The page list
Part 1
* * *
—But mom, I read all about these female supremacy groups! They will treat me as a slave! I don’t want to go live with those people! I have dreams and plans and all, don’t you want me to be successful?!
—Now, I thought we talked this over a thousand times. It’s not female supremacy, it’s female seniority. You will not be a slave, and can still chase your dreams and plans wherever they may lead you. There are lots of male doctors and lawyers and businessmen and such in Cisco too. Your stepfather is a member of the New Way, and he’s a CEO, for Christ’s sake! And we ARE moving to San Francisco, because the man I love lives there, because I got a job there, and because the schools will be classes above this pathetic Midwest Institute for Rednecks and Cowboys you would have attended otherwise. If you have dreams and plans, I believe they involve a university of some sort...
* * *
Well, yes, that’s pretty much how it started. It was a significant year. The year 2121, the year I turned 15, and the year I became part of the New Way of Mankind cultural minority. Well, they call it a minority, but not in Cisco it isn’t. There it’s the majority, and even back then it already controlled the entire schooling system, had a powerful say in state politics, and was the normally accepted way of life through and through.
The New Way was founded sometime in the XXI. century. Its advocates say it was founded by professional psychiatrists and psychologists based on scientific knowledge, and its opponents say it was founded by gender-crazed feminist hippies. Well, the truth may be somewhere inbetween... Like, gender-crazed, feminist hippie psychiatrists and psychologists.
* * *
San Francisco was all it is said to be. I’ve never met so caring, gentle and warm people before. I wouldn’t have been surprised to actually see people wearing flowers in their hair. There were lots of couples on the streets, and lots of mixed-sex groups, which was quite a change from what I was used to. Also, lots of the boys were quite obvious sissies, wearing colorful, ornate clothes, golden earrings and such. Sometimes they even called themselves that... While in the midwest this word still had some negative overtones, here it felt like a neutral fact, like calling a girl a tomboy. It just meant a boy who was more gentle and feminine than the norm, which was perfectly acceptable.
I spent a week at home after moving in, getting my new room in order. Mom had people wth suitcases come and go on a daily basis, talking shop and signing documents. She said it was the paperwork for joining the New Way of Mankind, and my school enrollment. I would go to a New Way school—there were no other schools to speak of in the city anyhow—, and that meant being enrolled in some sort of psychiatric therapy program. I was a bit anxious about it, but what choice did I have?
On my first day at school, I arrived early, there were only a few kids in the classroom. A large, muscular boy was sitting in the front row, picking his nose. I mean, he was practically drilling a hole in his head, eventually returning with a huge glob of snot, and sucking it off his finger. Gee... But the strangest thing was, a pretty faced, but seriously overweight girl was sitting beside him, stroking his arm. Must be his girlfriend, I thought, but it was still truly weird and unsettling. As he looked up and saw me looking, he flushed pink.
—Hello, you must be the new kid I heard about. I’m Cecil, captain of the football team. Welcome.—He extended his right hand, but then suddenly flushed even deeper red and hastily wiped it into his jeans.
—Hi, I’m Darcy Jones. Nice to meet you.—I fought my disgust and shook his hand.
—Hi Darcy, I’m Anna—the girl said standing up, and softly stroking my face.—Your seat will be the second seat by the window, there.
—Thank you Anna, nice to meet you too.
—Oh, you’re real nice. I think Carly will be really happy with you.
—Eh?
—She isn’t here yet, you’ll see.
Oh well, strange place, strange people. I put my bag down and sat in my seat. There was a small, nerdish boy sitting behind me, studying diligently.
—Hello, I’m Darcy Jones, the new kid.—I said, extending my hand to him.
—Hi, I’m Peter. Peter B... Buh... B... Buuh...—Wow, this kid was a serious stutterer! There may be some truth in the sermons of our old pastor, I thought to myself. He used to say that liberals and these new “cultural minorities” want man to be so individual and “special”, that they eventually reduce healthy, God-fearing people into, well, “special needs” people. This kid certainly was of the “special needs” category, not to speak of Captain Arnold Snotminator there...
—B... Bbbuh... Bbbrokes. Brokes. Nice to meet you—he eventually blurted out, shaking my hand.
—Nice to meet you too, Peter.
