Hi, im scared. would someone like to help me?
a little summary of where i am now and a couple questions on how to go from here...
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my story. sry its so long i didnt expect to even do this..


hello. i am a freshman in college, and an 18 year old boy..? maybe.. im not too certain. ive been curious about girly stuff my entire life and it wasnt until puberty hit (about the age of 12) that i started to become attracted to being babied and diapered. my brother used to wet his bed and there were diapers around the house for a while and he stopped wetting a little before i started to get this.. interest. all the diapers he had presumably disappeared when his problem ended. and then a couple months later one night while in the laundry room, i looked into this dark crawlspace in the corner to see.. a full package of luvs diapers. my reaction was a mix of surprise, excitement, and embarrassment even though no one was around. i then picked it up, ran to my room, and although i didnt know it at the time, that young boy would want to be stuck as a younger girl. from then on, diapers, bibs, bonnets, pacifiers, and eventually dresses, skirts, training bras, panties, and various types of make-up were all hidden throughout my room. If anyone knew where to look, it would be a sissified easter egg hunt. i cant stand people in my room for more than 2 minutes before i start forcing them out afraid they might find something.

i soon found out that with this little interest came the interest to be restrained. so at night i would wrap entire rolls of electric tape around my legs and arms (electric tape doesnt make a noise when u unravel it so i wouldnt wake my parents or my brothers), and when i got good enough i could even gag myself just to feel the utter helplessness. sometimes i would get overconfident and be stuck like that for what seems like eternity trying frantically to get free silently before morning for school. those nights were my favorite. were there close calls? u betchaa. one time my mom came into my room while i was in her pink pjs.. thankfully i have reflexes that surprise myself on many occasions and i had a blanket around me faster than that door knob was turned. i pretended to hear what she had to say while in reality i was wondering if the rainbow trim of the pjs were showing on my neck. she left without saying anything so i thought i was in the clear. there was another occasion though that i was looking up diapers and tutus on the internet and my mom caught me printing stuff out.. i think that they brushed it off as a phase but who knows. its half a decade later.

where did i get all these clothes and accessories u ask? i stole them. please dont be quick to judge. let me remind u i had very little friends, very little self-esteem, and im not close with my family at all. the very thought of someone finding out was enough to decide to commit suicide without hesitation. one day i hope that karma comes around and i give back to these people. i dont regret anything in my life more than that.

when i hit high school, i started making alot of friends. and i thought that if i had friends, that this little pink experiment would end. but it didnt. i went through phases of throwing everything out and then a month or so later the urges would come. and to this day they always reel me back in.

my senior year of high school i had gradually changed. i still have the baby and bondage desires but the pink, girly, sissy fem part of me mostly took over. i also came out to two of my friends about me being a crossdresser, but i didnt mention the girlish babyish aspects of it. as of right now im scared as if my two friends (who are girls by the way) might not be able to accept this. one of my friends took me shopping and helped me get a couple things i was too afraid to get by myself. i have never dressed up in front of them and they both promised to help me with makeup and hair styling and everything but i feel as if they are saying that just so they dont seem unaccepting. i actually bug them alot about it and i cant help it as much as i cant help the urge to wear that dress my friend helped me buy.

i think this is where my life is headed. im scared that all my friends will desert me, im afraid i will never find a girl that can love the frilly monstrosity that i have become because i have never been kissed or ever had a girlfriend, and i was wondering if someone could shed some light on this for me. reassurance that i am capable of being loved is recommended >_
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StephiePhoenix
Take care and know that you are not alone. You can get through this and there are people who will love you as long as you are true to yourself. Hang in there and it does get better.
~CLIQUES~
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little_boy_pink
It's good to get it all out isn't it. There's no reason to suggest that you won't find someone just put yourself out there, there'll be some dissapointments but there will be good times and you'll learn.
Little boy blue come blow your horn.
The sheep's in the meadow the cow's in the corn!
And where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
SHE's under a haystack diapered neat!
____________
Little boy pink come make a wish
The stars in the sky send you their kiss
As you dream of a world so happy and free
Warm in thick diapers being rocked fast asleep!
-By Funshine Bear.
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GoldilocksParadox
hmm yea. thanks im feeling better already! and thanks to this site i can vent my worries here instead of dumping it all on my friends which is absolutely amazing. i must say that this is definitely my favorite website on the entire internet and im sure ill come along nicely :). if anyone else has any advice at all i would love to hear it. thanks againnn! <3
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daysie
when you find a person dont dump it all at once on them. i did and it about cost me my girlfriend before she was later to be my wife. take it little bits at a time introducing them to your presently hidden self. but truely build on the 2 girlfriends that you do have and see if there might be that extra chemistry there. if not dont push it cause what you have with them is excellent. it will all work out in the end just dont center urself on what you dont have but on what you do have.
LOVIES

