I have known that I am a sissy for quite some time but I have been very hesitant to actually indulge in it. For the longest time I refused to even admit that I was transgendered in any way, shape, or form. Oh sure, occasionally I would daydream about dressing up as a little girl. On a couple of occasions when nobody else was in the house I would use my mother's cosmetics and adore myself in the mirror. I hated myself for these things and each time I acted on my feelings I tried to assure myself that it was a stupid slip-up and it would never happen again.
Eventually I realized that no matter how much I ignored it and no matter how hard I suppressed it this simply was not going to go away. I eventually caved and told a therapist about me being transgendered and she slowly brought me to a place where I could accept and even act on my transgendered nature. The first time I wore panties? Incredible! Even now months later I still get a thrill every time I put them on. I've slowly been building a wardrobe of feminine things ever since.
However, just because I accepted that I am more comfortable presenting as a woman than as a man it didn't mean that I had accepted being a sissy. I kept telling myself that dressing my age was the only way to go, and that actually striving to look, let alone act, as a little girl was inappropriate. And diapers... diapers?! How could you ever indulge in such a thing. "You are an adult, act like it" I would tell myself.
Then I realized that just like how I ignored and suppressed me being transgendered never helped actually get rid of the feeling, me ignoring and suppressing my sissy nature will never get rid of it. This is something that is here to stay and will never go away. I think I am finally starting to accept myself as a sissy. Reading the How to Diaper Train Yourself thread was a big catalyst for me because it hit me at such an emotionally deep level. Had I not read it, I am not sure if I would be posting this or not.
So now, I am finally admitting to myself that yes, I like pink ruffled dresses with petticoats and pink girly panties underneath. I'm finally getting around to the fact that yes, diapers are fun and are an extension of my personality. I'm going to take things slow to start, but I fully intend to finally nourish and cherish that precious little girl inside of me.
It's been a long road to acceptance, but I finally arrived nonetheless.