There were a few kids sitting around, a ginger boy with a bad case of acne playing some strategy game on his notepad. It was funny enough watching him sitting there with earphones on, issuing military commands and making gestures in thin air, so I decided I wouldn’t disturb him in his game.
The kids slowly started flocking in, and I noticed that most of them arrived in pairs. One boy, one girl, and they always sat down next to each other. At one point, I found a tall, athletic girl with full lips and green eyes standing above me.
—Hi, I’m Carly. Remember me?—Indeed, I did remember her. A few day ago when I returned home from shopping, she was just saying goodbye to my mother. I thought she was selling girl scout cookies or something...
—Well, I guess so... I’m Darcy Jones. Hi.
—I know who you are Darcy. I met your mom, remember? She’s such a nice lady.—She sat down next to me, and placed her notebook on the desk.—I hear you are new to the New Way. Heard anything about school and therapy?
—No, not much...
The bell rang, and dead silence fell. It was genuinely weird, I was used to rowdy classes that required some good old-fashioned shouting from the teacher to put to order. A young, male teacher with huge golden earhoops entered with a notebook in his hand. I was genuinely relieved to see a man in a position of authority, even if he was a bit of a sissy. He put the notebook down, and faced us.
—Hello class. I beleive you know we have a new kid among us, and not only is he new to the school, he is new to our way of life as well. So if you don’t mind, I’ll start by introducing him. Carly, Darcy, could you come up here?
We both stood up, and walked up to the whiteboard. Carly lightly put her hand on my shoulder. I was totally out of my mind. Was she making moves on me?
—This is Darcy Jones, please be nice to him. And Carly here is going to be his caretaker.
—Excuse me teacher, what?—I asked somewhat confused. The class roared with laughter.
—Oh, I see, you didn’t have your briefing yet. Well, a caretaker is someone who will help you, answer your questions and make sure you fit in all right. You can think of it as something like a girlfriend.
—Or a babysitter!—added Anna in the front row, eliciting another wave of laughter. Cecil was red as a beet.
—Yes, or a babysitter.—Said the teacher.—But I beleive “girlfriend” would be more acceptable to someone of your upbringing. You will find life in the New Way quite different from what you were used to, and Carly will always be there to help you out.
—Thank you teacher, may we sit?
—Sure, you may. Now, let’s get on with today’s lesson.—With a gesture, he conjured the hologram of an octahedron in front of the whiteboard.—Last lesson we were learning about the cube. Now, like the cube...
I turned to Carly, who was looking at me intently, smiling all the time.
—Carly, can I have a question?
—Sure you can, silly—she said, softly tapping my head.
—Do I get a caretaker because I’m new to the culture?
—No, every boy has one. All the others sitting in pairs are caretaker and protege. It’s our way of life. But you will hear all about it tonight at Dr. Linde’s office. Now pay attention to the lesson. It will all be clear soon enough.
* * *
The lessons went down smoothly, with the added thrill of Carly making weird moves on me now and then. After school, she took my hand, and led me to the school counselor’s—or rather, school psychiatrist’s, as that was written on the door—office. We knocked, and was let in by a pretty, extremely feminine woman in her early 30s.
—Hello Carly. Hi, you must be Darcy Jones. I was expecting you, I’m Dr. Linde, the school psychiatrist. I know that you are new in every way, so first I’d like to talk to you. Please, sit down.—She showed me to a comfy-looking, but very low pouffe. She sat down in her professional-looking rolling chair, and Carly took the end of the psychiatrist’s coach, at an arm’s reach from me. I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed, with both of them sitting higher than me, so I practically had to look up at them.
—It is very important, Darcy—the doctor started—, that you understand everything that will happen to you. I know that fitting into a new culture can be a real hoot. We do not wish to take your freedom or dignity away. This is therapy, which means it will help you handle your own emotions, and help become happier.
I cannot say that I believed her entirely, but still, this put me kind of at ease. This whole New Way of Mankind thing still felt like some sort of amazonic cult, the sort I’ve read about in fantasy books, where men are reduced to subservient househusbands.
—Today—the doctor continued—, we will start with your hypnotic training. As you have probably heard, the New Way means you will get group therapy from me every week, and will be hypnotized by your caretaker Carly here every day. With time, it will become second nature to you, so I need to make sure that she won’t hit any walls. Now, depending on how good you are at going under, we may also place a few compulsory habits.
—Oooooh, I can’t WAIT!—shouted Carly, taking my hand and squeezing it strongly.—Is there anything you would like, Darcy?