~*cliques*~


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GoldilocksParadox
mm hmm i understand that. but these two girls are just friends that are girls and nothing more. i found out later that i had a chance with both of them at one point or another but didnt even kno it. i still have never been in a relationship :'-/.

On a brighter note though thanky daysie for ur advice i really appreciate it and yes thats something i need to keep in mind. and from my other post id like to say nice to meet ya too! <333
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jossan_q
1 You're 18, you have all the time in the world, even though it doesn't feel like it. Many people doesnt get their first kiss after they're 18. Relationships are even harder..
2 If you talk about your crossdressing with your 2 girl friends, and they take you shopping, I think they accept you. But even though that bugging them constantly can be really annoying for them.
3 Whatever you feel, if you want to wear a pink skirt, it is totally okay! You have to find the people that accept you for who you really are, they are your friends, its hard as hell, its scary to go into the unknown, but faking yourself is never the answer, and its not making you happy.
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lilredrachel
You Always Have Friends Here! keep smiling and know that you are not alone
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PrettyFemBoy
Everyone is right: take it slow with your friends. When you feel comfortable enough to just be with your friends that comfort will become second nature. Once it's second nature you'll find that making friends (and hopefully friends with potential   ) will be second nature.

I've found that when you are comfortable with yourself your subconscious does a pretty good job of gravitating towards people that will love you for who you are     
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GoldilocksParadox
thanks everyone. it does mean a lot. I'm starting to tell people about.. me. and its going pretty well i have to say. i told both of my friends about how i want to be a sissy baby and they were cool with it. by this point its basically gonna be saying goodbye to friends who wont accept me and saying hello to the ones who would like to be introduced to the formerly hidden me. im gonna miss those other friends though.
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little_boy_pink


  by this point its basically gonna be saying goodbye to friends who wont accept me and saying hello to the ones who would like to be introduced to the formerly hidden me.  




Hello then!
Little boy blue come blow your horn.
The sheep's in the meadow the cow's in the corn!
And where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
SHE's under a haystack diapered neat!
____________
Little boy pink come make a wish
The stars in the sky send you their kiss
As you dream of a world so happy and free
Warm in thick diapers being rocked fast asleep!
-By Funshine Bear.
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Shadowstar
hiya little sister yo uare not alone here there wil lalways be others with the same feleings as you . This site is where oucna be freeto expressyourself ayway yo uchoose . noone wil ljsuge youfor it

as for yoru self esteem just think on this
beuty is in the eye ofthe beholder but there is no reason why it cnat be wrong blind,stupid or all three. i hope that helps you
they say beuty is in the eye of the beholder but there is no reason why it cant be wrong
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Jennifer Funshine
Your story practically mirrors my own. I've been there myself and my father
nearly disowned me for the diapers and baby stuff. I have never told my parents
about my girly desires, but my older brother has caught me in panties a few times.
Such issues are always difficult with friends and Yes even I have gotten rid
of all my stuff--on three separate occasions. It's best that you wait and move out
into your own place before "collecting" all over again. At least in your own house
you can sissify your bedroom and keep a lock on the door. Hang in there, honey!
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Pickles
Same here. I had an absolutely terrible time in high school and I've always felt ill at ease with myself my entire life. I'm 22 and in college now too and I'm now at least I'm sure what it is and what I need to do, I'm just scared to do it.

Believe me, it's no use fighting it or trying to figure out why. You will just make yourself miserable. It's just something you are born with and it's a part of you like your eyes, ears, nose, etc.

Do you have your own dorm? You will have a lot more freedom to be yourself now.
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 Everyone is right: take it slow with your friends. When you feel comfortable enough to just be with your friends that comfort will become second nature. Once it's second nature you'll find that making friends (and hopefully friends with potential   ) will be second nature.

I've found that when you are comfortable with yourself your subconscious does a pretty good job of gravitating towards people that will love you for who you are       




I agree. Take your time.
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