PG 13 How do I fully come out and what will I be?
A journey started without knowing the path.
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Hello all, My name is Terry/Tatiana. I have recently decided to start entertaining the idea of transitioning into a woman. I have all ways felt out of place in my own skin but now with all the current definitions for what falls under Transgender, I don't know quite where I fall. I know that ever since I was aware of my reflection in the mirror I felt there was something off about the person looking back at me. You know how you have that self image in your head of how you feel you look?, Well what I felt and what I saw never seemed to match. I never really wanted to be stuck with a label.... Heck I hate labels for people but since that is how society works I never really had a choice. I guess what I'm trying to get to is how do I find out where I fall in the "spectrum"? I want to go into this as educated as possible so I know what to kind of expect or at least get a general since of direction. At first I considered myself just a cross dresser at an early age but as i grew into puberty all new feelings started to flow. I found myself looking at the boys more then the girls and wishing to be the one on their arm at the school dance not taking the girl from down the street because that is what my "Father" said was the right thing to do. Well that lasted till all of 15 years old when I came out to Jim and he sent me packing and said I was not allowed to come home. Ever since then I have been in place after place that crammed gender specific rolls down my craw. I was not to show Fem behavior of any kind or I was punished. That of course didn't help with the issues I was already having.  Now i'm 31 years old, finally somewhere where no one new me before I got here and no family for 2500 miles. I can finally begin to express my true self. The thing is I would like to present as female, I love the clothing, sent's, and most of the behaviors that come along with being fem but at the same time I have great pried in my background of labor intensive jobs in the past. Maybe i'm putting stereo types on woman myself but I guess i'm afraid of losing that  "strength" that comes with being Male. I see myself as a very fem personality but then I cant see a person like me who wants to wear dresses and be presented and accepted as female but at the same time I want to be that buddy you can call when you have to move your whole life in less than 48 hrs and I show up In full work mode. Like...... what kind of looks do you think I would get if I showed up in a full length dress yet I'm the first person to walk in the house and I want to grab the heaviest things I can carry first, and i'm talking about picking up whole pieces of large furniture by myself. I guess the only way I can put it in my words is to say, "Yes I see myself as female and I want others to see me that way, but at the same time I don't want to fit the stereotype women have that if they are strong or into labor intensive jobs work then they must be a Tom Boy or Butch". Who knows maybe i'm just rambling now. I guess I have some stuff to work out but any support, guidance, or ideas on how to start dealing with this kind of stuff would be greatly appreciated. I know that a therapist is always recommended and just know i'm in the process of looking for one so no need to suggest that.  Thanks for listening to me go one like this and may you have a blessed path from this point on. 
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Shy_lil_one
Welcome!!
Strong women are sexy too! Some of my fav's reside in the MMA.
Crush the stereotypes and be who you want and need to be.
And you will always find love love and support right here. 
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Tatiana
@ Shy_lil_one
 Its always nice to find support. Sometimes that can be hard now a days.
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Sarah Marina
You have supportive friends here, and you are not alone in your quest to understand yourself. Being a genetic boy that wants to wear panties or be feminine is more normal than you think.
*Hugs*
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Baby-Bethany
It sounds like you're definitely doing the right thing by finding a therapist. Just be aware that some so called gender therapists are anything but useful and actively work against trans people. They are  thankfully  very rare but make sure you do your research into any therapist you go to.

I'm sorry to read that your family is so closed minded about your gender issues. I hope that they eventually come around and accept you for who you are rather than who they want you to be.

As someone who's transgender myself I completely understand all the doubts you have about your femininity. I have the exact same issues but ultimately I have decided that femininity and being female are not the same thing at all. If I want to fix my car while wearing a dress or whatever that's entirely up to me. What I'm saying is don't feel constrained by societal norms just be you and you'll find happiness.

Finally male to female hormone treatment does amazing things so if you do decide to transition you might find a lot of your mental issues go away as you start to take them. Oh and boobs, they happen too. 
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Sarah Marina
  I agree with Baby-Bethany. I saw a gender dysphoria specialist for about 6 months. In the end I realized I was so in the middle, I chose to keep my feminine side part-time and found a mate that fully supported me.
  I'm not saying it's all that easy. Sometimes I wake up and say "Dang it, why wasn't I born with a vagina?"
  Everyone is different. Take time to figure out who and what you are, and recognize there is no wrong answer.
  As always, If you have questions about any phase of your journey, there is probably someone here that can help.

*Hugs*
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