—Erm, what do you mean, “compulsory habits”?!—After all this easing up, I was getting genuinely alarmed.
—You might have noticed—dr. Linde said with a gentle smile—, that most boys in your class had something you might consider a bad habit. Like constantly fidgeting in class, picking their noses, making strange noises... In fact, these compulsory habits are an important part of the New Way therapy. Soon you will be like that too.
—WHAT?! You mean you actually MAKE boys pick their noses and such?
—I know it sounds scary and weird. But remember, it’s for your own good, and I promise, you will find it genuinely pleasurable. Carly will reinforce it every day and help you accept and enjoy it. You told me you were always nervous and uneasy about your performance at school. Imagine all that uneasiness going away. Your compulsory habit will help vent all your negative emotions, and also...
—No, no, no! I’m not doing this.—I was outraged.—I don’t know, I’ll put myself up to adoption, go to child welfare, whatever...
—Please, Darcy, calm down. I do not want to hurt you. Think of it as doctor’s orders. Besides, every boy in your class has such habits, so nobody can make fun of you.
—Come on Darcy, take it like a good boy...—Carly sing-songed in my ear.—I will make it up to you, I promise!—With that, she gave me a big, wet kiss on my face. As I felt the cool spot of her saliva drying on my skin, I sort of gave up. I WAS 15 at the time, and if being turned into some nose-picking dork meant getting kisses like that all the time, I thought I’d put up with it.
—I guess I can’t really help it, can I...
—No, you can’t. So, is there anything particular you’d like? Some habit you had as a kid? Something that you saw another kid doing and seemed interesting? Or some weird fantasy you masturbate to?—Carly asked me with innocence written all over her face. I flushed deep red.
—Not really.—Like I’ll provide ideas to humiliate me, I thought to myself.
—That’s okay—dr. Linde smiled.—I’m sure Carly here has her own weird fantasy for you.
—I sure do, you’re going to be such a cutie!—she gushed. Somehow I wished I’d told them I want to stutter or gnaw my fingernails. Somehow I feared that she had something much weirder in mind.
—But doctor, could you explain how exactly this helps? I mean, if I’m supposed to understand and all...
—Well, I guess yes. You see, as children grow, they are constantly reminded to behave like responsible, good-mannered people, and drop their infantile habits. It’s the same in families of the New Way too, children are reprimanded for such habits by their parents, and even their peers. Kids with particularly strange and infantile ways are usually bullied in all cultures. So you see, as boys start entering puberty, they already associate such habits with humiliation and childishness.
—Yes, and so?
—Then, using the heightened sexual urges of puberty, we give you compulsive habits again, sometimes even a lot more humiliating and infantile than what you left behind as little children. This serves two purposes. One is to reinforce your feeling of dependence. You certainly have heard that the New Way of Mankind is built on a philosophy of female seniority. That means boys and men should feel dependent on girls and women. Why and how this helps you become a stronger, happier and more successful person is a bit complicated, and you will learn all about it in philosophy and feminism classes, so for now you just have to take my word for it that it will. The other purpose is to make you accept and enjoy your loss of control. I could, or rather Carly could demonstrate while you are fully awake. Carly, please...—Carly stood up smiling, and slowly walked behind me.—You see, girls all learn this in school.
—As you will find—the doctor continued—, we will use strong sexual impulses to condition you.—Carly was now softly leaning into me from behind, and I could feel her hardened nipples moving around, tickling my back.—While I’m talking to you, you feel these oh so wonderful impulses. Your mind associates what we are talking about with what you are feeling. So if we kept this up, the thought of therapy would become an oh so wonderful erotic thought in your mind. And in fact, it will become just that. Under hypnosis, your mind is so much better at making these associations. So when you succumb to your childish habit, it will feel like indulging in Carly’s love, and expressing your own love to her. It will become your way of making love. After all, she will be the one who reinforces it every day, and even awake, she will encourage you instead of reprimanding you for it.
—So you mean I’ll become a pervert?
