gender queer?
i know i was born a boy.
no evading the facts.
i can not have baby's genetically.
i am attracted to male and female genders.
my sexual identity as far as i am concerned is female.
i get more of a buzz out of tapping off with boys than i do with girls.
heterosexual - bisexual - homosexual........
if these words come to me it is from approach or enquirer from people wishing to pigeon hole me stereotypically brand me as cattle.
then the second question is mostly would i take HRT if offered.... i answer yes before the finish the question or i finish the question off for them.
cross dresser?....... a male or female who dresses up in the opposite sex clothes.
yes female want to be males to and usually are called tom boys or geeza bird.
cross dressing to most is fun and a sexual desire and are comfortable with the fact they are male or female and revert back to gender specific clothing as to not let the public know of there desires as most would never dare admit the facts .
well most woman of today cross dress and don't recognize the fact.
have you got trousers or jeans on darling?
is that my shirt you are wearing for bed?
or stumbling sexually to the kettle in the morning?
transvestite or drag queen for a job or a weekend fling or as a career .

i deal with what i feel is the way to go as cross dressing or gender Diaspora as i see my self as to say i can at the moment have the best of both worlds.
i can be a male and look as rugged as i can ... not to shave and have dapper clothing.
or i can swing the other way with pampering and make overs to look and feel and smell like a real woman.
but i know i would like HRT - hormone replacement therapy .
this powerful drug can do some serious irreversible damage to the body and could even kill you if taken recklessly with many different variety's to choose from and tests involved to make sure you don't over dose which is so easily done.
estrogen is administered in to a male to over power the testosterone hormone males have in there body.
males also have a slight trace of the female hormone estrogen but not enough to give the female characteristics of a female gender such as a bosom.
the affects on the brain and the liver is enough to cause some emotional discomfort or to suicide if not being monitored or aware of what is happening to you if you mess with the characteristics of mother nature.
i call it being zapped by Satan on my way to earth for a laugh.
well he got a good laugh .
living with this still unknown condition and to take such risks with ones life to undergo such drastic measure's of becoming the opposite gender isn't some tattoo you admire.
people brand you freaks and worse as to physically and emotionally attack you.
is i just because i like boys to become a woman?
is it the fact i wash my hair in nice smelling shampoo and condition it and look out for split ends make me want to be a woman?
is it the many styles of shoes women adore to go into there overdraft for to be a woman?
is it the fact of having a dress on because there are so colorful and arranged in so many styles to go GOK or be a woman?
to cuddle up to Teddy's and not feel the masculinity isn't hurt or feel the male pride of being a MAN is the me being a woman?
to crave the birds or the bees or the thingy or the doo-darrr ... we as a society have become ashamed of to embarrass ourselves to the point of its wrong to feel the way we Do about each others presents or characteristics of our true self's.
what ever it is we collectively and discriminative fob off as mental illness.
most give a " he or she is mental".....
9 times out of 10 you are not qualified or educated enough to make such an assumption.
in your personal opinion which you are entitled to with free speech in this country lucky for some to have this ability but frankly means disrespect.
all the conditions that every human has like frustration , desire , conflict , depression , identity disorder , adolescents drug induced confusion / disorientation and more.
i am aware that the mental health understanding is a vast topic and takes many years of training collage - university to obtain such an understanding.
i haven't got that long to fully appreciate why or how this has or will affect me as in now and later.
i have lived 32 years as a boy... that's 32 years undiagnosed to the point of 7 ans a half years single fighting myself in a two year relationship with three kids and twice my age to try condition my way of thinking and to come round.
i did not cross dress in the whole two years and for one she had different taste as to my choice would be.
the youngest girl was 9 and full of attitude like her Essex mother... and the second eldest was 16 and very blond natured but was not blond.
then the eldest son 18 with learning difficulties.
we had so much fun and i held down two jobs in a food store and a cleaner by night.... we just got by.
right then.... in my younger days i was in local authority's care......
