Please help with someone coming out

~*Christie Luv*~

Posted on May 11th, 2008 ~ 3:43 am

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Hi sweeties! Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all work together in helping people wanting to come out? Its such an important thing to many of us and you can help someone be happy expressing themselves! I'm making this thread a sticky, so lets get sticking to it!

Here you can think of your best ideas to help someone feel more comfortable with expressing their AB and/or Femme self with people they would like to come out to.

Please only post in here to post ideas so they can find them easily.

~Thank you darlings!~

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~*Christie Luv*~

Posted May 11th, 2008 ~ 3:44 am

I'll go ahead and post some of my ideas! I hope these can help you out sweeties!

* Try to find friends with the same interests in your area, you can help each other feel more comfy being yourself in front of other people, support each other, have fun get togethers, throw parties, play games with your interests and many other things!

* If you have a backyard, courtyard or something like that you can practice being yourself out there to help give you the feeling of being more comfortable outside as yourself.

* Find a good chat room (Sissy Kiss Chat!) Since its the most like being in real time with people you can practice being social as yourself in there.

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littlegirl_inside

Posted May 12th, 2008 ~ 10:40 am

What a wonderful idea, it would be great to hear from other sissies about coming out. I myself have come out more in the last couple of years. From joining here, starting my own blog to buying lots of pretty dresses and outfits. I want to come out more and see each small step a mini adventure.

That's the key I feel, small steps. Finding where you want to be and going for it. Being a sissy is such a wonderful experience and I have found that since I accepted I was a sissy I could then embrace it and enjoy it.

Coming out can be scary but can also be rewarding. It's a pink, frilly world out there and through places like Sissy Kiss there is oodles of support and advice. Coming out to a loved one should be about the positives rather than some horrible dark secret. After all what we do harms no-one and in many ways makes you the person you are. If it is seen in a fun way then I think there is more chance of acceptance, but I know it is easier for some and harder for others.

But take small steps, find where you want to be, chat with other sissies and most important have fun.

x x x

Samantha

~cliques~

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Lavander

Posted May 12th, 2008 ~ 3:36 pm

* If you have a backyard, courtyard or something like that you can practice being yourself out there to help give you the feeling of being more comfortable outside as yourself.

Please allow me to expand on this one. One way I found to become comfortable outside is to rent a motel room and dress up there. It is exciting to be femme in unfamiliar surroundings and it is good practice for coming out. You can dress to your hearts content and take it only as far as you dare. Open the window, and sit at a table by the window reading or watching TV. Step outside your room for a breath of fresh air. Walk to your car for something. Walk to the ice machine or soft drink machine. Get into your car and drive around the block. Take your car through town. Perhaps, you could get out and stretch your legs. Maybe later walk around for a bit.

Each of these things keeps you as close as you feel you need to be to your lifeline of privacy. Taking small sissy baby steps each time will help you feel safer and each time you take a step it will be exciting and fun.

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tamie

Posted May 21st, 2008 ~ 7:12 pm

HMMM..this thread is just for me...little ol me!well i actually have found a coach to help!!..so I started with just womens jeans and some nice tops..go to grocery store..errands etc...now its crops and cute tops..cuffed shorts..cute flip flops ..but start subtle..you will fins that people are lost in there own little world..and most do not see..after awhile your confidence builds!!It helps that I now embrace the TG thing..I am proud of this..and so it is now all about learning!!
I will be watching for tips..thanks gurls
Tamie

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prissyprincess

Posted December 1st, 2008 ~ 9:45 pm

Some of the book stores around the colleges have a board for private messages , You reg. get a # for your post,s and make a post to meet with some one who have same interest,s . meet in a coffee shop where you can feel each other out and talk about thing,s . Just a thought . I did this a few times and there,s plenty of other,s with same interest,s out there . But hard to just meet them any other way .

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babie

Posted January 17th, 2009 ~ 11:54 pm

realy not sure then again a neighbor may have same interest some thing you never know . its very hard

likes my fanny in warm hands and to be foundle by anyone you would like to play .

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Sevilst

Posted January 10th, 2010 ~ 4:45 am

<3 be strong.

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KitaSparkles

Posted January 6th, 2011 ~ 7:27 pm

I read this with interest, and asked Christie if it would be okay if I posted a somewhat different view to this. She said it was okay, and I hope she posts some of what she said to me in PM, because it was good. But I do say this so everyone knows I am not just being disagreeable - I asked for permission first.

I had a situation in which I was outed. Not that I "came out", but that someone did it for me. When they did, they of course put their own spin on things and made great exaggerations. In addition, they decided to make themselves anonymous ... all well and good to out someone else, as long as no one knows who YOU are, I guess.

