I am very open with my mistress, I hide nothing from her. Before I moved in with her she knew all of my deepest secrets and fantasies, that I liked to dress up, I wanted to try anal (and I love it) and that I sometimes like to wear diapers and be treated like a baby. At the time I had not tried any of these things and so they were just fantasies, I didn't even know if I would like them. When she asked if I was gay or bi because of the dressing and anal fantasies I told her no (she would never judge me if I was she just wanted to know) At the time I told her the truth. As a guy I have never been attracted to another guy, or wanted to be with another guy.
Now I've been able to explore my fantasies more, I have come to accept the fact that I am truly a sissy with a love for all things feminine. It no longer bothers me that I wear women's clothing, it actually bothers me when I have to go long periods of time without wearing women's clothes. But now that I have been able to release and embrace my female side I'm starting to have new fantasies...
When I am in a feminine state of mind, and horny, (at the age of 20 that is always *giggles*) I have fantasies about being with other men, to hold a cock in my hand, to suck on it, and even get fucked by another man, or even a T-Girl. Captions of sissies eating cock turn me on and I feel like I want to be one of those sissies. however anytime I pleasure myself to the thought of any of that I immediately feel shame and tell myself that that is not who I truly am.
The other thing that bothers me is that as a guy I am actually very selective about who I will be in a relationship with, I don't just want to get in every girl's skirt and sex is more than physical pleasure. But as a female I can't help but want to be a total slut. To be some guys fucktoy for a night...it's a complete opposite of my male side.
I don't know if that is what I truly want, or is it a result of being horny?
My second problem comes with telling my mistress, I don't want to hide anything from her, but I don't want to tell her and her think that I have been hiding these feeling from her all along and get angry with me. I truly have not been hiding these feeling from her, I have only recently started to have them. How do I tell her?