook herself as if she was trying to snap herself back to reality then smiled at me in a forced way. "Don't worry your pretty baby head about them darling I'll ring their parents and sort them out. They'll wish they hadn't laughed or done anything like that," she finally said. Mom was clearly struggling with her emotions. And sure enough that's what she did.  I didn't expect Mom to keep her word but I overhead her giving all the parents a 'piece of her mind."  I found out later that all the boys including Francine were severally punished.  That made me glad.

Mom continued to hug me tightly.  I could hear her crying as she did so.  This set me off again as I wept for her.

"I love you so much baby," she wept.  "I'm so sorry I've hurt you baby, please forgive me," she sobbed. I had never seen my mother overcome with so much emotion.

"I love you Mommy," I cried.

"I know you do baby. I know you do." She kissed me repeatedly almost as if she was reinforcing her love and commitment to me.  I don't know how long she cuddled me but it sure felt nice after what had happened.  Finally she said, "Come on baby let Mommy change your wet nappies."  Once again she laid me on the changing table.  Again she started to remove my pink animal baby pants.  I loved these panties.  It was then that I plucked up my courage yet again.  I was about to say something when Mom remarked as soon as my baby pants were open, "Gosh baby you've really soaked this nappy."  There was concern in her voice.  "When did you do that?" she asked.

"Dunno."

"What!" came her surprised reply. "Do you mean to say that you don't know when you peed?" I shook my head. "And poop," she inquired. Again I shook my head. "Oh my god you've lost all your control?"

"Ah huh."

"Oh baby I'm so sorry that wasn't supposed to happen. When?"

"I don't know may be a few weeks ago," I replied.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I couldn't, you know that. You wouldn't let me talk. I had to use baby talk...remember!" I replied with force shaking my head at my mothers ridiculous question. My mother blanched when she realised how stupid her question was. "Any way you said I had to use my nappies for everything," I added looking at her.

Mom sighed. "Oh baby I'm so sorry. I have really cruel and thoughtless, haven't I? I didn't intend for you to lose control of your pee and poop," she responded in an apologetic voice.

"Well what else did you expect to happen?" I stated staring at her in disbelief.

She sighed. "I know you're right it was stupid of me to even hope that wouldn't happen. Of course it would I should've known that. I'm so sorry baby, so sorry," she repeated.  "Well I guess I'll have to try and potty train you again, won't I?" she remarked. I shrugged my shoulders.  Then she leaned over me and whispered, "Of course you want to remain in nappies, don't you baby?"

I coloured up. "Yes Mama," I whispered.

Mom smiled at me. "Okay darling Mama will keep her baby in nappies. I know you don't want to give your nappies up, do you darling?"  I shook my head. "Of course you don't all babies need and like their nappies," she continued.  I sighed with relief and my mother noted it giving me a knowing smile and a wink.  She removed the nappy pins and lifted my rump off the wet cloth and started cleaning my bottom. I winced and squeaked. "Sorry baby I know it hurts. I shouldn't have smacked you. Don't worry my angel I'll put some cream on your botty and that'll make it feel better," she cooed.  She picked up the cream and squirted some on her hand.  The cream was cold but it felt really nice as Mom gently smeared it over my bottom.  She was so gentle.  It was now time as far as was concerned, to tell Mom about my sister. It was now my chance to get back at her and make her pay.

"Mama."

"Yes baby," she responded while smoothing the cream into my skin.

"You know when you and Daddy went to the movies."

"Yes baby I remember."

"Well...." I froze.

"Well what is it darling?" she responded. She had stopped working the cream in and was staring at me.  She could see that I was trying to get the words out.  Tears started to trickle down the side on my face. "Oh baby what it is?" she asked very concerned. "You can tell Mama and Ill listen this time, I promise."

"Well...well...." Then I launched into a confusion of words, sentences and phrases telling her about that night and what my sister did, the friends being invited over, the humiliating clothes, the camera and the pictures ....everything.

"What! Did she do that?" she asked clearly upset. "Is that why you were unhappy the day after?" I nodded.  "Why didn't you tell me sooner baby?" 

"I...I couldn't she....she...." I burst into tears.  I couldn't tell her I was so upset.

"Oh baby you could've told me," she replied. It took me a few minutes to try and regain my composure.  "Take you time baby,: she soothed leaning over me as she lovingly stroked my head.

I sniffled several times then added, "No I couldn't cos I wasn't allowed to talk and besides you wouldn't have believed me if I told you because you always believe her," I replied quite truthfully through my tears. Mom nodded again she knew I was right." Anyway she threatened me if I said anything and she's kept threatening me. Besides what's to stop you from not believing me now?" I added.

I could see Mom thinking. "Don't worry little one I believe you?  You wouldn't have hung on to that secret for so long if it didn't happen and you were frightened to tell me," she said.

"I'm frightened," I sobbed again. "She....she...."  And again I told her about the pictures and my sisters web page and what she was going to do if I said anything, and the number of times she had threatened me.

"Right!" Mom was seething. "I'll fix that brat once and for all.  I'll cook her flamin' goose. By the time I've finished with her shed wished she hadn't....Oh I don't know!" she raged. "By Christ she's going to pay for what she's done to you." Mom was really angry with what my sister had done. Then Mom leaned over me and her face softened. "What a brave baby you are for telling Mama. That must have taken a lot of courage to do that. I'm so pleased you told me. You must never keep those things to yourself regardless of what threats are made. It's not good for you. And don't you worry sweetie she won't do anything to you," I promise. Then she stopped. "Hmmm....I need to get that camera now," she said quietly. Mom quickly slipped the fresh nappy in place, sprinkled baby powder over my nappy area and quickly yet firmly pinned my nappy on. "Come on baby we've got some hunting to do," she said as she lifted me off the changing table and planted me on her hip.

Part 15

Mom and I slipped into my sister's room.  It was untidy with clothes all over the place.  Thankfully Sis was outside sunning herself so we knew she wouldn't be back inside for quite a while.  We looked around the room until Mom spied the camera lying half concealed under and pile of tissues on my sister's dresser.  Mom put me on my feet while she checked the camera.

"Mmmm...that's funny the SD-card's missing," she muttered to herself. I clung her looking at my sister's bedroom door hoping she wouldn't come in. I was getting nervous and clutched Mom even tighter.  She looked down and stroked my head. "It's alright baby," she soothed. "We won't be long." Mom started shifting items on the dresser. She happened to lift a small trophy, probably one of Sis's cheer-leading cups, and the small blue SD-card was hidden underneath.  As Mom moved the cup the small toy in the top tumbled out along with two memory sticks.  Mom quickly gathered those and pocketed them before opening the SD slot in the camera and slipping the card in place.

"Mama," I whined. I was getting quite agitated we seemed to be spending too long in Sis's room for my liking.

"It's alright baby," she cooed as she turned the camera back on.  She scanned the images that must have appeared.  "Mmmm....that explains a lot," was her muted impassive response. "Here baby hold the camera for Mommy," she asked. I took it and she lifted me into her arms and we left my sister's room before she returned.  Mom carried me back into the nursery and touched the camera. "Ta to Mommy it's not a toy for babies," she smiled.  I smiled back at her as she took it put in her pocket with the other items. Mom then sat me on the changing table and slipped a pink t-shirt with a cute little cat on the front on me but no baby pants leaving my thick fluffy nappies fully exposed.  She lifted me off the changing table again, placed me on her hip and I was carried out to the lounge. Mom gave me a reassuring kiss and tried to put me in my playpen.  I struggled.

Mom sighed. "Okay baby, how about a nice warm bottle I'm sure my baby is thirsty," Mom suggested.  I nodded enthusiastically.  Just then Sis appeared.

"How come Baby Sammy hasn't got her baby pants on?" she asked.

"I felt he needed some fresh air around his botty, don't you baby?" Mom said as she carried me into the lounge. "And by way he is not Baby Sammy he's Baby Jimmy," Mom added.

"But my sissy brother is a baby girl," my sister replied sarcastically.

"He is not your sissy brother and he is most definitely not a girl or has that part of his anatomy escaped your notice," Mom replied equally sarcastic.  My sister stared unsure of what to say then she said.

"But you said he was my baby sister."

"Well that's changed," Mom replied cutting into her.  My sister blanched. "Anyway can you warm a bottle for the baby please?" Mom asked my sister as she sat on the couch swinging me onto her lap.  My sister shrugged and disappeared into the kitchen.  A few minutes later I heard the microwave ding and my sister re-emerged shaking the full baby bottle of formula as my Mom tied a bib in place.

"Can I give the baby her....I mean his bottle?" Sis asked.

Mom took the bottle. "Don't you dare refer to your baby brother as a girl, do you hear me Cecilia!" snapped Mom.  Sis gave a diffident nod. "No I'll do it this time," Mom replied coolly snatching the bottle from my sister's grasp. She turned her attention to me and smiled. "Come on little one baba time," she said slipping out my pacifier and inserting the warm teat.  I leaned back cradled in Mom's arms and sucked on the bottle. "There, is that better sweetheart?" she cooed.  I nodded shaking the contents of the bottle.  My sister turned to leave. "Stay here Cecilia I want to talk to you," Mom said still looking at me. Mom had called her Cecilia, to me that spelt danger.  Mom never called her by her proper name unless she was in some kind of trouble. I was sure my sister would've picked up the vibes.

My sister sighed. "What about?" she huffed as she threw herself into an arm-chair.  Judging by her attitude she hadn't picked up Mom's threatening comment and that intrigued me. My sister was wearing a white and yellow two piece bikini which didn't leave much to the imagination.  Her body looked fantastic. I could see why she was on the cheer team with a slender body like hers; fulsome boobs and broad hips. No wonder all the boys were always 'sniffing' around her.

"I didn't like your attitude outside before the photo shoot," Mom remarked. "Especially the comments about the baby."

"Well it was humiliating," my sister cut in.

"Is that right?" Mom replied her voice showing a clear edge. "Well you didn't think about how you were humiliating the baby when you laughed at what those horrible children were doing, did you?"

"What! Oh that was funny," my sister replied offhandedly.

"Funny was it," Mom snapped. "It most certainly was not funny in fact it was quite insensitive," she continued. "You'll apologise to the baby for hurting his feelings."

"What! You can't be serious!" she snapped.  But when she saw the look on Mom's face she changed her tune. "Oh alright," my sister sighed. "If I have to!"

"Yes you have to along with all the other insensitive things you've done to the baby."

"What other things I haven't...?

"Enough!" Mom cut in and shouted. "You're mean to the baby Cecilia and it's going to stop, understand?" Mom barked.  I fidgeted at that point and Mom eased the teat out of my mouth. "It's alright little one have a spell," she cooed.  She held the teat away my mouth to allow me to get my breath. I opened my mouth and she put it back in and I sucked on the bottle again. "That's better isn't darling," she cooed. I nodded. "I'm waiting Sis," Mom barked.

"Yes," Sis whispered and paused.

"I'm waiting Cecilia."

"Alright I'm sorry for being mean," my sister remarked very casually without any intent.

"Not good enough," Mom hissed. "Do it again this time with meaning."

"I'm sorry baby for being mean. There," she huffed.

"Better," Mom replied.  Sis went to leave. "Stay there I still haven't finished with you yet."  My sister sighed again she was annoyed because she was missing the sun, so sank back into the armchair. By this time I had finished the bottle and Mom was rubbing my back.  I belched several times and peed at the same time. "Good baby," Mom cooed. "Go and get me some fresh nappies Cecilia the baby needs a change," Mom ordered. My sister sighed.  I could see her attitude was grating on Mom. I was surprised at how disrespectful she being towards Mom. Mom laid me on the couch and wiped my mouth before pushing my pacifier in.  I could feel an impending bowel movement but decided I would try to hold it.  My sister returned and Mom folded the clean nappies, cleaned me up before pinning the clean ones in place the whole time she prattled to me like a baby.  She stood and took the camera out of her pocket.

"Hey where did you get that?" Sis asked sitting bolt upright.

"From your room where it had no right to be after all it's mine, but as usual you help yourself without asking," Mom remarked. "Now I need a cute picture of my baby fresh after a nappy change," she said holding the camera up and talking a series of photos. She sat down.  I got up and crawled towards her. "You're such a cutie, aren't you? Yes you are. Oh yes you are," she cooed as lifted me back onto her lap and flicked through the photos she had just taken.  I settled in and leaned against Mom as she put an arm around my waist.  "By the way Cecilia you didn't tell me how the babysitting went the other night when your father and I went to the movies," Mom mentioned.

"Oh alright I suppose," my sister replied in an offhand way.

"Well what happened? Did the baby behave?" asked Mom.

