I dont Even Know anymore

WannaBeCourtney

Maybe someone will understand

Posted on September 24th, 2010 ~ 6:43 am

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Where do I start? I am a mess. I don't know what to do with my self anymore. I absolutely love dressing like a girl, I love wearing and using diapers, and I would love for someone to just fall out of the sky to share these feelings and behaviors with who wouldn't judge me. I am actually a pretty level headed, outgoing, generous, smart, and overall nice person. But I can't figure this thing out... Is this some kind of sick perversion or is it something I should embrace. things bother me like will I ever have a girlfriend (one who I can be open with), a family, kids. WTF!!.I am 22 i shouldn't be worried about this **** right now; or ever. I want to see a shrink to help me sort this out but I just feel like they wouldn't know whats going on in my head, let alone be able to connect to my plight at all. I pretty much can never share this facet of my personality with my friends or family without being shunned or judged for the worse. Can anyone share any revelations they may have had about this subject. At this point all I want is clarity. Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I something else all together? Should I even care what I am and just kinda go with the flow? At this point depression is my shadow and all I really really want is to wake up and be "normal". Sorry if that makes me sound shallow. I can never really be myself around anyone. That sounds like some self inflected catalyst for drama but consider this... people who are my B E S T friends have NOOOOO idea which means the people who are closest to me might as well be strangers; at this point you know me better than my best friends. I don't know, I feel a little better just posting this thread. Please share your thoughts on this lifestyle and what to do about it I am just so lost anything at all would be helpful. Thanks

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Diaperskirt

Posted September 24th, 2010 ~ 11:33 am

First off, your sexual orientation is in no way correlated to your feitshes. The fact that you enjoy pretending to be a little girl is separate to what sex you are attracted to. Just ask yourself straight up, do you like to have sex with women? With men? Or with both? And that's your answer.

Second, I am sorry you feel this to be a burden. Personally I am not addicted and only enjoy this lifestyle in my fantasies. Your fetish is only a problem if you feel it interferes with your everyday life, that being the definition of a problem. You do not seem to embrace it as it conflicts with some of your personal goals (or should I say expectations?) You need to ask yourself what will truly make you happy in life? Settling? Embracing? Or finding someone who accepts you for you? Only you can answer these questions.

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Flyff

Posted October 16th, 2010 ~ 4:19 am

First of all, no, it's not a sick perversion. As to whether you embrace it or not; the question is how far. I'm a pretty submissive AB/DL male and am almost 22 in my senior year of college. I've dealt with a lot of similar feelilngs; I'd try rejecting my sexuality, but once every few months, I would cave in and toy around with things... Once I actually talked to an online friend and tried on some real diapers, rather than makeshift things, it became a bit easier to deal with. I give in a bit more often, but I don't eat myself up with guilt or shame over it anymore. It can be *very* difficult to find people accepting and caring for who you are, but remember; fantasy is a fantasy. You may wind up feeilng like you want to be a pretty baby girl 24/7, but in practice, you'll probably be satisfied (sexually or otherwise) after a few hour session or maybe a few days for a good long times (weeks~months, or at least a few days, depending). It's a fetish, nothing more, nothing less, unless you let it or make it be. You'll never be rid of it, except *maybe* a lot of sessions with a psychologist, and even then I'd question the results. Just try to accept yourself first; your best friends don't need to know. As much as it can be a comfort thing, remember your fetish is also a sexual thing- it may be better not to talk to your parents or certain friends about it. It may be hard to find friends who you can talk to about it; but you can easily come here to talk to people or find different social circles; there ARE accepting people in the world for everything (and I mean everything, good and bad). You just need to find a group that accepts you.

As for Gay or Straight or Bi, tutu49 said it already. You are what you are; I've personally wondered about men and really enjoy anal experimentation. However, any time I try to picture myself in a relationship with a guy or any form of closeness or cuddling, I get turned off. Very, very quickly. And Anal's probably my only major turn-on asides from some ABDL stuff, so I know I'm straight; my brother's gay, and personality wise, we're quite different, so I know that too.

Just go with the flow; I can guarantee you there isn't a "normal" person in the world. Not everyone may suffer the same conflicts as you, but they all have their issues and kinks. If depression is your shadow, though, I would think about talking to a psychologist or counselor for that- your issues may be more than what you think, and there could be chemical or other things. Or you could just need someone there to talk to and explain things to, to sit and listen and resonate your thoughts off of. Also, it can help a *lot* with anxiety just to have someone to talk to, even if they're only online. Anyway, I hope you feel better, you'll always have support from places like these ^_^

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