Ethics of coming out

Sissy Kimi

Posted on March 5th, 2011 ~ 10:52 pm

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Well, while drunk (I don't drink much so I have a low tolerance) I was discussing sex with my brother and revealed that I was borderline transexual. He was rather okay with it and would support me with whatever I wanted to do. I have no idea what I want to do right now. For the ethical question part, is it right to come out?
I'm in an ethics class as a prerequisit right now, and we finished the Analects. Anyway, Confucius said that for the country to work, the king has to rule, minister minister, father father, and son be a son. So that has me wondering, is it even right to come out? I'm not sure what I would be coming out as though. But, is my quest for fulfillment more important than the obligations I have. Do I own my brother a brother? Doesn't he deserve me to be his brother rather than his sister (I'm pretty close to my family, so I can't just toss aside their feeling about it)? Same for my parents, aren't I obligated to be a son rather than a daughter? Basically is my own fulfillment worth the suffering (can't think of a better word) I could cause by such a disruption of my family life.
More about my own issues though. I called myself borderline transexual, cause I don't know what I qualify as. I consider myself straight (to me male anatomy is not very attractive, what women see in the male form is beyond me). But, I don't have a desire for sex. I'm attracted to women, but want a relationship/companionship/love, not sex (though I have no problem having sex if given the opprotunity). Anyway, so I'm not asexual. But I have a strong female part of me, it's almost like another personality. It isn't a personality, I don't black out and wake up in a dress or anything. But it is a part of me that can handle stress. I was at work once, and under a bit of stress and found myself entering my female frame of mind where I though of myself as feminine, and I seemed to cope better. I've been coming here more often as my classes come down on me. I'm drawn to the feminine; but it's not in harmony. It's like the female part wants control of myself, ie to become an actual woman, transition, etc. While the male part that I mostly identify with has a lot of doubts about it. The female part is becoming a lot more assertive though, as I've now crossdressed, posted pictures online, come outish to my brother; so I'm really not sure what the hell I want or to do. I find women beautiful, but do I want to become what I'm attracted to? That would make me a transexual lesbian? WTF?? I don't like the cliche term "confused," but I don't really have a better term at my disposal. It's annoying not knowing what I want. But, life's already hard, do I need to make it that much harder by trying to become something else.
Stay wet
-Sissy Kimi
(BTW, I'm not really a sissy in that mannor, ideally I would be a female diaper lover; right now a crossdresser/transgender diaper lover (though I don't consider myself a crossdresser))

"I sorta felt like a sissy"

Southern Belle----Poopy Princess

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shiki15

Posted March 6th, 2011 ~ 3:14 am

Live life the way you choose too, on your own terms. Don't get me wrong Confucius was a wise man but you need to remember he existed in an age where men lived by the sword, that women existed only to please there husbands and we where ruled by kings and emperors since democracy was only a mad idea so you shouldn't take everything the man says to heart.

To quote someone from a while back, and warning some heavy wording.

"Never let anyone tell you that you can't do something. I don't care if it's me, your best friend, your parents, your significant other, or even the leader of your country. You tell them, "Fuck you! This is my life, and I'll live it the way I want to live it!"

Coming out is hard and alot of people are not as accepting as others depending on upbringing, beliefs, politicial ideals and other factors that play into things so there will be struggles, its a tough choice for anyone to make and should be thought over before going through with it, but the more you vent things up the worse it will get in time, I know that too well.

If the issue is eating you up and you can't figure out where you stand with your sexuaility then it may be worth seeking out therapy to help you sort things out and clear your mind.

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KitaSparkles

Posted March 6th, 2011 ~ 2:12 pm

Here's the thing - no matter what you do, you will be who you are to certain people. I've been LG for over 10 years (well, I have been all my life - I have KNOWN I am for 12 years), but that does not mean I can't also be a son to my parents, a brother to my siblings, a husband to any future wife, and a father to any future children. Being LG does not preclude me from that status to others.

Here's what you have to decide on coming out. What benefits are there to it? If there are no benefits, is it really worth it? And if there are, are they enough to balance any problems it may cause? I decided long ago there was no reason to tell my parents, because there is no benefit to them knowing. Same with my sister. If however, say my sister had to come live with me for some reason, then I would tell her so that I can live in my own house as I want to live. If I had a GF, I would tell her because there are benefits (for both parties) in that which outweigh the potential problems.

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Sissy Kimi

Posted March 6th, 2011 ~ 10:35 pm

Thanks for the input; but, I don't know what I want to be, I could go either way but I have strong feminine desires that haunt me. Though I have no problem being male, I wasn't raised in a feminine fashion or hate my gender, so I'm really not sure. I've seen a therapist twice, and they say I'm not transgender because I lack the desire to transition, or live as a female.

"I sorta felt like a sissy"

Southern Belle----Poopy Princess

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wittle_bwittany

Posted March 7th, 2011 ~ 9:19 pm

i know what your going through. i've been on the fence about it for a wile myself. for the time being i have no plans to start transitioning. you should think about the pros and cons of going through with it.

think about other ways to quell your feminine desires. if theres something that works well go with that and see what happens. if it isnt enough then you can start considering transitioning.

if i were you i wouldnt make any plans just yet. think things over, talk to you therapist and see they think and go from there.

i wish you all the best and hope things turn out well for you,

brittany.

i am brittany her royal puffiness!!!

im officially in love with the color pink.

*hugs and kisses for all*

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Dru

Posted March 10th, 2011 ~ 1:52 am

Other than telling you what you arent did they give you any help on what you might be experiencing? Just because they said you weren't doesnt mean you aren't but even if they said you might doesnt mean you are either. I don't think most psychologists are that knowledgeable on gender dysphoria and matters surrounding being transgender to be honest. And if they arent knowledgeable then they just have the basic transgender cookie cutter to match you up against and will ask you the same generic and sometimes stupid questions. If you do not want to transition or live as a female does that mean being female might be a part of you that you want to express at times but still feel you are male then you might be something in between male and transgender/female. I don't know what to tell you but just have an open mind and do what feels comfortable. It was good to hear your brother seemed supportive.

As far as ethics are concerned as someone already mentioned that quote was from a different time then now and I'm not really sure what it was applied to. I would say yes it can feel like you are doing something wrong by coming out. People feel that you were lying to them this whole time and maybe the person they knew and loved was just an act so they can feel very deceived and hurt by it. Heard stories like this yes : ( It doesnt sound like you are going to come out and abandon them though so it will just be initial feelings, then getting used to, then back to normal (hopefully). A lot of people with supportive families are told by their mother or close sibling that they should have came out way earlier if they felt this way and you might be kicking yourself if coming out feels right and you do not. Just do not hold on to this, not tell your family and friends, get married, have kids then oh crap guess what comes up now... do what you can and be supportive of yourself and figure out what feels right for you and feel out these desires or whatever they are and just do your best to be happy =D

One way to look at this from ethics standpoint is think about your worst fear or what not coming out means. I don't know if that is you feel guilty for lying repeatedly and keeping this a secret or if you think you will miss out on happiness in life and be depressed. Is it ethical to deny your family of a happy sibling or child because you are worried how they might react.Depending on how you want to look at it you can be damned if you do damned if you dont But ethics and philosophy aside you have to do whats right for you and your situation and not worry about too much. Its alright to have some tunnel vision and make decisions for yourself.

Just my take on a few things. Hope somewhere in my ramblings might have been one or two thoughts that might make some sense > < Take care

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