Further chapters will follow if welcome.
Kim
Prologue
"Madam,the boy is a homosexual".
Those were the only words I really took in,I heard the rest of the discussion but those words wiped out much of what else was said.
There was something about genes,hormones,and chromosomes but it was all beyond me and mother of course blamed my absent father.
I didn't think I had any problems at all at school,it was true I didn't like sports much,I enjoyed art and drama classes,I had friends who were boys but mostly like me,non aggressive,studious and quite shy,it was also true that my best friend was a girl that I walked to school with every day,I'd grown up with Susan,she lived next door with her grandmother but the child psychologist picked up on this friendship and branded it abnormal,he insisted I was maladjusted.
"Normal boys" he stressed,"Don't spend their playground time with girls and nor do they spend time with them after school playing games".
Mother repeated this back to me on the way home,"But mummy,I'm not what the doctor said!" I protested.
"Don't contradict me child! I've known Dr Jardin a long time and he's highly reccomended,I'm sorry Kim but I'm doing what he suggests and sending you to another school".
My world ended there,I was 8 years old.
Before we go further,65% of this story is based on fact,the rest is pure fiction.
Chapter one
The school was horrible,a boarding school for boys in a remote southern English village and I cried every night for two weeks,for the first month I was not allowed to write home and for 3 months I was not allowed telephone privileges,then I was allowed to write one letter per week and make one phone call per fortnight and only to my mother and with Matron or her assistant listening.
After 16 weeks I was allowed home for a weekend but mother chose that weekend to go to Paris with a "friend".
I felt totally lost and abandoned,that weekend was also my 9th birthday and I cried alone in my little partitioned bedspace.
It would be another 5 weeks before I saw mother,she came to the school for a sports day,glamorous as ever in a smart 50's style suit,hat and heels she took her seat and didn't approach me at all until after my two events which were a swimming race in which I came second and the 100 yards dash in which I came third,both were junior events and it was only when the senior events begun that she left her seat and gave me her audience.
By this time I was bursting to be with her but the 5 months I'd been away was like just 5 hours to her and her very first comment broke my heart.
"So you didn't win anything then....never mind,I suppose you tried", we were in the refreshment area,near the car park,I could see her car and yearned to just get in it with her and have her take me away from this horrid place,the only reason I'd tried so hard on the sports day was fear,of what she and my peers would say or do,and I genuinely thought she was taking me home for half term.
"Matron tells me you're still wetting the bed?"
Ashamed I just nodded.
"Well I've been asked to pay extra because you can't control your bladder dear and I don't think that's fair on me,Matron says she's fed up with her or her assistants or the duty school nurse having to get you up in the night to take you to the toilet".
I protested that I couldn't help it,I'd almost stopped wetting the bed until I came here but now I was having nightly accidents unless I was woken and taken to the toilet and that was interfering with my sleep.
"That's why I have to pay extra,they want to put you back in nappies and seeing as you're the only boy here that needs them they have to buy them in at my expense,so I'm afraid I can't have you coming home until you get this little problem sorted out darling".
She bent down and kissed me on the cheek then reached into her bag and gave me a packet of sweets,my belated birthday present,that was it,I watched her walk to her car,stop and chat to the headmaster briefly on the way,and then she was gone,I wanted to run away but instead I just walked back to the boot room and cried in the shower.
That night I was moved from my dorm and put in a smaller 4 bed dorm,everyone had gone home for the holiday except me and 3 senior boys aged about 13.
As promised Matron put me in a nappy before bed,a pair of disposable pull ups and in front of the other boys put me to bed in them with no pyjamas,before lights out a male teacher checked the dorm and pulled my bed sheets back to check I was wearing the nappy,the humiliation was unbearable and I just craved the night and sleep would swallow me up,my last thought before drifting off was how determined I was not to wet myself.
I don't know how long I'd been asleep,there was no clock in the dorm,in summer and winter we were woken by a radio being switched on via the tannoy and a member of staff shouting at us to get out of bed.
I was woken because I couldn't breathe and I was being held down with a pillow case over my head,even in my half sleep state I realised there should only be 3 others in the room yet there were four pairs of hands gripping me in silence and a firm hand over my mouth.
I didn't even try to struggle as my nappy was pulled off,I didn't know these boys but instinct told me to be passive and experience already at the hands of the school bullies left me not only passive but petrified with fear.
