PG Fallout of the Ultimate Showdown
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Ok so, i wound up canceling my mother's trip up because some stuff went down at work and i couldn't get the time off to deal with her properly. Also she apparently did something at work and is on the verge of getting fired (no tears lost there heh.) Of course just because it didn't happen face to face didn't mean that most of the same hurt feeling and the like didn't happen anyways and i'm back to not speaking to her again for a couple years.

Last Saturday (30 July) i asked my boss if i could start painting my nails again and she said she didn't think it was a good idea because she didn't want me getting my ass chewed again from some [censored] complaining to corporate. Well i've never been one to take being told know and call it a day. But since i don't want to make it look like i just went over head right away i decided to pick another path for a moment and go for my name. It's something i've wanted anyways so why not now?

Sent my mother a text asking her to guess what i started that saturday, she sent back a guess of my period and a lol. If she wasn't my mother i might think she was being funny but since it was... i don't know. But i corrected her and told her that i was going to change my name. So i got a question of am i living full time as a girl except for my penis... because for some reason my bits mean a lot to her i guess...

Apparently she has a huge issue of letting go of her little boy... her son... even though A, i came out 10 years ago to her that i was trans and wanted to pursue becoming a girl and B, i cast her out 6 years ago and have had almost 0 face to face contact in that time. She refuses to allow view me as a woman or her daughter because she doesn't have that image in her mind. So i suggest a compromise and offered to cam with her but, of course after we made a date she completely blew my off and 'fell asleep on the couch' or something and didn't log in to cam.

There was a long tirade after that by yours truly and a lot of things got said that were quite spiteful and hurtful, and i meant everything i said. She said she wasn't a doormat, and i told her a doormat get walked all over and that people avoid her as much as they can. In response she called the whole of the state dead to her and to not contact her anymore. Which prompted a question of would she sign papers for an adult adoption since i said i wanted the next of kin slot that got to make the hard calls to be someone that cared for me and had concern... someone other than her.

She said we were more alike than i could know and instead i said that we were both mean, vindictive, heartless, manipulative, and have no respect for each other. To be honest the only reason i even started talking to her was because my sister told me that mummy dearest paid the back taxes on my house from me last year when i fell behind. All i ever wanted was the mother that my sister had but maybe hers was just as horrible.

Ali apparently cares and respects her which is something that i don't do. She needs more time to reflect and accept me for who i am... even though she's had uh... my whole [censored] life, apparently for 16 years she thought i was just gay until i came out that i wanted to be a girl. i asked her why she thought she DESERVED more time to accept me for who i am and the only thing she could say was that Ali was her first daughter and she won't take that away from her... i never wanted to be 'first' hell i told my sister she can be oldest sibling too, i'm happy being a toddler.

Said that was her only selfish thought and hold back of not wanting to take that first daughter title away from her precious favorite. She said she was weak and thought the best thing to do was to pretend the unpleasant thing would just go away. Told her it did... and in an ending worthy of a Twisted Metal game i'm 600 miles away and want very little to do with her...

After that i told her to just go [censored] herself and that i don't really want anything to do with her for another 3 years and to not be surprised when she's not invited to my wedding. To be honest i don't have anyone in the slot of possible husband but a girl can dream... there's a guy on the horizon who would be perfect but ... i don't know if he feels the same way. We're pretty much all sure he's gay except for himself... which is somewhat complicating things... but that's nother post.

I said i would post an update after it happened and i think this is as close as its going to get about that...

Luv for everyone,
hopefully for reals and all soon ^.^
warm, wet, and happy. I love being in my diapers!
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Ok so maybe i should have created a new thread for this and if i should have maybe a nice pretty Mod can do that for me... pretty please...

Anyways this one actually pertains to a showdown that is going to go down at work because i can't take my boss's BS anymore. I'm in the process of legally changing my name to Sarina I'm down to just having to go through the final hearing and it'll all be done and good and fine. Last week while she was on vacation I went ahead and wiped my name tag and put Rina on it because I felt good and wanted to share that. When she came back she told me I had to take it off and put my blah old boy name back on :(

I can understand policy requiring that i have my legal name on it (don't like it but understand it) However I believe that she loses the right to disallow Rina on that point when she let me have "That Guy" as my name on it for months prior to this. If one thing gets in the other should as well, or neither should have flown.

Also on the list of things I can't keep quiet about anymore are just as insane and are NOT part of corporate policy nor found anywhere in the handbook or dress code. I am not allowed to wear my hair down at work. She has required for the past 3 years or so for me to have my hair pulled back in a pony tail while on the clock. None of the other actual female employees are required to do this, and I wasn't either until I started to actually make comments about my intention to start transitioning. There were days prior to that I wore it up because it was a mess but she removed my option of doing anything else.

I am not allowed to paint my nails, have any form of false nails, or even grow my own real nails to a decent length. Again before I started to transition I painted my nails a few times and there was no problem, customers would ask if I did it myself, or what color it was. I had acrylics a few times and enjoyed them. They did not interfere with my work at all. One single customer made a complaint about my nails stating that they were 3 inch extensions to Corporate (they were a 3/4 inch at the most... i work retail seriously...?) A little note came down to talk to me about the dress code (and I will agree that 3 inch nails are not very professional but... didn't have them) Since then I have been banned to do anything thing with my nails other than keep them trimmed short. Of course all the rest of the store has normal length nails, and they are also painted.

She refuses to let me wear any form of cosmetics either. The same complaint that talked about my 3 inch nails also mentioned garrish whore like makeup which again I will admit is not work appropriate and should not be allowed. However the only makeup I have ever worn to work is foundation and powder to even my skin out and hide my beard shadow. Even after the District Manger said that as long as I keep my transitioning low key (wtf does that mean?) and not try to 'flaunt' it that everything should be fine, she still refuses to allow me to. Again of course it's fine for herself and the other employees to do whatever they wish. I would one more than a few occasions consider the one employee to have over done it with the eyeliner but the boss said nothing to her.

Nothing in the dress code explicitly forbids any of these actions. Nothing in the handbook does either. The handbook does state that I cannot be discriminated against based on gender identity. I have called Corporate and made my own complaint with them concerning this and have been told an investigation will be forthcoming... I only hope that it doesn't completely destroy and ruin my chances at continuing my working at my current job where most of my customers love and support me, and my other coworkers do as well...
warm, wet, and happy. I love being in my diapers!
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