—Well, in a way...—the doctor winked.—But don’t worry. You see, we know that boys need channels to release their sexual tension, however you just can’t make loving couples by arbitrarily pairing up girls and boys. A caretaker is not quite the same as a girlfriend. Girls are conditioned from early childhood to accept and enjoy taking care of their boys, but love and sexual compatibility cannot be conditioned. When you will come to have an actual, sexual relationship, we will make sure that you still have the healthy and uncorrupted sex drive of a boy your age. The caretaker system is basically a substitute to a relationship. More often than not, love does bloom, and a caretaker will become a girlfriend. At other times it just isn’t meant to be, but still, a boy will always have a girl to take care of him and help him vent his sexual energies.
—What happens when a boy falls in love with someone else?
—Then he will still have his caretaker at school, and will be handed over to his girlfriend for dates. The cutest is when two girls fall in love with each other’s proteges. I love seeing foursomes like that hanging around on dates. Having a caretaker is a strong bond, like having a big sister. A girlfriend will talk a lot with her boyfriend’s caretaker, learning things about him, asking for advice, becoming friends or even best friends... Usually a caretaker is a caretaker for life, way beyond school. You see, while you might feel that female seniority is a step down the ladder for boys, you do get something in return. We women will never leave you to yourself. You will never be thrown out, feeling empty and hopeless, drinking alone in a bar heartbroken. If a girlfriend tires of you, she will most likely just pass you on to a friend who does want you, and the hypnotherapy will make sure that it’s painless for you... And in the worst case, you will still have Carly. Imagine just what the boys in your previous culture would give for that.
—Yes, if you put it like that...
—See? But still, you boys will always be boys, and have all that wild and untamed testosterone running through your veins. So we need to tame you a bit. I know you wouldn’t do such a thing, but we must make sure that no boy would ever rape his caretaker or do something on those lines. So the caretaker-protege relationship is, on an emotional level, an adult-child relationship, and you are the child. The compulsory habits also help prevent some unwanted social phenomena between boys, such as gangs and bullying. You will see all the boys at the school, including yourself, as somewhat uncool and totally at the mercy of girls.—By this time, Carly was slowly drawing circles with her fingernail on the nape of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.
—And you will love every minute of it—she whispered in my ear, and hugged me from behind, enveloping my face in her palms.
—Now, i think if no further questions are in order, it’s time for your trance, Darcy. Please lay down on this couch.—Dr. Linde beckoned me to the comfy-looking leather couch in the corner, while turning down the lights and putting on some soothing music.—Carly will stay here and watch. And when it comes to giving you your all new compulsory habit, she will also join in and assert her hypnotic control over you.
I walked to the couch like a lamb to the slaughter, flushed red or dead pale, I don’t really know. Carly smiled encouragingly all the while, but I felt uncomfortable looking into her eyes with all this talk about hypnosis. The doctor returned with a small flashlight.
—Comfy? Okay, I am going to count down from ten.—She took the flashlight and started slowly waving it in front of my eyes.—I want you to watch this light, and when I reach zero, you will be in a wonderful hypnotic sleep. Ten...
* * *
When I came to, I couldn’t really remember what happened. It was a bit like waking up in the morning after a good night’s sleep, and not being able to remember the act of falling asleep.
—You all right?—the doctor asked.
—Yes, I think.
—Good, take a biig breath now. Now exhale, like that. Good!
—Wow, Darcy, you’re the best!—said Carly with a huge smile.
—Yes, indeed—Dr. Linde seconded—, you are a very good subject. I believe you don’t remember a thing about what happened.
—No, I...
—See? With lots of people, it’s quite impossible to go that far the first time around. With some, it’s entirely impossible, no matter how many times you try. You are the top of the scale. Carly is real lucky with you.
—Erm... And what do you do with boys who cannot be hypnotized?
—Oh, I never said anything about “cannot be hypnotized”, did I? They just cannot be taken so deep so they could be made to actually forget things. A good hypnotist will still be able to reach their innermost feelings, and mold them to her will, it just takes more work and a softer touch. But it’s not only Carly who is lucky, you are too. It means we can make you happy and contented so much easier, and we can also easily help you become better at learning, sports, whatever you wish to do with your life.
—I guess that’s a good thing then... And, what will my compulsive habit be?
—Oh, you’ll find that out soon enough...
* * * * * *
Part 2
* * *
—And, what will my compulsive habit be?
—Oh, you’ll find that out soon enough...
Oh yes, did I ever. Next day in school i felt a strange, anticipatory feeling in my stomach. Like falling in love, but not knowing with whom... I noticed everyone throwing curious and gleeful looks at me all day long. Then it happened. I got sort of lost in the math lesson, and only noticed afterward that I have been sucking my thumb the entire time. I turned red, and slowly removed my thumb, and wiped it from the saliva. Carly was beaming with joy.
