New young sissy coming out (coming out online, but not RL!)

Orlee

My introduction, read it :)

Posted on April 3rd, 2009 ~ 8:30 pm

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Hello,
I've been googling for a sissy forum and here I am

I'm pretty shy IRL so using the internet is easy to me, I'm not sure if I had the courage to do it if you were a real-life group! Not yet anyway. Besides, I'm so much more articulate when I get all the time in the world to write instead of blabbering incoherent nonsense which I usually do!
I'm 22 years old sissy-wannabe from Israel, coming out of the closet for the first time... *bites lip* No clapping, please.

I'm living with my parents, but don't know my desires, they probably never will. They won't be able to understand. So either I do it secretly or I'll work out the funds to get my own apartment. Still not sure what it's gonna be.

For a long time I've only fantasized, thinking what if... but only about a few weeks ago I started feminizing myself by dropping a lot of extra weight (there's still some work to do, I'm on a strict diet) and not cutting my hair!! I always wanted to grow my hair but my parents never let me. It's always an argument, and I hate looking myself at the mirror after a haircut, so butch... so not me or what I want. I finally put my foot down, and ever since I cut my hair a month ago I vowed to myself to never do it again and they will just have to deal with it. It still hasn't grown much, staring at the mirror waiting for it to grow faster doesn't seem to help from some reason. Grrr.

I still have a lot of "natural male" mannerisms that I'm trying to get rid of, I've developed them because society seem to have demanded them from me. You know, acting macho, not "really" being macho, just acting like it. I don't want anyone to get suspicious, even though my fears of insects and the girly shouts I make when I see them sometimes raise an eyebrow! But I'm anything but that person I usually portray so people won't get suspicious... it's just sad when you can't be yourself inside and out.

I hope I'm not writing too much here!

I think it all started when I started role-playing females in an online role-playing game 6 years ago that triggered something that gave me strange satisfaction...felt wrong, but good...

There's a pic of me in my profile.

-Orlee

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sissyjj

Posted April 3rd, 2009 ~ 8:39 pm

Hello and welcome from Sissy JJ, you will find friends here!

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Orlee

Posted April 3rd, 2009 ~ 8:49 pm

Thanks :) I hope so. I hope my intro wasn't too long!

-Orlee

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loridsisi

Posted April 4th, 2009 ~ 3:03 am

Hi Orlee and welcome to SK, I'm sure you'll have fun here and make friends.

And no, your intro was not too long, we all want to get to know you, that what friends do; plus, I think a lot of us get "chatty" when we start to explore our girly side, I know that I do.
But then again, I'm pretty wordy, verbose or talkative whenever there is a keyboard near or a friendly ear or even no one at all.
Hmmm *bites lip*

Anyway, I hope you have fun here and good luck IRL too.
((())):**

Lori...

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Andreea

Posted April 4th, 2009 ~ 8:05 am

***Hugs and kisses***

That sounds like an awkward situation indeed. :-( I haven't fully come out myself, but I am at least thankful that there is no pressure on me to put up a "macho" front. I can't imagine how I would even begin ...

I do hope things go well for you. I'm afraid you must be patient with your hair, though. ;-) And I do hope that your parents respect your right of self-expression, even if they never know the whole truth. I don't know much about Israeli society, but I seem to have the impression that is has quite conservative social values ... which don't generally help those of us who are a bit different. If you ever need a place to come for unconditional love and support, though, we are here for you. ***Kisses***

"When you adopt the standards and the values of someone else or a community or a pressure group, you surrender your own integrity. You become, to the extent of your surrender, less of a human being." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

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francescd

Posted April 4th, 2009 ~ 11:19 am

I so hope you eventuallly get your own apartment. I doubt seriously you will ever feel free to explore your feminine side living with them. Don't worry about writing too much. There is no such thing when you need to share your feelings.))

kisses and love.

frannie

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Orlee

Posted April 4th, 2009 ~ 12:43 pm

Awww...thank you all, made me feel all fuzzy inside :)

I don't think it's really that I'm trying to "act macho" rather trying not too seem too feminine. So, I end up hardly talking or saying what I really think. I am seen as "very shy".
I just don't do anything that would cause any suspicion. That's okay though! There's nothing I can do about it, my parents won't ever change, I just don't know what I'll end up doing, but I'll keep you posted if you care to know.

Israeli society is...well...it's not too different than the US. There are the conservatives and there are the liberals. *shrugs* Same old same old. Depends on where you live.

I've yet to put any makeup on or do my eyebrows (as you can see from the pic). It scares me half to death to even try. Plus, my mom has lame lipsticks, weird brown shades, and the thought of putting something that touched her lips on mine makes me feel disgusted.

Thanks for the love. *hugs and kisses*

-Orlee

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