Ooooo this grinds my gears

Posted on December 6th, 2009 ~ 8:14 am

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I just read this letter in the "Dear Abby" Column that really peeved me. It seems, to me, that Abby is one of those closed minded nitwits who doesn't believe in bisexuals. This man, a man with serious trust issues, finds out his girlfriend is bisexual and starts thinking he'll end up like Ross on Friends.

Her advice? Don't commit until she makes up her mind. Could the girlfriend be unsure? maybe. But nowhere in the following letter do i see anything that says "Megan" is at all confused about anything.

Abby jumped the gun on this one. She should've advised him on his issues, and left any speculation on the girlfriend for a different time, and only if she received more information.

Just because she's bisexual, doesn't mean she needs to explore her bisexuality. And telling CIRI that she does, will only damage their relationship.

The text of the letter follows:

"DEAR ABBY: I am 30 and have been dating my girlfriend, "Megan," for a few months. She's 22. I'm in love with her, but I can't seem to get something out of my head.Megan told me she is bisexual. She says she has never been with a woman, but she's attracted to them. I was in this situation before. My last girlfriend left me for another woman, and I'm afraid it'll happen again. I love Megan and would like to spend the rest of my life with her, but I'm afraid she may one day decide she missed out on something and want to pursue other options.
Megan swears she wouldn't cheat on me with anyone -- man or woman. Should I end this now, before we go any further, or am I being paranoid and worrying for nothing?" -- CONFUSED IN RHODE ISLAND

"DEAR CONFUSED: Megan has been honest with you. She's also 22, and she may not be sure of exactly who she is. Until she's certain about what she wants, it is premature of you to be considering a permanent relationship. At 30, you are ready to settle down. Megan may need time and the freedom to do some exploring before she will be."

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Wannabe_Baby

Posted December 6th, 2009 ~ 12:48 pm

You know, I'm not sure. At first glance, the advice does seem biphobic (if that's a term) but I think it's almost warranted. If CIRI's last girlfriend really did leave him for another woman, his issues with trust aren't surprising and I can really sympathise with him. In fact, his trust issues are frankly right on the money and I praise him for being so willing to get into a relationship again. But looking at the advice given again, I think it could be interpreted as the two of them needing some time before they're ready for anything. It's as much for him as it is for her. Plus, there's the age difference to take into account and there's the suggestion that "Megan" may not want to rush into anything, a piece of advice that would be appropriate even if CIRI's partner was heterosexual. I think that's the issue here, rather than Abby not believing in bisexuals.

Although I still despise Agony Aunts.

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twisted_girl

Posted December 6th, 2009 ~ 3:06 pm

You know, I'm not sure. At first glance, the advice does seem biphobic (if that's a term) but I think it's almost warranted. If CIRI's last girlfriend really did leave him for another woman, his issues with trust aren't surprising and I can really sympathise with him. In fact, his trust issues are frankly right on the money and I praise him for being so willing to get into a relationship again. But looking at the advice given again, I think it could be interpreted as the two of them needing some time before they're ready for anything. It's as much for him as it is for her. Plus, there's the age difference to take into account and there's the suggestion that "Megan" may not want to rush into anything, a piece of advice that would be appropriate even if CIRI's partner was heterosexual. I think that's the issue here, rather than Abby not believing in bisexuals.

Although I still despise Agony Aunts.

Doesn't sound like bad advice to me. I don't think anyone who's 22 should be getting married no matter other issues there might be around their relationship. And it doesn't sound all that judgemental to me. I don't recall the origian Dear Abby being very judgemental, and I read her column for years when I was younger, and her daughter who's writing this doesn't sound all the judgemental to me either.

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OopsiePanty

Posted December 7th, 2009 ~ 6:48 pm

Here's where I think it went all wrong. Abby was given two facts about Megan:

1. Megan knows herself well enough to be able to verbalize her sexual feelings and leanings.

2. Megan has promised to be loyal.

Abby then throws these two facts out the window, doesn't say a word about the guy, who is the one she should really be adressing and then basically refutes megans claims. I wouldn't call this homophobic, I would call it lazy and sloppy work from someone who has to churn this stuff out daily. She was probably so stoned and laughing at South Park while she was writing this anyway that she forgot what the letter was about and just wrote a reply I bet lol.

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