"oh well that explains it then".......... don't even go there...
i have many many experiences in life and in 32 years i have been half way round the world and seen and done some amazing things in my life.
i haven't been moping around... ohhhh i want to be a girl.
my genitals are of no interest to me as such.
the need arises and is just dealt with..
i get aroused by nothing most of the time.
i want some action it tels me.
so i fantasies about actors or what ever is around to just evict the pressure.
i have one actor who i dream about but i will divulge into thin no more....
i like cute and cuddly and vibrant colors and that as well .
care bears (80 soft toy) i adore.
i got into them at my nan,s house .
next door but two was Tracy who was a teenage girl and i was 13 at the time.
she seen me looking at her all the time and blatantly made aware she had no interest in me.
i think i creep-ed her out some what.
but how do you tell her I'm not sexually attracted to you but i am admiring your clothes .
there is so much about your fashion i like for myself.
i would walk along the back yard wall to see her washing line...
and no... i never touched it.... it wasn't sexual but more for research into her designs.
i would never let on but i knew what i was feeling and its hard to deal with in a hard fuck you up neighborhood of the north east England...
were full of them.... billy Elliot... Lilly savage... me and more.
by 14 i was aware i was a cross dresser.
the battle of myself.
what do i actually know about being a woman?
well.....the truth be told........nothing at all.
i was in an all boys school... boarding school.
no sisters.
never in a care home...
i would run away.
I'm not like all the boys... i ain't going to tell them...
i will never know what it is like to bear children but dress up and stuff to get the just.... bollocks.
no period pains or menopause's but drug induced similarities bollocks.
if i am in a bad mood.... i am in a bad mood
the fig er is the most important.
i want plastic surgery.
i got the shock of my life... ten thousand for what i want...
there's a woman for you... expensive taste.
i was expecting 3-4,000 pounds.... OUCHIES.
i love my hair... long and naturally curly in a sassy way.
i get comments on it allot and the wolf whistle and an oh **** is a bloke look.
my arse is perfect.
32 inch waste so i fit in to tight dresses which is a size 10 which pisses off the girls some what.
well i got it i will use it and love it cos i can did and will .
i wish you could but you can't so don't be sad that i can.
you would if you could so don't go there.
my down fall is big shoulder's and big feet and hands.
you have a smaller better frame for it.
i don't so you real girls are better off but as a trans gender... i am happy.
so having the chop as such and growing boobies and to stop fantasizing about it will give me mt life back.
will you let me?
do i have your approval?
the pain .....omg ... the pain is going to be like all your periods in one 6 month kick.
in order of what i want the most is boobies for my man to play with and to truly complement my cocktail dress.
not sure about the size.
eyebrows raised by surgically stretching.
cheek in plants and buttocks implants.
hair laser removal.
teeth in our family are useless.
my mum spent 1.000s pounds in dental appointments and she still failed in keeping them all.
I'm not into porn as to want to become a porn star or wish for all the positions in the Carma suture book of sex positions but i would like to have a sex life.... badly...
but not with anyone and not in the waste shoot.
i want to feel natural as natural as can be in an artificial body.being butch-ed and manipulated .
i don't smoke... i don't drink... I'm fit and active.... full of love and nowhere to Chanel i as i haven't got what i need.
the frontal approach is more natural , intimate and right.
my family all know I'm a want to be female and accept it.
i have an amassing family.
i don't talk about my wants or fantasy's or any detail as i said to them it isn't up for discussion.
i want the doctors to deal with me when I'm ready.
two weeks ago .. i approached my doctor and said i want HRT.
NOW A LETTER HAS GONE OFF.....
now I'm ready... now i right this if it goes drastically wrong.
i don't flaunt my body...i used to go clubbing but not for sexual content ...more designated driver for the lads.
the lads never knew and i didn't tell them.
I'm only thinking along the lines of get up ...go to work...come home do the cleaning go for a night out or stay in and pamper myself and brighten myself up.
i will go in a shop for a dress... i will buy it... I'm not shy.
i think nothing of it and feel really comfortable.