"Well....she....I mean he was naughty. He wouldn't let me change his nappy, then he said some naughty words and then he wouldn't go to bed.  I was annoyed. I thought about spanking him but decided I'd tell you...then.... well I forgot..." my sister trailed off.

Mom was quiet for a few moments I could see she didn't believe my sister.  Mom knew and I knew my sister would never have passed up any opportunity to get back at me. I see.  "That's not what you said the following day. You said everything was fine," Mom replied looking at my sister. My sister fidgeted slightly like she was feeling uncomfortable. "Well Cecilia I"m waiting for an answer," Mum responded.

"Well no...ah...she....I mean he was naughty," my sister added but there was certainly no conviction in her answer and I was hoping my mother could see through it.

"Hmmm...." she mused before turning to me. "Were you a naughty baby for your big sister?" I vehemently shook my head.  "Are you sure?" she quizzed.

"Yeth Mommy I wasn't naughty," I lisped.

"Baby Jimmy!" Mom said sharply. "You'd better not be telling me lies."

I shook my head. "No Mommy I's not," my voice wavering. I could feel tears sting my eyes. "I wasn't Mommy.....I's dood. Sis saying wyes," I continued trying to fight the tears but they were starting to run.  I heard my sister sigh.

"Tears won't cut it Baby Jimmy. Now I'll ask you once more and I want the truth. Were you a naughty baby for your sister?" she asked even more sternly.

"No...no...no I was Mama she's wying Mama. She's wying," I sniffled then burst into tears. It seemed so unfair that Mom appeared to be siding with my sister yet again after saying she wouldn't. She hadn't listened to what I had said. She promised she had and now she was accusing me of making up the whole incident. Surely she must have seen the photos....then it struck me...maybe my lying, conniving sister had got rid of them and they were hiding elsewhere.  "I...I...sh...sh..." I tried to say but I couldn't get the words out.  I felt helpless and that feeling of rejection was creeping over me again.  Mom sat there rubbing my back as I cried not saying anything.  Through my tears I could see my sister's smug self-satisfied expression.  In fact I could detect a look of triumph in her eyes.

Then Mom spoke. "It's alright baby I believe you. Don't cry honey?" Mom soothed.

"What?" came my sisters astonished reply.  "You believe a snivelling sissy over me," she continued quite indignant.  "He was naughty, he was?" she yelled. "He's the one telling the lies not me. Come on Mom you know babies always tell lies to cover up what they've done. They do!" she added indignantly as if Mom really had no right questioning her integrity or her honesty. The tone of her voice indicated she was annoyed with Mom.

"Is that right Cecilia?" replied Mom in an even tone. "Well you certainly don't know much about babies because they can't tell lies. They don't know how. Their wee brains don't know how to make up a story. They only tell what they see or what they want or more importantly has HAPPENED to them," Mom emphasised especially the last part of her statement.

"Oh this is stupid," huffed my sister clearly not picking up the implication. Sometimes my sister could be a real blonde and be so thick. "Fine believe the baby I'm not sitting here to listen to this crap," snarled my sister and she went to get out of the chair.

"Stay there," Mom threatened her voice sounding menacing. "Now Cecilia how about you tell me again what happened that night," Mom asked again.

"I told you!" my sister screeched. "He was naughty so deserves to be punished."

Mom was impassive.  At the same time I felt my bowel stir again this time it was with greater force.  I started to fidget on Mom's lap.  Mom was quiet looking at my sister. "I know you too well Cecilia. I know you like teasing and making your baby brother's life a misery, in fact you enjoy it. I'm quite surprised that you didn't tell me and your father that night if he was so naughty, so you could see your baby brother get punished. I know you enjoy getting him into trouble so why not enjoy seeing him punished after all you heard me threatened him, didn't you?" Mom responded eye-balling my sister.  Sis nodded. I looked at my sister and her face had suddenly coloured up. "Now Cecilia I'll try again," she said quietly. "How about YOU tell me the truth?"

"I am...I am," my sister replied quite adamant. Mom shook her head, sighed and withdrew the camera from her pocket and waved it at my sister.

"That's strange because what is on here..." said Mom waving the camera around. "...tells a different story."

"There's nothing on there because I..." then my sister paused.  My sister had just made the fatal mistake.

"Because you what?" quizzed my mother picking up on the error quickly.

"Nothing," my sister hedged.

Mom gave her a steely look. "Because you had removed the SD-card," added Mom.  My sister looked blankly at her saying nothing but starting to shift uncomfortably in her chair. "Well that's strange because the card is in here," Mom continued opening the slot and retrieving the item then heard my sister gasp. "Now Cecilia would you like to try again," Mom quizzed again very patiently.  This time I lost my fight with my bowel, grunted several times and started filling my nappy with soft poop.  I fidgeted as the evil mush oozed around my bottom and up between my legs and up between the cleft in my butt cheeks.  Mom tightened her arm around my waist and kissed the side of my head. "It's alright baby," she cooed softly to me. "I'm waiting Cecilia!" she said evenly.

As I sat on Mom's lap filling my nappy I fixed my sister with trance-like stare. She wouldn't meet my eyes and I noticed that she was squirming in her seat.

"Who did you have here that night?" Mom asked.

"No..." my sister stopped.

"Don't lie to me," Mom said coolly. "Now try again. Who was here?"

My sister dropped her eyes and her shoulders slumped, she'd been caught out.  My revenge was starting to take a hold. "Melinda, Joanne and Fran," she whispered.

"I see," Mom replied. "And were you supposed to have anyone here?"

My sister shook her head slightly. "No," she said hoarsely.

"No you weren't. You know you are not allowed anyone here when your father and I go out. Your job is to look after the baby," Mom admonished. "So, did you invite them?"

"No they just arrived," Sis lied.

I could feel Mom starting to bristle and I'm sure I can't have smelt too savoury either. "So if I rang them they would confirm that?" Mom asked. My sister was silent. "Well..." Mom pushed.

"No I rang them,'' my sister whispered.

Mom sighed and shook her head. "More lies Cecilia. This is not looking good. So, was the baby naughty as you said?"  My sister shook her head slightly. "Hmmm I thought as much. Now tell me Cecilia, whose idea was it to abuse the baby?" Mom asked.

"No one abused the baby!" my sister responded quite fiercely.

"Pardon! Mom replied. Forcing the baby to do things he didn't want to do and then threatening him to keep quiet is abuse," Mom stated.

"No one forced him to dress up he wanted too."

Mom looked at me. "Is that right baby?"

I shook my head. "Noooo she made me and threatened to put da botos on da web," I lisped looking at Mom in the eye.

"Is that right Cecilia?" Mom asked.

"No it's not!"

"So that means if I rang your friends they would back that up," Mom queried fixing my sister with an intent stare. "Well..."  There was an awkward silence.

"Mama," I whined as I squirmed on her lap my dirty nappy starting feel uncomfortable.

"I know baby you've got poo-poo naps Mommy will change you soon," she said sweetly. "I'm waiting young lady," Mom snapped.

"No..." my sister finally replied.

Mom sighed shaking her head. "Thought so...more lies," she breathed exasperated at my sister's deceit. "I think I've heard enough.  Quite frankly Cecilia I am absolutely disgusted with you.  Not only have you lied to me, you've also abused your father and my trust. Then you and your so called friends abused the baby then threatened him with blackmail if he said anything and quite clearly you hoped to get away with it based on your threats. You're a lying, conniving, deceitful disgusting girl and quite frankly I'm appalled at your deceit and vindictiveness. You've done nothing but humiliate and degrade the baby and I've had enough..." Mom paused. I was watching my sister the whole time. She would not look Mom in the face. She sat on the chair wriggling and fidgeting and picking at the fabric.  "Are there any more photos?"  My sister shook her head. "What about on these?" and Mom fished the two memory sticks from her pocket.

"Where did...? my sister stopped.

"The same place where you hid the SD-card. Now answer the question truthfully for once."

"Yes they're on that," Sis admitted.

"What about your laptop because you were going to upload them on your web page for all to see if what the baby told me is true, weren't you?" Mom hissed she was angry now. Sis nodded. "Right!" Mom said forcefully. "First go and get me some fresh nappies so I can change the baby," she ordered Sis.  My sister left the room.  Mom turned me in her arms so I was cuddled against her.  She kissed me affectionately on the cheek and one hand went to my nappied bottom and started patting and rubbing of course that only smeared the mess further into the cloth and over my bottom. "Such a stinky baby," she said good-naturedly. I giggled. Then she lowered her voice. "You were such a brave baby when I grilled you. I know you think I didn't believe you, didn't you?" I nodded. Mom grinned. "As I said sweetheart I believed you when you first told me but I had to open your sister up because I knew she'd try to lie.  You know when you saw me look at the pictures earlier."

I nodded. "Yeth Mama."

"Well I saw what they had done and who was here. It confirmed exactly what you said." Just then my sister returned.

"Here Mom," she whispered and tossed three fresh cloth nappies on the couch.  Sis went to leave.

"No you don't, stay here I haven't finished with you yet," she snapped at my sister. Now sit down.  Mom still had hold of me.  "Well Cecilia you leave me no alternative but to punish you for lying, for being deceitful, abusing the baby and trying to cover your deeds by blackmail," Mom explained shaking her head in disbelief.

"Fine!" my sister haughtily replied. "You can't do much to me I'm sixteen so I'm almost an adult."  I was staggered that Sis could be so arrogant to assume that nothing very much would happen to her.  I was staggered that she thought she was immune from any punishment because of her age. What she failed to understand was just how much she had miscalculated how my mother would react. I could feel Mom tense up so knew there was going to be an explosion.

The tone of Mom's voice surprised me the most, it so was cool and yet very menacing. "Is that right well I've news for you young lady. I don't care if you're sixteen or sixty -six while you're under this roof you will abide by my rules, you'll do as you are told and abide by what I decide," Mom said although it was an even tone, the way Mom said it made it sound even more threatening and menacing.  I watched my sister flick her blonde hair with an air of disdain.  She was going to challenge Mom. "Where's your cell-phone?" Mom asked.  That question took me by surprise.

My sister looked puzzled for a moment before recovering. "Oh...ah...it's in my room I'll get it."  And she made a move to stand up.

"Sit down!" barked Mom.  The tone made me jump.

"But it's..."  Sis never finished her sentence because Mom jumped straight in.

"Not so fast young lady. I know very well you never go anywhere without it so hand it over," Mom asked holding her hand out.  I could see my sister dither.  Mom had caught her out. "NOW!" she barked.  My sister jumped then reaching into the bra of her bikini she produced her cell-phone. This cell-phone was my sister's pride and joy. She had saved hard for it and with some money from Mom and Dad she had been able to buy the latest i-phone. As I said my sister never went anyway without it. It was almost as if it was an extra appendage, glued to her anatomy, an extension, and Mom knew this so Sis's lie just didn't wash. Mom snatched it and at the same time it dropped to the floor. Now I don't know whether it accidentally fell from Mom's grip or she deliberately dropped it either way it thumped onto the floor. Sis gasped. "Oops," said Mom as she looked down.  I'll never forget the next action for as long as I live. Mom lifted her foot and slammed in down on the phone, hard, shattering the screen and splitting the case.

"MOM!" screamed my sister in surprise and astonishment. "HOW COULD YOU?"

"Quite easily," Mom replied sarcasm and menace in her voice. "I know what you can do on that phone so now you can't and what's more you won't be getting another one," Mom continued with satisfaction running through her words.

My sister burst into tears. "Now I can't talk to anyone. You've ruined my life," she wailed.

Mom smiled. "Oh stop being so melodramatic. I never had a cell phone when I was your age and I managed. Any way you can talk to me or your father or the baby what more would you want?" Mom mocked. "As I see it you've only got yourself to blame," Mom continued as she ground her foot into the phone almost as if she was squashing it like some insignificant bug effectively erasing my sisters ability to social network.  My sister was beside herself but Mom was unconcerned.  Just then Dad appeared. Mom turned. "Just in time, could you get Cecilia's laptop dear? She has something she wants to show me," Mom asked sweetly.

"Sure honey," Dad said and disappeared in the direction of my sister's room. 

Mom picked up the changing mat and dropped it on the floor. "Lay that out," she snarled at my sister.  Sis did so looking at Mom with a mixture of apprehension and contempt.  "Set out the changing supplies as well," she ordered. Just then Dad reappeared and handed Mom the laptop.

"What's this all about?" he queried.

