R Formative experiences ~
my early experiences that led me here
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True events here, so nothing fancy: just the bare facts of some of my earliest memories - I'm saving the fiction for the story section ;-)
I must have been four years old, because I hadn't started kindergarten. Debbie, my new step-sister was about 11 and seemed pretty happy to have a younger brother. She would dress me in nylons and her dresses. I don't recall if she put me in her panties, but it was right about that time I realized I was fascinated with girl's underwear.

One day, I found myself alone in the laundry room and saw a pair of white nylon briefs with strawberries all over them, and I had to try them on. I'll never forget the cool nylon and the feeling of the elastic leg bands as they slid up my thighs. My little boner stretched the fabric until the bands pulled away from my legs and somehow I knew this was something I wouldn't want to get caught doing.

I awoke one morning from a disturbing dream, where-in I had been strapped into a “diaper chair” in front of my school peers. I was probably 5. Seemed like some humiliating punishment or something. It was like a big barber chair, and I was in a diaper with colorful, noisy plastic panties covered with letters of the alphabet. I remember little girls pointing at me and laughing as the chair rotated me in front of them. That humiliating feeling I started to call “ewie”, like “eewww”.

My first visit to the dentist was really “eeewie”. I recall an attractive woman telling me to “hop up” into her chair. It looked weird. Over-engineered, with its corrugated bellows at the base, and the strange, vibrating humm as the chair hoisted me up and back into a very vulnerable position. I'm sure I had a little woodie, and I wonder now if she noticed the effect it had on me.

So this'll sound familiar, because a lot of people fantasize about the scenario, but the circumstances were not ideal.
I wet the bed until about age 7, and at one point, one of my parents was so frustrated, they resorted to putting me in diapers in front of my siblings. I found nothing erotic about the parent figure or the siblings, but being forced into diapers with an audience is something I still think about today. I prefer the image of an all female audience - the presence of any male ruins it. I'm certain that experience led to my eventual fascination with diapers.

I dated a woman in my early 20's who had a severely handicapped daughter, who required constant care and tube feedings. One night, as she was getting ready to change her daughter, she whimsically held a diaper up in front of her hips and said "see, they're big enough to fit me". I'm sure my face flushed, as I would have been mortified if she saw anything resembling interest on my face. I put it out of my mind until she left town for a weekend, and I stayed to watch her dog. Another moment I'll never forget was that night creeping to that big cardboard box. My fingers grasped the krinkly plastic and with shaky breath, I pulled a yellow, adult sized diaper out. I crept back to the bed and lay down, spreading the big, thick, noisy diaper open in front of me. I was so excited I could hardly breathe as I lifted my hips up and pulled it under my butt. It really was like time stood still. That moment was everything I hoped for. Pulling it up firmly and taping it around my waist, I savored the bulk of it surrounding me.
In retrospect, I think that night she held them up in front of her, she was hinting that she wanted to wear them with me. Or maybe she wanted to put them on me...Whatever the case, I could kick myself for not playing along.

Who else wants to share their early influences?
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