He prefers panties
I AM a 16-year-old-boy and I have a problem. I love panties. I know this is strange but it is true. To be honest, I prefer panties to men’s briefs. The problem is that my parents also know of this.
They found me wearing my sister’s panties when I was nine years old and they were very angry. From that day on, whenever I try to wear panties, they would scold me or even sometimes hit me with the cane. But now, they only scold me.
The last time they found out I was wearing panties was in 1999. They scolded me but from that day onwards, I started buying my own panties, keeping and washing them secretly.
People do not know that I wear panties. I still act normally for a guy – I swap dirty stories with friends and many other things a guy would normally do. Big Bro, what I would like to know is if it is all right for me to wear panties? Is it normal?
I have tried to reason with my parents but we always end up arguing. I have asked them why they oppose it but they just said that the whole thing is weird and that they want me to stop. What if my parents find out again? Should I continue wearing panties? Should I still keep it a secret? I hope you can help me.
Guy with a Problem, Penang
Dear Guy with a Problem,
“Normal” comes from the word “norm,” which is a “standard considered typical”. But when push comes to shove, and we ask, “Who came up with the standard (or standards)?” you’ll get the answer, “Society” – that vague, nebulous thing which you can’t point at and ask of, “Why is this normal or abnormal?” and get a definitive answer. Yet, some norms give rise to laws. A scary thought.
But in the case of a guy wearing panties, there are no such laws. No laws against a guy buying panties at the women’s counter, either. But the norm is guys buy guy underwear at the men’s counter; women buy panties at the women’s counter.
If anyone were to study the history of men’s underwear, he/she would learn that what men wear today – those skimpy bikini briefs with no Y-front – would be considered feminine. Fit only for pansies. “Real” men just 50 years ago had to wear underwear that was substantive, functional, sexless and boring. The men’s bikini underwear today is like women’s negligee, loaded with sexuality, and guys wearing anything like that then would have been pilloried. Also look at how people today in this country are dyeing their hair in colours nature never intended for most Asians. Ten years ago, parents would skewer their children for something like this. And let’s not go into body-piercing.
What I’m saying in a roundabout way is that norms change. The same with fashion, the same with attitudes.
Since you’re not hurting anyone, you decide what’s acceptable for you. Only you know why you choose to wear panties. Is it a fetish? Some people have a fetish for sweaters and leather jackets. So what!
As for your parents, you live under their roof and they can choose to control you what you wear, say, do, and believe – fairly or unfairly. You’ve to negotiate with them to do what you want. You win some, you lose some.
But realise that if you can’t wear panties now, you can later when you’re out of the family home and are financially independent. But kudos to you for confronting them with the issue and bringing things into the open. And their saying something is “weird” is only a knee-jerk reaction which doesn’t require much intelligence. If they feel strongly, ask them to explain, not just react without careful thinking. I suspect they think that if you wear panties now, you’ll grow up into something “undesirable”. They think they see a causal relationship. Perhaps they need to ask themselves if your wearing panties is a cause or an effect.