—Wow! Finally! You are doing soo well, Darcy!—she whispered in my ear, grabbed my right hand, and slowly guided my thumb back into my mouth.—Keep sucking, darling. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck...
And I did. While earlier I was just absent-mindedly holding my thumb in my mouth, now, as if controlled by her voice, I started applying rhythmic suction in a very noisy manner. I was extremely self-conscious of it, and yet it felt so good. Carly, now, instead of chanting "suck" into my ear, was giving me a huge kiss for each noisy smack on my thumb. The entire class was looking at me, the boys mostly embarrassed and timid, the girls beaming with glee. The teacher, Miss Rosenberger, was looking at us with a genuinely maternal smile.
—You are doing wonderful. Such a good boy!—said Carly, standing up.—We are going to show you to the entire class, so keep sucking, and come up to the blackboard. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck.
I stood up, thumb in my mouth, sucking even more furiously, while Carly guided me to the front of the class by my shoulders.
—Dear class, I would like to show you Darcy's new compulsion. He's a cute little thumbsucker.—I got another kiss from Carly, and a round of applause from everyone, including the teacher.—Go on, suck, suck, suck—she whispered in my ear, and suddenly I found that I was leaking saliva around my thumb, and it was dripping down my chin. I flushed even redder.
—Now some of you might find this to be going a bit overboard—explained Carly, while caressing my shoulders from behind—, but as you know Darcy came from the Midwest, from an extremely patriarchal society. So Dr. Linde and I decided that he needs something extremely infantile and humiliating, to help him accept female guardianship over his life.
Sucking noisily and drooling like a toddler, I felt incredible. I was humiliated beyond words, it was like the nightmares where you are standing naked in front of the exam committee, only it felt wonderful. I felt deeply loved and cared for, and felt an equal love and appreciation toward Carly. With every smack and every drip of saliva, I felt a wonderful connection of giving and being given. Earlier I imagined that sex would feel something like this...
—Okay, girls and boys, let's show Darcy our appreciation—said the teacher, and with that, everyone stood up, and lined up to me. Anna was first in line, she hugged me and gave me two huge kisses. I was naturally sucking my thumb and drooling all the while. She smiled at me, and looked me in the eye. It was like being naked in front of her, but being accepted and loved for who I am. I felt a warmth build up inside me.
Next came Cecil, the football team captain, Anna's protege. He was picking is nose again, of course. He kissed me as well, two pecks on my cheeks, and he seemed somewhat demoralized by the fact that he had to. He was like a shy little boy who wants to show affection, but is afraid to. I guess I wasn't any better myself. Being kissed by a boy seriously shocked me, but Carly was leaning into me with her rock hard nipples in my back, whispering "suck, suck, suck", into my ear, so I guess I took it in stride. I got kissed by the entire class, girls and boys as well. I was crying from emotional overflow by the time it was over, so saliva, tears and some snot were running down all over my face. Carly gently wiped everything off with a tissue, led me back to my desk, and sit me down. I was no longer sucking furiously, only silently nursing, rolling my tongue around my thumb.
She sat down next to me, stroked my hair and cradled my head to her bosom. I was pretty much out of it there. Math lesson continued nevertheless, but I remembered little of it. Both me and Carly borrowed the notes from a classmate later on.
* * *
So started my life as a thumbsucker. I also found out about some other boys' habits. For example, the fat kid with the videogame pad was sometimes rubbing his privates and smelling his finger afterwards very explicitly. His caretaker, a weird skinny girl with lots of piercings apparently found this to be hilarious, and always patted his head reassuringly. She also delighted in pinching and tickling his butt or his fat belly quite a lot. Poor guy. Or lucky *******. Depends on point of view, I guess.
* * *
That day I first met my stepfather at home, he came back apparently from a month-long business trip to China. His name was Jared, and I was told he was the CEO of Intellink, a small but quite well-off Internet company. He seemed like an okay guy, toned body, nice hair, intelligent face, but man was he a huge sissy. When I first met him, he was wearing a women's business suit complete with a blouse! I wondered what my mother saw in him, as my father was a very manly cowboy type. Then again, my father left Mom for someone else, so I guess it figures. Also, Jared was filthy rich, he paid for our new house in central SF, so I guessed it would be cool to have him as a dad.
