Coming out to wife
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Does anyone have any advice or tips about coming out to my wife?
She's very loving and would probably be accepting, but I'm not sure if I even should try because I'm so scared. Help!

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Andreea
Based purely on personal experience...

Make it perfectly apparent to her that she matters more to you than anything, and if it is necessary and there is no way to cope with the situation, you will give up your sissy life, even if that requires counselling. I put the situation thus to my own fiancee, whose reaction was that if it was not something I could give up casually, she would rather I did not go through the humiliating rigours of coming out to a psychiatrist as well. Essentially, she was more worried about me hurting myself in some way, and had no moral objection to the cross-dressing and girly mannerisms etc. I think as long as your wife doesn't actually have strong negative views on the subject, she also will care more about whether it is helping or harming you. Might be advisable somehow to determine her views on it beforehand, if possible.
"When you adopt the standards and the values of someone else or a community or a pressure group, you surrender your own integrity. You become, to the extent of your surrender, less of a human being." (Eleanor Roosevelt)
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sissy heather
Thanks for the advice, Andrea. I'm still very nervous and not sure what to do, but your post has helped me. I kind of want to wait until it comes up in conversation and go from there, but how often does cross dressing come up in a conversation?

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Andreea
Not often, unless one introduces it, or at least in my experience. Wish I knew what else to suggest. When I did come out to my fiancee, what I basically knew was that she had known and been friends with cross-dressers, and she was a liberal-minded person and unlikely to be judgemental about alternative lifestyles. That turned out to be correct, although her response was understanding rather than enthusiastic, I should add (i.e. No moral objections to it, but she doesn't at all care for how I look in girly clothes, so it remains my private affair). Perhaps your wife's views on other subjects might offer you some clue as to what her view on cross-dressing might be.
"When you adopt the standards and the values of someone else or a community or a pressure group, you surrender your own integrity. You become, to the extent of your surrender, less of a human being." (Eleanor Roosevelt)
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SissySteffie
I appreciate this won't actually help sissy heather, but I made sure my wife (when we first thought we may be serious) knew about how important dressing is to me. I had lost ALL previous 'serious' girlfriends because of this, and wanted to make sure any woman that was going to spend most of her life with me knew the real me. Having said that, she would only accept my dressing up/sissiness to a point, which is a compromise I am willing to accept.

An example. In my introduction I posted that I have never kissed another sissy, and it is something I would REALLY like to try, but I KNOW how unacceptable this would be to my wife. She would view it as no different to kissing another woman in an intimate way.
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sissy becky
Personally I couldn't live with someone who couldn't accept all of me.

All that said. For the love of god, do it in stages, don't drop just drop a bomb like: "Hi, I love to be dressed up as a little girl; wear, wet and mess diapers; get fed from a bottle; take enemas; and kiss boys". Start slow, but wide. Like, say you're a sissy aby who also has a thing for BDSM. Bring it up that you like to be dressed up as a baby girl, but you like to be forced into the role.

Don't go into huge details. Keep it nice and general. Let her know that there are others out there like you. On some site somewhere out there, there is a very well written message to the lovers of ABys that might help.

Really, there is no easy way to do this. Only smart ways. Just trying to steer a casual conversation to something like this is liable to fall flat on your face. the best time to do so is when the twoof you are close... physically clolse... (like cuddling on the couch) and give her some prep. "Honey, I have something to say, and its not easy, but I need you to have an open mind. I love you very much.. " that kind of thing.

Why the preamble? 2 reasons: 1) it gives your wife a chance to steel herself for the oncoming bomb shell... and 2) when she realizes that the bombshell isn't "I'm seeing someone...", "I'm gay..." or even "I'm dying", the alternative "I'm a pervert..." is really quite preferable.

Let me talk a little bit more about timing. During the workweek is probably bad, unless the BOTH of you have had an exceptionally good day. During a celebration of sorts (birthday,raise, new job, etc.) is right out. When you are both cuddling on the couch, after a nice relaxing romantic day together, is probably the PERFECT time for it.

