PG Baby from Shadow
In which I explore myself...
Posted on
So now I begin why I came here.  This is to be a bit of a talking cure.  To be clear, I'm not trying to cure the AB girl part of me.  Natalie is a part of who I am, and I'd no sooner purge her from myself that I would remove my own arm.  But I do think it's important to validate her existance.  I owe it to her.

There is a concept in Jungian psychology known as "The Shadow".  Forgive me for butchering Carl Jung's work through simplification, but in essense there are three parts of the self.  There's what we percieve ourselves to be, what we are, and what we show the world.  The arra between what we are and what we see oursekves as is known as The Shadow, and is a very scary place for most people.  Entering the shadow means facing the contradictions between objective and subjective reality.  This is not a comfortable place.

For much of my life I've been very scared of my shadow.  There were things in there that were confusing to downright frightening.  But one day, I decided to start shining a light in there to see who was in there.  I discovered several aspects of who I am.  I decided to give them names and treat them as mpeople in my head.  Sounds a little crazy, but it's really just my way of addressing aspects of who I am.  I found several guys in there, and even a girl.  Each was a part if me and helped me to understand who I was.

Well, since I was a boy this adult baby part of me had always been there.  I wanted to wear diapers at first and it slowly built into other aspects.  During my introspection I hadn't really given it any time like I should have.  Other impulses were addressed, but that baby unfortunately was left in the dark.  To this day I feel horrible for keeping it in the dark.  As I mentioned in my previous blog, I finally decided to explore it and when I shined a light in there ti find this adult baby, to my surprise it was not an adult baby boy, but rather an adult baby girl.

I've spent some time introsoective and trying ti get to know her.  She's friendly, a little bubbley, loves feeling secure but has a bit of an indeoendent streak.  Natalie is positively wonderful.  She's an embodiment of aspects of my innocence and feminine side.  So, I wanted her to have an outlet.  Not only did I come here, but I'm going to order that dress for her.  It's nothing excessive, but I think she prefers that.

So yes: Natalie is me.  She's a part of me just like every other aspect I've met.  I intend to take good care of her and give her the love and attention she deserves, because that's what she does for me.
"They see you as small and helpless
They see you as just a child
Surprise when they find out that a warrior will soon run wild
Prepare for your greatest moments
Prepare for your finest hour
The dream that you've always dreamed is
Suddenly about to flower"
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