I didn't even understand the exact specifics of the relationship my mother planned with him though, as he had several homes across the world, and was constantly on the go. Later I found out that he would take Mom with him, because I'd always have Carly and her family to take care of me while they weren't around.
Carly came over in the evening. I came down from my room, and saw her talking to my parents.
—Darcy dearest, I am busy with grown-up talk right now, go upstairs and suck your thumb for me. I'll be up in a minute.—She told me in a sugary seductive tone, when she saw me approaching. I literally felt all my teenager pride crumble and flush out of me. I walked back upstairs, silently crying from humiliation, and sucking my thumb for comfort. It felt Carly was with me when I did that.
I sat on my bed for maybe half an hour, crying and sucking. I felt like a very small child all over, all the fears and frustrations of that age coming back to me. Then I heard footsteps, and Carly appeared in the door.
—Who are you to Carly, little one?—she asked me in a coy tone.
—... Cawwys wiwwle shuckew...—I blurted this out almost automatically amidst tears, and without removing my thumb.
—Oh you darling boy, I'm so sorry for taking so long!—she said, throwing herself at me, hugging me tightly, fussing up my hair and rubbing her face over mine, wiping my tears off.—Darcy is Carly's little sucker—she whispered in my ear.—Carly's little sucker. Carly's little sucker...
I felt wonderful, contented, and started dozing off. I woke up in the morning.
* * *
Next day in school I got self-conscious, and tried my hardest not to suck my thumb... But in the end, whenever I started stroking my lips or raising my hand, Carly or some other girl was sure to flash me a warm and reassuring smile. I got several surprise kisses from various girls around the class for licking my nail or just looking at my thumb. So in the end I couldn't take it anymore and gave in. Anna hugged me to her, my thumb in my mouth, and showered me with kisses, and then Carly would do the same. I didn't do the loud, drooly sucking though. I feared that Carly would tell me to do it, and knew that I would, but she didn't, and I felt nice and contented for the rest of the day, with something in my mouth and someone by my side.
Still, I was sort of nervous about the group therapy that was scheduled for next Monday.
* * * * * *
Part 2.5 (Interlude)
I spent most of the weekend with Carly. When we left Saturday morning, she assured my mom that she'd look after me well and make sure I'll be in bed in time. I flushed a bit I guess.
When we arrived at her house, I met her little sister Eve. She was a cute little kid, around 12, she seemed very fashionable and sporty, with the movie star Barbie mannerisms of popular preteen girls. We ran into each other for a moment when we arrived at Carly's house—she was just leaving for dance class—, and she got real bouncy about meeting me, hugging me tightly and commenting on how cute I was.
We spent the day playing video games and walking around the neighborhood. In the afternoon we then sat together with Eve in Carly's room, drinking tea and talking. I learned a bit more about how the New Way functions.
Apparently Eve didn't have a protege yet, as kids were only assigned into pairs at the start of puberty for the boys, but the adult-child relationship between the genders may have been even more pronounced in elementary school and junior high. For example, she told me that usually all boys are walked around the school by girls, it is considered normal and safer that way.
Even worse, when a boy needs to go out during class, the teacher asks the girls who wants to walk him to the toilet. Usually there are multiple volunteers, so boys rarely get to go out by themselves. Both Eve and Carly laughed at me when I asked if the boys are allowed to go INTO the boys' room by themselves, and assured me that they, as one would expect, of course are allowed privacy in the bathroom.
She also seemed really eager to know more about me and where I came from, so we talked a lot. I even forgot to be embarrassed by my occasional thumbsucking routine, and she was kind enough not to remind me.
—I am glad you two are getting along so well—said Carly, returning from the kitchen with three glasses of orange juice.—When I'm busy, I'll have Evie babysit you.
—You mean, have me babysit her—I retorted jokingly. I was sort of getting used to feeling like a kid, but I felt cornered, and the need to test my boundaries and rebel a bit welled up in me.
—Feeling rebellious, huh?—she said in a mock-angry tone, with her hands on her hips.—Big words for a little sucker.—I immediately felt my mouth pucker and contract, but tried to resist raising my thumb to it.
—Ooh, cool!—Evie gushed.—Look at that cute little pucker! Don't you think you need something in your mouth, little Darcy?