As my nappy was pulled off I was spun over onto my front,somebody straddled my back and held me down while another forced my face into my pillow and hands held my legs,I heard someone spitting,then a finger was being forced into my bottom......
I don't know how I slept after the attack but the next thing I knew I was being woken by a male master,our science teacher,he pulled back my bedclothes and told me to stay where I was while the other boys dressed and went to breakfast,I lay there in my own mess until Mrs Belling,one of the assistant matrons came in an hour later,I'd wet the bed and there was faeces on the sheets,immediately I was accused of taking my nappy off so I could mess my bed,I was a "Disgusting,filthy boy!"
Mrs Belling dragged me from the bed,scrubbed me standing up in the bath,made me run to the laundry with my soiled bedding then scrubbed me again,first in tepid then cold water,then still naked and freezing I was taken to the headmasters office,he was angry at being called in to deal with a "troublesome child" while on holiday and gave me six vicious strokes of the cane,told me I was "Perverted" and a "Disgrace to the school".
It didn't matter that I'd been assaulted,all that mattered was that I didn't meet his standards or expectations,an opinion later reflected by my mother.
I was not assaulted again during the remainder of that holiday week but it was made clear that my company was not welcome by the older boys and by the time the full compliment of pupils had returned to school I was officially the school sissy,the first time I'd heard that word,masters and pupils alike began to refer to me as "the girl".
My diminutive stature,lack of sports prowess and natural passive nature just made me a target for everyone and though life was utterly miserable I managed.
By the time I was expelled 14 months later I had been home a total of 4 times to spend time with my mother,I was still wearing nappies and wetting at night,indeed I'd begun to wet myself during the day and had to ask Matron to change me,I was the only boy who suffered this humiliation,a fact she never failed to emphasize as I went through 3-4 nappies a day.
I was expelled officially because I was caught in a compromising situation with another boy,a senior.
I knew it was set up to compromise me but I didn't care.
Showers were always supervised,a master or the Matron or both were always on hand to dispense soap and shampoo and you were watched,boys often got erections in the shower,I was the anomaly,I never did,other boys were proud of showing it off,proud of showing how much often newly sprouting pubic hair they had and making a big issue out of washing their genitals,I still had no pubic hair.
On this occasion I found myself alone in the shower room with Ginger,a tall senior boy obviously named for his hair colour and not in any way attractive even if I was that way inclined.
But he was well known for having the largest appendage in the school!
At 15 years old he was measured by other boys at 11 and 3/4 inches erect so when he told me to wash it for him in the shower I just did as he asked,and we were unsupervised.
In comparison I have never achieved more than 3.5" erect so was in awe of this thing.
He ejaculated all over my leg and at that moment a member of staff walked in,I was dragged out of the shower,his semen barely washed off of me,I was manhandled and beaten then locked in a room overnight with no toilet or nappy.
In the morning I was in front of the headmaster,Ginger was ********,he was they said maladjusted,apparently now I wasn't,I had sexually abused him said the allegation,I was the pervert.
I was 11 years old.
No mention was made of the fact I'd been assaulted by others previously.
I made no mention of the fact that as the school "girl" I had been made to orally serve the head boy twice,he had tried to do other things with me with no success because I couldn't take it.
When I left the headmasters office my suitcase packed by staff was in the hall by the entrance,my mother was outside.
She took me away.
The suitcase was left behind.
Chapter two
The Mission School
Mother seemed to care not that all my clothes had been left behind,however,at her great expense she complained,she had to buy me new clothing anyway as I was almost immediately to be sent to a new school,my protestations that I would prefer to go to a local school went unheard and I was to spend just two days at home with her,her attitude toward me was one of indifference.
I was sent north to the Mission school,an ancient institution set in high walled private grounds housing both boys and girls,the house itself dated back to the 1400's with a few later additions.
I arrived on a Saturday morning and was the sole male intake that day,2 girls arrived also and were quickly taken to a separate reception area.
This was a strange place,very old fashioned,masters wore black gowns with ruffled collars,a uniform they had worn since the school was founded,female staff,arriving much later in the schools history wore a similar traditional gown over a smart dark suit and without the collar.
Staff were simply addressed as Sir or Miss.
Pupils of both sexes wore almost identical uniforms supplied by the school but paid for by the parents,This consisted of a sailor top,for the girls a matching pleated skirt,for the boys knee length pantaloons or britches as some called them that tied just below the knee,boys and girls wore the same white stockings or socks,ankle length for juniors(9-11)knee length for intermediates(12-15)and full length for seniors(16-18).