"It's just something I'm sorting out with your daughter. I'll tell you later dear," Mom said in a gentle tone.  I knew that when Mom used the 'your daughter' reference things were going to get a lot worse for Sis. How worse I had no idea.  Dad shrugged his shoulders and left to do what he had initially come inside to do.  Mom opened the laptop and booted it up. "Password," she grunted at my sister.  Sis told her and the start-up sequence was allowed to continue until I saw the desktop appear. "Right where is this web page of yours?? Mom asked.  My sister reluctantly browsed the computer until the page she had designed sprang into life. "Hmmm I see," Mom mused. "Right trash it!" she announced.

"What!" Sis exclaimed. "But Mom..."

"I said trash it, delete it do whatever you have to but that page is to vanish off the internet. DO YOU UNDERSTAND CECILIA!" Mom raged.  Sis dithered. "DO IT NOW!"  I watched as my sister went through the process.  I knew a little bit about computers and web pages so knew how to get rid one.  I watched with interest.  I saw Sis being evasive and just closed the page. I started to get agitated because I knew she hadn't taken the page down.  Sis thought she was being cunning and trying to fool my mother.

"What's the matter baby? I know you need your nappy changed I'll do it soon sweetie," Mom responded.  I grew more animated.  Mom looked perplexed. "What is it sweetie? Tell Mommy."

"Not don," I lisped. "Pwage not don."  Mom thought for a moment then realised what I was hinting at. Mom's spare hand shot out and she grabbed my sister's long blonde hair and pulled it.  My sister screamed in fright. Mom pulled my sister's face towards her and shouted in her face.

"YOU LITTLE BITCH. YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD TRICK ME BUT THE BABY KNEW WHAT YOU DID. GET...RID...OF...THAT...PAGE....NOW!!!!!" Mom shouted and she rammed her face into the keyboard of the laptop.

"OOWWW....you're hurting me," pleaded my sister. "I'll do it! I'll do it!" she squealed. Mom let her hair go; this time Sis brought the page back and with me watching she actually took the page down and trashed it.

"And the back up as well," Mom informed her. The look on my sister's face was priceless. Mom knew that all web-pages are backed up and cached should they happen to crash. "DO IT!" she shouted.  My sister had no choice.  Soon the back-up and cached version were deleted as well.  Satisfied that all was sorted Mom let the laptop fall to the floor where her foot crushed it, snapping the screen away from the keyboard and processor.  My sister went to pick it up. "Leave it," Mom warned. "Your father can run a drill through the hard drive that'll destroy it completely. Now are there any more photos?" My sister shook her head. She was slumped on the floor and crying. "I'm warning you now, if any photos ever surface because you've deliberately lied and kept them from me Ill make sure your life will be finished, do you understand?"  My sister nodded. "Answer me!"

"Yes Mom," my sister whispered.

Part 16

"Right little one let's get your poopy nappy changed," Mom finally said as she sank to her knees and laid me on the changing mat.  As I lay there I could feel the poop slither around and over my bottom. I whimpered. "I know sweetheart its not nice Mommy will soon have you fixed up."

Mom carefully removed the nappy pins and as she raised my legs she peeled the filthy nappy away from groin laying it on the floor under me.  Immediately the room was filled with a foul evil stench. Using a cleaner part of the nappy Mom wiped most of the evil mess away into the nappy before lying out flat again.  I thought that action was unusual because Mom never did that. She always rolled it up the cut down the smell. My sister had backed away slightly to allow Mom access to me.  Suddenly her hand shot out and she grabbed my sister by the scruff of the neck.  I jumped in surprise. My sister squealed in shock.  Gritting her teeth Mom forced my sisters face down towards the filthy nappy.  My sister started to struggle and flail her arms trying to stop my mother but Mom was too strong.

She forced my sisters face down until her nose with nearly touching the foul excrement.  I could hear my sister retching.

"Aaaagghhhh," she gagged. "Aaaaaggghhhhh...!"

"Look at it, smell it," Mom hissed. "What is it?"

"Poop.." Sis gagged.

"What sort of poop?"  My sister struggled. "SAY IT!!!"

"Baby poop.." my sister finally managed to squeak.

"Yes it's baby poop!" seethed my mother wrenching my sister and hauling her face close to hers. "I'm sick of your lies and deceit Cecilia.  You have told so many lies in order to get your brother into trouble that I've had enough. DO YOU HEAR ME!" she screamed in my sister's face. My sister nodded there was little she could do. "That's right it's baby poop," she said again with an evil sneer. "And you're going to be seeing a lot of it and do you know why?"

"Noooooo..." Sis wailed.

"Because from now on you're going to be changing all the baby's poopy nappies, day or night, and what's more I'm going to make sure our baby has lots of nice yummy things to eat that'll make him poop and I'm sure our baby will quite happily make lots of poopy nappies, wont you darling?" Mom announced directing the last comment at me. I gurgled quite happily and nodded my head.  Boy was I going to make my sister suffer. Mom fed me a range of interesting things anyway which ensured I pooped at least three may be four times a day.  I was looking forward to this. This was my way of extracting my revenge on my sister. "Good baby," Mom cooed then she gave my sister's head a sudden push made her nose touch the poop.  My sister let a squeal.  A satisfied grin crossed my mother's face. "Get used to it because there'll be more where that came from," Mom said quite satisfied with her black humour. She pulled my sister up and turned her face towards her. "What's more you are grounded for the rest of the summer. You will not leave this house unless you're with either myself or your father then you'll be dressed appropriately," Mom informed Sis.

"But cheer-leading," she squeaked.

"You can forget that. You're out of that as from today."

"But..." my sister tried to say.

"There are no buts Cecilia. Cheer-leading for you, my girl is over.  Socialising is over.  Going out with your friends is over. You could say your life is over.  You'll be too busy looking after and taking very good care of the baby," Mom informed her.  My sister burst into tears and tried to collapse on the floor but Mom continued to hold her by the scruff of the neck. "Get used to it because your life has taken on a whole new meaning," hissed my mother. "What's more starting tonight and every night hereafter you're on night duty," Mom informed my sister. "You know what that means?"

"But Adam..."

"You can forget that greasy, sleazy piece of humanity as well," Mom announced.

My sisters mouth dropped open. "But you can't he's my boyfriend!" she screeched at Mom.

"Don't shout at me young lady," snapped Mom in her face. "I don't care who or what he is you're not seeing him and that's final. Besides you father and I don't like him. Good riddance as far as we are concerned."

"Noooo! You can't!" wailed my sister trying to valiantly wrench herself free but Mom's grip was firm.

"I can and I have end of story," Mom hissed. "It now means Cecilia (Mom always used my sister's proper name when she was angry with her. Mom knew that my sister hated that name and always preferred to call herself Sis which in a roundabout way was a shortened version) your life has a whole new meaning. Whether you like or not but from now on you'll be getting up to the baby every time he cries during night and attending to him for whatever reason. Babies cry for all sorts of reasons and you'll be making sure he's cared for. If he loses his pacifier you'll find it for him, if he's wet you'll change him, if he's hungry or thirsty you'll feed him, if he's having a bad dream you'll pacify him or if he's poopy you'll clean him up, understand?" Mom hissed. My sister nodded, she really had no choice. "And if I have to get up before you to attend to him look out. Do I make myself clear?" Mom added. "And finally you'll set your alarm for two o'clock every morning to give the baby a bottle and change him. I've decided the baby needs a night bottle from now on and guess what...you've drawn the short straw," Mom added gleefully then suddenly Mom slammed my sister's face into the foul nappy smearing it was foul excrement.  My sister screeched something terrible.  "Now you've got up close and personal with what you're going to be dealing with," Mom hissed then let my sister go. Sis slumped down totally defeated her face covered with a putrid poopy mess. "Now go and clean your face up then get out of my sight you evil, lying, deceitful little bitch," Mom finished sadistically and savagely. My sister ran howling from the room.  Mom turned to me and smiled. I was amazing how quickly she could change her demeanour. "Now my little one let's get you fixed up."  Then Mom set about finally changing my dirty nappy.

I was happily sitting on her lap when Dad appeared.  He gingerly poked his nose into the lounge.

"What was all that about with Cecilia?" he asked.  Mom proceeded to give him a blow by blow commentary. To say that my father was 'pissed' is an understatement.  If he was angry with my mother earlier he was really livid now. "Right!" he seethed. "I'll cook her flaming goose." And he started to remove his belt.  I knew what was coming and Mom made no effort to stop him like she had with me. "Cecilia! Get out here now!" he shouted. I looked at Mom and snuggled into her.  His raised voice frightened me.  I felt her arm around me tighten and her lips floated over the side of my head caressing me lightly.  I whimpered.  There was no movement from the down the hallway. "Cecilia if I have to come and get you there will be hell to pay," Dad raged.  Finally my sister timidly appeared. She had changed out of her bikini into a turquoise coloured tight fitting top and matching shorts which were very brief to say the least.  You could tell by her face that she had been crying because her eyes were read and puffy and her face blotchy and what make-up had vanished when she washed her face to get rid of the poop.  Dad grabbed her and when Sis saw the belt in his hand she knew immediately what was going to happen.

"No! No! No! Daddy please don't!" she screeched starting to struggle but of course she was no match for him.

"You know what's going to happen, don't you?" he growled. "Christ you smell like shit, don't you?" he added

"Yessss!" she wailed.

"And you know why, don't you?"

"Yessss..."

"Hmmmm...well....quite frankly I'm disgusted with you Cecilia not only did you deceive your mother and I and invite people here; which you know you are not supposed to do; you abused the baby then blackmailed him to ensure he would say nothing, then you blatantly lied to cover it all up....well I'm sorry Cecilia but there is no alternative but to punish you," Dad explained.  My sister went to open her mouth but nothing came out. He put his hand up. "I know your mother has punished you but you also deceived me as well so..." He grabbed my sister and pushed her over the arm of the chair until she was draped over her bottom up and head down.  She was crying bitterly and struggling.  Dad reached around and flipped open the button on the front of her shorts then with one swift movement pulled her shorts down to her ankles revealing a cute pair of pink knickers.  My sister started to howl even more. I clutched Mom even tighter.

"It's okay baby," she soothed kissing my head. "It's okay."  Mom gripped me tighter.  My sister managed to reach her hands around in an attempt to cover her pantied bottom.

"Shift them!" Dad barked.  My sister howled even more but did so.

"Hang on Ron," Mom intervened.  Dad turned to look at her. "Hop down baby for a minute," Mom said and she sat me on the floor and disappeared from the room.  Dad watched Mom disappear a bit perplexed.  The room was quiet except for my sisters sobbing. Mom returned a few moments later carrying some white ribbon in her hand.  I watched from my vantage point on the floor as Mom lifted my sister's head and pushed a white pacifier into her mouth then tied it behind Sis's head effectively stifling any noises.  Dad nodded when he saw what Mom did.  Mom pushed my sisters head down again.  Mom crossed to couch and sat down I crawled over to her and was picked up and settled on her lap.  Dad grabbed the waistband of my sisters knickers and in one movement pulled them down to her ankles exposing the soft white flesh of Sis's bottom banded by brown bikini lines.  Sis bucked when she felt what he had done but couldn't prevent it. 

I watched with my eyes popping as my sister's bottom was fully revealed, her anal cleft and the slit that curved between her legs and the presence of a neat crop of dark pubic hairs. I had never seen a girl's naked bottom before and I wondered where her vagina was.  Dad steadied himself and his belt traced a neat arc as it flailed through the air and landed with a sickening SMACK on my sisters fleshy derriere.  My sister bucked and thrashed uttering a hoarse cry around the pacifier.  I clutched Mom and felt her reassuring hand rub my back.  Again, SMACK! SMACK! SMACK...the sickening blows rained down on my sister.  I started to squeal with fright and buried my face in between Mom's breasts.  With each blow I squealed.  I felt Mom scrabble with her clothes and before I knew my pacifier was removed and a soft fleshy morsel was pushed against my mouth.  As I opened my mouth to howl the fleshy nub was pushed further in.  In addition Mom placed a hand on the back of my head holding it in place and preventing me from moving.  I could do the only thing possible I closed my lips around the flesh and sucked for all I was worth. 

"Good baby," I heard Mom croon. "That's the boy you'll feel better."  Through my tear filled eyes I could make out the white fleshy sight of my mother's breast and realised that I was in fact sucking it.  I continued to suck, moan and shudder as I registered each blow Dad rained on my sister's buttocks.  Finally they stopped and the only sounds were my sister's sobs and a slurping sound coming from me. At that point I expected Mom to remove her breast after all she was only trying to stifle my cries, or so I thought.  She did remove it then suddenly she was forcing her other one into my mouth.  I took it immediately.  I was still shaking and whimpering when she did so.  It was amazing but sucking on her breast did, in fact calm me down.  I thought I should have been repulsed by the notion of sucking on my mother's breast but in the heat of the moment when the atmosphere was tense and on fire so to speak, I found it comforting.  The warmth radiating from my mother combined with soft beating for her heart and her lips repeatedly brushing over my head were intoxicating.  The only down side was when I shifted I noticed my nappy was wet and I couldn't recall when I did it.

