I suffer from stress and deep depression, have been doing so al of my life. Of recent, my conditions hit serious rock bottom. I make no joke of that. I was hit by the far worst bout of deep depression that I have ever hand in a long, long itme.
I honestly did not think that I was going to pull through. I have been figihting this strong onset of depression now constantly ever since it hit me. I find my strength drained of energy, to the point that I have and am physcally ill, I have that to fight too. I am determined not to give up, life, all life is precious. I felt my self pulled to seriously wanting to take my own life and it's soemthing no one should ever go through or feel that way.
If I do not fight this depression at its core, I know that I definitely not going to make it, my being ill does not help, but with your help I may be able to find new focus, new energy to work on a musical project that I have had in my mind, but have always dismissed it, thinking it silly. Thinking that people may laugh at the idea, which would only send me back in a downward spiral.
Here is my idea. Music today is most often either songs or pieces played on one type of instrument or another, usualy alongside either a full Ochestra or a small band of musicians. I have befoer now, compoed music pieces I term as Pure, meaning, there is no backing track, there is no big band, it's simple music on one keyboard, using a mixture of different voices.
Well my idea is to use 1 or a slight combination as I have done before, but this time, without any arpegiators, no backing rhythms, just pure simple sounds of either the one or both of my synths. The Korg microKORG XL and the Novation XioSynth 25. Basically music without the frills etc. Nothing added, nothing taken away, a voice sound and a melody, several different melodies, all don eexactly the same way, played with nothing at all added. Dull right?
I hope not, because I do feel there is soemthing in the music that I have been experimenting with on and off with the XioSynth and the KORG XL and there are pieces that will grab the listeners ear. At least it is my hope. But as my illness still takes it's toll on me, as does the depression. Getting in the way of me doing something to help me take my mind of both, not only that, I want to feel what I am doing will be worth while.
But it is not easy, it is in fact really hard. The working title of my music project is The Naked Synthesizer. This is simply because of the fact it is all about music being played, some of it will be my own work with a few cover pieces thrown in for good measure. But all played on 1 or 2 of the mini synths that I have. In part it will be a tribute to Wendy Carlos, not that she is dead, I hope not. I like the title, as it is unexpected and it is unique in it's own way.
Or I hope that it is, people may think of the Naked Chef, but apart from the title simularities, that is where it ends. The title idea keeps coming back to me time and time again every time I dismiss it. I have always liked to think and beleive, that if an idea keeps popping up, no mattter how odd etc. it maybe, if it is there and keeps coming, back, there has to be a reason. One does not need to completely understand it, just to acknowledge that it is there, is all that is required.
I would like any ideas, your thoughts about my project, most of all support for me to do it and not to give up. I would not ask if I felt it not important to me at least it is. Will you lend your support? Thank you for reading this.