Shoes were the same for everyone,juniors wore black patent maryjanes,above juniors it was black patent pumps with a 1" heel.
Underwear was the same for everyone,a one piece cotton camiknicker set that opened at the back to facilitate toilet use,there were no urinals in the boys lavatories and this underwear had been traditional for over 150 years,there were other reasons for this underwear which I was to discover later.
The only other variations in the uniform was colour,pink for juniors,pale blue for intermediates,dark blue for seniors.
Sports kit was unisex,white vest,dark blue knickers,white socks and white canvas pumps.
Sleepwear was a short night shirt for both sexes,white with pink stripes for girls,pale blue stripes for boys.
Girls and boys were mostly segregated and had separate areas in the dining hall and there were separate playgrounds though we did share the same classrooms but were forbidden to speak.
The only association allowed when I first arrived as a junior were once a fortnight "pair study" periods where staff paired a boy with a girl for extra study on a particular subject,these were popular study periods and in fine weather were held outside in the beautiful grounds with minimal supervision,predominantly a girls school,the ratio being 6-1 girls were often paired with girls but never boys with boys unless as a punishment.
Discipline was strict but very fair and corporal punishment was used but not the cane,instead a hazel switch or birch was used,or a leather strap,other methods of punishment were also used but were non corporeal.
My first impression of the school was one of dread but my fears were quickly dispelled upon my induction,I was interviewed by my housemistress and a junior master,seen by my house matron,and then to cut a long story short I showered,was issued my uniform and other kit then taken to my dorm,a 6 bed room of which only 3 other beds were occupied,my roommates were not present,the dorm had it's own bathroom and lavatory.
Next I was taken downstairs to the kitchen where the cook explained,"Sorry you had to wait so long dear but I had to feed the girls first".
My nervous tummy told me I wasn't hungry but my first bite of the wonderful meal she fed me very soon changed my mind,I did not cry myself to sleep that night.
Chapter three
School days
I'm still in nappies,Matron has assured me she'll get me out of them one day but she's not nasty about it,we both accept I can't help it and still need them at night,I still have little accidents during the day but these are rare and sometimes I wake up dry,apparently many of the girls need nappies but I'm the only boy with that need.
Life is surprisingly good and I actually enjoy school,sports prowess still escapes me as it always will but I'm encouraged in subjects I do well at such as art,drama,and English.
I'm in pink as a junior and the uniform is very sissy but everyone dresses the same so there is no real issues there,there are occasional teasing remarks from girls aimed at the boys but these are rare and any form of bullying is virtually non existent,bullying is very definitely not tolerated here!
I'm still very shy though and don't talk very much with my dorm but I do play chess with one boy.
I write to mother once a week but it becomes a chore as I feel I have nothing to say and at the moment I'm happy not to go home,I do miss her though but not her cold attitude toward me.
High spots of the school week are being allowed a day pass to the village,this is a privilege that has to be earned by points and with the system the school uses it's not always easy to gain them but the hard work is worth it,and with the locals knowing the history of the school the sight of our strange uniforms in the village is welcome,there is often teasing from the village youth but we're taught how to not let this affect us and one of the important things we do in the village is voluntary work,this dates back 100's of years to when the Mission school was founded by philanthropists but partially funded by donations not school fees and this tradition still stands to a degree.
To my joy I have enough points and if I maintain my standards I'm allowed to volunteer in the village tea shop for 4 hours every Saturday,an added benefit is that there is no bar in the village on associating with girls from the school and my fellow volunteer is an intermediate called Daphne,very prim and proper and she enjoys bossing me around but I accept it and I get to sit with her on the bus to and from the village,but I'm in pink and she's in pale blue so she doesn't talk to me on the bus unless as she says,"I have to".
Joy of joys!
I'm still a few weeks short of my 12th birthday but I've done so well I'm granted my "first blues",the intermediate pale blue uniform,I'm not allowed to wear it yet but I am allowed a pale blue armband and knee socks with a blue ribbon,this signifies I'm dorm prefect even though all my dorm mates(there are now 6 of us)are bigger than me,I get it because I make an effort and polish my shoes so they're like glass!
The others seem to hate the school shoes,I don't,I love them.
Dorm prefect isn't the best position to be in I'm finding,the other boys dislike me now but Daphne will speak to me on the bus.