I heard Dad's voice again but he was close.  He was panting slightly after having spanked my sister.  "How's the baby?" he panted all concerned. "I heard him squealing and crying."

"He'll be fine," Mom whispered. "He's beginning to calm down poor wee soul. He was so frightened by what you were doing," Mom continued kissing my head.  Then she looked at me. "Is baby feeling better?" she cooed.

"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..." was my muffled reply.

"I feel so awful Ron," Mom said.

"Why?"

"Well...remember back to that night we went out," Mom mentioned. Dad nodded. "Well we both threatened the baby with severe punishment if he misbehaved well..." Mom paused looking at Dad. "Well he didn't. He was the one suffering and that little brat was the one who misbehaved. I...I feel terrible," Mom said her voice wavering.  I snuggled into her more taking more of her breast into my mouth. "I wondered why he was unhappy the following day but he wouldn't say anything and Cecilia said nothing happened but..."

"Well I'm not surprised he didn't say anything because you made bloody sure he couldn't!" Dad snapped.

"But I asked him. He could've said something but he wouldn't say anything," Mom replied.

Dad shook his head. "Words fail me Mary. You are so two faced.  First you say he can't talk or you'll punish him then you expect him to talk on other occasions and wonder why he won't. He was frightened Mary, not only of what his sister threatened to do but also frightened of you."

"But I gave him a chance."

"Oh sure you'd given him a chance but there was no guarantee you'd listen because you never did.  And there was no guarantee you'd believe him because you never did so what the hell did you expect?"  Mom sat there opening and closing her mouth because what Dad had just said was perfectly true and she knew it.  There was an uneasy silence between them while Dad glared at Mom.  She turned her face away not wanting to betray her guilt ridden features then Dad continued, "Huh that's a change in attitude coming from you anyway," Dad replied glaring at my mother.  "A bit late worrying about punishing the baby then when that's all you've done anyway. God you're so two faced at times," he spat.

"I said I'm sorry Ron," said Mom quietly.

"Too bloody late for that," he spat. "I still can't believe that you were so callous towards your own son."  Mom dropped her eyes.  She knew my father was 'pissed' with her and looked as though Dad was going to keep driving it home. "Anyway in terms of the movie night you're right," Dad replied coolly not wanting to admit that Mom was right. "I feel terrible as well..." then he paused and looked at my sister. "Well I'll soon fix that," he snarled.  He crossed to my sister and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck.  She squealed with fright her shorts and knickers still round her ankles.  "You little bitch," he said savagely and gave my sisters backside another swat with his hand. "That'll teach you to embarrass your mother and I."  My sister squealed again then he let go.  My sister slumped to the floor and sobbing, gibbering wreck.

Dad approached us and fidgeted awkwardly. I could still hear my sister's sobs. "Ahhhh are you going to....like....continue with...you know..." he managed to say. "After all you...ah...need to rebond with the boy," he added.

Mom paused as she regarded my father's comments. "Mmmmm I think I will. It'll take a few days before everything happens but it will help," she replied to Dad. "Yes you're right dear I need to rebond with him after what has happened."

"You mean after what you've done Mary," Dad responded in a very pointed way.  I could tell by his tone he was still not happy with Mom.

"Yes," came Mom's whispered reply. "I don't need reminding Ron." I had no idea what they were talking about or what they were referring to, it seemed to me like they were talking in riddles. "Ahhh hun could you get me a couple of nappies and some baby pants the baby needs changing then I'll put him down for a nap."

"Sure," Dad replied.  Then I heard him say something to my sister. "Stand up Cecilia," he growled.  I turned to the direction of his voice.  I still had Mom's breast nipple in my mouth.  I watched as Sis eased herself from across the chair, she staggered momentarily before reaching down for her knickers and shorts.  "Leave them," he growled again.

"Huh," my sister grunted looking at him with tear swollen eyes and a blotchy face.

"I said leave them and go stand with your face in the corner.  Maybe, if you're lucky your mother might put some cream on your bottom," he said. "Not that you deserve it," he added.  Dejectedly Sis shuffled to the corner. I got the shock of my life. Her bottom was very red with clear strap marks across it. It looked really sore.  I realised that that could have been me a few weeks earlier. I shuddered at the thought.  Mom felt my body shake.

"Are you alright darling?" she cooed sounding and looking concerned.  I looked at her still with her breast nipple in my mouth and sucked more feverishly.

Mom carried me to the nursery with the fresh nappies and baby pants in her hand.  My nappy was lovingly changed.  I think I was asleep before Mom left the nursery.

Part 17

I don't know how long I slept but when I awoke my nursery was still light despite the drapes being pulled, and warm.  I yawned and rolled onto my back.  I pressed my hand into my packed crotch pushing the warm very wet nappy into it.  I sighed.  It seemed that I was always wet after a sleep.  I looked around and spotted my favourite teddy, grabbed it and started chortling and playing with like a baby. I spread my legs and my bladder erupted again and I sighed as warm pee trickled down between my legs and into my already wet nappy.  Now I was a real baby as far as I was concerned.  As I was amusing myself my mind drifted over the events of the day. Boy what a day it had been so far - the photos, my melt down, Mom's confession, my confession about my sister and her ensuing punishment, and finally suckling on Mom's breasts. So much had happened over so short a time.  Many of the things were monumental and life changing, not only for me but for my whole family especially my sister.

I was talking to teddy when I saw the nursery door open out of the corner of my eye and Mom entered.  I ignored her while she opened the curtains bathing the nursery in strong light.  Mom's face appeared over the side of the crib.

"Hello beautiful," she gushed. There had been a complete turn around in my mothers attitude towards me. "Gosh my baby had a big sleep. You must have been really tuckered out."  I noticed she was holding a full bottle.  She lowered the side of the crib. "Here darling I just realised that with all the commotion today my baby had no lunch. Mommy's sorry little one," she added and withdrew my pacifier and replaced it with the warm teat.  I took the bottle immediately I was famished.  I couldn't get the formula fast enough that I started to cough and choke. Mom withdrew the teat. "Hey, hey slow down little one I know you're hungry sweetheart but slow down."  I started to whine.  Mom smiled and pushed the teat back in. "Here baby hold his bottle so Mommy can check your nappy because I bet there's a very wet nap-nap waiting for Mommy," she smiled as I grabbed the bottle then kneaded the bulky cloth between my legs.  I kicked and squirmed as she did it.  Mom continued to knead my nappy smiling at the same time. "What's this I feel eh?  Is it a very wet nap-nap? I bet it is, oh yes I do?" she prattled to me like I was an infant.  I couldn't believe the change in Mom's attitude.  I felt as though I was in a dream.

Mom was slow and gentle as she changed me. I heard the discarded nappy thud into the nappy bucket wrapped inside the baby pants.

"Come on angel," Mom said as she tied a bib in place before reaching into the crib and lifting me while I continued to drink my bottle.  She adjusted the bib over my chest and used one corner to wipe my chin where some of the formula had seeped out.  She gave my fluffy bottom a reassuring pat before exiting the nursery.  I noticed she had left my nappy exposed. That continued a pattern she had started after the photo shoot.

As I was carried down the hall I looked back towards my sister's bedroom door. It was closed. 

As we entered the lounge I looked to where my sister had been standing before my nap but she had gone.   I fully expected Mom to put me in the play pen but she didn't, instead she sat me on a rug in the centre of the room.  I noticed some toys had been placed there for my amusement.  I finished the bottle and dropped it on the floor before crawling out into the kitchen.  Mom was at the bench preparing dinner.  I sat there for a moment until Mom turned around. She smiled and approached wiping my chin and mouth and easing my pacifier in.  Mom returned to her task. I crawled to the large open sliding door and peered out into the backyard. I had no intention of going out there. I could hear Dad hammering away in his workshop and wondered what project he was working on now.  I had already been the recipient of his handiwork - a crib, playpen and high chair - what else lay in wait?

Mom turned to check on me.

"Nnnnnnnn..." I chortled around my pacifier and pointed outside. "Dadda!"

"Dadda's outside little one. Do you want to see him?"

I ignored her response and crawled eagerly towards her.  Mom lifted me into her arms giving me an affectionate kiss.

"Nnnnnnnnn..." I chortled again trying to look around her and pointing in the general direction of my sister's room.

"Your sister's in her room sweetie," was all Mom said before putting me back on the floor.  I decided to crawl down to my sister's room.  I was part way down there when I heard Mom's voice behind me. "Where are you going baby?" I stopped and looked back at her then back at my sister's door. "No little one," Mom said when she saw what I was looking at and headed towards me.  I watched her approached and lifted my arms and she lifted me up. "Come on baby you come out with Mommy," she remarked heading back to the kitchen and closing the hall door behind her.  I was placed on the rug in the lounge. "Now you play there nicely or Mommy will put you in the playpen," she said and headed back to the kitchen.  I decided not to incur her wrath and make the most of my freedom outside the 'kiddie prison'.

I was engrossed in the baby blocks when Mom lifted me and carried me out to the kitchen. "Come on baby din-dins time," she said gleefully. "I bet baby's hungry."  And I was when you consider that apart from two bottles of formula I had had nothing substantial since breakfast.  I was slipped into my high chair and closed the tray in front.  I started kicking and banging the tray the same way a hungry expectant toddler would behave. "Okay, okay baby Mommy's coming," she said as she stirred a bowl of something I couldn't see.  The bowl was placed on the table nearby and I could see it was full of a green-orange mush with flecks of brown.  Steam was rising off the plate but I couldn't detect any aroma.

Mom opened the hall door. "Cecilia get out here now and feed the baby," Mom called.  There appeared to be no movement. "Cecilia!" she yelled louder before heading back into the kitchen.  A few seconds later my sister appeared still wearing the tight-fitting skimpy turquoise coloured top but I noticed she was not wearing the matching shorts, just her pink coloured knickers.  Her face wore a dejected look and it was quite obvious judging from her complexion that she been doing a lot of crying. "Feed the baby Cecilia please. He's hungry then I can prepare the rest of dinner," Mom instructed.  My sister sighed.  As soon as she sat down on the hard chair she jerked up again and winced.

"Owwwww..." she moaned. Mom ignored her although I'm sure she heard her.  Finally but gingerly she settled on the chair. Picking up the bowl of streaming food she gave it a stir my mouth was open in anticipation at the same time I banged the tray of my high chair and started to grizzle. It felt strange grizzling but I realised that that was what babies do to get attention and after all I was a baby now. Mom turned round at the grizzle.

"Hurray up Cecilia the baby's hungry," she admonished.  My sister filled the spoon pushing it into my mouth.  When the mush hit my tongue there was a taste bud explosion.  Although a little bland I could detect the favour of chicken gravy combined with the vegetables. I squashed the mush around my mouth, swallowed it before opening my mouth again.  My sister kept spooning the mushed vegetables in.  Then she started filling the spoon quicker, ramming it in then pressing another spoonful against my lips before I was ready for it.  I whimpered as I tried to keep up but mushy food was cascading down my chin and dribbling down my bib.  I heard Mom's voice through the profusion of spoons and food. "Cecilia!" she barked. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Slow down or you'll choke the baby! Don't you take your crabbiness out on the baby! It's all your fault and you know that."

"Uh!" my sister dreamily replied.

Mom snatched the spoon out of her hand. "Pull yourself together and go and get a cloth. God what a mess you've made. I swear there's more food on the baby's face and down his bib than in his tummy," she snapped.  My sister sighed and left to get a cloth. "Awww look at you sweetie. Did your silly sister make a big mess?" Mom cooed. "Never mind," she added and started scrapping my face and bib and spooning the remnants into my mouth.  My sister returned, dampened the cloth and Mom wiped my face. Giving her back the spoon she said, "Now for goodness sake feed the baby properly. I want the food inside him not outside," Mom admonished her.  Sis carried on the task. When she had finished my face was wiped again.  By this time Mom had placed the other dinners on the table.

I watched as the others' ate.  My mouth watered as they attacked the juicy chicken and vegetables.  I knew I had had the same but in a mushed up form but that didn't stop me from wanting theirs.

"Nnnnnnnn..." I chortled pointing at Mom's plate.

"Awww is baby still hungry?" Mom chuckled and left her meal to make me a jam sandwich.  I looked at the proffered morsel when it was placed on my tray then at her meal.  I didn't want a sandwich I wanted what she was having.  I shook my head and whinged again.

"Eat your sandwich baby," Dad said.

