Chrissie Rhymes with Sissy
After being married in Namibia we are now based in London and my wife has had over 18 relationships ranging from one night stands to three year affairs. Since she was raised in a macho culture she seems only physically attracted to dominant men. If you don’t know the type, the guys she likes are married, totally alpha and expect their wives to be completely faithful to them but have no problem having sex with a beta male’s wife, particularly the kind of sex they have with Heidi. Most English women have a big problem going down on guys, but Heidi loves sucking cocks and she always falls for the kind of guys who love to see her on her knees servicing them.
I don’t know how we reached the point in our relationship where it was just unfathomable that Heidi and I would ever have sex. I just sensed I was never going to match up to her more assertive lovers and she knew our relationship would be better if she took the sex out of the equation and made some major changes in our relationship. She still got insanely jealous if I even looked another woman and this upset me as much as it did her. She wanted her freedom to have other lovers but she didn’t want to worry about her wealthy husband straying. When she suggested a solution to this problem I wasn’t as shocked as one would suspect when she told me what she wanted to have done. I just thanked her for not suggesting I wear a chastity device again. I didn’t want to go back to that.
It helps me that I have an understanding doctor who is, in her own way, a feminist who believes my marriage is an ideal model which should be embraced by more couples. Helen is also my wife’s doctor and friend and often goes out with her at night. I know they have gotten up to some wild things together. Heidi obviously confided to her about our relationship and her other relationships and I guess they both concluded that some sort of medical solution would be best for me. To be honest, my marriage wouldn’t work without the help that Helen has provided me. The treatment she has tailored for me has allowed me to be happy in a situation many men would consider to be intolerable. She is also a sounding board for me and I can confide in her about my insecurities and I can tell she enjoys her role in changing our marriage for the better. Equally important, she is there to make sure my wife is healthy and doesn’t contract any sexual infections, which is important considering how promiscuous she is.
Every three months I am given a shot of Depo-Provera which eliminates almost all of my sex drive and even controls my fantasies and helps make my marriage work better. If you don’t know about this wonder drug, you should look it up. It is an effective form of chemical castration that is reversible. It is the ideal treatment for a committed cuckold as it takes away a man’s sexual drive whilst it also serves to eliminate any guilt the wife might have for denying her husband sex over the long-term because the husband largely forgets about the subject entirely. It is also a hell of a lot more comfortable than wearing a chastity device. I found the one Heidi bought for me whilst I was alone in Lusaka was constantly twisting and pinching my skin. After three weeks of wearing it I was fed up and threw it away. The drugs assure that I can no longer have an erection. After a few years of treatment, on the downside, I have noticed that my prick and balls have visibly shrunk, not that it matters tremendously. If I even attempted to put on a chastity device now it would just fall off. I don’t think they make them small enough to fit me in my current state. I also attend the surgery every Friday morning for oestrogen treatment which normally wrecks my weekend and confuses me until at least Monday. I find it impossible to go out of the house on Saturday and Sunday, but I use the time to clean and do the laundry for the week. The oestrogen does give me hot flashes which I am told are similar to what a woman has when she goes through menopause. After all, getting a large dose of female hormones and then trying to pretend you are a normal man is disconcerting to say the least.
For any man considering this it requires a lot of discipline not to put on weight. The perfect balance of oestrogen should bring about some feminine feelings without visibly swelling the breasts. Helen has worked out the perfect weekly dose for me. Coupled with exercise and a good diet I have kept a trim figure although my breasts are sensitive and slightly larger and my nipples are very prominent but still small enough where I don’t have to face the embarrassment of wearing a bra. I have found that my hair on top my head is thicker after going on the hormones and there are other subtle changes in my body and psyche. I am more emotional and prone to crying if I get upset.
It’s a strange experience taking female hormones in the doses that Helen has prescribed for me. It’s not only the mental experience, which is actually quite pleasurable. I have watched my body change physically over the course of the last few years. It’s nothing dramatic but my hips have filled out and are more feminine and my waist is smaller. My breasts are now the most sensitive part of my body and I will often find myself touching and fondling my prominent nipples absentmindedly, particularly in the morning when the hormonal rushes are the greatest. I can’t wear any rough cotton shirts anymore as I find that they irritate my breasts too much, so I wear softer tops now. I have thrown out all my boxer shorts as I prefer tight knickers which keep my shrunken cock and balls tightly in place and have a more feminine look. I have found that the Playtex elastic knickers which are almost like a panty girdle work best and I have dozens of pairs in different colours. One of the biggest changes in my life is actually quite minor. I no longer feel confident peeing in a men’s urinal. First of all, the last thing I want is for someone to glance over and see me holding a tiny prick but, more importantly, my cock is a little too small to hold and aim properly, so I prefer to use the stall and pee like a woman. I often get shocked looks from men when I go into a public lavatory. I guess in many ways I look more feminine now than masculine and the other guys just assume I am a woman who opened the wrong door.
