my story. sry its so long i didnt expect to even do this..
hello. i am a freshman in college, and an 18 year old boy..? maybe.. im not too certain. ive been curious about girly stuff my entire life and it wasnt until puberty hit (about the age of 12) that i started to become attracted to being babied and diapered. my brother used to wet his bed and there were diapers around the house for a while and he stopped wetting a little before i started to get this.. interest. all the diapers he had presumably disappeared when his problem ended. and then a couple months later one night while in the laundry room, i looked into this dark crawlspace in the corner to see.. a full package of luvs diapers. my reaction was a mix of surprise, excitement, and embarrassment even though no one was around. i then picked it up, ran to my room, and although i didnt know it at the time, that young boy would want to be stuck as a younger girl. from then on, diapers, bibs, bonnets, pacifiers, and eventually dresses, skirts, training bras, panties, and various types of make-up were all hidden throughout my room. If anyone knew where to look, it would be a sissified easter egg hunt. i cant stand people in my room for more than 2 minutes before i start forcing them out afraid they might find something.
i soon found out that with this little interest came the interest to be restrained. so at night i would wrap entire rolls of electric tape around my legs and arms (electric tape doesnt make a noise when u unravel it so i wouldnt wake my parents or my brothers), and when i got good enough i could even gag myself just to feel the utter helplessness. sometimes i would get overconfident and be stuck like that for what seems like eternity trying frantically to get free silently before morning for school. those nights were my favorite. were there close calls? u betchaa. one time my mom came into my room while i was in her pink pjs.. thankfully i have reflexes that surprise myself on many occasions and i had a blanket around me faster than that door knob was turned. i pretended to hear what she had to say while in reality i was wondering if the rainbow trim of the pjs were showing on my neck. she left without saying anything so i thought i was in the clear. there was another occasion though that i was looking up diapers and tutus on the internet and my mom caught me printing stuff out.. i think that they brushed it off as a phase but who knows. its half a decade later.
where did i get all these clothes and accessories u ask? i stole them. please dont be quick to judge. let me remind u i had very little friends, very little self-esteem, and im not close with my family at all. the very thought of someone finding out was enough to decide to commit suicide without hesitation. one day i hope that karma comes around and i give back to these people. i dont regret anything in my life more than that.
when i hit high school, i started making alot of friends. and i thought that if i had friends, that this little pink experiment would end. but it didnt. i went through phases of throwing everything out and then a month or so later the urges would come. and to this day they always reel me back in.
my senior year of high school i had gradually changed. i still have the baby and bondage desires but the pink, girly, sissy fem part of me mostly took over. i also came out to two of my friends about me being a crossdresser, but i didnt mention the girlish babyish aspects of it. as of right now im scared as if my two friends (who are girls by the way) might not be able to accept this. one of my friends took me shopping and helped me get a couple things i was too afraid to get by myself. i have never dressed up in front of them and they both promised to help me with makeup and hair styling and everything but i feel as if they are saying that just so they dont seem unaccepting. i actually bug them alot about it and i cant help it as much as i cant help the urge to wear that dress my friend helped me buy.
i think this is where my life is headed. im scared that all my friends will desert me, im afraid i will never find a girl that can love the frilly monstrosity that i have become because i have never been kissed or ever had a girlfriend, and i was wondering if someone could shed some light on this for me. reassurance that i am capable of being loved is recommended >_