"Here darling," crooned Mom proffering a fork of potato and chicken. I opened my mouth with alacrity and smacked my lips.  It was fantastic. Dad shook his head.

"You spoil that child," he observed. "Mind you so you should," he added as an afterthought. Mom regarded his comment but said nothing initially because she knew Dad was right. Then she spoke.

"And why not," Mom cooed. "He's such a cute baby, aren't you munchkin?" she added offering me another fork full.  "Now eat your yummy sandwich," Mom suggested as she ate her meal again.  I reluctantly did but that didn't stop me from yearning for what everyone else was eating.  That was when I felt my bowel cramping and pressing for release.  I needed to poop badly and there was no way I could hold it.  I started fidgeting and squirming in my high chair. I could feel the slimy mess start to ooze out of my anus.  I knew I couldn't hold it, it was a forlorn hope.  My anal sphincter was so slack now that pooping was easy and I could do it without any thought. Any thoughts of me trying to hold it had vanished weeks ago. I grunted and the mess started to slither up between my anal cleft and up the back of my nappy.  I shifted hoping to stem the flow.  I slithered and leaned back in my high chair spreading my legs at the same time.  I grunted again as my poop oozed forward into the front of my nappy, pushed up behind my nut-sack then appeared to flow around my peenie and spread out under my bottom.

I was in a trance and I'm sure my face was red. My trance was broken by Dad. "What wrong with the baby Mary?"  Mom looked at me and chuckled.

"Oh god what's wrong with you Ron? Don't you remember?" she grinned. "The baby's filling his nappy that's all. I would've thought that was obvious, aren't you baby?"  I was jolted into reality and looked from Mom to Dad and my poop continued to fill my nappy and my peenie erupted in a splash of warm pee. "Don't worry the baby'll be fine, won't you angel?" My Dad grimaced.  I picked up my sloppy sandwich and proffered it to my Mom. 

"Nnnnnnnnn..."

"No darling that's very nice to share but you eat it," she laughed picking up my bib and wiping my mouth.  Then she picked up a soggy bit of bread and pressed it to my lips. I took and started chewing giving her a toothy, bread laden grin

"Mmmmmmmm.." I chortled.

Mom looked at me then down between my legs.  I wiggled them moving my bottom inside my nappy causing it slide over the cloth which was lubricated with poop. "Has baby got poo-poo nappies?" she asked.

"Yeaaaaah," I squealed throwing my arms up.

Mom laughed again. "You're so clever, aren't you? Of course you are, aren't you baby? Such a clever boy!" she cooed.  I wriggled again. "Never mind sweetheart your sister will fix you up after dinner." My sister groaned.  "I wouldn't groan if I were you," Mom said talking to her. "You know it's your job from now on to change the baby's dirty nappies and now you've got your first one," Mom reminded her before continuing with her meal.

"Choice," murmured Dad. "Nice way to end a dinner," he sniggered.

My sister tried to appeal to Dad but he just ignored her.

I sat there, in my high chair my hands, face, bib and high chair covered with the sloppy remnants of a jam sandwich; and my nappy full of slimy warm poop.  I felt every inch like a baby.  Mom placed her knife and fork on empty plate then picked up the gooey remains of my sandwich and placed them on her plate.  She smiled at me.

"Who's a stinky baby, eh?" I blinked at her then clapped my hands and squealed giving her a broad smile. "Yes you are," she prattled like I was a baby. "Hurry up Cecilia the baby needs changing," she informed my sister.

My sister sighed and left her seat heading towards me.  Mom intercepted her. "Get yourself organised first I'll clean the baby up." My sister huffed. Mom washed my face and hands although I was sure I smelt like butter over and above the aroma of poop.  Mom removed the tray of my high chair and lifted me out.  She put me on my feet and I automatically sank to my knees and crawled away from the table.  My sister approached.

"Come on baby," she grumbled. Mom flashed my sister a threatening frown but said nothing.  My sister followed as I crawled into the lounge and to the awaiting changing mat.  "Eeeeww....!" my sister screeched. "He's a mess Mom there's poop leaking out of his nappy. He'll need a bath! I'm not changing that!" she said forcefully.

Mom entered the lounge.  By this time I had crawled to the changing mat lying on the floor and sat looking from Mom to my sister and back again.  I happened to glance down and saw poop had oozed around the front of my nappy and coated my inner thighs.  I surreptitiously wriggled back and forth rubbing the slimy concoction over my bottom and into my nappy.  I was really going to make my sister’s task more difficult.  It was an opportunity for me to get some pay back.

The look on Mom's face said it all.

"You are Cecilia and that's final. You're not going to bath him to try to get out of changing or cleaning him. You'll clean him up properly young lady end of discussion. That's it! Now get on with it," Mom said matter-of-factly but the intent was there.

"But..." Sis tried to interject.

"Now!' growled Mom.  My sister's shoulders slumped she knew she was defeated. "Now get yourself organised and get a move on," Mom stated coolly.  My sister left to gather what she needed.  Mom crouched down in front of me.

"Mama," I squeaked. 

She smiled. "Lie down little one," she said softly gently helping me on to my back.  I watched her eyes flick to the sticky mound between my legs. "My little one you have been busy," she remarked without any disdain or recriminations.  "Good baby," she remarked with satisfaction in her voice.  A few minutes later Sis returned and dropped a pile of nappies, baby pants and my nightie on the floor along with the baby wipes and baby powder.  Mom looked at the pile. "You're not putting the baby into his night nappy young lady," Mom informed her.

"But..." Sis tried to say.

"You'll put him into an ordinary nappy. He's only been up a couple of hours so he's not ready for bed. I'll put his night nappy on when I put him to bed..." Mom paused looking at the pile on the floor. "Yes by all means put his nightie on but that's all.  Oh....and by the way you'll need more than baby wipes to clean him up," Mom suggested.  My sister looked in askance. "Get a bowl of warm soapy water and a cloth," she suggested. "God do I have to do everything Cecilia," Mom huffed. "Now get a move on."  My sister shrugged but did as suggested. Gingerly she knelt down between my legs.

"Ooooooohhhh this is gross," Sis said as she rolled back my shirt. Mom ignored her.  I looked at Mom then twisted and waved my arms at her.

"Mama. Mama," I chortled.

Mom reached out and took my hand caressing my fingers. "Lie still little one," she said sweetly. "So your sister can change your poo-poo nap-nap."  I wriggled around.

"Mom he won't lie still," my sister complained.

"Well distract him," Mom replied.

"Huh..." my sister returned nonplussed.

"You can't expect a baby to lie still while you're trying to change him, you have to distract him, give him something to play with," Mom explained.

"Oh," my sister responded and reached over to the toys on the floor and grabbed a doll handing it to me. "Here baby what have I got?" she said listlessly.

I didn't really want a doll but took it because after all my sister was only responding to my Mom's suggestion.

"Yook Mama dowyee," I squeaked to Mom waving the doll around.

"Clever baby now you play nicely with dolly," Mom said indulgingly. I did.

I could feel my sister remove my nappy pins then gingerly pull the wet and messy cloth away from my groin as she did so I parted my legs and curled them up in the classic nappy change position.  For me it was an automatic response. I was so used to having my nappy changed that these reflex behaviours were now second nature.

I could feel the nappy being unstuck from my bottom.  The air around was filled with the pungent odour of poop.  To me it smelt foul, so for my sister, who was directly over it, it must have been absolutely disgusting.  She started to gag when the foul fumes hit her nostrils.  “Oh for god sake girl it’s not that bad,” jeered Mom.  Mom certainly had no sympathy for my sister’s predicament.  I smiled to myself.  I was enjoying every minute of my sister’s discomfort.

"Ewwwww gross," my sister remarked and nearly gagged on the smell.  I must admit it was very smelly but I didn't care after all I was a baby and 'shit' happened - literally.

"Oh God it's not that bad. You were worse," Mom added pointedly causing my sister to blush. "Use some of the cleaner cloth to wipe away some of the excess into the nappy," Mom advised. I could feel my sister doing that.  I peered around the doll, which I wasn't really taking any notice of and watched my sister's expression.  Her face was a picture of revulsion and disgust. I smiled to myself. Wasn't revenge sweet? "Now once you've wiped away as much as you can roll the nappy in on itself and remove it," Mom continued.  My sister did that.  The next thing I knew I heard a slushing sound as Sis soaked the cloth.  The sound of water made my bladder spasm and a small amount of pee trickled out.  My sister squealed.

"He's peeing," she shrieked.

"Oh for god sake pull yourself together," Mom admonished. "It's only reflex pee so wipe it up. Remember it happens with babies so you have to be prepared," my mother counselled.  "He can't help it, can you baby?" Mom cooed.  I kicked my legs, waved my arms and squealed. "No of course you can't," Mom agreed. I could tell by the repulsive look on my sister’s face that she didn’t agree with Mom’s remarks.

Eventually my sister washed my bottom and was about to place the dry nappy under my bottom when Mom stopped her. "You can't pin a nappy on a wet bottom Cecilia," Mom snapped. "Oh god sake girl think about what you're doing. You wouldn't like it if someone tried to put pants on your wet bottom; now dry him," Mom said roughly.

"Sorry," my sister whispered and picked up a nearby towel and dried my bottom.  I started to wriggle and squirm.

"Ickle Mama ickle," I giggled around my pacifier.

"Does it darling?" Mom grinned. "Try to lie still there's a good baby."

Finally my sister manoeuvred my nappy into place dusted my whole nappy area with sweet smelling baby powder.  By this time I had moved legs allowed them to flop open completely exposing my boyhood for all to see. As I said earlier this was completely normal for me because I was so used to nappy changes. Just as my sister was finally pulling the thick cloth up between my legs Mom stopped her. "Cecilia make sure his little pee-pee is pointing down."

"Huh."

"When you change a baby boy always make sure his little pee-pee is pointing down between his legs because you want his pee to go into his nappy. If you don't he could end up peeing out the side or top of his nappy and you don't want that because it means his clothes get wet and you have to completely change everything, now make sure," she explained.

I watched as my sister pulled the nappy away and gingerly readjusted my peenie until it was pointing down.  I giggled and wriggled.

Mom laughed. "I know it tickles little one, she's nearly finished."  Finally a couple of tugs, the tightening of my nappy and clicks from the nappy pins told me that she had finally changed my nappy. What a marathon?  I know it was a challenging one for my sister as well as her first dirty nappy for a while because up until now Mom had changed most of the dirty ones but my sister had to do this one. Admittedly Mom was guiding her through the process but from here on she would be on her own. 

I rolled over and sat up. Quickly Sis removed my t-shirt and bib and replaced them with a shortie nightie, a pink one this time; I had no choice over the colour; and a clean bib.

"Now Cecilia take the nappy to the laundry and rinse it then get yourself showered and into bed because remember young lady your 'night duty' starts tonight," Mom instructed. My sister groaned.

I sat on the floor watching and listening to all this.  Mom disappeared to the kitchen and Sis went out to the laundry leaving me in the lounge by myself.  I had expected Mom to put me in the playpen until bedtime but she didn't.  I was really pleased about that. I had come to loathe the kiddie prison.  I hated the confinement and closeness.  I crawled out to the kitchen where Mom was cleaning up the dishes.  I crawled towards the door to the laundry when my sister burst through scaring me slightly. I whimpered in reaction.

"Be careful Cecilia," Mom admonished her. Never rush through a door, you just don't know if the baby is on the other side," Mom added rushing over to lift me out of the way. "Always open a door carefully to make sure the baby is nowhere near."  My sister huffed and head up to her room.  A few moments later I heard the shower run.

I sat in the kitchen for quite a while before crawling back into the lounge.  It was great having freedom to go where I wanted and not be cooped up in the playpen.  I picked up some toys to play with.  Finally I grew bored and crawled out to the kitchen to be with Mom but she wasn't there.  I decided to go exploring so crawled down the darkened hallway.  I could see the light was on in Mom's sewing room.

"Mama," I called.

"Down here baby," I heard her reply so I crawled in the direction of her voice. Sure enough she was in her sewing-room working on a pattern.  "Awww was baby on his little lonesomes?" she cooed.   I crawled up to her and she picked me up.  I never ceased to be amazed by her strength.  Although I was an eleven year old boy I was small and skinny for my age, certainly I looked like an overgrown toddler, probably more the size of say a 5 or 6 year old, in addition I couldn't have been that light but Mom had no trouble lifting or carrying me.  Anyway she planted me on her hip and primped my bib using a corner of it to wipe some drool which had trickled from behind the shield of my pacifier.  She kissed me affectionately on the cheek. "Where's Daddy?" she asked.  I looked around then down the hall.