I gave up shopping for men’s clothes over two years ago. I now prefer the women’s department at M&S. I typically wear tight leggings and casual yoga style tops and I wear feminine flats. Shoes are what I do sometimes spoil myself with. Thankfully I am thin and not too tall. Both Heidi and I wear a UK clothes size eight, so she can sometimes slip on something from my wardrobe. My feet are a women’s UK size six. I prefer subtle dark colours. My figure has always been slim but now I have a more defined waist and a more pronounced bum.
Helen and I have discussed the reaction I get when I go out shopping. It’s strange all of a sudden getting men’s attention and it is not entirely unflattering. Heidi and I share the same hairdresser and, at her suggestion, I have had blonde streaks put in my hair and had it cut in a short pageboy fashion. I don’t wear jewellery except for the dainty gold heart necklace that Heidi gave me for my 35th birthday last year.
I do fantasise about skirts and heels and getting manicures but that seems to be a line I don’t want to cross in real life now. I prefer the gender neutral look I have right now. I don’t wear perfume and I certainly don’t wear any makeup, although I do pluck my eyebrows.
Helen just says I should go with the flow and dress like I want to dress and not worry about what anybody else thinks. That works to some extent but when men see me with just a top and leggings on they can see that I don’t have any breasts and I get a lot of confused glances. She says that is an issue we can work on in the future which sort of implies that she thinks it would be healthier if I got implants. At her insistence and with Heidi’s consent, I did have the dreaded Adam’s apple removed a year and a half ago. I’m not sure I am ready to have a pair of boobs yet.
My voice has also moved up a few octaves. It helps that I never had a deep masculine voice. Now, when I hear myself speaking I sound very gender neutral but more feminine than masculine. I haven’t consciously developed any feminine traits; I just do what is natural to me. My skin is much healthier with the hormones and I no longer have to shave. I just wax every week. I do keep my legs and underarms smoothly shaven and I keep my nether regions equally smooth. I do paint my toenails and keep my feet in good shape but I would never paint my fingernails.
I have a small nose and full lips and I think I look pretty when I see myself in the mirror. If I am being really honest with myself, I look more attractive as a woman than I ever did as a man. My face just seems to work in a feminine sense more than a masculine one. I also have the cheekbones which make a feminine face attractive. If you want an idea of how I look now think of a slightly more petite version of the BBC presenter Fiona Bruce with blonde streaks in her hair and a slightly more upturned nose.
Some of my personal foibles, which have not changed since I began the hormone treatment, were always more feminine in nature than masculine. I like playing with my hair, I have never crossed my legs like a man does and I have never had that male swagger when I walk. I’ve always been complimented on my smile but never more so than since I have been on the oestrogen treatment. My legs look quite good compared to most other women. My calves are well defined and I have nice firm thighs. I have tried on high heels a few times at M&S and the shop girls always tell me I look great in them. I didn’t feel clumsy wearing them either. I found it perfectly natural to walk in them but I don’t know what they would be like for long distances. I do have a couple of short heels which I sometimes wear out and there are a pair of high heel black patent leather shoes I have been fantasising about but they wouldn’t really look good unless I took the plunge and started wearing skirts.
Psychologically the change has been greater. I am much more submissive in my relationship with my wife and much more eager to please her. Even though she can be a selfish demanding bitch sometimes, I understand her moods more because I have the same feminine hormones running through my body, albeit without the same sexual urges she has. I am much more attuned to her feelings when she is approaching her period and gets particularly irritated with me. It makes me happy when she has had sex with one of her lovers because she always has that warm glow afterwards. That’s when we are happiest together.
To some extent, the oestrogen treatment is strangely addictive. I enjoy the hot flashes and the confusion I feel the next few days and I love the feminine rushes that sometimes make me perspire. I do get those once or twice a day. The only problem is that there is a letdown when the hormones wear off later in the week and my male testosterone begins to balance the female hormones out. Then I just feel a bit flat and get prone to depression. I have talked with Helen about this and she is considering whether or not to provide me with two doses a week, although they would initially be weaker but would have a more cumulative effect. Unfortunately that would take away the rush I get on the weekends, which is the part I am addicted to.