The boys in my dorm resent the fact that I spend time with a girl,it doesn't matter that she treats me with disdain,that doesn't matter to me at all,what does matter is that as dorm prefect my job is to tell them what to do in cleaning and maintaining our room and bathroom,I'm not good at that and realise the responsibility is beyond me,I ask to be relieved of my duties but the request is denied with the threat that if I ask again my village privileges will be removed,I'm also threatened with being put back a year despite how well I've done.
I struggle but maintain my prefect status,perhaps more than luck is involved as I have chosen not to go home in 10 months and my mother does not visit,this is seen as dedication to the school and I strive to please everyone.
Then my 12th birthday arrives and at age 12 in that part of the term I have to move dorm.
Mother sends me a card and a small box of chocolates which I share.
Chapter 4
First blues
First blues is the light blue uniform,I'm now allowed to wear it but technically speaking I'm downgraded because I now have to move into an intermediate dormitory and start from the bottom,one other boy from my old dorm was due to be moved up but he has been removed from the school,I'm not told why.
I really HATE this new dorm,it has semi private partitions but there are 12 boys and I am the youngest,all the other boys know that Matron still puts me in a nappy at night and I'm ribbed mercilessly.
Comments are made about my looks and once again I'm the "girl" in the dorm, my eyelashes are commented on most often, apparently I cannot be a real boy with lashes like that and other boys have pubic hair,I still don't.
Once again life is a misery.
My housemistress sympathises but says that's just the way things work,I explained that as dorm prefect in the juniors I didn't treat people as I'm being treated now but she explains I'm not in the juniors anymore.
My dorm prefect has a short hazel switch which he uses on me on my second day in front of the other boys because I failed bed inspection,somebody had put dust under my bed after I'd swept it,I'm given six strokes naked and called a sissy for crying,I'm also called a queer because I get an erection while I'm being beaten,this happens again two weeks later,I'm in a small class of 8 girls and 2 boys,one of the girls is Daphne,suddenly her hand goes up,"Sir?",the master,a black gentleman,listens as she says,"Sir,I believe that boy is cheating the test!".
Her accusation is aimed at me,it was true I had asked her a question on the bus back from the village about the test,Daphne is a prefect now,she's obliged to report any matter she can't deal with to a member of staff but she's embellishing her story,I'm not cheating but I had written a note in one of my study books,this is inspected and I'm called to his desk.
I'm unbritched,that is my pants are removed,my knickers are opened at the rear and buttoned back so my bottom is fully exposed,I'm ordered over the desk and strapped to tears in front of the class,once again I achieve an erection which through my knickers does not go unnoticed,I'm castigated for this and sent to Matron but by the time I reach her office my erection does not subside,she's calm and businesslike as she unties the front opening of my knickers,my small penis pops out,she hits it with a short leather strap,a sharp strike,I wince but I don't yelp as it hits me directly on my exposed glans,she hits it again,I let out an "Ow!",this time she grabs my very small testicles testicles and hits them,the pain is not what I expected,it hurts but not in a bad way,I'm breathing funny and I feel dizzy,she grasps my penis......
"You fainted",I'm lying on an infirmary bed,Matron is mopping my brow,"It happens and boys do have accidents during punishments,not usually like that though".
She's smiling,Matron is a nice lady,she tells me my "accident" soiled her apron,I'd ejaculated on her,she assures me I'm not "bad" because of it but makes me promise not to practice masturbation as some other boys do,I never have,that was my first time,I'd never even had a wet dream.
I'm sent back to class but it ended long ago,it's lunchtime so I go to the dining hall,I'm still unbritched,it's the rules,below the waist I wear only my camiknickers which are buttoned back to expose my bottom,this is done to boys and girls to shame them after punishment and the bottom is left exposed all day,sometimes it can be ordered to be exposed for a week,the marks can be seen by everyone.
In the dining hall I'm directed to a punishment table,these are a row of small single tables where you take your meal,you are not allowed to speak to anyone unless addressed by a staff member,your peers have to ignore you,I'm given a card to say I'm to be shamed for 3 days.
My 3 day punishment routine has ended and I lose my village privileges for 2 weeks but I knuckle down,work hard and regain them,when I get the chance and am allowed to speak to Daphne again I ask her why she did what she did.
"Because I don't like you".
Chapter 5
Holidays
Despite all the things I really hate about my dorm I actually enjoy school,very little time is spent in dorm,really only to sleep so I make the best of my time not in dorm,anyway,Xmas is approaching and with the way the school terms work in the new year many of my dorm will be moved up to seniors and I will no longer be the youngest.