"Nnnnnnnnnn..." I chortled pointing in that direction.

"Has he gone outside and left baby all alone?" she asked quite sincerely.

"Ah huh."

"Awww never mind little one may be Mommy should put baby in his playpen."

"Nooooo!" I screeched trying to struggle out of her arms.

Mom chuckled. "It's alright sweetheart Mommy's not going to do that," a broad grin on her face. "Now you can play on your special mat so Mommy can do some sewing," she said carrying me over to a large plastic sheet which had appeared on the first day of my punishment and had remained ever since.  Mom had placed a few baby toys in a box for me to amuse myself with.

I ignored what Mom was doing as I got engrossed with playing with infantile blocks.  I should have been bored by them but for some strange reason I wasn't.  Maybe, just maybe, I was actually turning into a baby. 

For some inexplicable reason I started to rub my eyes.  Although I had had over two hours sleep that afternoon I found myself getting tired.  I was so used to seven o'clock bedtimes that my body clock was still attuned to that time.  Mom must have seen me rub my eyes because the next thing I knew I was being picked up and cuddled in her arms.  She seated herself back in her sewing chair and adjusted me until I was sitting astride her lap and lying against her chest.  I sighed as I leaned against her absorbing the warmth from her body and drinking in Mom's scent of soap, material, powder and body spray.  I could feel one of her hands rub my back.  It was nice.  I rubbed my face into her shoulder.  Mom giggled when I did that.

"Baby's tired, isn't he?" she asked softly.  I didn't respond. I just wanted to soak up my mothers presence.  When I thought about it, it had been a very long time since my mother last cuddled me or taken the time just to be with me yet today I seemed to get more than enough, mind you I wasn't complaining.  I wriggled my bottom rubbing my nappy over it, at the same time my bladder emptied.  I waited for Mom to say something because I was certain she would know I had wet myself.  In fact I was sure the pee would have been dampening her clothes but she said nothing.  Occasionally I felt her lips brush over my head and leave lasting pecks as they did so.  As I nestled in I could feel Mom's breast just below my face.  They were soft and spongy. I reckoned I could still taste them after that last time Mom let me suckle while my sister was being punished. I wondered if it would happen again. I started to whimper because I was tired.

"I know darling you're tired but Mommy just needs to check through this book then shell sort you out. I know what I can do...." she said softly as she trailed off.  Mom moved me slightly and happened to look down and saw her undoing the buttons to her shirt.  I watched spell bound as she pushed her hand inside her shirt and fiddled with something then she parted the material exposing her soft white breast. She hooked a finger into the ring of my pacifier easing it from my mouth letting it dangle on its chain. "Here baby," she whispered as she adjusted me until my face was level with the large brown areole and nipple.  Gripping her breast she pushed the nipple against my lips. I mewled, opened my mouth and sucked it in. As my mouth closed over her soft warm mammary I started to suck.  I felt her other hand on the back of my head holding me against her then I heard her sigh. "Good baby," she cooed. "That's it little one you suck on Mommy for a while."  So I did.  I must admit that an eleven year old boy sucking on his mother's breast is not the coolest thing in the world. In fact you could say it was a repulsive thing to do, but I was no ordinary eleven year old. I was a baby pure and simple, my family's baby.  I snuggled enjoying all the sensations that breastfeeding has.  I can now see why babies enjoy it.  Of course Mom had no milk but that didn't stop me from enjoying her or her letting me do it.

I could hear her flicking pages of a book over but basically I shut it out.  I could hear myself slurp and snuffle as I worked on her nipple.  The more I sucked on it the more it seemed to grow until it filled half my mouth.  I felt her hand pat and rub the seat of my nappy.

"Awww baby's got wet nap-naps as well," she cooed.

I don't know how long I suckled but Mom finally eased her nipple out. Of course I whimpered I didn't want it to end. Mom chuckled quietly. "I know darling you liked that didn't you?" I nodded then she smiled warmly. "Never mind little one I'm sure it'll happen again, would you like that?"

"Mmmmmmm," I moaned.

"Alright little one," she added then lifting me up she stood and adjusted me again in her embrace. "Right sweetheart I think it's time for one very tired baby to have his bottle, a nice nappy change and pop into his crib, eh, how does that sound?"  I didn't respond. 

Mom walked to the kitchen with me, heated a bottle in the microwave before pushing it to my lips.  I took the warm receptacle and starting swallowing the warm formula.  Mom encouraged me to hold the bottle as I was carried up to the nursery.  I lay on the changing table drinking my bottle while Mom changed me into my very thick night-time nappies which were covered with a pink pair of front opening waterproof baby pants.  As she was adjusting my nightie I heard the back door slam. Dad was inside.

"Let's go and say night-night to Daddy, shall we?" she said as Mom lifted me into her arms again and carried me out towards the lounge.  She stopped in the doorway and put me down.  Adjusting my nightie and bib and taking my bottle she said, "There sweetheart you go a kiss Daddy goodnight."  I nodded then waddled bow-legged into the lounge.  I had so much nappy between my legs that walking was difficult.  I approached Dad.  His eyes fell upon me then on Mom in the back ground.

"So you're still treating him like a girl," he growled.

"No Ron I'm not. That's over," Mom responded from behind me.

"Yeah a likely story after all the lies you've told him and me." Mom didn't respond but there was guilty look on her face.

"I'm not proud of what I've done, Ron. I know that," Mom responded. 

"Hmmm..." he mused still not impressed with my mother. "Anyway, what's with the girls' nightie?" he snapped.

"Because that's all he's got for bed at the moment until I make some more appropriate pyjamas," Mom explained.  Then Dad's face softened.

"Hmmmm.... well he does look sorta cute," he countered.

"Yes he does dear," Mom added her voice softening as well. "Any way they make nappy changing easier," she remarked.

"So you're still going to nappy punish him are you after all that's happened?" he remarked sourly clearly unhappy.

"No dear I'm not that's all over as I said...but the problems is he needs them at the moment because he's lost his potty training," Mom stated.

Dad glared at her. "Yeah well that's your fault Mary. I can't say I'm not surprised," he replied. "You've really created a fine mess, haven't you?"

Mom stared at Dad clearly uncomfortable. "Yes....well....I know that..." she paused. "Any way....he....ah....our son wants to wear them. He wants to be a baby," Mom hedged.  Dad stared at me then glanced at Mom.

"Mmmmmm I see..." then he paused thinking over what Mom had just said. Well that's your problem Mary you'll have to deal with it," he said.  "Like I said you created the problems so you'll have to deal with them," Dad added then he turned to me. "Is that true sweetie? Is that what you want to do?" he asked.

"Yes Dadda," I answered.  Then he smiled and picked me up.

"Alright little man if that's what you want."  Then he beamed at me. "You always were a cute baby," he added softly.  It was the same thing my mother had said.  I flung my small arms around his neck.

"Love you Dadda," I gurgled.

He chuckled. "I love you too little one nappies and all." Dad wrapped his arms around me.  I could feel his hand patting my thickly nappied bottom. "Well little one all ready for beddie-byes."  I nodded. He kissed my head and one hand caressed the mound between my splayed legs. "Already pinned up for the night eh?"

"Ah-huh," I lisped.  I looked towards Mom who approaching. "Nigh, nigh Dadda," I gurgled leaning into him.

"Night, night," he cooed to me giving me a squeeze. "Don't let the bed bugs bite."  I shook my head and Dad chuckled. He had a lousy sense of humour.  It was then that Mom reached in and plucked me off his knee.

"Come on little one," she cooed lifting me into her arms and putting my bottle back in my mouth.  I was carried from the lounge and down to the nursery.  Mom sat on the spare bed and cradled me until I had finished my bottle.  I was given a long cuddle during which I belched a couple of knots of wind, and finally she laid me in my crib.  I wriggled around before rolling over onto my tummy.  Mom stroked my head, adjusted my nightie, removed my bib hanging it over the end of the crib before tucking my cuddly pink, blue and yellow baby blanket around me. "Night night my sweet baby," she whispered. "Mommy loves you."

I smiled at her and sucked hard on my pacifier. "Nigh nigh Mama," I gurgled. "Wuboooo."

Mom raised the side of the crib, turned the light out leaving the very soft glow of the night-light burning before leaving pulling the door closed but not completely shutting it.

Part 18

A thin shard of light speared its way across the nursery from the slightly opened door.  I lay on my tummy looking at the door.  Slowly my eyes became accustomed to the dim light.  I happily sucked my pacifier.  It seemed nowadays that I always had something in my mouth; if it wasnt my pacifier (which was most of the time), it was bottle, or a spoon and today a breast nipple.  Of course, as a result my talking was slurred or lispish and very babyish.  Mom said I didnt have to use baby talk anymore but I was so used to it, it just appeared easier, and besides its difficult to talk when there is something constantly in your mouth. 

I wriggled my bottom and felt the soft cloth slip over my skin. I couldnt get my legs together because of my very thick nappy in fact, my legs were splayed apart.  I rubbed my face in the pillow.  Even though I appeared tired earlier I was in fact quite wide awake.  I allowed my mind to drift over the events of the day; the ˜photo day as I referred to it.  It had been such a monumental day in more ways than one.  The photograph session I found stressful and humiliating, then the nappy change which changed everything “ the laughter, the embarrassment, the humiliation all rolled into one.  My tantrum, because that was all it was “ a toddler tantrum which had really shaken everyone up especially my mother.  I cringed when I replayed the smack I gave to Moms face but it had had the desired effect.  It stopped her dead in her tracks as she was faced with the reality of what she had done and what she was doing to me.  From that moment on everything had changed especially my mothers attitude to me. She was suddenly tender, sweet and caring which she hadnt been in the past.  She saw for herself exactly how damaging her punishment of me had been; remorse set in and with that a whole new range of emotions were lavished on me.  She had no doubt I wanted to be a baby but a baby who was treated with the tenderness one expected from a mother and for me that was lovely.  For the first time in my life I truly felt wanted, cared for and above all, loved.  That was crux for me.

My sisters punishment was an eye-opener.  I had finally plucked up the courage to tell Mom about that baby-sitting night.  The whole incident had really hurt me.  It was then that I was fully exposed the evil side of my sister.  As far as I was concerned she crossed the line that night in terms of our brother-sister relationship.  As I said earlier I sort of liked my sister but after night my attitude changed.  I honestly didnt think I would ever be able to ˜tell on my sister.  She had kept such a fearful hold over me that I was truly frightened of her.  Her attitude on the morning of the photo shoot really sealed everything for me.  She was embarrassed by me.  As far as she was concerned I was her pathetic sissy brother who liked dresses.  There was no thought given to why or how I was in that situation.  It had been my mothers doing but she also had played a part as well.  Whats more she got immense pleasure out of humiliating me. There was no thought about her evil doings and what affect her actions and threats had had on me.  It was all about her. In fact with my sister everything was about her and no one else.  Sure, in some ways I blame Mom for that.  Mom pandered to me sister.  She let her get away with behaviours.  She believed all the lies my sister told especially about me. In my mothers eyes my sister could do no wrong.  In some ways Dad had a part to play although not a big one. He knew Sis lied and tried to intervene and point out to Mom the truth of many situations but Mom never believed him and even accused him of being tough on Sis. Mom just didnt want to know.  Boy now she knew!  I hope my mother was filled with guilt.  As far as I was concerned I hated my mother and she knew it.  And the great thing about that was Dad let her know as well.  I honestly believed that Mom thought that by indulging in my punishment nothing would change.  That she would still be able to manipulate me and keep me under her thumb, and that I would not be affected by it.  Boy she got that wrong big time. Mom got the shock of her life. She couldnt believe that her own child would hate her so intensely.  I believe that Mom thought she was untouchable.

So, when Mom punished my sister the tables had been turned.  I was actually surprised by its intensity and ferocity.  It was almost as if she was trying to make amends for all her past errors but somehow it was too late.  Mom should have been more even handed a long time ago. Unfortunately Moms action will create more problems for me, I could see that.  I knew my sister would never let me get away with; first of all telling on her, and second causing her to be so humiliated by Mom and Dad.  That worried me more.  I knew my sister could be vindictive it was just a matter of how her vindictiveness would manifest itself.

I rolled over onto my back and kicked the blanket off.  My eyes wandered over the shadows and silhouettes that made up my crib. I spied the outline of the mobile hanging over my crib.  Mom had put it there weeks ago but hadnt used it to date. I reached up and gave one of the butterflies a flick. They danced back and forth colliding with the others.  My elbow knocked my teddy lying in the corner.  I kicked my legs then bent them forward trying to touch my toes with my pacifier like I had seen babies do on some of my excursions to the mall in my previous life.  I just managed to do it.  I allowed my legs to drop and rolled around.  My hands went down to my baby pants and started to caress the soft flannelette or brushed cotton material which Mom had used as an outer cover. 