Because of this "outing" I lost a lot. I lit my job, my home, and many friends. The financial blow is staggering and will take me years to recover. On the other side of the coin, I was accused by a certain group of bringing unwanted attention to them, and they "circled the wagons" and threw me out after 9 years of service. They also had their list of rather wild accusations against which I had to defend myself. I think some of them feel bad - just not bad enough to admit this was an extremely wrong course of action - I do feel that they are 100% convinced in their own minds that this was what had to be done.

So what we have are two extremes, both of which refuse to accept me, even though I have broken no rules that either extreme has set. Each looks at the other extreme with disdain.

One extreme says, "This is so private, that if anyone becomes slightly known to be involved with it, we have to cut off ties with them so we don't get caught too!" Would I have been in this same camp had I not been the one who became known? I like to think I would not have - I hope I am right about that. I like to think there is a little more support than that to be had out here.

Another extreme says, "There is no such thing as privacy! You have to tell us everything!" Well, screw you. I do not have to tell anything I don't want to, and it isn't any of your business anyway. It never was. It never would be unless I chose to share it.

Therein lies the balance. You have to know where and when to share his side of yourself. I am forever seeing young ABies asking how they can tell their parents about this. My position has always been the same ... why do you think your parents need to know?? I mean honestly - they worry enough about you already. It's not like telling them is going to make anything any better.

If someone is a potential life partner, then of course you should tell them about yourself on this level. But not on the first date. ;-) If you have a friend who is not trustworthy, you should already know telling them is a bad idea.

Now, my friends who caused me such trouble in life offline have a live-view which is totally outside of anything like TTWD (This Thing We Do). I knew that and as such, this was a side of myself that never needed to be shared. It was shared without my permission or knowledge. It has been said to me that if we were to come out, people would see we are just normal everyday people and this is one small facet ... we are not all weirdos. I suggest that this is not the case with everyone. These people knew me for years and their view of who I am changed that quickly. Some would say they must not be very good friends, and you may be right. Everyone sees you as a different person - you are a son, a father, a brother, a friend - and to some here you may be a sister, a Mommy, a babysitter, a sissy daughter, and so on. It's okay for different people to perceive you differently, and there is not always a good reason to disrupt that.

My advice from experience - be very careful about who, why, and when you come out. In addition, for gods sake be careful about what you put online! Pictures that one can tell are of you never go away. You only have control of them as long as it takes for someone else to copy it to their hard drive. Personal details are the same.

For some of us, "coming out" would mean a complete change of life. I don't think that is necessary for all of us.

Cliques:

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~*Christie Luv*~

Posted January 7th, 2011 ~ 11:15 am

Thank you Kita Sparkles for sharing that! I think it's important to know the outcome can be very good, or it can be very bad, but it also can reveal who your true friends are. In the end you can find the people who you should be spending your time with are the ones who accept you for you, and when you do find those people it can be one of the most freeing experiences. Another thing I find very freeing is finding a state of mind where we don't worry if people think bad of us over something that isn't actually bad, and not being afraid to explain to others that don't know about it, how it is just a harmless part of ourselves, that is very unique, yes, but that's one of the things that makes it fun.

When coming out I advice people to not put themselves in a spot where if the person who you came out to can do something like fire you if they become closed minded about it. Basically just if they can harm you in some way that you don't think you can handle. If you can handle it then that is awesome, and the AB and sissy community needs people that can handle it.

I think I'll share my PM with Kita, as I kind of summed up a lot of my thoughts on this:

"You certainly can, there is no problem talking about it. Even if I hope to encourage people to come out if they are in a situation where they will not be harmed if they do. Me encouraging people to come out doesn't mean I'm saying there isn't going to be bumps in the road when they do it. It depends on everyone's individual situation, and each person can't really say if they had a good or bad experience, that it means everyone else will have the same experience.

When gay people first started coming out they hit a lot of bumps in the road. I remember when people thought gay people will never be accepted in society, and look it how that has all changed. I'm just 28, that was just 15 years ago when I heard gay people will never be accepted, and sodomy will always be illegal.

It was those brave few who paved the way for others to come out which prevented society from seeing them as the "other" who is wrapped in rumor made stereotypes, and coming out "humanized" them, so society finally recognized them as neighbors, uncles, aunts, etc. who are this way but it doesn't harm anything, because of reason given by the brave people who came out, and explained why they were the way they were.