I no longer dare speak to Daphne on the bus to and from the village but it's nice sitting next to her even if she ignores me,in the tea shop she's front of house whereas I mainly help out in the back so the only time she talks to me there is as usual to boss me around.
Things are about to change however.
Mother cannot have me home for the long holiday,we traditionally have 4 weeks over the Xmas and new year period but she's in New York,students with nowhere to go over holiday periods often stay in school or are give "placements" with local families,this year I'm the sole "homeless boy",it makes no sense financially to have me stay in school so I'm offered a placement which I immediately accept.
Mr and Mrs Gregory run the tea shop I work in at weekends,they have offered to house me over the holiday and I like them a lot,they are a childless couple in their 50's,he a tall ex navy officer,she a very smartly turned out but buxom lady,the twin set and pearls type.
I'm welcomed into their home and for the first time since I last went home I can have a bath,at the school we only have showers and Mrs Gregory has scented the bath,it's pure luxury!
She fusses over me and tries to make everything perfect,my bedroom is rather feminine as they had a girl staying a couple of years ago but I don't care,I like it and I've got a whole 4 weeks here!
Whoopee!
Oh,my school nightshirt is torn,there's a big rip in it and I was only given the one to bring with me,I also arrived with spare socks and underwear but only one uniform and we have to wear uniform in town/village,I do have a spare but it's not in my bag?
Mrs Gregory reassures me that everything is fine,she'll send up to the school for me for anything I need but we can "make do" for now,my clothes are in the washing machine.
I should be embarrassed but I'm not when Mrs Gregory gives me a very plain cotton night dress to wear in bed,it's short and has matching knickers,it's actually very similar to school underwear so I don't really find it unusual and sleep well.
In the morning I wake refreshed but realise the night dress is still the only thing I have to wear,my school pumps are downstairs in their boot room so I have no shoes or socks.
There is something else unusual,I was put to bed without a nappy and I'm dry!
I check the bed twice,there is a rubber sheet but I'm dry,I haven't wet myself!
Mrs Gregory brings me in a cup of tea and catches me checking the bed,"I didn't think you'd wet it dear,don't worry,Matron told me and sent me some nappies down but hopefully you won't need them....oh your clothes haven't gone in the drier yet...do you really need them?"
I say no but I have nothing to put on my feet,"Bottom of the wardrobe dear,you'll find some slippers,Daphne left them behind".
Daphne!
So she was the girl that stayed here two years ago!
One side of the wardrobe is locked and I can find no key but the side I can open is empty except for a pair of pale blue mule slippers with a 1.5 heel,they are obviously girls slippers but Mrs Gregory has told me it's okay to wear them so I do,I put them on and I like them,I'm wearing a girls nightie and knickers and slippers and I'm happy!
Why don't I find this unusual?
Going down to breakfast I'm in a quandary,I am embarrassed but Mr Gregory is cooking scrambled eggs and toast and asks me to help which I do eagerly,Mrs Gregory is in the shop but pops back in for breakfast saying thankfully it's not too busy and Sally can manage,Sally is a young local girl about 20 years old and works there during the week.
"Did you sleep alright?" asks Mrs Gregory.
"Yes Miss".
"Oh you don't have to call me Miss now dear....oh I suppose you do,that's the way they teach you in the school even if you're on holiday isn't it?"
"Yes Miss".
"And Mr Gregory?"
"Sir Miss".
I realised how silly that sounded and we all laughed,but I was conditioned to say "Sir" and "Miss" and was comfortable addressing them that way.
"Oh okay then,but it's quiet now so you don't have to work and it's your holiday,are the nightie and slippers okay?"
"Yes Miss".
"George?"
She addressed her husband.
"Will you keep an eye on Sally please,Jessica will be in at 10am but I have to go shopping and everywhere closes at 4pm today so lots to do".
I was left entirely to my own devices but with not a lot to do!
The Gregorys had a television so I sat and watched for a while but quickly became bored despite there being no TV or radio in the school so I found a book on their shelves that interested me and with the TV on in the background I read.
I must have nodded off for I was woken by Jessica serving me lunch,Jessica is the manageress of the tea shop,in her 30's,jet black hair,always immaculately and smartly dressed and able to spend all day on her feet in high heels,she is revered by local men who cannot get near her,I adored her!
It's two days before Xmas day,my proper clothing is apparently not dry yet and anyway would I not prefer to wear something else?
I would and am given a fresh nightie.
