I can assure that I am not anything of the sort. My mental illness began from the very moment of my childhood, when my parents found out about me wearing girls clothes, my being their son, this was wrong in their eyes and they were sadly the sort of people that told me such a thing was a sin to want to be and dress like a girl and that I would go to Hell.
This is very true, I swear on my very life. I wish it was not true, but true it is, I did not realize that such things would effect me on an emotional and mental level, but that was not all my parents said or did to me. From there on in I could do no right in their eyes, they made me feel so bad about my self, I felt I did such a huge wrong that I had a lot to be sorry for.
To the point I now to this very day say sorry for things I really do not need to be sorry for, sadly I really can not help it, I sincerely wish that I could, but I can't. It gets worse, much worse, but I feel it is about time those who know me, knew finally the truth.
My parents told me that I would never achieve or do anything with my life and that was bad enough within itself, I was pretty much at that point feeling much worthless,
I had hoped my teachers at school would be supportive towards me, but they too had told me how my parents were right.
That I really will not ever achieve anything or be anything in life. That made me feel twice as worthless, that what I had up until that point, been already feeling deep inside of me. So my emotional and mental state only doubled.
And it did not stop there, there were people I met both past and present that have in one way or anther said or done something to me that has truly and most greatly effected both on an emotional and mental level.
But worst of all.... I am sorry to say that I hear voices in my mind, have done so for a long time, voices of the past and present all merged into one, taunting me with those harsh and nasty things that have been said to me.
I just thought it was all part of my being depressed, though that is true, there was more to it than that, I found out a few months back that I am sincerely truly classed as being mentally abused.
That it is the very things people have told me over time that have effected my mental state on a serious deep level which only makes me become very upset to the point of sever depression. Details of which I do not wish to go into right now, suffice to say they have been bad and now..... things are sadly worse.
I do a lot of things to take my mind of the voices that I hear in my head and at one point I did not hear them all the time, it had been bad enough my suffering emotionally from other things too, those things are too personal for me to mention and it was not easy admitting I hear voices in my head as I know how crazy that makes me sound to be like.
But please bare in mind what I told you. I have always been a very sensitive person from childhood, right through growing up and one thing I was not aware of or could be, how my mind being so sensitive, as well as my emotions would all be effected at at which the deep level those things would be, imbedded into the very depths of my mind.
Over time things have been building up, my depression etc. More importantly those voices in my head have been getting stronger to the point that there are days I can not shut them out of my head what so ever.
I have have tried everything, I really have... Sad to say this whole thing goes so deep, deeper than I can say or put into words. Its very serious, so much so... I only have two options to end my torment along with my suffering.
1: To End My Life
2: To Under Go Full & Complete Mind Regression To Being Regressed To Being Like A real Baby In Every Way.
Option one is simply no option at all, option 2 is dangerous, it does has have a very serious side to it and there could be complications, even if my creative side etc can be saved in someway, so that I still may be able to write my stories.
There is no real way of guarantee that my creative talent etc will be as it is I have it now, one I have worked so hard to develop, to a point to prove my parents and my teachers wrong, that I can achieve and be something.
But for every personal achievement I have made, those voices in my mind have taunted and tormented me with such force, I have fallen into one set of deep depression after another. There is in all sincerity nothing on any real medical grounds in which to help or cure me.
I have been suffering long term emotional and mental scars for far too long ones that run so deep, some of them are never really going to fully heal. Regression although it does not offer my ever being fully and completely healed, it does however offer me a chance to not only heal as much as possible, it offers also to rid me of my demons, those voices in my head.
They could either go completely or at least be sent so far into the far back of my mind where they no longer can surface. What ever now anyone here may think of me, knowing what I am considering and wish to do with my life.
It is more than my wish, it is my sincere need, I can not stand the suffering any more, those voices in my head are not going away and they are only getting much worse. Right now the best I have is momentary relief.
Thanks to what I am receiving right now, but it is nothing permanent. I honestly do not know how much longer I will be able to go on posting stories here at sissykiss.
I have been very lucky to manage this far... But I am near, so close to a point now in my life, where my mental illness is very serious to the point of causing even physical health problems too.
I was on the verge of wanting to leave sissykiss all together, I can tell you that I have fought so, so very hard against that. Sissykiss is my family, has been ever since I came here.
I need my family right now to support me in what ever way you can please. Not only that, I am going to need you all once I have become fully regressed... I may not be around much, then again I do not know what the true outcome will be.
I hope that I am not the only to suffer from a mental illness, more so, from mental abuse and more importantly. That I am not the only to hear voices in my head, it disturbs me very much that I do suffer from such a thing and it not something I would joke about or make up in any way either.
Please remember everything that I have said before commenting. Thank you all.
