Last Saturday (30 July) i asked my boss if i could start painting my nails again and she said she didn't think it was a good idea because she didn't want me getting my ass chewed again from some [censored] complaining to corporate. Well i've never been one to take being told know and call it a day. But since i don't want to make it look like i just went over head right away i decided to pick another path for a moment and go for my name. It's something i've wanted anyways so why not now?
Sent my mother a text asking her to guess what i started that saturday, she sent back a guess of my period and a lol. If she wasn't my mother i might think she was being funny but since it was... i don't know. But i corrected her and told her that i was going to change my name. So i got a question of am i living full time as a girl except for my penis... because for some reason my bits mean a lot to her i guess...
Apparently she has a huge issue of letting go of her little boy... her son... even though A, i came out 10 years ago to her that i was trans and wanted to pursue becoming a girl and B, i cast her out 6 years ago and have had almost 0 face to face contact in that time. She refuses to allow view me as a woman or her daughter because she doesn't have that image in her mind. So i suggest a compromise and offered to cam with her but, of course after we made a date she completely blew my off and 'fell asleep on the couch' or something and didn't log in to cam.
There was a long tirade after that by yours truly and a lot of things got said that were quite spiteful and hurtful, and i meant everything i said. She said she wasn't a doormat, and i told her a doormat get walked all over and that people avoid her as much as they can. In response she called the whole of the state dead to her and to not contact her anymore. Which prompted a question of would she sign papers for an adult adoption since i said i wanted the next of kin slot that got to make the hard calls to be someone that cared for me and had concern... someone other than her.
She said we were more alike than i could know and instead i said that we were both mean, vindictive, heartless, manipulative, and have no respect for each other. To be honest the only reason i even started talking to her was because my sister told me that mummy dearest paid the back taxes on my house from me last year when i fell behind. All i ever wanted was the mother that my sister had but maybe hers was just as horrible.
Ali apparently cares and respects her which is something that i don't do. She needs more time to reflect and accept me for who i am... even though she's had uh... my whole [censored] life, apparently for 16 years she thought i was just gay until i came out that i wanted to be a girl. i asked her why she thought she DESERVED more time to accept me for who i am and the only thing she could say was that Ali was her first daughter and she won't take that away from her... i never wanted to be 'first' hell i told my sister she can be oldest sibling too, i'm happy being a toddler.
Said that was her only selfish thought and hold back of not wanting to take that first daughter title away from her precious favorite. She said she was weak and thought the best thing to do was to pretend the unpleasant thing would just go away. Told her it did... and in an ending worthy of a Twisted Metal game i'm 600 miles away and want very little to do with her...
After that i told her to just go [censored] herself and that i don't really want anything to do with her for another 3 years and to not be surprised when she's not invited to my wedding. To be honest i don't have anyone in the slot of possible husband but a girl can dream... there's a guy on the horizon who would be perfect but ... i don't know if he feels the same way. We're pretty much all sure he's gay except for himself... which is somewhat complicating things... but that's nother post.
I said i would post an update after it happened and i think this is as close as its going to get about that...
Luv for everyone,
hopefully for reals and all soon ^.^
warm, wet, and happy. I love being in my diapers!