This really hurt. I tried desperately to deny this part of myself, because if the one person who loved me most couldn't handle it, it must be horrible? After two years of misery, I gave up. I didn't give up the ABDL side, I just gave up expecting anything out of my husband. It wasn't as if we had even had much sex after I confessed to him, once a month isn't exactly my idea of frequent.
Now, I wear my diapers to bed whenever I can, along with footed pajamas. He ignores it, and I'm less sad and angry.
The closest thing to acceptance he has done is buying me a couple of coloring books. Some day, I might leave. Some day, he might pay attention to me while I'm being little. Some day, aliens might carry me away...
For now I wait.
The Making of an AB
Some people would say I had a wonderful childhood. These would be people who never saw the true face of my family. My family, from the inside, was far from ideal. I would never say that I had it nearly as bad as some others I have met--no intentionally broken bones, for instance. However, the few times my bio-parents became physical, it was actually a relief to me. At least when someone puts bruises on your body, you're not left wondering if you are "just being too sensitive!"
I was literally 30 before I ever heard my father say that he was proud of me, without immediately qualifying it with some other comment that made it plain that he didn't mean it. I was the also-ran child. For those who don't get the reference, my whole life (even now) if my father introduces my sister and I to someone it is: "This is my daughter (name) and her sister.". No name added, nothing. I am simply (---'s) sister.
Since my elder sister was constantly sick, I was the family servant. I began cooking at age 8, having become the dishwasher and cat keeper at 6. I was the dependable child, never sick, and learned early not to complain.
Our house had 1 rule. Not joking, 1 rule.
"There is no crying in public, unless you are bleeding, or have a visibly broken bone. Public includes all rooms within the house except your bedroom. Public also includes all commercial buildings, other people's homes, vehicles, and the outdoors(if anyone else is outside). If you can be heard while inside your room, it is considered public."
I have always wanted to return to being a baby/small child, as long as I didn't have to relive MY childhood.
Will add more later, if anyone wants to read it. Thanks
I have been gone from this site for a long time. Things have happened in my life, good and I'll, and it has taken me away from here. Now, most of the time I come here, I just read the stories. Nothing against any people here, it is just too painful to try and interact. Truth: I am stil married to the same person. He still will not interact with my little self. I have given up wearing diapers, because it is too hurtful to see the rejection in his eyes. I now own 2 pairs of footed PJs, and 2 footless ones. This is the closest thing to being little in my life, other than reading stories here, and on one other site. I no longer have any sex life, since once every 2-4 months doesn't count to me. Especially since it typically lasts less than 5 minutes.
My sister is expecting a child soon. Please pray to any deity or force you believe in that the child will not be raised the way we were, they will need all the help they can get.
Goodbye
