Anyways, my real name is Alex, but I would much prefer being called Alice. I have been a sissy for as long as I can remember. I remember having the urge to wear diapers and dressing like a girl when I was just a little toddler. My earliest memory of wanting to be a sissy was when I was about 3. In my sleep, I dreamt of a beautiful woman taking me to be diapered and sissified. In the dream, she took me to a pink nursery with several real baby girls. There was a huge line filled with babies and their mommies. I was the oldest one there and the only "boy". When I was finally at the front, I stepped on the changing table. I eagerly stripped off my clothes, looking at a wardrobe full of pink, girly clothes and a pack of diapers. My mommy was about to change me, but right when the diaper touched my skin, I woke up. I was so sad for not being able to experience the dream, I cried. I remember every night before sleeping, I tried to continue this dream. It didn't work.
I never told anybody about my secret, ever. I was too afraid. I remember seeing some of my baby cousins, envying them. I frequently thought, "If onlly we could switch places". When I was about seven, I told one of my older cousins I had a huge secret that I'd never tell. She kept asking me for hints, and I said it ends in the syllable "pers". (I was thinking of diapers.) She thankfully never found out.
I thought that I was the only person in the world who wanted these things. I sometimes thought that everybody secretley wanted this. I first indulged in my fetish when I was about 9. I used to put toilet paper over my bulge and pee in it over the toilet. I also used to put towels around my body to make it look like skirts and dresses. I sometimes wore multiple underpants to see how a diaper feels. Whenever thinking of trying on things linke diapers and panties, I thought ridiculous things like "people are secretley watching me" or "hidden cameras".
After I learned how to clear internet history, for the first time, at about 12, I looked up things to satisfy my fetish. I finally had the courage to search videos on adults in diapers and men in women's clothing. I thought that only incontinent people wear diapers and only gay people dress like girls. I was very wrong. When searching these things, I found out what a diaper fetish is, what infantilism is, what cross-dressing is. I was happy to know that there were others like me.
I never actually wore these things until I was about 14. I once wore a pair of panties when my whole family was sleeping. It felt wonderful. After this, I started wearing all the pretty panties I could find. I did this secretley enough to avoid anybody finding out.
At the same age, I later started wearing diapers. My nephew used to be a bedwetter and had a pack of Goodnites at my house. I got one of his diapers to fit me, and it felt great. I wet it and shoved it at the bottom of my trashcan. I started doing this more and more, and wore them at night as well. I combined diapers with panties, and gradually wore other girly things such as tops and skirts. This was always in the privacy of my bathroom.
I started indulging so much, I had a stash of things in my bathroom. I was the greatest hiding spot I could find. Months later, my mother found it and showed it to my sisters. They noticed their clothes in their stash and their children's diapers. I played it cool, and they thought it was my older brother .
That is pretty much my entire story. Even now, at age 18 i am afraid to wear girl clothes in public.
I am still afraid to do these things in public. I sometimes wear panties and diapers under my clothes, and only fully dress in my bathroom. What should I do to gain more courage? My family could probably accept this, but I am still afraid. People will think that I'm gay, a freak, and that I have serious psycological problems Please help me tell people!
Imagine a world entireley populated by sissy boys and girls- No more war, violence, and hate... Only big fluffy diapers and pretty pink panties!