—Yes little Darcy, those lips seem all too hungry for your little thumbie.—Carly chimed in, stroking my shoulders from behind.
I knew I was trapped. There was just no right way out of this, even my half-hearted defiance felt like something really uncool, like the futile defiant tantrum of a two-year-old. I just sat there, trying not to suck my thumb, forcing my hands to rest on my knees, but my mouth started rhythmically contracting on its own, with small, telltale kissing noises escaping between them.
—Evie, would you be a doll and give little Darcy his paci?—Carly sing-songed. Eve, breaking into a huge smile, stood up and came up to me.
—Look, little sucker Darcy, you take this here…—she said, lifting my right hand, and forcing it into a fist with my thumb sticking out. I didn't have the willpower to stop her. If I tried, I knew it would look even more infantile and uncool. She looked me in the eye, and with her other hand, grabbed my chin.
—There, that's how it goes, and wooosh, look here comes the spaceship! USS Thumb to mouth station, open the dock!—She was massaging my face around my lips with her fingers, but it didn't take much physical force to pop my mouth open, which immediately formed a perfect "o", contracting in rhythm. With that, she just plunged my thumb into my waiting mouth.
—See, little one?—she said in a warm tone, patting my head—Little boys need their sitters to do that for them. They are too little to know what they need.
I just sucked my thumb, and felt really ashamed.
—I think it's getting late for Darcy, little kids need to go to bed early you know.—Carly said, giving me some playful nudges from behind.—Evie, you can help me hypnotize him for sleepytime. You remember what I told you to say…
—Carly's little sucker!—both of them said in unison.—Carly's little sucker, Carly's little sucker, Carly's little sucker…
I sort of remember taking a shower that evening, drinking some orange juice, and waiting around sitting on the bed, but not much in continuity. From that day on though, I started seeing Evie in a different light—I did intellectually know that she was almost five years younger than me, but still it felt as if I was around a cool big girl who was way out of my league.
* * *
Part 3
Carly's dad took us to school on Monday. Mom and Jared popped in Sunday morning to tell me they were flying to Hong Kong, so I was going to stay with Carly's family for the week. On the way to the school, I saw a huge billboard showing side by side Jesus in a circle of children, and a caricature of a mad scientist, lowering a frantic rat into a maze by its tail. It said "Whom would you trust with your children?" in huge, deathly letters, and "SVEM" and a web address in the bottom right corner.
—What is that ad?—I asked.
—Ooooh I bloody hate those damn haters!—Carly fumed.—They are the "Svem", a group of bloody fucking zealots!
—Carly, watch your mouth, will you!—interrupted her dad.—Darcy, it's an ad to raise awareness against the New Way, by the Silicone Valley Emancipation Movement. They have different views from ours, but as long as they are fighting to give people a choice, and not to oppress us, I have nothing against them.
—What are their views?
—If you are interested, you might want to read them yourself, there's the web address.
—Not on MY watch you won't—whispered Carly in my ear sternly. It was the first time I ever felt any edge in her voice since I knew her.
We arrived at school, and the day went down without much to talk about. I was used to the boys' quirks now, including my own. Education really was on a different level than where I grew up, but I managed well, thanks to Carly's backing I was practically free of pressure and stress. It was also good not to worry about the pecking order, and making sure that I'm on the right end of the bullying, as there was none of that happening here. Well if you don't count the way some girls took advantage of their position, like Joanne, the weird darkstyle girl who was the fat kid's caretaker—his name was Bob—, but I guess that was more fun than pain, compared to what passed for bullying back home.
At the end of the school day, a few of us remained around. We were the ones on the Monday therapy group. There was Peter Brokes the stuttering nerd, and his caretaker, a tall viking-type blonde girl, Cecil the football captain and Anna, the fat kid Bob and Joanne, and Rook, a tall boy who never closed his mouth fully and sometimes drooled, and his caretaker, a prim little girl with a boyish haircut. After a short chat about homework and such, we filed down to the psychiatrist's office. Carly was keeping me close, always touching me someway, but I didn't mind it at all.
Dr. Linde welcomed us, and told us to get changed. We were showed to dressing cabins, thankfully separate for each of us. However, the change of clothes prepared took me off guard. I was supposed to wear paper underpants. Well at least that's what it looked like, briefs made out of thick soft paper. Deciding I had no choice, I wore it anyway and stepped out. All the boys were wearing identical underpants (and nothing else), and the girls who have finished changing were standing around in white labcoats.