That is what is going to have to happen with every minority who is in the closet just for being different. It's not a situation right now were everyone who comes out is only going to be hurt. As a webmissy I've met many people who are out, and are very happy, and I believe society can eventually be tolerant of us like they are with gay people if we encourage people to be out, and let people be educated about us. The opposite effect will happen if we are not out, and the only way people here about us is through nasty prejudging rumors, and the occasional crazy person that ends up in the news. "

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wittle_bwittany

Posted February 4th, 2011 ~ 4:16 pm

the webmissy is absolutely right. coming out may have a negative effect in the beginning but things will get better. world will become more accepting as more and more of us come out and stand up for ourselves.

so lets assume you really have nothing of great importance to lose and you want to come out to the entire world. (this is exactly what happened with me.)

the internet is a great place to start. i posted a blog on myspace a couple years ago and at first no one even took notice of it. i was getting impatient so i told a friend who i knew couldnt keep a secret to go read it. they did and needless to say, i was the talk of the entire school by the next morning.

in the blog i said this "this probly isnt the best way to tell the world this, but im doing anyway.

im a crossdresser. i hate that word, it just seems derogatory to me, but its accurate enough.

i personally dont care what anyone thinks about it anymore. i havent toldmy perents but i plan to soon enough. this is who i am and nothing is going to change it no matter how i hard i try.

and trust me i've tried. for years i've hated myself and felt guilty about it. but now after learning a great many things about myself, and going through what can only be described as torture at the hands of unknowing people, i've come accept it.

oh and for the members of my church that are one my freinds list, i've read deuteronomy 22:5. and like just abot everything in the bible, it can be interpreted in many ways. no matter how streightforward.. it may seem. i personally dont see the way most people do. i dont see me being this way as a sin or even a slight problem.

frankly im tired of living in secrecy. i just want to be myself.

in the immortal words of boston, "all i want is to have my peice of mind"

and that was about it. the next few months were a mix of questions and insults and the occasional dirty look. after a wile no one even seemed to care anymore. hell by the end of the year people were making jokes about it and i was just playing along.

one joke i thought was actually pretty funny. theres this guy named jeremy who is a total prick and happens to be flamboyantly gay. at graduation a guy says "jeremy must love graduation cause he finally gets to wear a dress in public." to wich i replied "hey i resent that! fags like jeremy dont wear dresses." and another guy says "yeah and crossdressers like you do." i laughed and said "damn straight they do."

but getting back to the topic at hand, just be careful about who you tell and how. i was a high school student with nothing to lose. you may have something worth holding on to, and if you do, dont tell anyone that can take that away from you.

i am brittany her royal puffiness!!!

im officially in love with the color pink.

*hugs and kisses for all*

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Robyn

Posted February 5th, 2011 ~ 4:41 am

God made you; and God loves you. God does not make mistakes. You are not a mistake.

Be as happy as you can, girl. You are what you are, and there is nothing you can do about nor should do about it. Hang in there --whether you are "in" or "out." And we love you too.

Love,
Robyn-Anne

PS And for my one try at being high-brow and philosophical you get to look at my perverse new additions to my signature! There is no justice!!! (waha)

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Miss Sophie

Posted April 20th, 2011 ~ 11:06 pm

Hello Girls!

I felt I had to comment as I am currently kind of in the middle of this experience.

Recently I was 'Outed by accident' in a fairly intimidating situation.
Long story but in short this was not planned, nor was it welcome.
The thought of coming out had not crossed my mind.
I was fairly sure I would be Sissy in private, probably even in secret, for the forseeable future.

Anyway, suddenly my 'secret' was out.
I was terrified. I felt sure I would be regarded as a 'Freak' or a 'Pervert'.
I've lived with the truth of my identity for as long as I can remember.
Over that time secrecy and fear of discovery have played a huge part in my life.

Yet, now that the truth is 'Out' I have found people willing to accept me.
They seem far more at ease with who I am than I (sometimes) am myself, to be honest.

Don't get me wrong, there are still those who look on me with disgust.
I know they would seek to harm me if they thought they could.
Unfortunately there will always be people like that.
I just have to be careful. Sad, but true.

I am trying to be brave enough not to let the (relatively) few bigots frighten me into denying who I really am.

I am not fully 'Out', in that I am not en femme full-time.
I'm just trying to be honest about who I am, one day at a time.
I have good days and I have bad days.
But everyday I feel more and more myself.

It IS difficult and frightening, every day.
But NOT as bad as living in denial with a constant nagging fear.

Finding Sissy Kiss has given me another outlet where I can express myself safely. I've found friendship, acceptance and the knowledge I am not alone.

I hope you can find that too.

Love Sophie

XOXOXOX

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