Let me ask you a few rhetorical questions:
1) what do you really want? What do you want from her?
2) Are you willing to do some things for her? Are you willing to change for her? Further along this line of questioning, if she wanted to try pegging, but the thought squicked you out, would you do it anyway?
3) If she says no, what does that mean for you?
4) Are you willing to change your bad habits, or even work on some good ones for her?

I would suggest some serious soul searching, especially on #1 and #3 before coming out. (I still think coming out is a great idea.)

Here is something else, and I don't see it in a lot of coming out advice. If she says "Okay... lets go with it." DO NOT PRESSURE HER. Take it easy on her. Feel free to ask for small things ("Hey baby, tonight, can I have a pink pacifier in my mouth?") and work up to it, okay? It will be hard though, because if you are anything like me, you will want to dive right in. In fact, the only time you shouldn't tread slowly is if she immediately pulls out a pacifier and tells you to strip right then and there. Which lets face it, makes awesome fantasy material, but piss poor reflection of reality.

You're dropping a serious bomb on your girl. It probably needs to happen, but take her feelings into account, as well as yours, and you have a good chance of not only making it through, but making it through as a dressed up little girl too.

Good luck!
Sissy Becky - My Blog
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sissy heather
Thank you so much, everyone. I finally came out tonight and it went very well. She wasn't shocked or repulsed, and agreed to experiment with me sometime soon. When I came out I steered the conversation to fantasies and kind of used Becky's suggestion and told her I had something to tell her. She wasn't shocked at all and even got the courage to tell me one of her fantasies that she has been too embarrassed to bring up before.
I honestly could not have done that without the support and encouragement I received here. Not only in this thread, but all of the others I have read and posted in. Thank you all girls, you have helped me more than any of you will ever know.

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sissy becky
Glad to know that it went well! Yay you!
Sissy Becky - My Blog
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SissySteffie
I'm so pleased for you Sissy Heather!

Now try not to rush your wife to where you want her to be. Ease her into it a little at a time. It sounds like she's the kind of woman who may start suggesting things once she has a little more confidence. Take it from personal experience it is GREAT when that happens!
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Andreea
                 

Congratulations, you brave, brave darling.   ***HUG***  0 And kudos to your wife for being so wonderful, and further commendations to SissySteffie for her words of wisdom (which I myself intend to follow, so  1 ***HUG***  2 for her as well  3 ). Who doesn't love a happy ending? 4
"When you adopt the standards and the values of someone else or a community or a pressure group, you surrender your own integrity. You become, to the extent of your surrender, less of a human being." (Eleanor Roosevelt)
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SissySteffie
Also, if your wife only goes part way with what you want, remember your life before she got involved at all and appreciate what you have!
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Lavander
 : I love a happy ending!  


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emily9
Sorry no advice to give you for coming out to your wife. But I will give advice to those who want to marry in the furture.

I have always been truthful about my sexuality from the very begining. That way there are no surprises in the bedroom.

It took me a very long time to find someone who would except me for who I am.

I was alone for a very long time. Being truthful from the very begining kept me a lone fer a long time, but it also kept me from having to ;

Come out of the Closet.


The only advice I'd give is; find something on the internet and show it to your wife.
Use it as a Novelty to open up a dialog. Humor her, Laugh about it. Then call it HOT.
However, some things need to remain in the closet pending on her temperment.
I want to meet mommies & Daddys. I want to be their Little baby girl.
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lolita_hermione_granger
well it has been my experiance that cross dressing is not a normal day to day conversation topic. however it does come up in movies of such material. i am not talking porno films but films like too wong foo, queen of the desert, boys dont cry, my life in pink, trans america, etc.

I could recommend that ya rent such a movie and maybe make light hearted comments about the movie and see what she says. do not push give her time to comment and think. once ya get a feel for acceptance then bring it up.

however assure her that ya love her and will never leave her
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