Mom made all my clothes, nighties, baby pants, bibs even my nappies.  At the beginning Mom used disposables but over time as they began to run out she replaced them with cloth nappies at night then gradually to cloth during the day.  What was amazing was that I never seemed to run out of nappies.  She didnt use baby nappies even though I was small for my age.  She made them all, cutting and sewing them in an appropriate size for me and despite the fact that I was changed up to 10 to 12 times a day I still didnt run out.  Mom used three nappies for each day time change and four at night, yet there were still enough nappies under the changing table and stacked on the side, as well as nappies in the laundry waiting to be washed and nappies drying.  That was one thing which Mom did not do; and it was something I really appreciated; she never hung my nappies outside to dry.  She saved me from that humiliation.  My nappies were dried on a special wooden drying rack which Dad had made.  It stood in the warm conservatory and appeared to dry quite well.  My baby pants ended up there as well as my other clothes. Mom didnt want the sun to ruin them.  My sister had tried a couple of times to hang all my baby things on the line.  She did it to try to humiliate and embarrass me, but Mom stopped her.  She would get really angry with Sis.

As I passed my fingers over the soft outer cover of my baby pants I felt the outline of my nappy pin partially buried in the soft nappy. My hand passed over my pants and down between my bulky crotch trying to push the massive wad of cloth into my groin.  I lifted my nightie exposing my bare stomach.  I saw my skinny torso vanish into a bulky confectionery of white cloth and pink baby pants with my skinny legs remerging from the bulk.  Then I did something I had never done before.  The one thing I had never done was play with my nappies.  Mom had never said anything about not touching them I just assumed that babies didnt play with their pants so I didnt.  Carefully I reached down until my fingers touched the topmost snap and eased it open with an audible ˜snap.  I caught my breath hoping it wasnt heard.  Slowly I opened the other three until the side of my baby pants were undone then slowly parted them until I could see the white bulky cloth of my nappy.  My fingers traced the soft cloth around my legs up over my hips following all the smooth soft hills and valleys in the cloth until I touched the steel nappy pin with its pink cap.  Mom used a range of nappy pins, some them I had bought and others she had which included girl colours or what I considered girl colours.  I continued to follow the soft cloth as it crossed over onto the front of my nappy where the nappy pin impaled the front and the side flap together.  Then I slowly pushed my hand down over the fluffy cloth deep inside my baby pants savouring the sensation of the soft contours right into my groin.  I swooned with delight.  I absolutely loved my nappies.  All the heart ache, humiliation and taunting I had endured had been worth it because now I was wearing what I had always wanted “ nappies - the fact that I was now considered a baby, which as far as I was concerned, was a bonus.  What was more important the punishment I had suffered meant that I needed my nappies, I was totally reliant on them.  All my control had evaporated.  Mom had ensured that even though I dont think she had intended to do so.  To me it was an obvious side effect of not being allowed to use a toilet.  I really didnt care.

I lay in my crib for a few minutes just absorbing the wonderful feelings my nappies generated within me before I decided to close my baby pants in case Mom came in.  I held my breath as each snap made its noisy ˜click as it closed.  As I wriggled around to get them closed, I noticed out of the corner of my eye the green light of the baby monitor sitting on my chest of drawers.  It was on!  Suddenly my heart pounded.  Had I been heard?  Would Mom suddenly burst in?  I lay quietly hoping against hope that she wouldnt. My heart thumped and my breathing shortened in anticipation of the ensuing punishment.

I dont know how long I lay still watching the door and waiting for impending doom. Nothing happened then an idea formed in my mind.  My sisters ˜night duty commenced tonight I think she needed a little practice to start her off. I knew there were four monitors in the system.  Obviously one was in the nursery with me but I wondered where the others were. I recalled seeing one sitting on the top of the fridge out in the kitchen, and another had to be in Moms room so the fourth could be in my sisters room.  There was only one way to find out.  I let ˜operation night duty begin.

Smiling to myself I grabbed my teddy and started chortling to it in a mixture of baby babble intermingled with squeals, giggles and squeaks.  Every so often I looked towards the door waiting for a response.  I decided to crank it up a bit by adding a fake cry, almost a cross between a squawk and wail.  To me it sounded like a baby cry so I hoped the same was heard elsewhere.  I dont know how long I kept up the performance.  I sounded pretty convincing to me.  Suddenly I heard Moms voice.

Cecilia! Cecilia the babys crying.  There was silence. Then Moms voice came again this time she sounded annoyed. Cecilia the babys crying get in there now and see whats wrong with him.  This was followed by some muffled conversation before Mom added loudly, Im not surprised you didnt hear him when the baby monitor is turned off. Dont do it again! That comment confirmed where the fourth receiver was.

A few minutes later the door to my nursery opened and Sis shuffled in turning on the light as she did so.  Immediately the nursery was bathed in bright light causing me to blink against the intrusion.  Sis leaned sleepily over the side looking at me.

Whats wrong with you? she grumped.  I noticed Mom loom up behind her.

You dont say that to a baby! she growled. He cant say whats wrong with him.

But hes smiling, moaned my sister. Hes probably being naughty, she added with glee.

Babies dont cry out to be naughty, Mom growled. Thats a horrible thing to say, she added. My sister dropped eyes.  Mom waited then continued, Youre right hes pleased to see you and me, so of course hell be happy but thats not naughty. Now how are you going to find out whats wrong? Mom said.

I dont know maybe hes wet, my sister asked hopefully.

You need to find out, Mom suggested. Lower the side of the crib, Mom instructed. Sis did so.  I kicked my legs and waved my arms about the same way a baby would. I looked at Mom and saw an amused expression on her face. Now Cecilia you need to go through a mental checklist to sort out whats wrong with the baby, Mom explained.

Huh, my sister replied perplexed.

A mental list of things to do to check the baby, Mom expanded.  My sister vaguely nodded, I wasnt convinced she knew what Mom was on about. Look Ill help this time but after tonight youre on your own, understand?  Sis nodded her understanding. Now the first thing you do is check the babys temperature. If hes feeling unwell youll be able tell my touching him, Mom explained. Sis stood there. Go on check his forehead, hands and feet.  My sister did that.  It felt funny having her caress my forehead, hands and then stroke my feet.  When she touched them I started to giggle because I was ticklish. Well¦

He feels cool, not hot or sweaty, my sister replied.

Good well done.  If he was unwell hed still be grizzling anyway, Mom stated. Now whats next?  My sister dithered.

I guess I check his nappy, she suggested.

Well done, Mom mocked. My sister started to undo my baby pants but Mom stopped her. You dont need to undo everything Cecilia just slip a couple of fingers inside his nappy, Mom instructed. Here Ill show you.  Mom slipped in beside Sis took my leg and opened it then slipped a couple of finger in between my inner leg and the cloth.  I felt them probe my nappy.  I knew I was dry.  She withdrew them. Now your turn, she said to my sister.  Sis did the same thing.

Hes dry, she finally said.

Good, said Mom. Hes not crying because hes wet, now what else?

Well hes not poopy because he doesnt stink, Sis said.

Maybe, maybe not dont always rely on smell check his nappy the same way, Mom said. Here Ill show you again.  Once again Mom reached into the crib smiling at me as she did so, and took one leg lifting it up and pulling the nappy away from the back of my thigh and looked into the gap created. She let my leg go. Now its your turn.  Sis did the same. Remember to look in between his nappy and bottom if hes pooped youll see it and, of course smell it¦well.

Hes clean, Sis replied.

Well done, now what else?

Maybe hes hungry, my sister suggested.

If he was hungry or thirsty hed still be grizzling, maybe wriggling and probably sucking on his hands. To check if he is slip his pacifier out and slip one of your fingers into his mouth.  My sister looked alarmed. He wont bite you. If hes hungry or thirsty hell suck your fingers, Mom explained.  My sister removed my pacifier, immediately I started to whimper because I liked it. Its alright darling you can have your ˜binkie back soon, Mom said in a soothing voice.  Grimacing, my sister gingerly put her finger to my lips. I moved my head away. The last thing I wanted was to have her finger in my mouth.  The more she tried the more I evaded her.

He wont let me, she moaned but I could tell she was relieved.

Well that means hes not hungry or thirsty, right put his pacifier back in.  My sister pressed it to my lips I took it immediately and sucked it frantically. Okay so the last thing to check is to see if he has any wind so youll need to pick him up, Mom suggested.

What! I cant hes too heavy, my sister moaned.

Nonsense Cecilia, hes a baby of god sake so pick him up, Mom snapped she was growing impatient with my sister.  My sister sighed and slouched.  She reached into the crib, slipped her hands under my armpits and lifted me off the mattress.  I pushed my feet into the soft surface to help her and finally with some effort she had me in her arms, one hand under my thickly padded rump and the other behind my back. I could tell by her face she was struggling.  Almost immediately I belched several times. It was co-incidental but my sister certainly didnt think so nor did Mom. There, thats was wrong with baby he had some wind, Mom cooed. Did you have some windies little one? she said sweetly rubbing my back.  Well done Cecilia. Now, of course the more you do this the better and quicker youll get, in fact after a while youll know instantly whats wrong with baby as soon as you attend to him, okay? Mom congratulated my sister. Right give the baby to me, she said reaching across my sister and lifting me out of her arms. Ill sort the baby out from here. You can scuttle back to bed. Youve done well for your first time but remember you still have to get up at two for his bottle, she reminded my sister. And turn the light out on your way out. My sister did so plunging the nursery into darkness which slowly dissipated as the dull glow from the night light kicked in.

Mom continued to cuddle me.  I could just feel her hand patting my padded rump. Such a good baby, she murmured. Such a good baby, she repeated. Then she chuckled slightly. I know you did that on purpose, didnt you?  I smiled to myself so she couldnt see. Didnt you? she pressed. I did respond with a slight nod.  There was no malice or anger in Moms voice in fact I think so was amused.  I snuggled into her. I know you did honey and Im not angry, in fact I think its amusing, your sister needed to learn, and I know you were getting back at her and thats okay she deserved it.  Just remember youre a baby and you cant help it if you happen to wake, Mom added with clear humour in her voice.  In fact she was encouraging me to ˜milk the situation.  Mom sat on the spare bed and manoeuvred me until I was sitting on her lap. Gently she eased me back until I was cradled in her arms.  I know what my baby would like, she whispered.  I couldnt see a lot but I knew by the way she was moving that she was undoing her blouse again.  I felt my pacifier being eased from my mouth. I mewled. Shhhh little one Mommys got something else," she whispered.  I felt a hand on the back of my head, and in the half-light saw Mom lift her breast and press it against my lips. I mewled again this time opening my mouth and she pushed her nipple.  I accepted it gratefully and sucked on it. Mom sighed.  This was the third time today Mom had allowed me to suckle her breast. I had the nagging feeling that this may be the precursor of something else to come.

Part 19

I didnt remember being laid in my crib.  A while later, I dont know how long, I was roused by Moms voice in the distance. As I rose to consciousness I could feel something or someone fiddling with my nightie. I wriggled. Dont change him now, Mom said in a quiet voice.  Give the baby his bottle first.

But Mom hell be wet, my sister replied.

Yes he will but the bottle is more important, beside babies always wet while theyre having their bottle and hes no different, Mom responded.

Okay, my sister huffed.  It was clear by her tone of voice she was not happy being roused in the early hours of the morning to bottle feed her ˜baby brother but Mom was quite insistent. It was part of her punishment and she was not going to get out of it.

With some effort my sister lifted me out of my warm crib and settled on the spare bed.  She slipped my pacifier out. I started to grizzle because I wanted it and didnt want to be up.  My sister pressed the warm teat against my lips it slipped into my mouth of course out of reflex I sucked only to gag when the warm formula hit the back of my throat. I grizzled more.

Whats wrong with him? my sister asked.

Hes tired, sleepy and not used to a night bottle. Hell be fine once he gets started, Mom reassured my sister.  I drank the bottle slowly at first then quickened up towards the end.  The empty bottle was removed and thankfully my sister reinserted my pacifier.  She was about to lay me on the changing table when Mom stopped her. Lay the baby in his crib Cecilia then you only have to handle him once. You can change his nappy in there then it will be easier to tuck him in, Mom suggested.  Sis did that.

Just as she was opening my baby pants I belched and there was a rush of warm formula spurting from my mouth. My sister screeched.