Heidi is quite happy that I am submissive and feminised. Whilst she has an active sex life I take care of all the bills, the cleaning (including changing the cum stained sheets after her lovers leave) and cooking and buying her clothes, making sure that she has a supply of hold-up stockings and lingerie. I do sometimes develop an underlying resentment at my situation. After all, what man gets married and ends up medically castrated while his wife enjoys her sexual freedom?
It’s not as if all of Heidi’s lovers are superbly handsome,
fit and rich. One of her recent conquests, Rob, is anything but a knock out.
Granted, he is another married alpha male with an uptight wife who has probably
never given a man a blowjob in her entire life. But he feels more than entitled
to have a lover like Heidi on the side. I would consider myself to have been a
better looking man before I began the hormone treatment, although, according to
Heidi, he possesses a huge cock and the ability to use it to drive her crazy.
He also has that inherent confidence that I always lacked. In one instance he
came over to our house to watch a television show and, whilst Heidi was on the
sofa next to him, he took her hand and placed it over his cock and had her play
with him during the entire television program while I was in the same room.
After the program ended she slid down in front of him, unzipped his trousers
and proceeded to suck his cock. She begged him to fuck her but he refused,
although he did finally cum in her mouth. Then he got up and left without
thanking her. I also find Rob secretly sneaking glances at me, which makes me
feel very uncomfortable.
What irks me most is the lack of respect some of her lovers have towards me. They act as if they are doing me a favour by fucking my wife. I have been woken up in the middle of the night to answer phone calls from men demanding they speak to my wife and even had the occasional 2:00 am knock on the door from a lover who wants a quick screw (she never turns them down). She currently has three lovers, all of them married. I am still the one that wines and dines her, as her lovers don’t want to be seen in public with Heidi, mainly because of her somewhat dubious reputation and also because they know it isn’t necessary to spend any money on her because the sex comes with no strings attached. The problem is that when I do take her out I am often not the one she goes home with. That happened again last week when I took her out for drinks and a handsome younger guy picked her up and took her home and screwed her brains out.
There was one instance when her lover, Alex, took her out but that was to a swing club. She claims she has no recollection of what happened and thinks she only made love to Alex once in front of a crowd, although knowing how Heidi gets when she has had too much wine, I very much doubt that.
Heidi was gone from a wayward wife to a full scale cuckoldress. She has all the traits now: spoiled, sulky and truculent until, of course, she has a real man’s cock in her hands. That’s when her face lights up and she knows what her role life is.
To be honest, I haven’t seen my wife in person without her clothes on for over three years. The only chance I have to see her nude is in the videos and pictures her lovers take of her. She sometimes shares these with me if I buy her something nice or do something special for her.
I would like her to be a bit more understanding of my current situation. It seems like the days after I have my oestrogen treatment she doesn’t understand what sort of emotions are running through my body or that I am having hot flashes throughout the day. She can be hypercritical and get angry about how the house is looking or the state of her wardrobe or even the meals I serve her. The only person that I can be totally honest with is my doctor, Helen, but she seems to think just upping the dose of oestrogen I receive every week will cure everything.
I guess the event that most changed the dynamics of our relationship happened this week when I came home early and found Heidi on the living room sofa giving head to her lover Alex. She barely looked up at me as I entered the room and, not knowing what to do, I just stood awkwardly in the centre of the room for what seemed like an eternity. Alex hadn’t taken his clothes off but had just unzipped and lowered his trousers giving Heidi access to his rather large cock. He looked a bit annoyed at my presence at first but then simply snapped his fingers and told me to make myself useful by sucking his balls while Heidi concentrated on the head of his cock. I was hesitant at first but I did drop to my knees in front of his parted legs and took his balls in my mouth and gently sucked them. That was the first time I participated in a homosexual act, although given that I am on hormones, I don’t know if it was a homosexual act or not. I was surprised how smooth his testicles were and how I could fit both of them in my mouth. It was a thoroughly pleasant sensation and I hope Alex enjoyed it as much as I did. I made sure I was gentle as I licked and lovingly sucked his ball sack and I could feel them contract in my mouth when he came. Heidi briefly looked at me and, for the first time in a few days she seemed genuinely pleased with me and started to vigorously go down on his shaft until he moaned and exploded in her mouth. She looked beautiful and very happy when his cum still on her lips.