I'm kind of a "slut in training" at this point as I often brainwash myself and just love playing with my toys, although I can't get a lover right now because I live with my in-laws. Before I discovered "what I was", I married a woman you see. I actually do love her! That's not the problem. The problem is that my mind recently dropped another bombshell on me. I don't like pussy and never really have! I discussed it with her and it's okay for me to find dick later. She will also take a lover for sex I'm sure. Anyway, I'm a size queen and my favorite dildo is named Big John. He is 14 inches insertable and about 2.35 inches wide. I was recently able to take 12 inches of him inside me and I'm very proud of that! I've been specifically programmed to shut down my mind when I'm being pleasured and so I actually didn't think much over the last hour when i was using him to pound my tight dry slut hole. I also don't use lube either because I like it to hurt! I like it to make me cry! I fucking love that!
On an unrelated note: apparently the local mental health free clinic treats gender dysphoria and so I've been going there and making appointments as hormones are my ultimate goal. The strangest thing about it though is that something takes over me when I'm talking to these people. The best example was during the first meeting. I looked at that lady and I said to her, "I'm really a woman! This man you see before you is not me! It's not who I'm supposed to be!" And so now they listed me as having gender dysphoria and also a major depressive disorder it would appear? They said that they'll offer counseling and drugs to help me get my depression under control first and then we'll talk about hormones. Whoever it is who takes charge at those points appears to REALLY be hellbent on those hormones though? I'm not going to fight it either as I believe that this is what I truly need.
I'm also going to school online to become a pharmacy tech. I must say that online studying is very convenient for me! I'm normally in just my panties and a Hello Kitty tank top while I'm attending classes! Anyway, I'm a solid B student with an occasional A or C here and there. I graduate in March after a 5 week externship at the local pharmacy who will likely hire me after that point. Then it's just a matter of buying my Jeep and saving up so me and my wife can move out of here.
PS: I'll post pics to my profile later. I am just getting started right now after all.