Be quiet Cecilia, Mom hissed. Then she surveyed the mess of course I started to cry because the regurgitation of formula had frightened me because it hadnt happened before. Serve you right Cecilia. You must never¦never¦never put a baby back to bed immediately after a bottle. You didnt bother to wind him, Mom snapped she sounded angry. You cannot rush a night feed just because you dont want to do it and get back to bed. Youre doing this every night whether you like or not so youre going to do it properly, understood? Mom demanded. 

Yes Mom, my sister replied very dejectedly.

Right leave his nappy and clean up the mess, Mom demanded.

But how¦

Use your common sense girl use his bib and pick him up in fact¦get out of the way¦ Mom snapped and pushed my sister aside. Come to Mama baby, she cooed.  Awww whos a messy bubba? she soothed. I whimpered more. Shhh baby its not your fault.  Mom lifted me into her arms and cuddled me once more.  Using my bib she wiped my face, neck and nightie. Now I smelt like baby formula. Dont just stand there Cecilia clean the mess up, remove his pillow and place some nappies across the mattress in the meantime.  My sister dithered. Hurry up for god sake. I started to cry at the sound of my mothers rough and angry voice. Shhhh baby Mommys not angry with you little one, Mom tried to soothed jiggling me up and down like you would a younger baby, and patting my wet nappy. Leave the pillow in the meantime, Mom snapped. And get the nappies across the mattress so I can lay the baby down. Mom instructed in a rough tone.  But my sister was slow. Oh never mind Ill do it here, Mom said clearly annoyed with my sister. 

I was finally laid on the changing table and swiftly with sure fingers and deft touches my wet night nappy was changed for a dry one. Pass me the babys pants please, Mom asked coolly.  Soon these were snapped in place.  By the time my sister fluffed about with laying the nappies across the head of my mattress Mom had me changed and I was back in her arms. Right Cecilia Ill put the baby down you take the pillow out to the laundry. You can wash it tomorrow then get yourself into bed.  My sister went to leave but Mom stopped her. You neednt think youre going to get out of this because youre not, my mother said in hissed whisper. As I said earlier youre doing this as a punishment and I decide when the baby stops having night feeds. Do I make myself clear?

Yes Mom, my sister whispered clearly embarrassed. Sorry.

Mmmmm, Mom replied not convinced.  My sister left.  Mom picked up the empty bottle and turned the light out in the nursery and carried me through the darkened house.  The only light was coming from my sisters room.  We met Cecilia on the way back to her room.  She ignored us as she scurried past.

Mom placed the empty bottle in the sink then slowly carried me into the dark lounge.  It felt nice cuddled up in her warn, secure embrace.  I shifted my body and snuggled into her more.  I belched again.

Oops baby more windies, she whispered giving my back a firm rub. Thats a good baby bring it up for Mommy.  Slowly she walked around the lounge I dont know why but she seemed to have some purpose.  Then her voice broke my serenity. You know I used to do this a lot when you were little and I used to love it, she said very softly.  I didnt respond I felt her comment didnt need any input from me. And Im loving this now. Its bringing back such fond memories, she added.  I sighed and sucked on my pacifier.  Eventually Mom sat on the couch and carefully shifted me until I was once again cradled in her arms.  I felt certain I knew what was coming next. Sure enough my pacifier was removed and in the dark her nipple found its way into my mouth.  I wriggled in response and snuggled in closer taking more for her breast into my mouth.

Mama, I burbled looking across her creamy breast and up into her shadowy face.

Moms lips caressed my forehead as she pecked at my warm skin several times. Shhhh little one Mamas here darling. Mamas always here for her baby, she murmured.  A short while later I heard Dads voice in the background.

There you are Mary. Whats going on? he asked in sleepy voice.

Its alright Ron Im feeding the baby so go back to bed, Mom replied.

I thought¦ he trailed off.

Ill tell you later, Mom reassured him.

When my eyes flicked open again daylight was trying to push its way into my nursery.  My eyes rested upon the bars and the back wall.  I rolled over as I did so I felt the very familiar feel of my wet nappy cringing to my bottom and slithering over my skin.  I yawned nearly losing my pacifier.  I listened for any movement in the house. All was quiet except for the twittering of birds outside the nursery window.  It must be early I assumed.  I yawned and found myself drifting off to sleep as I did so I gave a couple of involuntary grunts and drifted off to sleep as warm poop filled my nappy.

A swishing sound of the curtains being opened roused me again. I rubbed my eyes as Moms face appeared over the rail.

Good morning baby, she smiled. Hows Mommys baby this morning? I smiled back and kicked my legs like some happy excited infant.  She lowered the rail and immediately she rubbed her hand down over my bulging baby pants and down between my legs.  I squirmed under her touch then her eyes widened. I think babys got poo-poo nap-naps this morning. Have you got a parcel in your nappies for Mommy?  I think you have¦oh yes I do, she prattled beeping the shield of my pacifier.  I squeaked and gurgled at her.  She eased my legs further apart and lifted one then pulling the nappy away from my thigh she peered in between the nappy and my bottom then grinned at me. Oh yes baby has, hasnt he? Hes got a very messy nappy for Mama this morning, she cooed letting my leg go and affectionately rubbing my tummy.  I giggled and squirmed under her affectionate assault.  Mom reached over the end of my crib and retrieved the vinyl changing mat, grabbed my ankles then lifting my bottom clear of the mattress slipped it underneath.  This was a change in routine which caught me by surprise.  Mom had left me lying in my crib. It was obvious she intended to change me instead of sending me for a bath.  Mom must have seen the look of surprise on my face because it softened. Its okay baby Mommys going to change your nappy and give you a lovely warm bath after breakfast precious, she informed me. I know its a change from your normal routine but I think babies are better bathed after breakfast because they get in such a mess when they eat, dont they?  I nodded but what choice did I have, none really, and actual fact I didnt care because my personal care had been taken out of my hands a long time ago.

It felt strange having my nappy change while lying in my crib in fact it made me feel more like a baby than ever. I reached over and grabbed my teddy while Mom was cleaning my dirty bottom. The smell of poop and pee filled the air around us but Mom wasnt fazed by it and I certainly didnt care.  I wrapped my arms around my teddy and buried my face in it. Mom saw me.

Awww is baby giving teddy loves.  Awww isnt that sweet, she gushed.  I blushed.  Eventually Mom finishing cleaning my butt and soon I was pinned into another night-nappy.  Again this surprised me as my mind flashed back to the photo session the day before.  Mom saw my worried expression and was quick to reassure me.  Its alright baby nothings going to happen like yesterday, she soothed patting the thick white mound bunched between my legs and when she picked me up I realised why she had done it because she hadnt put any baby pants on.  The extra nappy was to ensure that if I wet, which I was bound to do, I wouldnt wet everything else. There was enough cloth to absorb anything I delivered.

Mom slipped me on to my feet, picked up the soiled nappy dropping it in the nappy pail and started to leave the room.  I stood rooted to the spot teetering on my feet trying to get my balance because the very thick confection between my legs.  Mom stopped and looked back at me smiling then extended her hand. Come on darling breakfast time little one.  I waddled towards gurgling like a baby then lifted my arms. Mom chuckled and picked me up planting me on her hip. Alright baby, she cooed and we left heading for the kitchen.

Suddenly she veered the other way heading towards her sewing room.  She dropped me to my feet and slipped across the room to gather something white and yellow from the sewing table.  As I turned to see what she was doing I was confronted by her huge, tall dress-making mirror. The image I was confronted with astounded me.  I had never seen myself before since that fateful night so many weeks ago. You tend to get a distorted view of yourself whenever you look down and never in all my wildest dreams did I ever think I looked like the image mirrored before me.  What confronted me at that moment changed my whole perspective of myself.  There, reflected in the clear glass was an overgrown toddler probably about the size of a 5 or 6 year old, with tousled blonde hair cascading over its head in curls and waves, a white pacifier bobbling in its mouth, a pink nightie falling from the shoulders to about the bottom of where its butt cheeks would have been and wrapped tightly around its nether region, held in place by two large pink tipped steel nappy pins was a white, thick fluffy nappy; and protruding from the white mass were a pair of pink, skinny legs.  This was me! Who else would it be? What made the image even more captivating was the fact my skin was pink and hairless.  I looked like a toddler, a baby even, but a heavily nappied toddler all the same.  The image of a grown boy hideously dressed as an overgrown toddler; which I had formed in my mind over the preceding weeks; was completely shattered.  Mom must have seen my trance like state as I stared into the mirror because she appeared behind me smiling broadly and slipping her fingers through my blonde wavy locks.

You havent seen yourself like this before, have you? she asked softly her fingers caressing my scalp.

No, I whispered hoarsely.

Well sweetheart this is the image I see every day and every time I look at you, she informed me. And I love what I see. You were a beautiful baby when you were little and even now that hasnt changed. Youre a beautiful baby now. Dont you think so? she asked softly.  I didnt respond instead I just sucked vigorously on my pacifier.  Then she crouched down beside me rubbing her hand up and down the seat of my fluffy nappy. Moms soft voice brought me out of my revelry. Dont you think so darling? she pressed softly. She waited for my response. I suppose you thought you looked like some big hairy boy dressed in hideous baby clothes and looking like a very stupid big overgrown hairy toddler, Mom remarked.  I looked at her.  I realised that that was what I had had actually envisaged.

Yeth Mommy, I finally whispered.  Mom looked deep into my eyes and her face softened.

No darling you dont, she whispered. You dont look like that horrible boy you think you are. As I said you look like an adorable toddler, a very adorable toddler, she emphasized.  In fact you look so adorable it makes me feel warm inside. I never thought I would get my sweet baby back again but I have.  Its just a pity it took some grief from both of us in the intervening time for this beautiful image to be realised and reappear again, Mom said warmly and with sincerity as she turned me and pulled me into a warm affectionate hug.  I laid my head on her shoulder and gazed into the mirror. She pushed her hand up my back lifting my pink nightie out of the way and exposing my thick, white, fluffy nappy fully.  I could see my pink skinny torso emerge from the top of the white confection and my equally skinny legs protrude from below like sticks out of a popcorn bubble.  The nappy appeared to engulf my nether region like some very puffy, white marshmallow.  I wiggled my bottom inside the nappy watching the cloth move as I did so.  I loved what I was seeing.  My nappied baby image was imprinting itself into my psyche.  I sighed at the sight of me, this cute toddler wrapped in Moms arms her hand pushed up under my pink nightie even further and rubbed and patted my exposed nappied bottom further reinforcing my baby status in her eyes.  I pulled myself closer.  Mom broke her embrace and kissed me affectionately on my forehead. Youre beautiful Jimmy. Really beautiful, even in dress, she said. I baulked immediately and tried to pull away. Mom could see the look of consternation on my face.  Her face softened and she chuckled lightly. Its alright baby Im only joking. I know you dont want to dress like a girl and I promised I wouldnt but its true sweetheart you do make a beautiful baby girl, she added.  Mom pulled me closer again and patted my nappied bottom again. I was shaking slightly. Its alright, she cooed. I promise I wont¦well not all the time anyway. I stiffened again. Relax baby I promise I wont put you in dresses¦very often. 

I shook my head. Nooo Mommy.  Noooo I dont want too. You promised! I said quite adamantly getting upset at her innuendos.

Alright, alright baby its okay I wont. I know I promised, she reassured me. She could see that her suggestions and innuendos were upsetting me.  Unless you say otherwise, okay, she added trying to placate me.

Ah-huh.  It felt really good being wrapped in Moms arms and looking at my ˜baby reflection in the mirror again.  I watched as Mom eased me up until she was standing and she was holding me like a baby.  She, too, looked at the vision of herself and me in the mirror “ a mother with her baby; albeit a larger baby but a baby nonetheless; in her arms.

Such a beautiful baby, she whispered again for my benefit looking at the image of both of us in the mirror, then kissed me affectionately on the cheek. I dont want this image ever to end. I just love what Im seeing.  My baby is in my arms where he should be, she breathed ever so softly. Isnt that right darling?  I nodded.  You dont want this to end either, do you?

No Mama, I responded ever so softly in return.  She smiled and hugged me tighter patting my fluffy padded rump.  It seemed that every time my mother held me her hand would gravitate to my nappied bottom and she would either rub or pat it.  It appeared to be a mother thing.  Almost as if she was reinforcing my baby status and reassuring herself that her baby was present.  At was obvious that nappies confirmed that a child was a baby, and by patting my nappy Mom was confirming that my nappies were very much part of my existence.  Anyway, thats what I thought, and thats what I secretly wanted.

Nor do I baby. Nor do I, she said with such emotion and sincerity. I love my baby boy, she added. Picking up the white and yellow bits of cloth she said, Come on, does Mommys gorgeous baby want some breakfast? I nodded enthusiastically. I was actually quite hungry.