Carly finished too, and grabbing me by the shoulders, led me to the meditation room, which looked like a mixture between a nursery and a yoga spa, with soft carpet, huge cushions and beanbag chairs, all in pink and blue pastels. One of the walls was lined with selves, with plastic baby toys all over it. We all sat down in a circle, with the girls sitting on beanbags, and us boys sitting on the floor before them. It really did make me feel like a child.
The doctor came in, sat on a regular chair, and started the session. I have been to a group therapy session once, after getting caught with pot, and this wasn't all that different from it. We started out talking about minor things and easing up, and then getting our frustrations and fears on school life and study out. I started to think that I may have misjudged the situation, and there was nothing to be afraid of. Of course I was wrong.
After an hour of going in circle and talking, Dr. Linde stood up.
—Now, as we have a new boy here, I'll explain again what will happen. This session is for you boys, the goal is to make sure that nothing is bothering you boys, and that you are comfortable in your social role. As you might know the girls have their own, girl only groups to handle their upsets. So now that you have all told us and got out what was troubling your conscious minds, we will now let your unconscious unburden itself too, and make you see that you as a single person need not be ashamed of being junior to girls, because all boys are.—And with that, she giggled a little.—We are now going to help you pour all your unconscious upsets out through your personal quirks. Girls?
Carly slid down the beanbag, and hugged me from behind with her legs spread out around me.
—Carly's little sucker…—she whispered in my ear, and I was out cold.
I was still being hugged from behind, Carly's arms loosely holding me at my tummy. The floor before me was littered with baby toys, cubes, rattles and such. The other boys were sitting in a similar position with their caretakers. And I was hungry. Or at least some horrible emptiness took hold of me, and I wanted to put my thumb in my mouth…
Except it was already there. I wasn't sucking rhythmically now, I was sucking down on that thumb as if it was my last lifeline. It felt terrible. I took several of my fingers, and thrust them in my mouth, to no avail. I squealed with frustration, pushing my entire hand almost down my throat, but I couldn't get proper suction on it with my lips. Then I looked up, and it was like the dream where I was masturbating in front of the entire class—the old one in the Midwest—, and in front of the reverend, and I couldn't stop.
The boys were looking at each other with frantic eyes, and the girls with knowing smiles. Cecil was apparently trying to dislodge the mother of all snotballs from his nose, even trying to blow his nose into his bare palms in the process. Peter's caretaker was whispering questions in his ear, and he was trying all his might to answer, or rather to manage to say a word, bouncing up and down with effort. Bob was probing and scratching his bellybutton with his finger…
The emptiness became unbearable. I reached down for a good chewy looking rattle, and without any sense of self, took it into my mouth and started sucking on it and probing it with my teeth. It felt good, but wasn't enough. I ground myself into Carly sitting behind me, and felt tears well up in me. But these weren't tears of emotional release, but rather of frustration. I tried pushing a plastic doll's hand into my mouth, but there was no place beside the rattle. Sucking and crying, I tried to comfort myself through Carly's warmth. It was a strangely ambivalent feeling, like a toothache that you want to bite down upon because it hurts so good…
And the other boys weren't faring any better. Peter was furiously screaming gibberish and breaking into fits of hysterical crying inbetween.—BAH BUH KAAAH Gnnnnnh! GAH GAH MOH Brrrrrbbbbpffft!—he squealed, flailing his arms about, and trying to hide into his large caretaker, who was still ruthlessly whispering questioning words into his ear. I think one of them I overheard was "what day is it today, dear?" Bob was reaching into his pants now, probing his stomach, as if trying to get to an itch that he can't find. He was also shaking with hysterics, not helped by his caretaker, who latched onto his back like a spider, and was singing "fatty fatty lumpkins, fatty fatty lumpkins" in his ear in a mocking tone.
With time, the frustration subsided, and it felt so good to be chewing on that rattle and grind my back into Carly. I saw that the faces of the other boys also changed, with excitement replacing frustration. And then Carly whispered something in my ear, and kissed my cheek, and my body convulsed with pleasure. I blacked out again.
I came to taking a shower, and dressing up. I didn't want to talk, so I just huddled close to Carly as we left. She triggered me again on the way home, and that's pretty much all I remember of that Monday...
